This close to losing my marriage

I'm always making mistakes, money mostly. Withdrew our account bad. TBH not wild spending. Mostly necessities, Dr appointment for kids. Food for kids. Laundry. Not much went to frivolous things & not for myself. A few of those charges were those ones what were charged when I had $ in account, going through 4 days later.

I'm constantly berated and told final straw. Kicked out next time.

My husband had been violent. New this before we got together. But how are we going to make it without him? He ignores me unless he wants coffee, food or "playtime, 5 mins worth" then back to computer.

He says no wonder you got your *** beat. The problem is you, he says.

How do I not make irrational decisions, even though I feel my kids have needs? How do I fix this? How do I get better? I want to save my marriage but is it worth it?

I don't feel anything but hatred, disgust and no respect from him.

I can't support myself kids alone. Resources? I don't have just myself to think of.

I love him passionately but know we're not good. Huh knew this 10 years ago when he hurt me bad physically. Only thing keeping that length of good behavior we were separated for 8 years.

Been through battered women's programs but I don't know if I'm employable.

Yeah, whine, whine, whine - but where can I get help? Afraid for my kids (very good to them) but afraid for me. Abuse almost killed me before.

How do I be good & responsible?

Leave.
I have 2 kids with my ex husband. I actually asked a therapist when would be the best time to divorce. This was years ago.
Children will pick up on it. They will learn things you may not want them to know. Specifically how he treats you and possibly them.

Leave. Friends, family, support groups, social services and any resource you can find.

I am happy to chat/ email.

((((hugs))) I had a long term boyfriend (5 years) who has kike that. The violences and disrespect attitude only got worse. Not being able to deal with it I went to a Pdoc that also did counseling. He flat out told me to leave.

I know with kids its harder, but there are good family shelters out there. Maybe ask your therapist or call 211.

The problem is not you! It seems to me from what you wrote the problem is him! Your kids have needs & as a mother you feel obligated to supply them. Any mother would.

You want to save you marriage but I think one of the first steps to getting better is to get rid of anything negative. I'm no expert, or marriage counselor but that can't be good on you

You may not be able to support your kids on your own but there are plenty of resources out there that can help you. Being a single mother with children can get you all the benefits that you would need to survive. You would have to talk to someone about what kind of relationship you are in but they would be able to help you find somewhere else to go.
It would be hard, and stressful at the beginning but I believe it would be well worth it in the end.
Everyone deserves to be happy, and you are no different. A happy mother makes for happier kids.
I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

Ha! Never post at 2 am when full of emotion & sleepy. How very dramatic and full of typos. (And really? Should I care about that when the gist of it is misery and fear?)

I can't edit or delete. He'd be pissed if he read it.
I'm not that worried he'll read it because he never tries to understand bipolar.

Anyway I knew he was like this before getting back with him but he was nicer, and I thought the problem was me. I read a familiar post by another PC member and agreed nothing is worth the abuse. Not her fault.

But if I didn't keep making stupid mistakes I sometimes think it is my fault. Yet is it? Like the time I thought he was gaming & turned on the bedroom light. Woke him up & he flipped the bed, and all the furniture in the living room?

He is so good to the kids & they are close enough to legal age that if I hang on 3 more months I won't have to worry about them. (I am afraid only for providing for the kids, not ever him hurting them).

Classic. It does not get better, even if I have in so many ways. Why can't he see that?

I went thru a very abusive relationship..... The best thing I ever did was to get out and feel safe. It is scary sweetie There is a lot of support out there for women and children like you and me. It is still hard for me to admit what happened and the constant fear/stress almost made me bubble over. Hope you get to feeling better soon

i have no idea what you are going through
we focus on self-care to prevent episodes... i think living in a calm, safe environment should be top of that list.
im sure the descisions youre facing must be monumental. so much to work out. rock and hard place stuff.
i hope youre able to do what you probably know is the right thing to do.

I never thought I'd go back. 8 years later I did. Sigh. My need to be loved & cared for overruled reason. He does put up with a lot but when does that become so dangerous and potentially deadly.

I wonder if I think, and it's perpetuated, who would ever want me? I've been through shelters (safe but difficult). Plus he found out where I was. Arrogance had him delivering pizza there in my name so he let me know he knew where I was.

I think I attract the unhealthy. Like magnet for sick plus sick. Thanks for listening. I know it's not going to get better, even if I tow the line.

It will get better Keep telling that to yourself sweetie... I know it can

Um if I leave maybe. This afternoon he broke my glasses off my face, tried to pull out the bridge in my mouth, cutting my chin. Crumbled my glasses. Called me useless stupid ***** in front of my kids. Dowsed me in three cups of coffee. I think I have a black eye.

I pleaded not to do it in front of them. He said I should be thankful they were there. (Saving me from worse fate). I am practically blind without my glasses but maybe I can finally see. He's not better.

Over money. Not lying, cheating, back talk.

Time to get the hell out of dodge (ball).

Sigh. It only gets worse.

Dear not Alice,
I honestly wish I could help you somehow. I also was involve din relationships where the person who was suppose to love and cherish me abused me both mentally an physically. There are programs for mothers to go back to school and become employable.
I pray you have the courage to take that step and begin a new life for yourself and your children. You are a wonderful person and anyone who tells you otherwise is simply trying to control you.
You are not whinin gjust simply it sounds like tired of living the life you have for how many years?
Please do it for your children they need you!

Stop hoping he will treat you better or waiting for the right time or blaming your Bipolar thats manipulation and gaslighting.

Regardless of your Bipolar NO ONE deserves to be treated this way... It doesnt matter that he treats the kids well ... How will you explain to the kids that your glasses are broken? How will you explain the black eye? You kids are not little trust me they probably know more than you think .

You need to leave him, leave him now! Sure a shelter is going to be tough and going through the process of getting the help you need is tough.

Whats to say he wont kill you next time ?? Your children will never get over that , never

Your a human being that deserves to be treated with respect, caring ,trust , not being hit at his whim regardless of your Bipolar ... Bipolar has nothing to do with it .. You left him once, leave him again .. A shelter can move you out of the area.

You deserve to be safe . You dont have a marriage you live with an abuser emotional and physical.

They were there when he did it. No explanations needed, but how does it further scar them. Unforgivable. How could he? He said he was sorry but I have to do everything perfect or else...

Your kids have seen him abuse you? .. How will this scar them further ??? So they have witnessed this maybe many times before I guess ? This will affect them for ever .

This may cause confusion in there own relationships .. If you have a daughter maybe she will think relationships are like this? Maybe a son would think its ok to treat women this way.

"Sorry" doesn't fix a damn thing ... Your fitting the "typical beaten woman" you make excuses for him and allow him to continue. He has you believing that your "mistakes" make it okay to be abused. I dont care if you went out and blew through every last dime there is NO reason on earth to be hit and abused.

Really step back and look at your situation ,, would you want this life for your children or friends? I suspect the answer would be .. No .

Get out of there Alice and or call the cops... Do keep us informed how you are doing sweetie

First time the witnessed it. 17-2 months from 18, and 19. They are not afraid for themselves, just me. Fortunately never had to grow up like that. They say they're not afraid for themselves & they are out of the house soon. They know there is no excuse.

Do I need to get out? Yes. I suggested going to my moms but he says I'll be cheating and That's it. How stupid. But where will my boys go? I'll hold out, do whatever he wants. Get a job until I can figure a plan. Yes, I do have one. Docs in place, etc. ready for quick run.

You have no idea how horribly bad this is scaring your kids. It's scaring them tremely.. stay.and they will if not already think this is all ok... imagine what these kids are gonna go looking for when there looking to date? If you cant do it for yourself.. plz please do it for your kids... the last straw dropped a long time ago.. get out and deal with figuring it out later before you end up in the er and the kids suffer more head trauma emotionally.. this is seriously nothing at all to be wishy washy about

I hope you leave. You are better off without him in your life. No one should be expected to deal with violence especially from "Loved ones" Good Luck

Whatever you do, don't play the victim role. Move on with pride.

You can change yourself and your reactions but you can't change other people. Its futile to try.

Find some useful hobbies. Stuff that can separate you from your husband emotionally.

As for the money issue, all I can suggest is what I do in my life. Value life not things. Minimalize. Buy foods that make you healthy not taste good...go out to eat if it is truly needed. If its for socializing, why not a walk instead?

Coming from a guy BTW and I'm a Biploar I.

I have watched two sisters go through similar things and I know it isn't easy to leave, even when everyone tells you to go.

It's just horrible I'm so sorry. Doing that to you in front of kids is abusive to them as well!
Hoping to help motivat you to get the f out of there. The violence always gets worse could lead to your death. This is dangerous to stay. I know the feeling of needing financial support from him. I think that's why a lot of women stay. Please get out of there. Stay at moms. Get on assistance. Request emergency assistance. Please don't be afraid to report him for the violence. But be safe & get out of there!!

He is a criminal. Call the cops. Aggravated assault, he belongs in jail for awhile.

I have found that IMO abuse never ends. They just promise it will go away.

Alice I'm sorry to read your story. But what everyone is saying is really true. I have a friend when we were all younger that was in an extremely violent relationship and without a massive story me and my wife helped here get out of it but it was very tough for her. We are all a bit older now and she has found a real bloke that cares for here and their kids. It really can happen.

For yourself and more so for your kids. This violence does have an effect. I grew up and my mum stayed through this kind of disgusting behavior and as much as I think I didn't turn out bad I have always had issues with getting violent not with ladies but even still its some thing that i have had to work on all my life.

Sorry if this rambles a bit I've had a tough last few days and have just stumbled on this forum.

All the best Alice.