[p00dlez]

Well I don't have to get the colonoscopy so YAY. If I do ever decide to get one I am waiting till I am at least 50. I seriously don't want one. I did finally get an endo appointment for later this month so I am happy about that.

Thought a bit more about the farm and after researching it all, I don't think I am ready for a mini cow. I looked into how much it takes to feed one and how much it takes to buy one (they are pretty expensive) but I cant justify the cost of getting one.

Then there's the equipment, fencing, housing and the fact that they are still around a 600lb animal. I mean if it decided to be contrary and decided it wasn't going to be milked, go into its stall, get its hooves trimmed, or whatever, I don't think I could handle it by myself.

If you get kicked by a goat its not a big deal. Getting kicked by a cow might be though. Milly was the sweetest goat ever and she was quite a bit over weight at 160lb but handling her was a breeze. What if the 600lb cow isn't easy to handle? Not sure I could do it on my own when my husband is at work.

Then there's the whole breeding situation. Id have to buy a horse trailer to take the cow somewhere to be bred because NO WAY am I keeping a bull. I am scared of bulls. My grandmother had some really mean ones when I was growing up and I am afraid of bulls now.

Buck goats are much easier to deal with than bulls. Yes they stink to the high heavens and yes they some times rear up and act like they are going to butt you but I am not afraid of them. I have only had one buck that I thought was really trying to hurt me. Mostly they just like being butt heads.

Also my land isn't really the type of land that's well suited for a cow. Its mostly wooded which goats love, but cows need lots of pasture which I am short on. So as bad as I hate to give up on it, guess I am not getting a cow anymore. I am just going to get goats and settle with that.

[hopeless2015]

Feeling so much better today!!

[jpb4815]

freaking flies are driving me insane!

[OctobersBlackRose]

My case manager dismissed me again when. I brought up the fact I probably need another neuro-psych exam done, to see if I have autism or not, and she flat out said I don't have it. Where as my therapist thinks I might, she said it makes more sense than borderline personality disorder, (no offence to anyone with BPD). Idk I'll probably stay fixated.on this for a few weeks then drop it again (unless I actually do find someplace that does testing and make an appointment, or find my records in the next few weeks). Then I get told by a therapist (not my therapist, but I know him since he use to be my case manager) to just "push through" my anxiety, wtf dude, dismissed again, and I was in an anxiety attack and had to run out of group. What is with people dismissing or discouraging me.today? It's.getting pretty old pretty fast, and now.I. have to write a "DEAR MAN" letter (for anyone fimiliar with DBT, you'll know what that is), to my current case manager on how I.feel about her dismissing me today. F*** I just want to let it go at this point, but now I got homework on it.

Other than that just laying down with my cat, re-charging my self after being drained by the time I got home. I just feel so overwhelmed today, and my anxiety is really high, and I gotta analyze that too, and don't want to go into much detail with the analysis, since my daydreams can trigger it, and that is my private world that no one is allowed into. F***

How's everyone else doing today?

Hugs to anyone that needs them.

[Cocosurviving]

My day has been good. I took my youngest daughter to school. Then went home to walk my puppy again. Then we took a nap. I got up and made a call about renting a house. Then grabbed lunch for me and my oldest daughter. I woke her up a little early so she'd have time to eat before work. We ate and chatted. I like when we are able to spend that time together. We both left the house at the same time. I went to my grandmother 's she needed help combing her hair. She had real bad arthritis and can not do it. Then I left to pick up my youngest from band practice. Next I'm on the way home to cook baked chicken

[Unrigged64072835]

Pretty good day. Did some retail therapy. Took a shower and made ham and cheese tortellini for dinner.

[dangerousanimals]

On Monday I got sertraline back at 25mg instead of 50mg. I can stay awake throughout the day again. I'm pretty sure "irritable" was written on my chart that morning as well. We're supposed to try discontinuing sertraline again at some point, but it stays for now.

Now that I'm doing ok enough, I need to focus on getting my crap together for this year's World Fantasy Convention. Hopefully I can get some stories finished up and sent out in the next couple weeks.

[MobiusPsyche]

Everything hurts.

had a tummy ache today.

(probably shouldn't have binged as much as I did yesterday)

clearing up now

I hate tummy aches (or any kind of ache actually)

[bizi]

Ate/drank too much last night and slept poorly for it.
Must take the dreaded shower this morning.
sigh
bizi

[p00dlez]

Made a thread but cant find it. Oh well it does not matter anyway. Really hope I am not going senile. At least my husband has tomorrow off. Stayed up most of the night watching movies and couldn't sleep past 8 am this morning. Nothing is really going on. Dreary day outside. Maybe I will clean the chicken coupe this weekend.

[dangerousanimals]

Made a budgeting mistake. Called the student loan people first thing this morning because I thought it was their mistake, but it ended up being mine. eh, they can write "irritable" on my file there as well. At least now I know what day that bill is supposed to be pulled from the account. Also, I made the supervisor laugh because I said "after reviewing my bank account I realized that I f--ked up."

I may still be a little too active and distracted with my meds as they are again--had trouble falling asleep last night, had weird nightmares and overslept this morning. But I can't go back to sleeping 20 hours a day, either. I'm going to try to play fewer hours of video games, and try to exercise today, so maybe I'll be tired at night.

[hopeless2015]

Doing good today...productive, my concentration issues seem much better right now...hope it stays that way

[OctobersBlackRose]

Just feeling a bit down today, even though we upped my Lamictal dose.last week, idk maybe it has to.get.worse.before the med actually kicks in. Also.feeling a lot of anxiety today, it has to do with what my case manager said/did to me.yesterday. I'll eventually let that one go, but it still upset me, it also.upset me.to be told.to push through my anxiety, by a therapist no less (not mine, but I do know him from when he was my case manager), I'll let that go soon too. Wrote a chain analysis thingy about it, so I'm already starting the process of letting it go. I just hate that it caused more anxiety than I already have over things.

Not much else.going on here, slept in a little, the wifi keeps going in and out so I'm using data right now, guy from the internet/phone company is supposed to be here tomorrow I think, idk.

[Cocosurviving]

I dropped my daughter off at school. Then went to my pdoc appt. I told him I was starting to get down....usually happens in the winter starting daylight savings time. By Halloween I'm no good. My poor 10 year old wants to get out for Halloween. Last year her dad had to take her. He will likely be out of state this year. Her big sis has to work. No other fam to depend on. My doc gave me a new med Zoloft. I made a thread about my concerns. Afterwards I had an appointment with my primary. I received my flu shot. Then she told me I gained 24 lbs that made my day! I do not know my weight thank God. I covered my eyes when I got on the scale...told the lady to write it down but do not tell me. I get so down when my weight goes up. I've started back sleeping a lot and not really wanting to leave the house. I hate to even walk my puppy. I'm still doing good on taking showers. The water feels good and the body wash really relaxes me. I've still been cooking too. I have to make myself keep cooking. The last two months that I cooked meals I had over $200 still left in my bank account at the end of the month which is not bad for someone on disability. Oh and I have a new car I bought manic lol. So buying groceries verses eating out almost everyday is really helping.

[Standup2me]

it was -11 outside today,and winter is right around the corner.
20 hours of dark is on its way
I am not sure that I am live here much longer

Originally Posted by Standup2me

it was -11 outside today,and winter is right around the corner.
20 hours of dark is on its way
I am not sure that I am live here much longer

are you kidding?

that's my idea of perfect weather conditions (I know, when i say I love the winter, I really really really really love the winter!)

showered today and ate breakfast 15 minits early. (go me)

I am still suicidal, but I am hanging in their.

look forward to looking at all the new releases for the week and listening to samples (probably going to be the highlight of my day). that, or watching celebrity juice

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

it was -11 outside today,and winter is right around the corner.
20 hours of dark is on its way
I am not sure that I am live here much longer

Big (((((hug)))))....I know about the darkness it gets to me too. Talk to ur pdoc. I've heard great things about using a SAD light. There's a recent thread on here about them

[campervanman]

Hello shattered sanity.

I felt the same as you a few week`s ago (Rope around my neck etc) `BUT` for a split second my mind wandered and an image came to my head `MY BROTHER` this stopped me in my track`s. And I thought about the devastation that I would leave behind me! I cried and cried and then I phoned the Samaritan`s. This made me a bit better and rational! `DON`T` get me wrong "I still do feel at rock bottom" `BUT` not to the extent to end it all.....

`PLEASE PLEASE` Talk to your mum, brother or a close friend. As this is a good way of sharing your burden and realising that you are loved in every way possible!!

Take care friend............

[Nammu]

My computer came today! Need to find someone to teach me how to navigate around...I'm not liking Windows 10.

[Unrigged64072835]

It was a quiet day today. Struggled a little bit with anxiety but nothing unusual.

I feel miserable today. We're heading into a holiday weekend [Canadian Thanksgiving] and i have no plans. It's going to be hard.

[VerMOZZica]

It just felt like an ok day but at least I got the house cleaned.

Ahhh, here it is, 5 am and still no sleep. Restless legs, restless mind, a bit agitated. Generally squirmy. Just took more meds. Hope that does the trick.

(Otherwise, day was decent. Got some errands done, had GP appointment. Caught 3 sweet bus transfers. It's the little things put the thrill in my day. )

But this not sleeping thing -- frustrating. If I could just stay still! Well, back to trying...