[lonelyrockstar]

I am 30 years old and have been struggling with mental illness for about the same. I was misdiagnosed with unipolar depression when I was 14. It wasn't till I had a full blown psychotic episode at 19 years old that I was Told I had Bipolar 1 disorder. This simple label describes so little and compares nothing to the reality of my illness. I have done research and discovered that I seem to have undiagnosed OCD, ADHD, anxiety, PTSD and possibly Disassociative Didorder. Okay enough of all the negative facts about me. Here is the person who sometimes shines through the illness: I'm a love to joke and laugh kinda girl, i love to go fishing, play piano, drums, and guitar. I write music, I draw... And much more...

I am trying out these forums to see if I can relate, because I don't want to continue to try to relate with my parents. I think I cause them more heartache by telling them my feelings... Which I have done for the past 28 years. I'm hoping to find at least a little comfort.

Thank you to my two best friends, my mom and dad. I want to make your life easier...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rollacoasta]

Hey All, Bipolar II here. From little old New Zealand. Winter here at the moment... pretty cold actually! Do have people I can call up and a select couple of friends to talk with about my illness... But also wanted to find a support group to get involved in, as a holistic part of my recovery process.

[rollacoasta]

Hi All, Bipolar II here, from New Zealand.

My GP told me about this website, I do have a phone number to call and select friends that I talk with about my illness but I want to try a support group as a holistic part of my recovery process.

It would be interesting to discuss how Bipolar is tolerated in other cultures, by people with the disorder, and people without it...

Looking forward to meeting some of you here.

[Alice Noodle]

Hello
My name is Alice and I'm 22. I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
I've had a depression every year since I was 13 (I used to say that I began puberty and then "broke")
A psychiatrist diagnosed me when I was 18 but I rejected it and stopped seeking help.
These depressions got more out control until I've had lengthy admissions the last few years for them. I'm told I've had "manic" episodes
Where I've not needed sleep as much, felt like I was "on fire," very personable etc etc. (but I'm very skeptical)
I feel confused about my future and really upset that I won't just get better and have a day where I won't have a mental illness anymore. I wanted to come here to see how people have accepted their diagnosis and to meet other people diagnosed as a young person.

Sorry for the ramble. This is a hard time for me right now

[Bpfroggy]

Hello everyone,

I was recently diagnosed as Bipolar II after a long (15 year) struggle with what I thought was major depression. After trying almost every med out there for depression, I would find myself feeling "too good" after only a few days on the meds and eventually stop taking them. I realize now that they were probably pushing me into hypomania. Over the past year I have been working with a therapist who finally figured it out, and I also have a psych Dr. who actually listens to me and takes more than five minutes to prescribe meds.

I ended up in the psych ER recently after a particularly bad week which they felt was a mixed state (had lots of suicidal thoughts etc.). They put me on Depakote ER and my psych dr. added Pristiq as an antidepressant to get those symptoms under control fast. I am also taking Wellbutrin.

I have a rather stressful life as I am a full-time student and mother of two kids so I don't think that is helping. I am hoping the meds help get my major symptoms under control - I feel a lot better already but am worried I'll go into hypomania again.

I am looking forward to being part of this community where others understand what it's like to live with this disorder. I am uncomfortable posting under my "real" name since it is very distinctive, but will go by BPfroggy for now if that's OK.

Take care everyone!

BPfroggy

[rollacoasta]

Hey BPFroggy,

Can totally relate to the antidepressants setting you into a manic or hypomanic state. The exact thing happened to me, not long after I started an SSRI I flew into a mania that was undiagnosed and lasted 2 months.

I'm coming down off that SSRI and been introduced to Quetiapine (Seroquel) which has been helping smooth the peaks off my mood swings.

Catch you later

[notALICE]

I had a bad reaction to antidepressants. Full blown mania. When I complained my doc doubled the dose. 4 months of hell, but it led to a definitive diagnosis. Then of course getting on the right meds, and that took time. I couldn't function for a good while. Loss of almost all self sufficiency and confidence, forget it! Nightmare!

I've been rather solitary since this began almost 2 years ago. Feel more functional now, but I still think some meds need adjusting. I'm doing so much better now but if my original doctor had really listened it might not have been so horrific. I try to be open with my pdoc, but only get 10 mins of his time every two months and a handful of scripts.

Day by day, but lately, for the most part good days outnumber the bad. I've learned to avoid triggers. Keeping a mood diary can help. Sleep is crucial to my sanity, so if I start an insomnia cycle I call my pdoc right away to avoid the risk of hypo or full blown mania.

Writing on here helps so much too. We have similarities that don't make me feel like that much of a freak.

Wish you the best Rob & all in the same "boat".

[rollacoasta]

Sounds like the GP or what you guys call 'PDOC' system is similar in NZ as it is in the USA. They give you so little time for an illness that can take years to diagnose and give you so much hell. It really is unfair.

In NZ we have a Community Mental Health Centre that is for free, and had I not have been introduced to this service then heaven help me aye.

Do you guys have something like that in the States? I had two hours with a Psychiatrist for free.

[kirkayakli]

Hello my friends!
I am a 29 year old female with Bipolar,my pdoc never told me if i'm bipolar I or II so I don't know,but she told me that my condition is not too serious.I am on Tegretol CR 400 for almost 2 years now.I was able to finish university in 10 years because of my drinking and partying but I quit drinking last year and my life has been so much healthier since..(I can't say that I am happier tho)I have a boyfriend who is the nicest guy ever but I am driving him crazy ,I always want more and want my realationship to be perfect so I get angry and upset when I don't get what I want.My pdoc once told me that I have a narcissistic personality.By the way I am soo jealous of him that I am thinking about leaving him to find peace because it hurts too much.I am always in peace and happy when I am single.Whenever I am with someone and i fall in love,i totally become someone else,i become jealous and unhappy and lose all interest in life ..When it comes to my mood changes,i am almost stable for more than 1 year but I still get upset all of a sudden and than it goes away the same day.It's like my brain is trying to make me sad all the time and I believe it..But then all of a sudden the sound disappears.(Sometimes it stays )
And I am always tired,i am not depressed but my body is always tired and my brain is always working.(not the way it should be tho)

I just want to be in peace for a while..

[rollacoasta]

Originally Posted by kirkayakli

Hello my friends!
I am a 29 year old female with Bipolar,my pdoc never told me if i'm bipolar I or II so I don't know,but she told me that my condition is not too serious.I am on Tegretol CR 400 for almost 2 years now.I was able to finish university in 10 years because of my drinking and partying but I quit drinking last year and my life has been so much healthier since..(I can't say that I am happier tho)I have a boyfriend who is the nicest guy ever but I am driving him crazy ,I always want more and want my realationship to be perfect so I get angry and upset when I don't get what I want.My pdoc once told me that I have a narcissistic personality.By the way I am soo jealous of him that I am thinking about leaving him to find peace because it hurts too much.I am always in peace and happy when I am single.Whenever I am with someone and i fall in love,i totally become someone else,i become jealous and unhappy and lose all interest in life ..When it comes to my mood changes,i am almost stable for more than 1 year but I still get upset all of a sudden and than it goes away the same day.It's like my brain is trying to make me sad all the time and I believe it..But then all of a sudden the sound disappears.(Sometimes it stays )
And I am always tired,i am not depressed but my body is always tired and my brain is always working.(not the way it should be tho)

I just want to be in peace for a while..

It's unfortunate that we can be happier single than when we are with someone. Have you ever thought in depth about why you start to feel like that in a relationship? It's tricky isn't because we try and look for solutions to the issue thinking the bipolar could be causing the relationship issues, but things are so complex within a relationship, there are a lot of different dynamics going on. I hope that your boyfriend understands your situation and that you guys can communicate and work through it.

[kirkayakli]

I talked to my bf yesterday,he said he is getting tired of me being jealous and irritated sometimes,i tried to leave him, but he doesn't want to leave me ,I think we will keep on living like this forever,because I don't know the reason why I feel this way and I don't know how to solve it.We will do our best Thank you !

41 yrs old living in the netherlands. diagnosed with bipolar in 2010 but see signs leading back to when i was about 12. i have been on plenty of different meds and med cocktails but i am currently not on any mood meds, just for sleep as i also have a cirrcadian rhythm disorder.

i have extreme mixed episodes that lead to annual 3 month hospitalisations (4 years running now) in the winter but even though its summer now im not feeling quite myself, and that worries me. i have had little sucess with mood stabilisers and im afraid my doctor will bring up ECT if i have another episode.
i have recently started seeing a new therapist, at my pdoc's insistance and i am supposed to start EMDR within the next year. i am very easily deregulated so im not sure i will get the go ahead to start the actual therapy. the stabilsation period leading up to it is hard work... themed discussions every week for 6 months followed by months worth of trauma inventory. gah.

i have 2 kids aged 19 and 22 and i am in a very stable marriage.
i like cats, i crochet and i write crappy poetry.

nice to meet you all.

[vutaikt]

hi all. i'm new member, from Vietnamese

[meplove]

Hi! I've recently been diagnosed with bipolar 2 and am looking for other people to share experiences and advice with. Long story short, I started having depressive episodes since I was 12, and antidepressants saved my life when I was 15. Since then an antidepressant worked for about a year, and then I would switch, and that usually worked. Fast forward, I became pregnant when I was 28, was on Zoloft during that time and breastfeeding, and after I stopped breastfeeding my whole world shifted. I've been irritable, depressed, all over he place. I went back onto the anti depressant I was on before, Pristiq, and it did not help at all and made me more agitated. I'm a family therapist, have had lots of therapy around my depression, so I've always been good at knowing coping skills and what my body and brain needed, and nothing I was trying helped. My mom was diagnosed with bipolar 2 at the age of 65, and since I could not figure out what was going on with me, I went and got checked out, and lo and behold I got diagnosed as well. Since then I've been taken off the Pristiq, slowly ramping up on Lamictal, and my doctor wants to start abilify since I've been extremely depressed (I think the pristiq helped with depression, but was making me way agitated, irritable and at times aggressive.) I'm currently on medical leave from my job, which is way stressful and I'm realizing I need a change. After being diagnosed (which I was in shock, I'm used to seeing bipolar 1 manic episodes in clients and I've never had that ) I've been reading a lot and things make a lot more sense about what I'm going through. I guess I have some questions. And someone let me know if I should post them on the general board to get more feedback.

Has anyone else had symptoms of the mood fluctuation get more severe or really show up after having a baby?

What are people's experience with Lamical and Abilify? I'm nervous about that one.

How do people reduce their stress when they still need to work full time?

What's been the most helpful thing your partner can do when you are having an episode or struggling with symptoms?

Thanks in advance! I'm looking forward to learning more and getting to know people in this group!

[rollacoasta]

[QUOTE=meplove;3898696]
What's been the most helpful thing your partner can do when you are having an episode or struggling with symptoms?
QUOTE]

Basically, the best thing my partner has done for me while I'm swinging, is to not react to my behavior and be able to effectively separate my behavior from me being out of line, and bipolar symptoms

Welcome and it is awesome to see new people and get the support going.

[Tydi469]

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"[/FONT]

Thanks for the invite!!

[Tydi469]

The font code is above my reply.....is it just me who sees it, or it's right there for all to ��?
I do not know if i was/am supposed to delete that code prior to sending reply. �� those boxes lol, were supposed to be eyeballs...see I used them instead of typing "see". Obviously i wasn't successful!!��

[CHIM3RA2006]

Hello, my name is B. I was recently hospitalized for a psychotic episode, where I was diagnosed as having Bipolar disorder with psychogenic pain. Before then I took two anti-depressants for years for depression. The day of my episode was the scariest day of my life, one that I do not want to repeat. Since then I have been in recovery. I am trying to put myself and my life back together, while trying to figure out what this new diagnosis means for me. I am on new meds and can tell an immediate improvement, however, other symptoms have started to appear. I am looking for answers, anywhere and everywhere, and support can only help me.

Thanks.

[CHIM3RA2006]

Originally Posted by nerb

I am Brenda, but most people call me Bren. Right now I am scared to do this, as the last time I was on a "support" board, one of the administrators verbally attacked me and made some personal threat because I tried to help the wrong person...a hacker. I had no way of knowing that the person was a hacker, and what they said hit home with me...basically I told them that if they were feeling Suicidal than they needed to call for help imediately. After a week of being belittled, and bashed by the "power-monger administrator" I was banned without any notice, or explanation. I was even called a hacker myself.

I was diagnosed with depression first, and then Bipolar. I think I have had it all my life, but was not diagnosed (with D) with until about 16 years ago. A month after watching, literately, my mother die of cancer, I completely fell apart. My T discribed it like a champaine bottle...once the cork was popped, everything came out without any control. The day that cork came out was the day I was first hospitalized, with what they thought was sleep deprevation. 11 years later here I am. It was not until about 5 years ago that we decided I was bipolar. I say we, because the doctor at the hospital, and my therapist, let me come to that diagnosis on my own. I think they knew before that, but they also knew that telling me I was bipolar would have freaked me out. Denial is a powerful thing. I think it was better the way they did it, as I figured it out myself.

Recently the hospital that is closest to me closed do to financial cut backs. This means that I won't have that safety net for when I fall. It also means that I no longer have Dr. S. who has helped me emencly. I still have my T, but when in crisis Dr. S was my savior. Now I have to travel over 100 miles if hospitalized, which means no family support when I am there. It is just too far to go for a few minutes of visiting.

Bren, I just wanted to reply because I think I had a similar experience the day that I was hospitalized. I kept saying, "I feel like my brain popped.", and your analogy of the champagne bottle really hit home for me. I am very new to all this so I can't offer much condolence, I just wanted to say thanks for sharing. It helped me not feel so alone.

[LDB1]

Hello all.

I'm not about to post my name on a public Forum so "LDB" will have to do. I really dont know what I'm expecting from this but since there are no Bipolar groups near me I thought maybe an online forum would help by putting me in contact with others who share this illness.

My journey started at 12 with my first (of 4) suicide attempt. Drug overdose. Got me locked up in the local psychiatric ward for two weeks. I have no idea what conclusion they came up with then, since no one bothered to tell me. I suspect they diagnosed me with depression. Which, I suspect, my parents promptly ignored. I'm sure they thought a bit more abuse would fix me right up. And yes, I was abused in every way.

We moved a lot, my Stepfather being chronically unable to either hold a job or stay in one place. When I was 14 we landed in Wyoming, where the first manic episode I can positively identify had me walking up the middle of Grand Avenue, drunk and stoned, and trying to get a car to hit me. I really dont remember much of it or the next few weeks but I've been told I was quite entertaining for a 2 or 3 week period.

That landed me in a 6 month program designed to help troubled teens and reintegrate them with their families. Except I was there for 3 years since my family had the sudden urge to move out of state ( I later found out they went to Maine.) since my juvenile record was so bad, and I wasnt exactly the sweetest kid you ever met, finding foster care for me was, to say the least, difficult. And didnt happen till I was 17.

I continued to self medicate on thru into my 20's. somewhere around 24 or so I seem to have gained a bit of control over myself, at least enough to be able hold a job. But not enough to stay out of debt (My spending in a manic state is truly terrifying) or to have a peaceful marriage. I believe the only reason my marriage lasted so long is that my chosen profession kept me away from home 11 months out of the year. My life always seemed to be in a state of chaos. And you you could usually trace the problem back to some horrific act or decision I had made, though you would never have gotten me to admit that then. As I look back on it all I can say is my life to date has consisted of limping away from one train wreck, only to step right back on the tracks and getting run over again.

Over the years I quit the drugs (mostly pot) because I realized they never made me feel any better. I immersed myself in my work and actually had my own business for about 5 years.

Until the economy tanked in 2010. For a period of about a year, I was under stress. Not just a little. A LOT. Chest pains, arrhythmia, massive weight loss. loss of sleep. Because I was slowly losing my business. I could see a little more drain away each day. In the end I gave up. Nothing I did was saving it. And fell into what was then, the deepest depression I had been in to date. And when my ex-wife found me holding my cherished Kimber 1911 .45 to my head, and had to talk for 4 hours just to get me to put it down, she naturally insisted that I get some help. I agreed reluctantly and went to the local counseling center with her where I spoke to a Case manager once a week and a Psychiatrist once a month so he could prescribe the anti-depressants that did absolutely nothing for me. The entire thing was a complete waste of time and, yet again, it was me derailing the train. I lied. About everything. I told them I felt great. Told them the meds were working and after about 6 months quit going. Though I continued with the meds (My GP kept prescribing them) to make the wife happy. All they really did was throw me into several manic episodes which as you can guess, led to more and more train wrecks.

Trying to make a way to long post a bit shorter, I'll condense the last 5 years into as short a read as possible.

Lost the business.
Lost the money.
Lost the wife.
Lost the house.

In 5 short years I went from owning my own successful business, being married (albeit not necessarily happily) ,owning my own home to living in my daughters basement, doing manual labor and living paycheck to paycheck.

I know others have fallen farther, but I was lucky in that I have a kiddo that wont give up on me. even so, This year I have tested her patience with yet another suicide attempt, only this time, the kiddo didnt screw around, She got the cops involved, who, quickly, determined that I was a danger to myself and 381'ed me. A 381 is an involuntary 72 hour hold here. they took me to a privately run hospital here that specializes in acute mental care. They took me off all my meds and just watched me. Apparently I was pretty entertaining again because I found myself there for a much longer stay then just 72 hours.

Again, trying to be brief, my diagnosis came out to be Bipolar1 with mixed affective episodes and psychotic features (auditory and visual hallucinations, Dont need to get into that here). Generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD and, of all things, Obsessive compulsive disorder. I feel like I got the whole menu sometimes.

They have me on Seroquel XR. A lot of it, and a few other meds thrown in just to keep me a bit calmer since my blood pressure seems to go dangerously high if I get too worked up. And I feel..........almost normal for the first time in my life. At least I'm not as symptomatic as I have been since I can remember. My Daughter says I'm a completely different person than the one she grew up with.

Its come with some downsides though, the few friends I had seem to be avoiding me like the plague. I think they might be afraid that I'm contagious. They might "catch" BP from me or something. But thats ok, they'll come around or they wont. I'm done hiding what I am, because the only person I ever truly hid it from was me, everyone else always knew there was something wrong, I was the only blind one. Unfortunately I wasnt the only one hurt.

I'll do what it takes to stay where I'm at now, stable. I'm done with train wrecks.

[mitziez]

I'm Mitziez and I'm diagnosed Type I Bipolar. I'm a wife (happily married), and a mother.

I was diagnosed in 2011, but went undiagnosed for several years! It wasn't until a major manic episode in 2010 that brought all to light.


Going through that was flippin' scary! My memory of those events are a little off, and those I do remember are like watching a movie but starring me!


It's sort of surreal. I don't ever want to go through that again! I'm currently on Prozac for depression, Tegretol & Ability for mood stabilization. I see a great therapist regularly and have finally found some stabilization!


I love animals, cooking, music, and B-rate disaster movies.


I was an outgoing person but have found solitude in my social anxiety...enter sarcasm.


I also have PTSD, and occasional OCD.


I'm grateful to have found this site, and have had the ability to meet so many alike. It helps me not feel so alone in this journey.

[rollacoasta]

Welcome to the forum, I hope that it helps you as much as it has been helping me, in a holistic nature.

[alab]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Welcome to our forum! Come in and introduce yourself to other members!! This thread is place for new members to get the attention and feedback of the older members, or older members to give more information about themselves. They can discuss diagnosis, treatment or another other topic of their disorder and older members will respond.

I created this introduction thread due to the number of introductions posted on the "Bipolar Chat" sticky. The Bipolar Chat that I lead is now scheduled on Fridays at 9 PM EST. It will cover a variety of topics which will be posted in the chat announcement and outlines will also be posted for those unable to make the chats. The first Friday of the month Wingin'it will lead an open Bipolar Chat. Those will Bipolar are also invited to the Depression Chat on Wednesday at 9 PM EST, but there will be significant overlap in topic.

I am not even sure if I am posting properly but wanted to introduce myself. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II ,about a year ago, at age 41. I thought it was a joke at first and would try my Lamictal for a week or two then stop because the titration made me crabby. Here I am a year later and I have stayed on Lamictal and feel much more steady and stable. I also feel a little boring and sometimes confused about of how to navigate the world in calm and focused state of mind.

I have two beautiful daughters and an amazing husband. I also have some terrific friends. However, I can't fully comprehend what this diagnosis means in my life and they certainly cannot. I need a place to check in and figure out if I am suffering because of the disease or because of my personality quirks. In my experience, there is little information out there about bipolar II. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you all.

[rainbowlion]

Hi everyone, this is my first post and sorry if it's a long one. Thanks to everyone for listening, cause I've just needed to get this out.

My name is E.K. (well not really), and I am 24 years old. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder two years ago, after a period of post-college unemployment and a brief hospitalization.

I have what I've told is a "mild to moderate" form of BP 1. For most of my life, I've been relatively normal. I've always been a high-acheiver, good at school with many friends and activities. I never experienced any serious depression or mania until after high school, nothing more than silly teenage angst.

I had my first manic episode when I was 18 and starting my second semester of college in New York City. I took a leave of absence when things started getting "weird" at school (I wasn't sleeping, my mind was racing, I felt like a live wire all the time. I couldn't stop talking, I couldn't focus, and I was missing classes. I felt suddenly mega-brilliant, as if I'd figured out the secret of all life). I went back home to stay with my parents and basically didn't leave the house for three months. During that time, I was briefly hospitalized and put on Abilify (I was severely depressed/immobile and delusional), yet somehow managed to escape diagnosis. I stopped the Abilify right after getting back from the hospital because it made me feel like hell.

Miraculously, I was fine by summer. Slightly depressed still, but I was perfectly sane, functional, fine. My marbles were back and I worked my regular summer job. I returned to college in the fall, made some incredible new friends, and the next few years of school went great. It took me a little while to shake the lingering depression, but I was otherwise normal and totally med-free.

I had my second manic episode in August of 2012, a year after graduation, and have been recovering from it ever since. Long story short, I felt myself spiraling after moving to NYC with very little money. I was having a hard time getting a job in my field (lots of interviews, lots of rejections), and felt myself spiraling. So I went to my doctor and she prescribed me Prozac. Five weeks later I was psychotically manic and in the hospital, where I was put on a few drugs before they settled on Risperdal and Lithium. I tapered off the Risperdal within a few months following a suicidal depression, but have been on stayed on Lithium (with one unsuccessful attempt to taper off it, under doctor's supervision). I've since moved back in with my parents in my hometown.

On Lithium, everything is not quite right. Not wrong, but not right - like all my drives for life are missing. I used to be a visual artist (and had every intention of pursuing it as a career), a writer, a photographer, a musician, everything. Now, I don't paint because it's about as much fun as doing taxes. Things that used to move and inspire me simply don't anymore, despite many tries (I spent a year pretending this wasn't the case).

The apathy is something I can't get used to. Even on my best days, I feel a little bit cranky and hungover. Every day seems the same, blending together like one long day. While I'm not miserable or in pain (and for that I'm extremely grateful), I just don't really care about...anything. Which is problematic.

The hardest thing about the diagnosis is how it has altered my perspective on life and myself. At 22, the story of my life suddenly changed. It's no longer about being young and having fun and "finding myself," it's about restoring basic sanity into my life. It's about finding my feet. I spend every day trying to feel like "me" again, and it's been the most difficult thing I've ever done. I still feel very far from the person I used to be.

Thank you for listening/reading, I appreciate it. I have so much respect for everyone on this forum, I feel I have it easy in comparison. Keep on keeping on.

[SilentTrice]

Hi I'm 25 I've been living with Bipolar I since 2009. I've tried to kill myself several times and nearly put myself in coma twice. After my last episode that landed me in the hospital for a week, I'm finally at a stable state. Due to my meds and activeness in my treatment. Even though I'm stable I still have my good days and my bad and need somewhere I can release the tension. My therapist thought what no better place than a forum so that way not only am I releasing stress, I can get feedback about what's going on as well.