[Xycin]

Hello, bit nervous...

I am 30 yrs old and have 1 son (8 yrs old). I was diagnosed last year as Bipolar 1. I also cope with anxiety/panic disorder. I've had one very short stay in the hospital, scared me enough that I don't admit when something is wrong half the time now. I was doing a lot of painting after that but hit a low point and lost all motivation. I am currently still rising out of the low, according to my doc, but for the past few weeks I have been stuck in this weird middle. It's like I am feeling everything at once, including paranoia, but can't and don't know what to do about anything. I'm not stable but I'm not unstable. I'm not really sure what I am right now. Hoping to find some clarity here.
~Carrie

[cschaffner]

I am new here and want to make sure I'm in the right place. My 19 year old son has bipolar and my wife and I are just looking to understand and receive support as we try to guide him into recovery.

[blackwhitered]

Hi, I'm new here. I was recently diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I think it's bipolar II as I've never had a full manic episode. I guess I just want to relate to people here. For example, I hate taking my meds for various reasons including the loss of my hypomania...

[laine9]

[FONT="AriMe:
Hi- I am Bipolar and sometimes.... I feel as if I cannot be Bipolar even a minute longer....
Yesterday was one of those days and really today is too! The following words have been taken from a text conversation I had yesterday afternoon:

ME: And I sometimes lack impulse control or very hard for me to TRY not to do something very stupid like.... talk to a ******- 1:09 PM
Me: it's weird how "in my head" this is for mostly just WANT IT like the ritual must give me structure.... interesting 1:11 PM
Me: okay fine.... the ****** not as thinkable now 1:14 PM
Me: Hi- good! I miss you 1:15 PM
Me: Honey...., instantly overwhelmed with an ocean of fluid stress--- 1:18 PM
Me: it is like turning your back on a rising tide or --- more like falling asleep at "No Surf" at Sunset Cliffs* and awaking to your dog barking and water everywhere- 1:24 PM
Me: I mean... I am okay, but it's the consuming nature of my bipolar mind ... it scares me i am crying, and yet -- i know it will change-pass into a different current.... but when and how much time will be needed for it to feel like home in my brain again?! 1:29 PM
Me: I read my text and feel trapped! I am so different than the roller coaster erected inside my brain!!! 1:32 PM
Me: And now.... for a moment, i feel much like the sand must feel at the beach... a vulnerable constant victim -raped by the oceans' saltwater - stripped clean yet strong- still standing... shiny bright and and still inviting...a dark beaconing to be taken by that which gives it life--- 1:40 PM
Me: wow - I am what? bipolar burden so ****ing strangely deep that no one cares? Do I get to live down beneath the rabbit hole and have no merit? 1:46 PM
Me: 13 messages... that stuck in my head! i hate self absorption....sorry to clutter your phone with my sickness === 1:49 PM
Me: maybe i will go talk to a ****** 2:02 PMal"][/FONT]

[intergalactictraveler]

I do things out of order, so I started posting, now I'm introducing myself. I'm Mark, 62, married, history of depression since I was a teenager, then jumped into rapid cycling bipolar after my dad died in 1989. Got to the point I couldn't hold a job and ended up in the NIMH. I was stabilized but couldn't afford the med(Nimitop) so the county pdoc tried several other meds, all which made me sick, and I remained unmedicated but stable for 13 years, working full time and getting married. In 2004, my illness came roaring back as what turned out to be treatment resistant ultradian cycling, quit working full time at the end of the year and started on the medication merry-go-round while I worked part time. With each year or two, my illness worsened and by 2010, could barely work. Applied for SSDI in March, 2011 and it was granted two months later.

The marriage is dysfunctional, my physical health is declining and I'm debating whether or not to leave the marriage, not that that will make everything better, but because my wife is an alcoholic, from an alcoholic family and I've been subjected for many years to her verbal and emotional abuse(she might have borderline personality disorder)so along with my psychiatrist, seeking a clinical psychologist. I believe I know what I need to do but my self-confidence has been seriously eroded and I need some space with mental health professional to sort out the issues.

I've been fight severe depression for 30 of my 40 years. I was diagnosed about 10 or so years ago w/ bi polar disorder. My doc suggested I look for some support online to learn how to cope w/ the disorder from people who have it, and have learned to deal w/ it in there lives.

Thanks

[intergalactictraveler]

Originally Posted by wny-er

Hi, I am Alexandra... Alex for short.

I've been disabled from and living with bipolar for around 22 years at this point. I cannot work at all because when I do I become totally manic and as everyone knows here that kind of ruins everything. It's only been the last 8 or so years that I have had a functioning life. I find it amusing because most people in my life don't even know I had it and can't figure out why I am disabled.

I feel that people who don't have it just don't understand so I never talk about it with anyone but my psychiatrist. Frankly I am tired of not being understood. I recently read a book that had a link leading here, so here I am. I have not had any support or even known anyone else who has this for a bunch of years now. Just found an offline support group I am going to go check out next week.

Anyway, it would be nice to feel I am not alone anymore and also be somewhere that people don't use the word "bipolar" as an insult.

Thanks for being here!

Alexandra,

When people meet me, I know they don't think I'm bipolar and disabled until I tell them. For all outward appearances, I'm calm, reasonable, courteous and friendly. They can't know the turmoil and psychic storm that's raging in my brain. Let them see me when I'm in the throes of a raging mania and a migraine, which I was in the midst of this weekend. They'd run away from me as fast as they could, lol. Even my wife is scared by what she see's. To make it worse, I'm treatment resistant, so even the psychiatrists I've encountered don't know what to do for me. But you're here in a welcoming, comforting community. The world will think what it wants to think. Our only job is to live and thrive in the best way we can.

[EternalWinter]

Hello im new here. I grew up with an alcoholic dad, I was always trobeled in school, could never behave my self, first time I got expelled was grade 3 during my parents temporary two year break up. I always never cared about how well I done in school I dropped out in grade 10 to work and I let alcohol take control over my life very quickly. after putting my self in a number of bad situations that almost got me killed, I seen a doctor who referred me to a Pdoc where I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder.

I wish it ended there but I had my doubts, the first med didnt work so I just, continued to self destruct for another two years, had a baby on the way. Not being there for my daughter hurt a lot, but thank god her mom was a good mother. when I finally went to rehabilitation I got ahold of him to make another appointment as soon as I got out. Things are much better now, I no longer drink and im working to get my mood under control, I see my daughter every week whenever I can. Its been 10 months on lithium and it helps a lot but I wish things were better. I am 20 years old and it feels like I threw so much time away I could have spent bettering my self. Its like life is still just beginning. I need to work on my responsibilities a lot

[EternalWinter]

@blackwhitered
I hate being on meds as well. I am suppose to be taking seroquel + 1200 of lithium But I only take 600 - 900 of lithium. Nothing else.

I also hate loss of hypo mania it makes going out much less fun. But I still get it with the dose im taking, but then unfortunately I have to deal with the inevitable depression.

Sometimes I think is worth it, I get hypo mania much more often then I get depression. So I guess my way of doing it is just kind of going halfway with the meds. But I dont recommend that. I might be ok doing that, you or somebody else might not be

[A Red Panda]

Hey...

28 year old female here. Not currently diagnosed with anything, but am going to be starting that process. Currently taking sertraline as I finally went to the doctor about depression - while she was asking me questions she started to ask about energy and mood and whatnot, and I was rather panicky being there, so I went "I'M NOT MANIC!" and made zero sense afterwards. I'm not even sure what she thinks of me as I don't remember what I said aside from that.

Went to talk to a psychologist afterwards, and he brought up bipolar after being in there talking with him for an hour. I was mixed between feeling horrified and relieved, because I've suspected it on and off since I was 16. Was trying to get the courage to mention it myself but it didn't seem to be happening (figured I should mention it based on my reaction at the doctors!). He told me I need to get a referral to a psychiatrist from my doctor when I'm at my next appointment.

So I've opted to seek out some refuge here, seeing as I've been lurking around for the past few weeks!

[RollingWheel]

Hi My name is Steve. I have recently been diagnosed with Bi Polar by my psychiatrist who I have been seeing for about 6 years. My initial diagnosis was anxiety disorder with depression. Mental illness runs in my family, with my father and sister having Bi Polar. While I shouldn't be surprised I am still a little shell shocked with the news. I currently taking Effexor 75mg, Abilify 5mg and Seroquel 300mg. Not sure if those meds or doses are going to change.

[gary290]

Originally Posted by RollingWheel

Hi My name is Steve. I have recently been diagnosed with Bi Polar by my psychiatrist who I have been seeing for about 6 years. My initial diagnosis was anxiety disorder with depression. Mental illness runs in my family, with my father and sister having Bi Polar. While I shouldn't be surprised I am still a little shell shocked with the news. I currently taking Effexor 75mg, Abilify 5mg and Seroquel 300mg. Not sure if those meds or doses are going to change.

Hi Steve. Welcome! I'm Bipolar also. Psych Central has been a good place for me. I hope you enjoy it.

Gary

[Peeps]

I'm Peep. I was finally diagnosed with BiPolar Type II, after years of going on and off anti-depressants (as well as meds for ADHD...) I'm stuck in the "down" part of my cycling... have been for more than a year. I'm not sure if I'm on the wrong meds or what. I take Lamictal as mood stabilizer and Abilify for depression. Lately, I have been grieving my mania. I know how destructive it can be but I also know how productive I feel, at the beginning at least. I have been with my psychiatrist for over a year but will meet with a new therapist on the 29th of May. I'm both nervous and excited to begin a new chapter in therapy. First, though, I suspect I'm going to need to adjust my meds again. My psychiatrist has recently also suggested ECT...which is scary beyond words. I look forward to meeting and chatting with you guys along the way. Thanks for the support.

[BPDBIPOLARME]

Originally Posted by Peepshowgirl

I'm Peep. I was finally diagnosed with BiPolar Type II, after years of going on and off anti-depressants (as well as meds for ADHD...) I'm stuck in the "down" part of my cycling... have been for more than a year. I'm not sure if I'm on the wrong meds or what. I take Lamictal as mood stabilizer and Abilify for depression. Lately, I have been grieving my mania. I know how destructive it can be but I also know how productive I feel, at the beginning at least. I have been with my psychiatrist for over a year but will meet with a new therapist on the 29th of May. I'm both nervous and excited to begin a new chapter in therapy. First, though, I suspect I'm going to need to adjust my meds again. My psychiatrist has recently also suggested ECT...which is scary beyond words. I look forward to meeting and chatting with you guys along the way. Thanks for the support.

Hey Peep

I am Bipolar II as well and also have Borderline Personality Disorder. I take Lamictal as well. I know how those down cycles feel and I would be freaked out by ECT as well. I am trying Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) with my therapist. Maybe you should discuss this with your new therapist...it might help.

[BPDBIPOLARME]

Hi

I was dx with Bipolar II and Borderline Personality Disorder last March. I am happy for this dx because I have been dealing with these disorders fo 10 years without a name. I have finally found a great therapist who GETS me. I also have a good psychiatrist and we r still working on finding the cocktail that works for me. I have lost friends, relationships, and have almost killed myself due to these diseases. I used to drink to get rid of the horrible feelings. I no longer drink and I am going to dialectical Beehavioral Therapy (DBT) classes once a week. I am also going to support groups and therapy 2x a wk. I have a job that can be VERY stressful. However, I still have a lot of anxiety, alot of hypomania and delusions. My depressions arent as bad as they once were, but still need to be adjusted by meds. I hope my strength can outwit my disease and that I can maintain this job.

[abefroman]

Hey everyone. Also newly diagnosed and new to the forum. I was diagnosed as BPII a few weeks ago. I have been dealing with bouts of depression for the last 4-5 years that I thought were "normal" and (what I know realize) hypo-mania. I finally saw a Psychiatrist 2 years ago and she was treating for depression/anxiety. Unfortunately I had a MAJOR depression episode that I am still in 2 months ago. After a month she diagnosed me as BPII. My dad was also Bi polar and battled depression. He self medicated and unfortunately died at the young age of 50 18 years ago from alcoholism. I told myself i would never be "like that" and convinced myself nothing was wrong and all was Ok. I guess I was wrong.

Anyway, just wanted to say Hi and I will try to be as supportive and as helpful as i can.

[Nycoma]

Hi Everyone, I have BP1 with Psychotic features, as well as PTSD and Anxiety disorder.

There are not many support groups in my area, so thankfully we have the internet to turn too. I just received my disability after a 4 week "partial in-patient" program, several appts with doctors and was accepted right away. I was happy to be recognized that I am not faking this and at the same time sort of ........not sure of the word I want to use, that all these doctors agree that my brain is pretty messed up and working is not in my best interest.

I am seeing a Psychologist now, working on my PTSD and BP issues. She is fantastic and scares the crap out of me just enough so that I know she is not going to take any of my BS and will not let me get away with lying to her. She can see right though me - she's good. She gives me "homework" and does write it down and expects to see when i see her again. I have never had a dr. like this.

Well, that's me in a nutshell (no pun intended)

"I am more than they see, but they can't see me"
Lamictal (300mg) Zoloft (25mg) Klonopin (.5mg at night) Klonopin wafter (as needed)

[1948kate]

Thanks for being here. My name is Kate, I have bipolar II and PTSD. I'm still struggling to get the meds right. I have a great psychiatrist and an awesome therapist, but the suicidal ideation won't stop. My recent hospitalization definitely triggered my PTSD so even the doc agrees hospitalization is not an option. Any suggestions?

[Nycoma]

I had the same issue when I was hospitalized, my PTSD increased due to some issues there. One thing that did help, besides my incredibly awesome psychologist - is I did a 4 week Partial In-patient. It was more general based, but did help some. Was there 5 hours a day, people were great and there were many resources available. It is individualized.

Meds are tricky, I am on Lamictal, Zoloft and Klonopin. It works, but they can't increase the Zoloft because it makes me manic if they do. I am usually mixed states, but mania has been dominate lately. and I have psychotic features when I am manic - so it's a whole big mess. I have had to explain to my drs that even though I have suicidal ideations (to me it's normal anymore), usually it's not that I really want to die, I just want it all the just stop. I am tired of being "sick." When i'm manic I tend to get tattoos, fighting the urge now, since it's been a decent 2 week run so far this time.

I am working with Psychologist now about the PTSD, and she is ruthless. I love her to death, she gives me homework for next time I see her and she does check to make sure I am staying on track.

[hermitix]

Hello.   I am a 25 year old female who was diagnosed with OCD when I was a teenager.   Last year I was diagnosed with ADHD.  A few months after this I was diagnosed with "mood disorder" after having a few hypomanic episodes. A week or two ago, I had what seemed like a depressive or mixed episode.   I went to the pdoc and asked her about the mood disorder diagnosis.   She told me it was actually noted in my chart as bipolar NOS. My aunt on my dad's side of my family has bipolar disorder (not sure if it's I or II). A couple of my family members on that side of the family have tried to commit suicide for reasons I do not know (bipolar?).  Anyhow, that is my story.  I am going to explore this topic more with my psychologist next week. Thanks for reading.

[olivearchaeology]

Hi everyone!

My name is Olivia and I'm a 22 year old student in San Francisco. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II after being misdiagnosed with clinical depression and having a bad reaction to the medications. I also suffer from Anxiety disorder, and PTSD. Bipolar has made the past few years of my life incredibly difficult to get through, especially with school. It's ruined my relationships and sometimes feel like I've completely screwed myself out of ever being successful . However, I finished my first semester for the first time in a year and a half after recently taking mood stabilizers! I'm starting to feel like a fairly functional human being for once and am actually pretty optimistic. I just wish I got help sooner. The diagnosis makes most of my life make a lot of sense now.

'm currently taking 50 mg of lamictal and .5 mg of clonezepam. So far it's been great but I'm worried about taking too much of the lamictal (i take iit easy with the clonezepam)? I haven't felt much effect in the difference in dosage. Is there such thing as being over prescribed mood stabilizers?

Nice meeting you all!

[Muppy]

Hi, I'm Leigh. I have Bipolar, Adult ADD, and PTSD. I'm fairly stable now with my meds but still having problems with depression. In truth, I do have a reason to be depressed. In the past 2 1/2 years my youngest son died. He was bipolar and suicidal so he called the EMT's to take him to ER and placed in hospital. The doctor prescribed opiates and diazepams and my son went into respiratory arrest, spent 5 days on live support and was an organ donor. My husband is 17 yrs. older than I am and he's been very sick during the last year. He's had both kidney failure and cardiac problems. Thank God he seems to be doing better now. But full time caregiving is very draining. And on February 5th my oldest son committed suicide. He also had mental health issues. Don't know how much more I can handle. On the positive side, Bill, my husband is less depressed than he has been before. Hopefully his improved mood will remain so that he will continue to do the exercises that physical therapy taught him. I do have a wonderful daughter. She has Asperger's and Sensory Integration Disorder and uses a guide dog. She's exceptionally bright and is working to develop an organization that will help others learn to train their own dogs for their specific needs. I'm having great difficulty with motivation now.....know what needs to be done but not accomplishing much. So I came here. I hope to meet others and develop friendships.

sorry wrong post

Hi everyone

I am glad I found this forum. I was looking for people who deal with the same issues as myself and their take on it. I have a loving husband who is there for me as much as possible. However sometimes he doesn't understand what I go through.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2 since 2003. Since then it has been a learning process. I try to educate myself on bipolar disorder as much as possible so that I don't have a stigma in my own mind.

I have never been comfortable sharing what i deal with outside of my husband.
I understand though that growth and healing can come by sharing with others and I look forward to this experience.

[Banexatreyu]

Hello everybody. My name is Kyle. Lol I probably should have posted on here first but ooohhh well. Well I don't know exactly when I had my first manic episode. At 18 I was given zoloft for depression. I was good but had energy like crazy. Would work it for 3-5 hours a day. I eventually snapped on a guy that was screwing around on a girl I was dating and I tore his car apart trying to get to him. The latest which caused my family to finally fight to get me to go to the doctor was I quit my job. Moved 6 hours away to be with a girl I barely knew but was sure we would be together and everything was hunky dorey, she kicked me out when I started to lose touch with reality. My mom finally was able to get me. I was put on a ferry in a snow storm with just my dog, a few bags of my clothes, movies, and dog food. My mom said that I was definitely gone. Once again she thought it wasn't normal behavior. Me I just thought that everyone did stuff like that. Well now I have a clearer picture of what's happening. My doctor has me on Carbamazepine right now since my mother and I had to spend 3 hours telling this lady about everything. Pills don't seem to be working though. I do know I have pretty bad depression at times. Tried killing myself once and have cut a couple of times to see how much pressure you had to use to actually cut into your skin. Not with the effort lol. But hanging and gun seem to be my go to thoughts. Sorry I'm probably all over the place here lol. I'm currently in the racing thoughts, happy, starting to get weird kind of stage.