[Margolomania]

I feel like I'm coming down with something... I was on a thread earlier responding to a post. I was fine, I was totally fine! Then as I kept typing, my mind starts swirling, it starts racing and racing, my face and hands and legs start tingling, my jaw feels kind of numb and I'm shaking. I had coffee... I know it triggers hypomania in me sometimes, but I've been depressed and it usually doesn't do so when I'm depressed so I thought I'd be fine. I'm freaking out because I'm at work and I'm alone and I actually have to keep myself together when a customer comes in. I just had one earlier and I wanted to do something erratic, something that would get me fired but I know I can't because I live on my own and no one will take care of me but me. I just... I guess... this is my check-in O_O I feel so restless and excited but want to cry all at the same time. I need a hug

I'm supposed to turn 31 tomorrow.
I am to go to my favorite restaurant tonight with some friends.

Right now though, I'm sitting in the sunlight in my room and posting to the bipolar section of a mental health support board.
...I just kind of got told off for something that I thought was neutral and innocuous, only now I'm left with the feeling that I quite clearly do not belong, reinforced.
It's not anyone else's fault and the offended person isn't mean or anything, they were upset and that's fine.

But there are plenty of things that I don't understand; it creates problems... pretty much everywhere- online, in "real life", in my head.

I'm sad, I can't tell if its a so-called legitimate sadness or a so-called mood episode. But it sucks.

And I feel like I'll be ridiculed for this as well, but... is there a more appropriate place to put this? A right way to say any of it?

I'm not sure if I am being self indulgent and melodramatic and I apologize if that is the case.

I feel a bit lost.
...and thats how my day is going.

[A Red Panda]

Today I went and watched CATS! It was amazing. Then I went to a food festival and my friends didn't show up... which I have realized I'm at the point of expecting it from her!

I also mis-read things TWICE today. I read Westbound as Eastbound on my way to the festival. Literally misread it because I KNEW I was aiming to go Eastbound.. clued in at the first stop which was clearly in the wrong direction.

On the way home from the festival I did the same thing - I KNEW I needed to go Westbound and I READ THE SIGN and it said Westbound... but when I got on the platform it said Eastbound. Clearly I read it totally backwards! At least I noticed that one before I got on the train. ha.

[Moreta]

I feel pretty ok today. Was supposed to go to the sciquarium with my best friend, but the power got knocked off over there, so they're spending today testing the water, so they're closed. We decided that we should go out for lunch though. So we'll still get to see each other. This week I need to get my butt in gear and go walking a lot. I have a month and a half to get up to 3 miles of walking. I can do it, cause i can walk 1.5 miles now, just need to add the other half.

Yesterday and today have been really rough. Very low feelings, and low energy. The low feelings feel the worst in the early morning.

I just have to remind myself that the low, low feelings pass eventually (within a few hours) and I'm "elevated" to sad. Sad I can take. Low is a b---- to get through.

Right now I feel I can make it through the day. It seems when I'm feeling low is when my mind is racing and a barage of negative thoughts overwhelms me. The klonopin helps with those. Anxiety is a big part of my severe depressive thoughts.

I can make it through this day. I hope my brother will call me, as I've requested in an email. At least my husband is home today so there's another warm body.

[wildflowerchild25]

Want to crawl out of my skin today. Hubby took the wrong keys so I can't even go anywhere or do anything because I did it all yesterday.

[Margolomania]

Bored with everything... with life mostly.

[Skittles56]

Here we go again. Insomnia, 4 out of 10. Irritability 8 out of 10. Missing how things were during my last hypomania, 8 out of 10. Hopefully my meds will keep me out of the hospital or jail.

[johnthorne1539]

Bummed. Saw a lot of old friends over the weekend; it was great, but coming back to the emptiness of my apartment is depressing in the extreme. I feel as though they all went back to more rewarding lives: wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, children, good jobs... all I have is too little money for the next month and a half and a lot of stress.

[A Red Panda]

Well. Today I went to an antiques market. Whereupon I purchased 1 new antique camera ($30), and 5 coins. One is a Chinese one from the T'ung Chin Tung Pao dynasty (1862-1875) but I'm not having more luck than that identifying it (it was cheap, $8, so it may even be a fake or something. For $8 I don't care cause I like it, but I'd like to know it's history), a token from a cigarette company that says "GOOD LUCK TOKEN" on it (I thought it was hilarious and only cost $10), one from PEI that says "Success for the Fisheries" which I also found funny, for $5. Then since I had a good chat with the stall keeper (who said that it was unusual for women, especially of my age, to collect old coins) said that he does have older coins they just weren't unpacked yet so to come back later if I was bored. So I did. Whereupon I got an hour long history lesson on the coins he was showing me! It was a great chat, I loved every second. I purchased two more coins from him, for $75 total, as they were sort of a matching set commemorating the formation of Constantinople.

Then I sat in a Starbucks for a drink... and had a guy asking me the MOST random questions. They were definitely making me uncomfortable but I felt rude getting up and leaving while in the middle of my drink... so I stayed. Fortunately he only moved one seat closer to me and not right across from me, and he did NOT ask me out or leave when I left. I seem to attract the odd ones, so once I was sure I was free from his gaze I had a giggle and kept on going (I am past the point of being severely creeped out as long as it's daylight and there's a crowd around.)

Then I went for a 5km hike back to my friend's place, and along the way stopped to watch a pretty cool busker - he was a fire jugglera nd a contortionist.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Skittles56

Here we go again. Insomnia, 4 out of 10. Irritability 8 out of 10. Missing how things were during my last hypomania, 8 out of 10. Hopefully my meds will keep me out of the hospital or jail.

ditto....

[wildflowerchild25]

i think icona pop best describes it right now: you want me down on earth but i am up in space! I LOVE IT!

Still just down..no hypo at all, just the duldrums. Ugh.

I'm actually feeling pretty good right now, positive and optimistic, living in the moment. I love it when I have breaks in the depression like this (if even for a few hours)

I know the day may not run completely smoothly, particularly given my bad depression yesterday and Saturday, but I'll take these breaks when I can get them!

Now I will force myself to walk at least one dog. Have a good day everyone!

[wildflowerchild25]

in space!

[Unknown Shadow]

Today I woke up to a great mood, which is nice change after yesterday's suicidal depression. It's later afternoon here and my mood didn't changed, which is rare for me these days. I'm so happy I want to share my happiness with you all, cheer up!

[lifelies]

Originally Posted by TheAviot

Today I woke up to a great mood, which is nice change after yesterday's suicidal depression. It's later afternoon here and my mood didn't changed, which is rare for me these days. I'm so happy I want to share my happiness with you all, cheer up!

Hi and welcome! I didn't see you here before.
I'm also feeling on a great great mood! I'm feeling happy because we quit smoking, and now we all are trying to be healthier - we started exercising again!
I'm also being friends with e-mail again :P
And I subscribed to a few newsletters about exercise and working out.
I'm feeling great! I also went to the beach. This is amazing!
Allie

[Unknown Shadow]

Originally Posted by lifelies

Hi and welcome! I didn't see you here before.
I'm also feeling on a great great mood! I'm feeling happy because we quit smoking, and now we all are trying to be healthier - we started exercising again!
I'm also being friends with e-mail again :P
And I subscribed to a few newsletters about exercise and working out.
I'm feeling great! I also went to the beach. This is amazing!
Allie

Hello Allie, thanks for your welcome. I'm browsing the forums for quite some time, but I decided to register just a few days ago as I needed to ask something.
By the way, congrats to quitting smoking and starting exercising! Keep it up!

[anneo59]

I was happy to read the positive messages in the last few threads and am glad for you folks! Always nice to hear good news. I myself have been sunshiny as of late, but am finding as I get older, when things change, as they will, and if there is a lot of drama, it is much more difficult for me to stay focused on what I need to do, and what paths I need to follow!!! Maybe a part of getting older. . . .but I just have to keep moving forward! I'm wavering a bit at the moment, but getting ready to get some exercise, and that always helps. . . .and I'm grateful I have the ability to do some physical activity as well! Have a great day, all!

Yep. getting older and with it comes the new dynamics of the same old crap.

lol...

Today....
As with every day...
Just trying to figure out life.
Trying to navigate through a sea of emotions.
So I log onto here, and type away, and respond to posts.
But, I don't want to blow up the boards.
I don't know where else to go.
to get it all out.
I could do my blog again.
But then my wife would find it.
She just doesn't understand some things.
She thinks that I should never cycle and such.
And if I try to post somewhere else, could I really talk?
prolly not, so I come here.
And I blow up the boards.
I don't mean to. But I do.
I guess it's just in the mornings. I just have a lot to let out.
hopefully it actually helps someone.
not just me being annoying.

[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by dumbfounded

Today....
As with every day...
Just trying to figure out life.
Trying to navigate through a sea of emotions.
So I log onto here, and type away, and respond to posts.
But, I don't want to blow up the boards.
I don't know where else to go.
to get it all out.
I could do my blog again.
But then my wife would find it.
She just doesn't understand some things.
She thinks that I should never cycle and such.
And if I try to post somewhere else, could I really talk?
prolly not, so I come here.
And I blow up the boards.
I don't mean to. But I do.
I guess it's just in the mornings. I just have a lot to let out.
hopefully it actually helps someone.
not just me being annoying.

If you need to post here, I don't see why you shouldn't.

I used to blow up the boards, but now that I'm feeling more stable I don't.

[TippPatt]

Good news. Even though I have a very full week, I started Monday off well. I have to be somewhere at 1pm and I actually have 13 minutes BEFORE I have to leave. One of the worst aspects of BP I is to be rushed. Seriously, being pushed that way will make the dark side pop out faster than anything in my life. For me, it's trigger #1.

Have a good day everyone. I hope mine stays on this track for the coming week. Although, my paranoia says it won't, I'm wishing.

[TippPatt]

Dumbfounded - I do it too. Just get it out. We understand, believe me, we do. {{{{HUG}}}}

[comicgeek007]

With the move back to college, I find myself forgetting my meds a lot again.

I'm either hypo or hyper, one of the two. I went to walmart in full cosplay costume and no one gave me weird looks. Classes haven't started yet but I've been hanging out with friends. Setting up for the first role playing game I'm going to game master ever!

I've been really impatient lately.

It's hard to think with all these thoughts and songs rushing through my head. Having trouble sitting still. I composed a whole song in a day, new record for me. It's experimental and a fansong for Storm from the Xmen, so there's a lot of nature and weather sounds in it. I was more proud of it than any other song I've composed thusfar, but I still don't think it's that good. My friends seem to, though. Maybe the irony of it is the songs that I like to create are not the type I like to listen to.

I need to run out and get paint, I ran out of red. I tried to make a purple but the blue didn't play nice with the red and it turned this nasty grey black brown color (how the hell? I mean, you learned blue and red make purple in elementary school). I was going to paint these cool shoes I got for a costume. Another one. I definitely spent too much the other day on stupid stuff and now I'm eating like crazy. Like seriously, all the things were eaten. A whole bag of coconut marshmallows and I'm ready for more! I never eat like this and I'm going to get fat. At least I have a whole jug of V8...

I should probably just post this before I write a novel on here.