Feeling very down

Good job man, looks like your on the right track.

(((((((((((thinker22)))))))))))

Keep hanging on, thinker, you are amazing and you are appreciated and loved.

Hey guys, I'm gonna start a new thread because this one is getting long. Plus, my mood has majorly changed! More on that soon.

Glad to hear things are perking up for u

Sadly, I've crashed since that message and the hypomania thread. This feels horrible.

Oh thinker, I am so sorry about the crash. that sucks. I am sending you
I hope you feel better soon.

I don't even want to go to work I'm so tired and down. I think the slightest bit of stress and I'm going to burst into tears. I guess I'll go and leave early if things are too bad. It's payday, so I really need to go. Bills piling up.

to everyone.

(((((((((((thinker22)))))))))))

I am so sorry you crashed. That BITES!!

I wish you strength my friend.

I'm so sorry about the crash. I hope you find relief soon. I am in the same boat as you. I no longer trust my p-doc because he left me in a low place without a med change/addition, went on vacation and when t-doc and I tried to reach the on-call p-doc, no one in p-doc's office seems to know who it is! WTF!!!???

Survived work. I told them I'd not slept well in over a week so they were understanding when I left early because my eyes stopped focusing.

I realize it's the summer, but do they friggin' plan this? Everyone's gone! p-nurse, therapist, ex-therapist, and anyone else I try to contact for help. I make an appt with someone else and they totally waste my time and money, prescribing me NOTHING. I hate the process of trying to get well! Does no one care how frustrating this is? I know if I do wind up in the hospital none of them will take responsibility for it either. Such ****ing ****suckers. They just let it go for weeks on end. Yeah, and that's my Sunday mouth for the likes of them.

Why, you took the words right out of my mouth.

I couldn't believe it the first time I set up a psychiatrist's appointment. I felt horrible, wasn't functioning. They took two days to call me back and couldn't get me in for 6 weeks. I tried other docs and they all had the same timeframe. And from what I hear, that's not doing too bad!

So we sit around waiting, getting sicker...some of us end up incurring ER and hospital bills that could have been avoided, some of us end up taking all kinds of expensive meds that might have been unnecessary with earlier intervention and treatment. Yeah, GREAT system.

(rant off...)

Hang in there, there has to be someone who will see you and actually DO something...they're out there.

Yeah, I keep on trying (and feeling stupid for doing so) because what other choice do I have...well, yeah, but that's not really the goal, is it? If I felt better I'd be more excited about the prospect of living a little longer. As it is I don't figure I have much of a chance at a remotely healthy future, so...

But enough of that. Rant on: I haven't totally given up in spite of the professionals' ignorance, inattentiveness, disappearing acts, deflection of responsibility, etc., etc., ETC.! One afternoon of google and I knew what I should and shouldn't be on (and yes, I checked for interactions on everything). It's like these people want to try you on stuff that probably won't work on the first try because they have it on hand or it's cheaper (case in point, Seroquel, that was poisoning me).

When I realized my p-nurse was going to say "wait" until I was dead (tried to get a meds change for weeks) I did go in search of second opinions, but like you, either they weren't on my insurance or their next appt was in 8 weeks! My first actual appts since the start of trying to get them (#2 will be tomorrow, #3 is in September) are my last hopes before hospital will be necessary. Really guys, is that what you call help? Just because my condition doesn't respond well to the typical meds doesn't mean you give up and shove me off on the hospital. ***holes.

At least we all have each other and know we're not the only ones frustrated, to put it midly, by the system.

Cyclops out

It's nice to meet you thinker!
I'm new here. Not even sure if I am bipolar. The doctors keep changing their minds about me. Anyway I can relate to what your saying. the first thing that comes to mind is that quote about how no man's an island. if you were no longer here then all mankind would be diminished due to your absence. It's strange but I find it comforting on how you and other posters here have thought about their impact on the environment. It makes me feel not so weird. So you see: in seeking help for yourself, you have helped another. Thanks! I hope to get to know you better.

I'm glad you're on here too. I just got dx'd in June, and everyone on the site w/bipolar that I've exchanged with has been helpful and cool. Welcome!



And there'll be more where that came from.

Anywhose, sorry about the rant, just steam letting. One of my theories about those who are only mentally ill part of the time (meaning we have stretches without terrible mood swings) is that something traumatic in our past colors our view of the present and getting triggered can alter the chemicals in our brain or trip a wire of sorts. The mania is a part of denial of the pain and the depression is the reality trying to make up for the denial, but it's an overreaction to the underlying issue. This is why therapy and coping tools can help as much as meds that make up for the brain chemistry/wiring problems.

Whenever I see people starving or being destroyed by war or piles of garbage that children grow up on, I get extremely depressed because I think A)Life is terrible and B)There's nothing I can do about it. Both of these thoughts are only part of the truth. Life often terrible, but also wonderful (achingly beautiful as I see it). I may not be able to fix all the problems of the world, but I can improve it somehow. Just not sure how yet.

I do feel like a burden on the planet, so I do the best I can...eat vegetarian, recycle everything possible, don't run the water too long, wear my clothes until they have holes in them (and after), don't want to procreate, etc. But still, there is a negative impact by my consumption and waste. I want to clean up the planet such that my net effect is zero if not positive. I want to take care of the animals we've harmed by taking away their parents or their ecosystem. I want to (if I ever get unscrewed up enough) adopt a child who would otherwise starve and lack someone to care about them in those difficult years of discovering who you are and what you want to do. I want to live life with zest and not constantly be thinking about the fact that it will one day end...so what's the point? I want to get outside of my head and me and do something with this my life. So many have already invested in me and I don't want to let them down...their efforts to go to waste.

Well, that was ambitious for this hour.

So, Paulette, you're part of helping me with my life's work too.

brain is short on words but wanted to know I am reading your posts and cheering for you thinker!

So I have an appt in 2 weeks with a new P-doc just 15 miles north of here. I hope it works out because my backup appt is 40 miles away and every time I need a meds change...yowsers, I'll have to drive 80 miles and take up 3 hours with the appt included, not to mention gas.

I'm feeling insecure again. Not sure why. Maybe because the p-nurse hasn't even tried to apologize. It just feels odd leaving it the way it was left. I even tried to come back to her a couple of times pleading that she change the meds, but she refused, I nearly wound up in the hospital and had to take myself off of that awful stuff. Now I'm hypomanic, but at least I'm not...you know. I'll take insomnia anyday to how I felt before. But really, she says nothing? Not even an email or a message to me through someone else. We worked together for 13 months. I know she's busy, but it reconfirms my theory that she gave up on me a month ago and stopped trying to find new solutions. It makes me mad and upset, but I still feel like good riddance too.

Why do people have to be like that? We'd both feel better if she admitted she was wrong and then I could admit that she tried her best and I was grateful for that.

Hi thinker, sorry you are feeling so bad, but i also admire you for all the tasks you are doing. keeping your journal, cooking, posting here letting people know we are not alone in thinking the same thoughts.

do you know how much it helps others that you have posted your feeling here and how many poeple will draw strength from that. still that does not make you fell better and i am so so sorry you feel so bad. Please try and take the day hour by hour and know that you are helping others just by being here. You are in my prayers tonight hopefully you will start feeling lighter soon, love noelle xx

She sounds yuck.

I agree--she sounds YUCK!

I'm normally super forgiving. I was starting to doubt myself and my resolution to fire her. Now I'm just in the no man's (or woman's) land between psych professionals.

I called the hospital that has a mental health unit a few minutes ago and asked them if they could alter my meds and the nurse I spoke to basically said not unless I was admitted to the unit. I told her I wasn't suicidal at all, just felt like I was jumping out of my skin. She suggested I just take 2 of my sleep aid tonight and see if I can finally sleep. If not and I still feel this energetic and spastic, then maybe I could call again tomorrow for other idears.

I don't wanna make dinner. I wanna eat cupcakes and icecream. Hmpff