[gruvingal]

I have been fighting with SSA and doctors for over a year and a half about my physical condition. I was supposed to start PT this week and of course it hadn't been approved by medicare yet. The referral was made three weeks ago, but now because the PT doc isn't in my network it is taking longer. I haven't seen my therapist for almost a month because of vacations, labor day, etc. I have hired an attorney and also wrote to my congress woman about the fact that I have tremors and the meds I take for pain, etc. no one is going to hire me. Still I was denied disability. I am at the ODAR level now and they don't have my CD ready. I don't have any fight left! I have had a lot of suicidal ideation lately and that scares the crap out of me. I was raised Catholic so that is a sin and the only other thing that keeps me from it is my family and children and what it would do to them. I really want to check myself into the hospital. We went to the lake for a week and I felt so free out there. On the way back I could feel myself starting to stress out and just wanted to turn around and go back! I have a hard time dealing with people, traffic, noise, etc. I'm broke all of the time because the state only gives me $197 a month to live on. I want to get on with my life! I'm having way more depression than manic episodes. I start crying and I have a hard time stopping! I'm such a mess.

[strangeone18]

today is a good day i got 4 hours of sleep this morning... and thats a good thing.

[Tucson]

I am here. I am hopeful. My depression has lasted at least one month. Today I feel much better, but I still have no motivation. I have been showering once every three days. Ugh!

[catman1975]

Horrible day. Woke up feeling nauseous with electric shock feelings surging through by body, and it was all dark and stormy outside. Tired of feeling sick all of the time. Beginning to wonder if it will ever get better, or only worse as time goes on. Feeling like it maybe isn't worth fighting. But I don't even know what I'm fighting, could be bipolar, could be chemo side effects, or could be cancer coming back again. No word yet on thyroid tests.

I think if this round of chemo didn't knock out the cancer, I'm not going to take further treatment. It's a question of quality of life, and I don't feel like I have any anymore. What's the sense in fighting to stay alive if you're going to be miserable everyday? Most of the things that I enjoyed in life are now out of reach either for medical or financial reasons, and I'm usually feeling too sick to enjoy the few things that are left. I pretty much feel like my life is already over, I'm just waiting to die. I stopped living when I started getting sick last year. Nothing is the same. The cancer's probably going to come back, but I fear there is much more pain and misery awaiting me before the end. We all know suicide isn't the answer, and besides ... if you botch a suicide in Wisconsin you will be facing criminal charges when you wake up in hospital. Don't need that added to my list of problems. I'll just wait my turn and hope it isn't too slow and miserable.

Hope some of you are having a better day, to top matters off weather knocked out the satellite TV at 11am and I missed The Young and The Restless. Now I don't get to find out if Phyllis wakes up from her coma or if the evil villian Mr. Ian Ward is brought to justice for stealing Sharon's baby.

[Angry1541]

Tired...tired...tired....put in 39 hours of work over Labor Weekend -- including on 26 hour stretch...that's gonna mess me up for a while...I can kinda feel depression setting in....just feeling kinda....meh....

THough yesterday I cleaned the hell outta our house....so there's that accomplishment.

Just gotta keep my head above water now.....cuz I don't want all that cleaning to go for naught cuz I don't care enough to keep it up.

[Phoenix_1]

I think I've finally adjusted to the Cymbalta. It took 2 months. But it's not good for my back pain so there's no point in taking it. Maybe I should go back to imipramine.
I feel like I'm going backwards. I was stable and now I can't get out of bed or leave my apartment. :-(

Sent from my Samsung Note II using Tapatalk

[Pikku Myy]

Typical ups and downs.. feel quite good now. Been keeping myself super busy which always makes me feel like I accomplish something... weather I am happy or sad Guess I have been ok.

[Hopeful Camel]

I'm a tad anxious about not working. Wanting to be awake all the time. Wanting to be on full tilt boogie anxiety brain. Wanting to push myself into the amp-ed up crazy place, but fighting the urge. Stick to the schedule. Stick to the schedule. The bell rings, take my meds. The bell rings, go to bed. The bell rings, get up. I'm in a blah kinda place.

Feeling wary, fearful, and worthless. Unsettled and unsure of reality. Issues are having a field day.
Yeah, that about covers it. Trying to be light, like everything's all cool. But dying inside and screaming into the void.

[Pikku Myy]

One word - sniffles......... and not able to sleep

[tigersassy]

Waiting for an x ray. Have t in the afternoon. Dr is hoping that my ankle is just sprained. I need to get crutches and use them. This will be fun thanks to living upstairs. Good thing is its only $25 for an x ray.

[Love&Toil]

Hugs to all who need them. Slept well last night, doing pretty well today, slightly dizzy but this happens from time to time.

[Hopeful Camel]

I'm doing better today. Busy. Forgetful. Mind is here and there. Increased Lamictal seems to be helping the depression. Want to get off of the clonopin but that will have to wait until things are more settled. Yeah, right. Like that day will come.

[pommybt]

Hopeful Camel u have just made me realize something, I have only been diagnosed 3 months ago, so trying this med that med. everyone is expecting me to get the right meds and just be normal again. I've just realized yes meds will help but I'm still going to get different episodes. So far non of the meds are helping.

[tigersassy]

No broken bones. Just severe sprain. Still have to use crutches and stay off it as much as possible and wear an air cast support thing. This should be interesting because I walk everywhere. Except work.

[Hopeful Camel]

Originally Posted by pommybt

Hopeful Camel u have just made me realize something, I have only been diagnosed 3 months ago, so trying this med that med. everyone is expecting me to get the right meds and just be normal again. I've just realized yes meds will help but I'm still going to get different episodes. So far non of the meds are helping.

It is an ongoing life process, this med thing. Especially with bipolar. This is a tricky illness and getting the correct medication mixture can be tough, especially since our illness is constantly 'on the move.' Hang in there, be patient [which can be very hard, I know], and keep trying - something WILL get you to feeling closer to fine. Hugs!

[loophole]

Nobody gets these blackout I'm talking about and it's starting to tick me off.. check in

[Hopeful Camel]

Crawling out of my skin today, for some reason. Just really anxious and overly racy mind. Obsessing over every last little thing that is wrong with my life, that I've done wrong, that could be wrong. Mixed state. Slept too much. Feeling sad. Took my prn zyprexa. Not feeling like that is doing the trick, but feel the need to do something. Currently without a tdoc. Need to stop talking to my spouse, and get professional help - but need my job to come through, first. Today, I just want to keep my feet on the ground.

[Skitz13]

Having the most relaxing weekend ever

[Tucson]

I am here at Denny's. I feel OK which is an improvement over last month.

(Had to dig, loophole, but found what you are referring to. Hope you feel a bit better now. )

Me….pretty much the same. It maintains a low level constancy with spells of near unbearability. Which is producing a very undesirable and potentially dangerous reaction that got pretty out of control last night.

(And only because there might be assumptions -- no, it's not cutting. Even the thought of that horrifies me. Not substance abuse either.)

[catman1975]

Not much better today. Shock feelings continue throughout the body, had a very difficult time sleeping last night, and my mood is all over the place. Wondering if this overactive thyroid is contributing to any of this. Hope I can afford to treat it so I can find out. Not enthusiastic about living lately with all that is going on.

[venusss]

aparently I am a Jewish fascist, lol.

Spend my birthday on Prague "Maidan" drank too much coffee, ate close to nothing (was forced on apple and sandwich by one of the Ukrainian organizators ), spoke to too many people, wrecked by feet my standing and walking on cobblestones in pretty shoes. Gotten insulted, but seen people touched by what we do and had few people to thank me and others. Gotten randomly filmed and I hope it was for "these people are cool!" and not "omg wtf, lol" Which makes it worth it.

but now i feel so exhausted in spirit and soul.

[Standup2me]

Ate something (don't know what) that I am allergic to and feel like I want to crawl out of my skin

[Love&Toil]

Wow there are several people here suffering and struggling.

Doing okay. Lots of nightmares and I guess they're part of the reduction of Wellbutrin (withdrawal). It's been 2 weeks, shouldn't it be over already? I'm ready for them to be over now but they're not unbearable.