[Tucson]

I feel better now. There are two stressors. One is dealing with the next door neighbor for help for my mother. She wants more money. She gets right now $25 per hour for her help. She is greedy. This places me in a vulnerable position who has been a good freind of the family, whose help I have needed in the past Another is thinking I damaged an expensive, valued item that I purchased recently. I think this had sent me over edge I have been at for awhile. Silly. But true.

[Curiosity77]

I ran a 10 km race this morning, then spent most of the day resting. Tonight i went to a bonfire party. I was going to stay the night, but i had anxiety, so decided to come home. It was a pretty good day overall, but anxiety really sucks.

[Hopeful Camel]

Woke up feeling blah. Got into a whirlwind of messed up thinking last night, that I couldn't seem to get myself out of. As I was talking to my girlfriend, sounding like a madwoman, I had an out-of-body experience, and was watching myself, thinking, "man, this is messed up." But I couldn't unwind myself.

I'm still feeling a bit wound up this morning. Got up at 4am. Anxious about my depression. Ramping up.

[tigersassy]

Up then down then level then down then level then up. I'm lost in myself. Questioning everything that is and was. I need to spend time with myself, but myself is not myself for long. Maybe mixed maybe stableish. Give it a few days see if it changes. Confusion reigns.

[Manic Trance]

Coming off a high trip, did some stupid things, got to into alcohol, barely slept, paranoid about how I am coming across, now finally depersonalized rather than hypomanic, just spaced out. Gonna listen to the radio, cook, clean, and start to put myself back together. It's crazy to think I'll always be this way. Ugh...

[Manic Trance]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

Up then down then level then down then level then up. I'm lost in myself. Questioning everything that is and was. I need to spend time with myself, but myself is not myself for long. Maybe mixed maybe stableish. Give it a few days see if it changes. Confusion reigns.

AMEN
Thank you guys for being out there!

[catman1975]

Seems like the beta blocker is doing something ... I'm not as panicky and was actually functional enough to accomplish several things I've been neglecting today. I think I can handle this state until I can get the thyroid situation worked out. Was scary for a while there.

[Curiosity77]

My cat is in the hospital, and the prognosis isn't good. Probably 3 months, maybe up to 2 years. Kidney and cardiac disease, and she's lost a kg since last year. She's 16, and i've had her since she was 5 weeks old. She's my best friend, and has been with me through some very dark times. There were times when i would have killed myself, except i didn't want to leave her alone. So she has literally saved my life. Now i'm home by myself, and she is at the vet, and i'm crying. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I am having thoughts of self harm, which i haven't had in years. I don't think i will act on the thoughts though. I actually just took a saphris, which i usually hate, because i'm hoping it will put me to sleep. I don't know if i should restart all my meds to help me cope with my cat being sick, i don't want to, but i might need to. I'm just so sad.

[Downsideup75]

i'm back again and feeling great i am back on abilify and im human again everything is not perfect in fact my life is a mess but it is ok at the moment i woke up this morning so i have to put one foot in front of the other and just do it

[Hopeful Camel]

Funny, yesterday I asked the question in a thread, "Will I ever be happy?" and today I feel happy. Perspective, maybe. My partner bought a book on being a better partner with someone who has BP, and we worked on some things in it together. It was great and really helped us. Great book. I got a lot out of reading it myself. I relaxed, too, yesterday, which is something I don't often allow myself to do. I need to do more of it. I feel positive about the day.

[catman1975]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

My cat is in the hospital, and the prognosis isn't good. Probably 3 months, maybe up to 2 years. Kidney and cardiac disease, and she's lost a kg since last year. She's 16, and i've had her since she was 5 weeks old. She's my best friend, and has been with me through some very dark times. There were times when i would have killed myself, except i didn't want to leave her alone. So she has literally saved my life. Now i'm home by myself, and she is at the vet, and i'm crying. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I am having thoughts of self harm, which i haven't had in years. I don't think i will act on the thoughts though. I actually just took a saphris, which i usually hate, because i'm hoping it will put me to sleep. I don't know if i should restart all my meds to help me cope with my cat being sick, i don't want to, but i might need to. I'm just so sad.

I have 5 cats and help care for hundreds in our program. I know how much love they can give and how much you love them back. 16 is getting up there in years for a cat and it sounds like she's had a pretty good life with you. You might have to accept that her time is coming You're taking the best care of her that you can, I'm sure she feels very loved. And when her time comes, and you've had some time to think, maybe you will decide to rescue another kitty from a shelter or rescue program. I know first hand how many animals need good homes. One of them will steal your heart and you'll be a kitty mama for another 16 years or more.

[Pikku Myy]

I am really having a hard time today. I feel sad, worried and can not stop my mind from thinking. I have no energy, yet I want to go and do something stupid........ blahhhhhhhhhhh.. today sucks so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Moreta]

I had a good day. Cleared 77 errors out of the system. Go me.

[tigersassy]

Better day. Called into work because of last night though. I'll. Be going in tomorrow. I've just been so tired. Trying to develop a routine. Which is really difficult for me. Still a bit sad, but not overly sad. I'm just overwhelmed. Dealing with abusive parents sends my mood all out of whack so that could be part of it. I try to minimize my contact with them because of that, but sometimes I can't. Going to go to bed. After my ankle heals I think I'll take up yoga again. I know it's good for me. Well gotta sleep.

[lilypup]

Good day but didn't do much. Got some technical stuff done on my blog and did it all by myself. Was proud of that. Busy day tomorrow.

[Standup2me]

Stayed home sick today, all I want to do is sleep.

[Tucson]

A better day. I am very happy my daughter is finally taking school more seriously. This is her Freshman year in high school. I have been very lazy today. I did not much of anything.

[sui generis]

I feel like I've been fighting to keep my head above water the past month or so and I've been feeling particularly horrendous this week. Tried to come off lamotrigine because I was convinced that God didn't want me on meds anymore and that my diagnosis was a lie. I've come to my senses now and am taking my regular dose. I managed to call up community mental health today to refer myself to a psychiatrist so I'm proud of that. I really think I should be on an anti-depressant alongside lamotrigine because I keep getting depressed and it's exhausting. I want to be better so very badly and I want to be able to manage this illness. I keep getting a taste of normality and then having it taken away from me and it's driving me insane.

[Manic Trance]

Things are a bit better. Trying to stop drinking for a while and really tighten up my diet and sleep schedule. Make lists, do my calendar, get on a behavioral modification thing. I am not feeling like a complete wreck right now. Thank god!

[Pikku Myy]

blahhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Hopeful Camel]

I am very sad today. Just sort of overwhelmed with the thought that I have to live in this town for the next year to two years. It is so economically depressed, and this house we just signed a lease on has turned out to be a pit. Sometimes I feel cursed. I try to cheer myself up, but it never lasts. The cloud just descends again. I can't stand myself lately. Called the therapist/pdoc office for the second time, still get answering service. Live in remote rural area and they are the only game in town. I feel demoralized.
Buck up. Pull your head out of your ***. Do something!

[tigersassy]

Feeling very very mad. Super angry as a matter of fact. Kinda scary. I'm feeling very strongly about inflicting bodily harm to someone and wound up hitting my desk because of the urges. Hopefully I can maintain control over these urges. If not this could be bad.

[Standup2me]

I am doing okay. I am a bit overwhelmed at work, but I am coping with it

[Sinking Feeling]

The zoloft has started shielding some of my anxiety, tho some times it feels like it's trying extra hard to get thru the shield. I seem to be pretty stable for the most part. Just that damn anxiety still there!

[Tucson]

I am here. My daughter is taking school very seriously. Also she now wants to save money. I think space aliens have abducted my daughter and replaced her with someone else. I like this one better.