How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

Today I feel worried , anxious and a bit nervous. I get these days once in a while. I think it comes from relying on medication for sleep. It is not as good as natural sleep. I think it catches up with me occasionally. I find it best to ride these days through. I try to do what I can but I don't put too much pressure on myself. I spend more time than usual "surgically attached" to my computer. I find it is kind of reassuring. Luckily I don't have anything too urgent to take care of. I am hoping to drop of my repeat prescription at the GP's surgery and maybe go shopping for fruit and veg. Luckily both places are within a short walk.

new med last night feel like i am on fire inside missing my girl so bad don't know if this med will work but have to try

bit of a mixed bag today... to those who are manic be careful, don't let thins get too out of control... to those who are down and anxious - stay strong, it will get better...

so... crashed a bit... pdoc thinks I was/am? hypomanic and thinks I'm lying to him - which I'm not (the lying part the jury is out on the other). So I'm back home for the weekend and slept about 20 hours last night/today and feeling very self destructive and generally crappy... maybe it rebound time - just for feeling vaguely normal

Good morning all,

Today I did not want to get out of bed! It is chilly here in Norther illinois so stying under the blankets is nice! I had a real hard time sleeping last night. It has been happeneing alot the last 2 months or so. I take my ambien and still it takes 1.5-2 hours to fall asleep. Grrrrr. But so far work is going fast. I am also glad that I have a 3 day weekend.
I wish everyone a happy healthy day.
littlepieceofheaven

Sorry I'm not much in a responsive mood this morning. To everyone having a good day, that is great. To everyone having a bad day, I hope it gets better for you soon. Sending good vibes to everyone.

Today I am really anxious. My stomach is all tied up in knots and I can't think straight. Was up really early for me this morning. So too many hours in the day even though I have quite a bit I need to take care of before I hit the road in the morning. I really don't want to be awake right now. I would go back to bed but I don't think I would fall asleep. I would just lay there with my mind reeling. I wish the trip was over and done with. I really don't like the idea of driving on labor day weekend. Cops make me nervous even if I'm not doing anything wrong. I guess I'm just rambling, sorry. Hope everyone has a great day.

vj: hope you feel better soon. Road trips are stressful even at the best of times, and for you this is a real life changer - all the way across the country! Something I do that helps - take plenty of music that you love, and when you get really anxious, crank it up and sing along as loud as you want. I would sometimes do that just driving to work...when I had a job, anyway.

little: Hope you get lots of rest over the weekend.

BlackPup: if you feel like venting, you know where!

sick: hope it passes soon - call your doc as many times as you need to - that's why they get paid big bucks...

Clive: Glad you're at least thinking about getting out of the house!

Me: Slept pretty good, probably 7 hours without waking up. But totally lacking in motivation and there are things I need to do today that I've been putting off. Still having those little pockets of intense depression...last night I was doing laundry and feeling okay when I started folding one of the hubs shirts...buried my nose in it and even clean I was breathing in his scent. Hit bottom instantly and just started bawling...dumb really, since we haven't split up or anything, and things have been better, but he has been on the road for almost two weeks. Going to my sister's for the weekend, so that should help.

Well I feel like Sh it today.... Was staying at my friends house who just happens to be an x of my x and my x manages the apt bldg, she insisted that I leave or he pay a fine for having me there and she get a restraining order to keep me away from the bldg (I didnt do ANYTHING to provoke this, it was completely out of the blue)... Needless to say I had to leave. He doesnt seem to care as if he wanted he could talk to the owner and get it ok'd or something of the sort, he just says "sorry doll, what do you want me to say?" I am so tired of being the least important thing in this world... I am tired of being in this world. Even whey I try to make it be ok and exist and strive for some sense of control over my mental issues something comes along to say hey wake up dumbass you aint worth sh it so go ahead and die already!

Sorry Denise, you don't deserve to be treated that way.

Hi I am new to this thread...diagnosed with bi-polar about 3 years ago,but know it has been with me all my life. I am having a hard time right now,going thru mood swings from minute to minute. My doctor doesn't really listen to me when I talk about this,and that frustrates me.I feel I have been in a depressed mood for about 3 months now. I find myself just wanting to stay home by myself and not deal with the outside world. I am currnetly living alone. I have been married three times and feel my disease has affected all of those marriages. Never had a good support group,my daughter tells me to quit blaming my disease for my actions. If she only knew how hard it is to not do that. Just needed a little venting today,thanks for listening.

Yesterday was a good day. Today I had to struggle to find a reason to get out of bed.

feel ok at the moment

gdmess, welcome, its a great place for venting... if your doctor doesn't listen then get a new one, they are your most important ally (sp?) in fighting this. also a therapist can be good to talk through things with and work out how to deal with family. It's hard coz the hurt from the BP actions is real to them, even if you were not in control... so you all have to deal with it. Ty to give them hope that the future can be better when you find the right drugs to treat...
Denise: don't know how people can suck so much... I'm angry at them for you!
Everyone, thinking strong and motivating thoughts to get through whatever the next few days throws at you...
me: bit better today... enjoying the weekend with my hubby - even if our home looks like a bomb went off in it... still a bit down and struggling to take meds - I know I need to but sometimes its so hard to make myself take them.

I really like this thread and I like that is very active. Thanks for the supportive messages from others.

I am a lot better today. It is nice to wake up a bit brighter, and get up without the usual struggle. Even though I seemed to struggle to fall asleep, I had a good night's sleep. I set my mood to fine but that may be overstating it. I wish there was a setting of "fine-ish" or the UK favorite "not bad".

Take Care everyone !!

How do I feel today? Well I suppose I don't really feel anything, that's starting to become the norm. Either feel nothing, feel LIKE nothing, or feel depressed and worried about life as usual.... Thanks for being here to everyone who posts on this thread...

tired sad

Dear all, I'm feeling a bit low today - staying in and hiding under the duvet. I will make myself go out (inspired by another member of this fine discussion group - THANKS!). It's almost 4pm and still a beautiful day, so perhaps I'll find solace in the fresh air.
Peace to your hearts, dear ones.
Love Penny x

Hope anyone who is feeling bad feels better, happy for all who are having a good day...

Yeah, yesterday was a tough day..crying and obsessing over something I have no control over. Gotta learn to let those things go. Today, no emotions that I can detect, just totally exhausted. Going to throw some things in the car, drive the 1-1/2 hrs to my sister's house then do nothing productive for the rest of the weekend. A girl's weekend - two strange little BPs who happen to be sisters and best friends. Therapy at it's best. Oh yeah, and while I was sitting here, it started feeling like I have ants crawling on me...not like lots of ants, just this little tingling here, then there, then there, then here..weird, rather interesting actually..

Got up early. Kind of still dreading more news about my brother. Didn't hear anything yesterday. Will most likely waste my day playing video games. Mood is fine. Wishing everyone a great weekend. Hugs to all

Hugs to all who need them!!!

I cannot shake my anxiety. It's with me all the time and the more I focus on it the worse it gets. But I'm finding it really hard to focus on anything else because the anxiety is so physical in my body. You'd think I would be used to it by now!!!! And I am used to feeling this way, but it doesn't get any easier. I woke up this morning and my body was immediately in panic mode. I got up and felt really shaky and weak and like I needed to lay down again. But I made myself shower and get dressed. Now I'm sitting here with tightness in my chest and some chest pain and I'm trying to distract myself. We've been away for a few days and we're going home today, which I'm relieved about, even though I feel anxious at home too. I am trying really hard to stay as calm as possible, doing relaxation exercises etc. Nothing much is helping but I'm thinking/hoping/wishing this has to change at some point!!! I hope it's soon!!!

Feeling crappy as usual. I had to make myself get up after sleeping for 14 hours. Tired of feeling this way. sigh....

Frustrated, sore, lonely, tired and unmotivated. Last night I was responding to a post here. Program shut down. Twice (and had I saved it? of course not!). Finally got it together and computer froze. Restarted. Froze again. Couldn't believe it(!!!!!) Gave up. Was struck by loneliness having access to you all cut off.

As mentioned before, back went semi-out a week ago. Spasms only lasted a couple of days (thank goodness!), but muscles all over back through hips are still super tight. Can't get comfortable. Been using legs to get anything even remotely low and can't decide which is worse now, the back or the legs(!) (not used to this much of a workout) So didn't sleep well all week and especially last night. Got up at 4 till 6 because of the pain of being horizontal too long and paced around. So of course brain had to start in on every bad/frustrating thing around and around. Emotionally want to curl up in a ball on the floor, but physically? That wouldn't be a good idea! Going to attempt sleep again now. Wake me when it's over! Not good at handling lack of mobility. Big baby, yup.

Almost didn't want to post this... you know? But everything is feeling like too much effort -- even responding here. So it's more of a check-in explaining myself so to speak. Am keeping up in short spells of reading, just not up to responding. Hopefully soon. Meanwhile, to all. Thinking of all my forum buddies.

Penny10: I hope you were able to find the solace you were looking for today =)
PT52: I know exactly what you mean about obsessing over things you cant control and needing to let go, I do that very badly. Glad to hear that you have someone you are that close and can spend time with. That is weird about the crawling sensation, could it be a reaction to your medication perhaps?
Thinker22: Sorry you havent heard any news, hope you hear something soon. Glad your in a good mood despite that!
Sundog: Sorry to hear your having so much anxiety, do you not have any meds for that? I do hope it gets better for you...
Andy: Sleeping for 14hrs would make me feel crappy too, sorry you are going through this and I hope you cycle out of it soon
Inner: Im so sorry to hear your having such problems with your back, have you seen a chiropractor? I know what you mean completely about everything feeling like to much effort. Im not hurt physically and still feel that way. Been doing the forum in much the same way you have, reading some responding hardly at all for lack of motivation but at the same time feeling almost dependent on being able to read the posts and feel connected to the people here. I hope your back gets better soon.

I feel okay. Not good, not bad just okay. I got up way too late, so that was a bad start, but I've manage to finally get started on cleaning so that is a good now.

I feel pretty relieved today. I saw a psychiatrist, and hope to make some changes. As much as I am anti-drug, I didn't fight getting a replacement medication.

Thank you (((((((Denise))))))) I do have some Ativan, but I am sooooo scared of becoming addicted, so I try and ride out the anxiety without taking it, but it's getting harder (I do take an anti-depressant which is supposed to help with the anxiety, but it doesn't seem to). Hugs to you and everyone! Wishing everyone as enjoyable a weekend as possible