Bipolar delusions

I think you need to talk to her, gently but firmly... that you cannot tolerate this forever. That she needs to take charge of her destiny... be there for her, but do not enable her in her behaviour... she may not be that delusional as you believe... she may or may not... if you are willing to forgive her just because she was "delusional", it's a two edged sword. She may start putting that label on all her behavior that came from mere irresponsibility...

it is a hard situation... but I don't believe that bipolar people are controled by their illness 24/7 and can therefor get away with anything... if it has gone on for so long, in such severity... she shares the blame.

Actually if i was counseling a battered woman i wouldn't tell her to just "leave him", that to me is the exact same thing as telling a diabetic to just "will there blood sugar levels to be in the normal range". Also as a therapist you don't ever actually tell people what to do...you empower them to make desicions for themselves. If you step back will no emotional attachment to the situation of course it is plain to see what should be done, but you have to realize that when your in the situation..with emotions...logical thoughts are pushed to the side ALOT of the time.

While i am very pleased to hear that you would not stay with an abuser...and that you love yourself...not everyone feels that same way. From the OP's comments do you really feel like he loves himself? Do his posts seem to come even remotely from a place of self care, self esteem or love for self? Thats why i recommended therapy...and not "just leave" as advice. he is almost as unwell as her. The therapist wont start the session with.. just "leave her"...the therapist will work on the issues that cause him to want to stay with someone who is abusive.

If people responded to logical advice disregarding all their emotions sure it would be alot easier to help people...but it just is not reality. It never has been the case..nor has it ever been the case.

I'm happy your glad to get started in therapy, and of course it is normal to be scared as well. I don't get the impression you want sympathy..at least not from what i have read thus far. It seems you have tried the excuses..and are now at a place where you may need help to take some of the next steps forward..and so just to reiterate i am very happy you plan on seeking therapy. Your describing your "unconditonal love" makes me take a long hard look at my signature here i think that this thought you have is actually your last remaining excuse
With that being said i wont judge you, it's not my job, i hope you will find some peace in therapy and my only words of advice are...be honest...with the therapist...even if you are not with yourself...because in the end you will be able to know for certain what the right course of action is for you...and be able to live with the results of your decisions..and the fastest way there is honesty.

Maybe...or maybe i am telling you...that you don't know what love is. Who knows what i am saying really... i feel your intelligent and you deep down already "know" the answer.

I think I am getting the idea. I did know what love was, anymore, I think I'm just hanging on to a lose lose situation.

I am very sorry for you. This has to be one of lifes most impossible adventures. Was there a time when you were not medicated, do you have clear recall of those times. Did you single out those close to you or was it just random. If, in her case, stress is truely a trigger, what would be your guess as to what will happen next. She is undoubtedly under severe stress, do you think she has at least momentary recall of events.

I think you need to talk to her, gently but firmly... that you cannot tolerate this forever. That she needs to take charge of her destiny... be there for her, but do not enable her in her behaviour... she may not be that delusional as you believe... she may or may not... if you are willing to forgive her just because she was "delusional", it's a two edged sword. She may start putting that label on all her behavior that came from mere irresponsibility...
it is a hard situation... but I don't believe that bipolar people are controled by their illness 24/7 and can therefor get away with anything... if it has gone on for so long, in such severity... she shares the blame.

What will become of her is she continues on her same path? No meds etc...

Wow, this thread sure has been busy! Will proceed from your question to me (because you asked, and I don't want to not answer you), though it seems to be going backwards, then move forward to the current point. (And add that I am glad you'll be getting counselling and could not possibly agree more with Ryask's words of wisdom..."...be honest...with the therapist...even if you are not with yourself...because in the end you will be able to know for certain what the right course of action is for you...and be able to live with the results of your decisions..and the fastest way there is honesty." )

First, said kindly...no need to be sorry for me. There was much time unmedicated --25 years. Clear recall? Yes and no. I knew when I was raging and what I was doing generally, but detail-wise, not so much. Doesn't change the reality of the fallout from my actions. I needed to deal with that regardless of my state of mind at the time. Random. Flipped out more at home because spent more time there. It often involved no one ('cept myself of course...). I really could not guess what would happen next. Except in answering your most recent question (bottom of reply).
(Also feel the need to point out --not to you really, but anyone reading the thread (because it is such a common misconception and it's come up) that rage is NOT diagnostic for BP, although it is not uncommon.)

Agree with your assesment malapp, that VH has sound advice here.

Nothing will change.

Yes this been busy and I want to thank everyone for their help. I guess, in the end, we learn we can't change what we can't change. The bipolar person either decides to get treatment or to not get treatment. In the end, it is her choice. I, in turn, also have to make a choice. Either live with it, we all know that is not possible or, except it and move forward. The damage is done and although it seems like an overwhelming mess, I can change that.

The oddest thing occurs to me. I guess I thought that those who are suffering from the disease would have been more compassionate toward my wife. I appears that those who are suffering are so aware of what they are suffering from, they are able to offer the most insightful information.

This is like a war that can't be won. The enemy is invisible to the eye.

The enemy is just a disease. It takes time to learn about it. Think about this: I've been diagnosed for 4 years and still don't always manage to pick up on the signs of an episode. You just started coming here's few weeks ago AND you're having to figure out bipolar from
the OUTSIDE!

Keep asking. And we'll try to answer. But remember, too, that Some of us are BP 2 and some - like your wife and I - are BP 1. And we are each individual.

I think one of the best things you can do is get counseling yourself. You need to keep yourself healthy. This is a LOT to deal with.

Yes this been busy and I want to thank everyone for their help. I guess, in the end, we learn we can't change what we can't change. The bipolar person either decides to get treatment or to not get treatment. In the end, it is her choice. I, in turn, also have to make a choice. Either live with it, we all know that is not possible or, except it and move forward. The damage is done and although it seems like an overwhelming mess, I can change that.

The oddest thing occurs to me. I guess I thought that those who are suffering from the disease would have been more compasionate toward my wife. I appears that those who are suffering are so aware of what they are suffering from, they are able to offer the most insightful information.

This is all great insight you have gained, malapp1! Just glad we could help! And something has occured to me in reading through (even my own post, lol! But you know how it is... sometimes in writing things out, they clarify situations in which one's own knowledge is not being applied to one's own situation. It made me aware of one I am not applying in my own life -- a boundary/accountability issue with someone.) Soooo, thanks to your bringing all this up, we all gain!

And yup! We can be full of surprises!

Much and please keep us posted. I think you can make great strides. Not always easy, but worth it!

You are not getting rid of me that easily. I think I am going to stick around awhile and see what else I can learn! Who knows, maybe some one can come up with a great idea for me to try.

Wow, take a day off...
This thread appears to have gone from one emotional extreme to another! malapp1 - I'm kind of surprised you stuck through it!

I think maybe we can summarize a whole lot of this conversation fairly easy:
1. Mentally ill or not, we are still held accountable for our actions.
2. Because you love somebody doesn't mean there aren't boundaries.
3. If you have to create distance, or let that person learn from their own mistakes, it doesn't mean you don't love them, even if it hurts.
4. No one person has the same experience and there is no way to predict how anyone will behave tomorrow. The only thing that is real is right now.

I think, malapp1, that you would benefit from sticking around and listening to other people's experiences. You won't get the cut and dried answers you wanted, but you may come to understand how to accept that. One of the hardest things about being BP is knowing that I'll never really know, you know?

Some of the lessons one learns in life are “harsh.” They can be very painful and sometimes, we do all we can to not learn the lessons. Bipolar Disorder is a disease and sometimes people will do everything they can to avoid treatment. There is a true anomaly at work. Admitting you have the disease means you are unwell, not admitting it is a bi-product of the disease.
In my case, I allowed the mental health stigma to play out. I chose to believe that she was not unwell. I did all I could to ignore it even though it virtually destroyed me. Sometimes the emotional grief that one suffers at the hand of a disease is overwhelming.
I started the tread hoping someone would tell me that one day she would wake up and come out of it. I hoped that she would realize what happened and take steps to cure us. That hasn’t happened but, there is still time.
Deep down inside of me, my worst fear is likely my reality. I will continue to “hope” but I have to move forward with my life. I have to protect myself from the hurt the disease can cause. The saddest part of all of it is there is a woman out there somewhere who is suffering. She may very well never know just how much I love her.
To all those who suffer from this disease, my message is in my pain. I learned something a long time ago, when you are about to go through a surgery that is very painful, your hope is that tomorrow you will feel better. It may not always be tomorrow but, in the end, if you got the right treatment for the right problem, one day you may feel better. Sometimes the treatment doesn’t work but if you never try you will never know.

I've been drawn to this conversation for days, wanting to comment but unsure that my words will be taken out of context.
This thread has many people concerned for this victim (I'm grateful for this community and your support of each individual and their continued healing and well being). . . though reading through it's entirety a couple of times, I'm not convinced that there might not be other underlying issues. What if . . . she does not have BP as he is attempting to have you all believe. Has there been a substantiated diagnosis or could it be that it his, and only his, perspective. That possibly the viewpoint is exaggerated to suck in the audience and gain your support - many have replied with genuine concern. Just questioning? What if, she's been a victim herself of a person who wants dominance and just had a mental breakdown? What support would you then offer her?
Please, pray that she receives the help and guidance she needs and he finds continued support and healing.
-"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." - Aldous Huxley

Who, in their right mind, would want to know that they may have caused others a great amount of suffering?

Most people in their mind would know, wanting or not. Bipolar does not mean that the person is dellusional every minute of their living...

I don't know the other side of the story... but there are people who don't care they cause others problems. Or they don't care enough to do anything to change it.

Ryask told me that I need to learn to love myself again. She is right, I have lost all my self love.

I have tagged my wife as BP and attempt to use that as an answer and excuse. While she is BP, it doesn't give her an excuse and it doesn't mean that I have to be a victim.

I don't know about all of this Beth. I think if I gave up I would hate myself yet every indication is that she is not going to change.

It's easy to lose that love when your in an unhealthy relationship, but your a strong intelligent person and i know you can absolutely get it back.


I am so happy to see you say this. It takes a strong person to say "i don't have to be a victim". That's a wonderful first step in the right direction, good for you!