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#876
Oct 08, 2016, 01:10 PM
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Kind having a rough time today. My son is staying with family. I don't know why, but when he is gone my anxiety is worse. Plus when he is gone I want to do more things than are humanly possible to do in the period of time he is gone. I end up feeling guilty.
Nearly had a meltdown in the grocery store just now. Times are rough financially, and I only had $40 to feed my son and I this week. I should just be happy I had $40. |
 Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bizi, gina_re, Moose72, Nammu, OctobersBlackRose, Unrigged64072835
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#877
Oct 08, 2016, 05:09 PM
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Have a headache and a tooth ache. Having a lot of anxiety today, wrote a chain analysis on it, they're actually hard to do, they kind of frustrate me cause I have to analyze what is.causing my anxiety even it comes out of nowhere, blah DBT homework for my individual therapy sessions, I already do diary cards and vendiagrams (sp?) I feel like I'm in school all over again, and I hate homework, but have to do it anyways. Don't get me wrong, I like.DBT, I'm just venting about the addition of more.homework on top of what I already have, plus working on my skills. Well how will I learn if I don't do it? That is what I always ask myself.
Cooler weather here, more Autumn like yay, my favorite season! And my favorite month of the year, hence the fact October is in my user name, besides being born in this month. Positive thoughts for the day, yay Fall weather, yay Autumn, and yay October!!!  ❤
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Wir sind was wir sind English We are what we are MDD w/psychotic features, BPD |
| bizi, Unrigged64072835, VerMOZZica
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#878
Oct 08, 2016, 05:59 PM
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Pretty good day today. Got my nails done and made a delicious lasagna for dinner. Helped husband fix the stairs to the garage. Got a good walk and a nap in. The garage and car is now clean.
I'm ready for the cooler weather. I now have jeans and shoes that fit, plus some new tops. I just need some new leggings and socks. |
| bizi, OctobersBlackRose
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 Nammu
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#879
Oct 08, 2016, 07:57 PM
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Slept a lot today (due to shoulder injury flare up, not a medication problem). Feeling better enough, so I'm trying to stay busy while I'm awake.
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| bizi, OctobersBlackRose
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#880
Oct 08, 2016, 08:38 PM
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Took a shower i was overdue for. Enjoyed my dog. Hung out at the mall. Listened to online radio. Stuck to my diet.
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| bizi, OctobersBlackRose
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#881
Oct 08, 2016, 10:33 PM
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had honey fried chicken for dinner tonight, was delicious!
bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
| OctobersBlackRose
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#882
Oct 08, 2016, 10:42 PM
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All is well after a trying day. My daughter is visiting a new friend. My mother is sleeping for now. She moved the controller to the TV somewhere. I think I should read instead.
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Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, OctobersBlackRose
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#883
Oct 08, 2016, 11:04 PM
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Bipolar blows. I'm Lefty the Salesman and I approve this message.
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| Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bizi, OctobersBlackRose, Unrigged64072835, xRavenx
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| jacky8807, Nammu, xRavenx
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#884
Oct 09, 2016, 06:29 AM
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Quote:
helusinations suck too which is why what was turning out to be good mood saturday got ****ed up blah |
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#885
Oct 09, 2016, 10:03 AM
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Fell asleep last night before I took my meds...I know one missed dose isn't the end of the world I just hate when I do that. Today should be a quiet day...need to get some cleaning done, nothing else planned
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Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| OctobersBlackRose
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#886
Oct 09, 2016, 10:12 AM
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Went to the range with my husband and son yesterday. I just went to be with them I didn't do any shooting. It was boring just sitting there being a third wheel but at least I got to spend time with them.
The place was so far out into the boondocks that I could never find it again without my son taking me there. Miles and miles of gravel roads. I bet it was 6 to 7 miles to any road other than gravel. No cell phone service. I kept thinking if I had the money I would move there. Then I would be away from people and couldn't bother anyone if I had a manic episode. Hope I win the lottery because I am going to move so far out that nobody could possibly see me manic again. |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, OctobersBlackRose
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#887
Oct 09, 2016, 03:26 PM
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Another quiet day. Husband thinks I'm feeling down, but it's hard to tell. I just feel tired and I take a nap, or try to. I don't know.
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| Anonymous59125, OctobersBlackRose
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#888
Oct 09, 2016, 04:05 PM
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Really nervous about going to the place.that does.neuro-psych testing tomorrow and seeing if it is the one that did my testing. I'm 99.999 percent sure it isn't the right on based on the business card, but my Dads Gf recognized the outside of.the building, went inside and recognized the inside of the building, and I think the waiting room too. But here's the catch, it's on the second floor.of.the building, and I remember it being on the first floor of the building, that's why I'm so.sure it isn't the right place, but still going tomorrow incase it is the correct place, but I'm pretty sure it isn't. But a lot of anxiety over it, mostly cause I'm getting frustrated that I was never sent the report in the first place, and I accidentally threw.out the business.card for the place.I went to, so my report is either gone forever or stuck in limbo. But they're are the only ones that do neuro-psych testing in the area I was taken to, and the road.it was on. So I don't know, I really don't, I'm probably going to have to get new testing done, and idk if my insurance will cover any of it (it did last time, 6 units, same insurance company in 2012 before I was put on my Dads insurance, that I have now, cause I just changed insurance back to the one I was on before last month). But if they no longer cover anything, then I don't know how I'm going to pay for new testing, my Dads Gf says there are charities that may help pay, but idk how to look into that. Ugh it's so frustrating...
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Wir sind was wir sind English We are what we are MDD w/psychotic features, BPD |
| Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bizi, p00dlez
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#889
Oct 09, 2016, 05:12 PM
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Doing well so far on this wellbutrin thang. Lots of motivation. ...more than I know what to do with lol. But it's a good thing.
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| Anonymous37971, Anonymous59125, OctobersBlackRose
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#890
Oct 10, 2016, 08:36 AM
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As ever gaining strength and using it against myself.
I absolutely hate stability. At least anxiety and depression you can fight and win. Nothing is worse than being immobilised by an invisible, completely irrational force. No delusional thoughts you can and eventually will falsify. Just being completely and utterly stuck. I can't even hurt myself (more). It's far worse than pain. Just surviving and hoping this complete nothingness will end.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
| Anonymous45023, Nammu, OctobersBlackRose, raspberrytorte
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#891
Oct 10, 2016, 08:41 AM
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Moving day! I'm so excited.
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The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, fishin fool, Icare dixit, jacky8807, Nammu, OctobersBlackRose, Unrigged64072835
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| fishin fool, Icare dixit, Nammu, OctobersBlackRose
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#892
Oct 10, 2016, 08:46 AM
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Wish I could move! To an island far away from civilisation
.gif "Sad Boy")
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| Anonymous45023, Nammu, OctobersBlackRose, raspberrytorte
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| fishin fool
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#893
Oct 10, 2016, 08:55 AM
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Quote:
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| fishin fool
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| fishin fool
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#894
Oct 10, 2016, 09:13 AM
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Uggg Monday mornings are rough for me. Managed to get myself up and to work on time. Now I just need to get through this day lol. I actually feel pretty good now that I'm here. Lied knows I have plenty to do. I've missed so much work I'll never get caught up. When I'm gone no one else covers my work so it's always waiting on me when I get back.
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| Anonymous45023, OctobersBlackRose
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#895
Oct 10, 2016, 09:13 AM
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`NOW` that has brought a big smile on my face!
 I Imagine sitting on that beach (Sun and sand warm) Drink in one hand and fishing rod in the other, saying to myself, "This is the life"............. 
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| fishin fool, OctobersBlackRose
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| fishin fool, OctobersBlackRose
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#896
Oct 10, 2016, 10:45 AM
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Quote:
That is the life
__________________
I traded it in for a whole 'nother world A pirate flag and an island girl |
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#897
Oct 10, 2016, 10:47 AM
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Quote:
There is nothing better in the world.
__________________
I traded it in for a whole 'nother world A pirate flag and an island girl |
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#898
Oct 10, 2016, 02:22 PM
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Today was kind of rough. Lots of anxiety. Went to T and almost fell asleep, then came home and couldn't take a nap. Just kind of frustrating.
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| OctobersBlackRose
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#899
Oct 10, 2016, 03:51 PM
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Quote:
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
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#900
Oct 10, 2016, 04:26 PM
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Really irritatable today. Bit my tongue all to peices trying to contain the retorts. I really just want to be left alone today, don't want to mess about with the petty things of life. Want to tell mum to get her own food. Fortunately she told me all she wants for dinner is chili, I can handle that. But she decided this was the day to cut back the flowers and other outdoor crap. She's 88 so I bite my tongue and humor her. I just want to watch tv and cut the rest of the world out today.....but living with others means making nice no matter how I feel.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bizi, OctobersBlackRose
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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