life without mania is boring

saw a pdoc last year. was diagnosed with bipolar and social phobia. was given lamictal (mood stabiliser for bipolar) and propranolol (beta blocker for anxiety) and I was so looking forward to going to sleep, being able to listen and talk, basically being a normal being..... but life without mania is so boring having to be in the real world and everything.

ive got ideas as to what to do with life but everything costs money and the bipolar never fully goes away. I can feel happy for some time, then awful but the real mania has gone for good. I just so miss the mania even tho life is safer without it.

I definitely don't want any further meds. does anyone else miss the mania? what did you do?

98% of my mania is angry hateful mess from hell .. I personally do not miss them. I would probably feel different if I enjoyed my Manic times.

My meds have made me a VERY dull boy, and so far I just "live" with it, not really living thought

I kinda have been where u are. In the winter of 2012-spring 2013 I went through a deep depression. I wondered all the time if I "could"
pick mania I would. My depression hurt so bad I never knew depression could have that type of affect.

Fast forward summer 2013 my mania consist of shopping sprees, or doing impulsive things like getting tattoos and piercings.
My other side of mania is MEAN I'm hell bent homicidical. I have been hospitalized twice for trying to kill family members and I lost my job for trying to kill three co-workers. I would love to find a happy medium.

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I feel the same way. Like it seems on meds I can get hypo, but I don't get the energy, and I'm sooooo tired. I was just thinking about that on my drive home today. I wish I could slip off the chemical chains and fly...but I know I risk losing my job and possibly my family if I do that. Plus I only get to enjoy a few days before it turns evil on me, which i definitely don't like. So I guess I have to be happy with average.

im new to psycentral and i think its great ..mania is something now i know i had and feelings of liking to be out of control ....i reflect on them ...but i now have no money left ...i wanted to buy something online yesterday ..but no $$$$ i still really want it but know i can't have it ...its frustrating cause I'm now stable ...

Yes, there are times that I do miss it because it is exciting and can sometimes be fun. I find that I miss it the most when I am depressed. I have dealt with missing it by reminding myself of the destruction mania has caused me. Sometimes I will make a list of the pros and cons and the cons are always a much longer list! I try and find other "fun" activities like working out to engage in.

unfortunately we can't choose how our manias will come out, if they occur. yeah I miss feeling sexy and confident and smart and witty and energetic but I only got that a couple of times. the others were always mixed with mostly depression and anxiety and racing negative thoughts and when I am most dangerous to myself. oh and a depression ALWAYS follows them. Guess I'll go with boring.

I miss the self-confidence and excitement of hypomania. My life feels pretty boring on meds, but when I try to come off I go into depression. If I could stop meds and get hypomanic I would probably do it, but that's not how it seems to go. The other problem is that my hypomanias tend to turn mixed, and then I'm super anxious, agitated, and depressed. So I'm trying to remember the entire reality of what it is like off meds, because it's easy for me to romanticize the good times and forget the bad. I'm trying to come to terms with stability, but I still struggle with it.

goodness yes the tiredness! sometimes I come home and I just collapse on the sofa. sometimes even on the bus when ive only been up a couple of hours, I just wanna sleep. sometimes I can, sometimes I cant at night. lamictal doesn't help with insomnia (for me at least) before I yawned a lot but didn't actually feel tired since my brain wudnt shut down.

you put it so well Curiosity77. that's exactly how it is. indeed one romanticises about the good bits. of course im thankful that I no longer want to step out in front of lorries, and that I don't just lie on my bed trying my hardest to cry but unable to actually feel any emotion. I guess im still anxious and just need more confidence and to find some friends.

I so don't miss the hypo-mania. I was a raging A-Hole!!!! I emotionally abused my ex and my kids..... I had no friends...... I was NOT a nice person.

Not to mention the unbelievably stupid financial deals. I bought a 51' Chevy Truck with a rotten body, no engine, no transmission and...... Put almost $10k into it!!!! Argh......

Yeah, I really don't miss the hypo-mania.

Don't think about the mania as having felt good, remember all the stupid and crazy things you did!

My manias tend to come in the Spring/Summer. They are a good upper because I feel energetic and so creative. I like to write and get most inspired during this time. I never get angry I'm just super happy. But if I had to choose I would just prefer not to be Bipolar at all.

My mom is also Bipolar and I get so anxious because hers can be full of rage where we've had to call the police and I don't feel safe in the house with her.

So far I've only had one manic episode but it was amazing. I thought that the songs on the radio were speaking directly to me. I thought I was god at one point. I thought I could control things that I really couldn't. I was so high I thought nothing would ever bring me down.

i don't miss mania (as in life ruiner mania!) but I miss being hypo. I call it my Wolf. I search for her when i'm down and mourn her when she leaves for the season.

This is exactly why I refused mood stabilisers from the start! Just been prescribed propranolol myself today x

This is a great post. This is something I struggle with some days (while feeling my medicated 'calmed' self.) if/when my energy is stable I sometimes daydream about all of the excitement I no longer experience. Sometimes I feel proud of myself of all efforts Ive made sometimes I just feel, well, somewhat dead. It's funny, there are times when these thoughts are for only a second and there are times when the thoughts go for hours!
I try to remain gentle on myself. I try to accept each issue as they come. I will say staying strong to my medications have had more positive than not. But this little confidence has taken a long time to get to...
It's good to know I'm not alone and sure can relate to all PP, thanks

I must say I am totally struggling with this today! I could get SO MUCH done if I were manic! I guess the lack of energy is really getting me down. My mental state is great but I'm so damn tired I can't do anything. I don't know how to fix that!!!

Im wishing my hypomania was positive and good. Probably 90% of the time I'm just easily agitated. I wish I could be happy for more than just a couple of hrs. Winter time really takes a toll on me. Hopefully the spring & summer lift my spirits

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Im also hoping that this Lamictal works. I hope it doesn't take away the very few good moods that I do have

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Baseline is normal, or the closest we can get to normal. Each of our baselines is different. Mine is boring too. But I am never "normal". And glad of it too. I agree, normality is very boring and some times even very scary. And oh yes, very predictable too lol.

I have only been full manic 2 or 3 times that I can recall out of 30 years. Most of my episodes are mixed, depression, hypomania and baseline. The only time I rely on meds is when I am depressed or baseline (for a pick me up). I'm currently starting a mild hypomania period. I'm cleaning out my garage and office. Also noticed I am cycling back to my interests in electronics. I go thru phases and abandon them eventually. Some times I start new ones or I recycle old ones. I'm being flooded with ideas now on projects I want to start. I'll enjoy this as long as it lasts and of course will eventually abandon it or fall in to depression.

I'm off all meds right now except for serequel to help me sleep. I'm feeling great for now. And have been for the past 2 weeks. I expect that I will eventually change soon. To what I'm not sure. It will either be depression, mixed, or baseline. I'm also enjoying a little hallucinations too.

I miss it, but it reminds me of gambling or playing russian rullet but eventually it ends badly.
I don't want it to control me, but I love it at the same time...

Oh yes, mania, that 3 month period where I was convinced I was going to move to California to become a porn star. While at the same time going to night clubs 4 days out of a week.

Lets not forget that random trip I took to Oklahoma City for who knows why and drove 110 mph the whole way there while miraculously not getting a speeding ticket. Later that same night I decided to skip paying at the turnpike so that made up for no speeding ticket...I literally thought I was "Lord Zach of 5 o'clock Traffic".

All those English papers I poured my manic heart out onto were loved by the entire class...then mania ended and I sank into a depression that had me so ashamed of what I'd written that I didn't show up for class anymore. (turns out, after I dropped out, that teacher emailed me and said the papers were really good anyways so that's still a plus :-D)

Yeah, that mania ended and I sank into a depression that had me drop out of college as a freshman and lose my spot on a top 5 in the country d2 sports team...

All that being said...yeah I miss it a lot even though I know it's bad for me.

A year and a half ago, I was given an effective dose of Librium. Since then, all my bipolar nightmares have vanished (i.e. mania, mixed-state, and depression). I don't miss any of it - except now I have some unbelievable stories to tell. May be I'll get to be an infamous Colorado outlaw after all if I can get published.

Perhaps you should look at this a different way. How do the people around you feel about the lack of mania?

Those of us who are usually loners, except when hypo/manic, I think don't deal with many people anyways...so it kind of doesn't occur to us all the time.

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