[Faltering]

I was feeling terrible until I drank some coffee. It really lifted my mood and helped me focus at work. I'm still trying to catch up from my time in the hospital.

[Cocosurviving]

Today I’m trying my best to use coping skills. I was taking my daughter to school this morning. A man rear-ended us. It was terrible....my daughter was crying. We had our dog with us and she was scared. I’ve listened to a lot of music today. Then took a nap and warm bath.

[Daonnachd]

I met with my pdoc today and had the courage to be honest with her about the darkest thoughts that have been running through my mind of late.

On a related note, the drive to see her took me through some of the devastation left by the wildfires. Whole neighborhoods were burned flat. It makes my heart ache to see the breadth and degree of destruction where the landscape used to boast great natural beauty.

[Lifeischallenging]

Me and my pdoc have been working hard. I still haven't been able to make friends. I don't know why. I'm trying, but its difficult. I don't say anything when I'm with someone. My anxiety hasn't been to bad. I had an attack about a half hour ago before posting this.

[wildflowerchild25]

It was so nice to take a hot shower last night with all my nice bath stuff. I was IP for ten days and I got placed so far away from my home that no one could bring me anything. I wore the same clothes for ten days straight! I washed them a couple of times but still. And those idiots lost my shoes!!! They said they gave them to me but they never did. I liked those shoes too.

At least I’m doing better though. A little overwhelmed with coming home but I’m ok. Paid a bunch of bills that were late because of my time IP. It’s ok though, I’m almost never late with bills so I’m sure it will all be ok.

I do feel guilty though. I was so sick i couldn’t pull together a birthday party for my son. We will have to do it in December and he was so upset. I feel bad. But I’m going to call to set it up today so hopefully it will all be good.

[liveforsummer]

Hi everyone, past 2 weeks have been a mixed bag. Last week awful depresssive episodes, intense thoughts of SH. This past week far more stable. Feel like I’m in the middle which I really do find it a weird feeling. Part of me wants some emotion back. Anyway been on 50mg lamotrigine for past week (and seroquel or Ativan for sleep.) I thought it wouldn’t do much until I at least reached 100 mg. The only thing that makes me wonder if stability is really here is last night I had no need, desire or want to go to sleep. Fidgetiness was back and HAD to listen to loud music again. Oh well. Guess I’ll figure it out as each day unwraps itself.
Hugs to everyone

[WildcatVet]

Another pretty good day...that makes 3 in a row. Made breakfast and lunch, did some household stuff, washed my hair...
Feeling a little more positive because I'm now an "official" patient in this community mental health program...so I'm slowly getting somewhere. Met my T for the first time last week just for the Q and A's...but she seems very nice and caring. Now we'll be scheduling regular appts and will see the nurse to determine when I can see the pdoc.
A big plus...! They can provide transportation so I don't have to worry about not having a car right now.

[Nammu]

That is super news wildcat! Three in a row wins tic tac toe! I'm thrilled for you, the transportation is awesome.

[scatterbrained04]

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. Have a lot on my mind so my brain won't shut up. So today I've been pretty tired and haven't been able to focus worth ****. I guess this is all pretty normal-ish.

[liveforsummer]

Ok so not as stable as I thought...couldn’t find something in the house today , took me 15 min of madly going through pockets, drawers etc and when I finally located it I completely lost it, sobbing. Then a friend came over to help me decide on paint colours (now there’s a huge traumatic decision making process for me !) and even then I was fighting tears too cause it was still overwhelming. In 5 days I’m increasing to 100mg lamotrigine/day.
Have a good evening everyone

[wildflowerchild25]

I was terrified of looking at my work email, assuming I would be reprimanded for taking time off. But I checked it and it’s not so bad. I do have to fill out fmla paperwork though. Well my doctor does. Right now, I can’t imagine ever going back to work. The thought of making it till June...I don’t think I can. Stress and anxiety. But maybe I’ll feel better in two weeks and it won’t be an issue. I definitely can’t quit, I’ll lose my insurance and not have any money, though I do have about 2 months worth of salary saved up.

Next thing is to tell the guy I’m seeing where I was...pretty sure he’s going to bolt. But I don’t have strong feelings for him yet so if he does I won’t be TOO upset. I’d rather know now than six months from now when I’m attached.

[Sunflower123]

I’m in the house alone tonight. It’s dark and cold outside and I’m lonely which is so rare for me. I started watching Good Morning Vietnam but watching Robin Williams really bothered me so I turned to the Fast and the Furious but watching Paul Walker bothered me so I turned to the Dark Knight and there is Heath Ledger. I’m just feeling emotionally chilled right now. I’m so thankful for PC so I can type it out and process it. Thank you for a safe place to do that. Maybe I’m just apprehensive about my surgery Monday.

[Nammu]

Took mum to ER today. She has bronchitis thankfully it's not pheumonia. Another round of antibiotics and cough suppressant and she should be fine. Me..I'm fine

[wildflowerchild25]

So the guy I was seeing hasn’t texted me since I told him I had my phone back. I didn’t have a chance to explain what was happening two weeks ago, I just said it was an emergency. Personally, if he had said the same, I would be asking if he’s ok and what I could do to help. So I think this relationship is essentially over. Which honestly I am ok with. I like him but there isn’t any real spark. Like it’s more friendly than anything. Plus we have very different morals and beliefs.

It bums me out a little but now is not the time for a relationship anyway. I have to make sure I’m stable again first. Not trying to drag down any poor soul with me.

[99fairies]

Wildflower... I think it's a good thing to stay away from romantic relationships until you're feeling more stable. It's time to just focus on you and your healing. Best of luck. Sending big hugs!

[liveforsummer]

Thinking of all those who have lost their lives or a loved one on this Rememberance Day.

I finally had a night of reasonable sleep without any kind of sleep aid. Woke twice but was able to fall back asleep. Yay! Such a relief. Was thinking I’d never be able to get on track again with sleep but now I have hope. One night at a time.

[Faltering]

My head is spinning. I just spent a lot of money and I'm thinking about doing risky things. Also getting in my paranoid thoughts again. I want to scream and growl. Not sure what to make of this.

[Cocosurviving]

I had a decent day. Our local high school had a fundraiser. They sold Indian tacos, drinks and dessert. Me and my youngest daughter went to show support. I ran into a friend while there. She’s one of the few people that stay in contact with me. The food was real good and we enjoyed our conversation.

Lately I just have no energy to get much done. I need to wash laundry for next week, vacuum and we have dirty dishes. I’m going to have my daughter load the dish washer....there not real bad. I just don’t want it out of hand. Yesterday I did cook a meal in the crockpot. Also I cleaned my tub out and took a bath. Tonight I’m going to take a shower or in the morning. Maybe the morning and I’ll wash my hair too. I did not wash my hair last week and I usually do weekly. My hair is not oily it gets real dry.

Oh I have good news to share. I think I might get approved for Medicaid. I have Medicare only and can’t afford therapy. If I get Medicaid I can start going to a therapist. I really need someone to chat with every two weeks. I do not want weekly.

[Moose72]

My car broke today as I was parking to see my friend. My visit with my friend was short but very nice. Then the tow truck showed up.

[xRavenx]

It's been a while since I checked in....my health hasn't been too good. Yesterday before bed, I felt weird and was paranoid, thinking I will die in my sleep, but luckily, I am here. I'm coping, just not feeling well. Tomorrow, I am going to get out and go to a museum. I've been staying in my house for far too long. It's about time I at least try to live my life again. Just work and isolating hasn't been too good for me.

[Aydennym10]

I know being new they need to check my posts but needing to talk with people bad, extreme emotional dysfunction, up to 24 hours, that's not too goid for me now is it.

[bpforever1]

I am not doing well. I have apathy from my schizoaffective disorder. I am just sleeping all day. I will try to go out tomorrow. I have to teach a class in the evening. I am so tired though. I am all alone and tired of living. But, I will survive. Life is not bad but not great. I was hypomanic the previous day and was impulsive about meeting strange men for sex. But, I stopped myself from meeting them for just sex. I did meet one elderly man who was nice to me and was a gentleman. I was moved by his behavior. I like him now. He is very wealthy too.But, his money is not my issue but he likes talking about his wealth so I listened. This was yesterday and today I just slept like a log. I also was up very early yesterday to teach two students then I went online to look for men. This was not a good idea but I had the chance to meet this elderly man so may be it turned out ok. This elderly man is not really that elderly. He is about 10 years older than I am. He is nice and decent. He did not want sex. I hope we meet again. I am going to try to stay away from meeting men just for sex. It is dangerous and not safe.

[bizi]

I slept last night great! no restless legs even taking the 80mg of geodon at night. Maybe my body is used to it again or maybe it was the wine that kept it away???? Whatever, I will take a good nights sleep!
We went to olive garden because of their veterans day deal, special. Free dinner for all veterans. There was to be a 30 minute wait when we got there and a single gentleman came up to the counter. I asked him if he wanted to join us for dinner. And he agreed. So that was nice, he was nice. Served in the navy, Jim was his name. He talked about his 2 sons who were really smart but lacked ambition and had mediocre jobs.
I had a delicious meal of chicken picatta with capers, yummy.
Over ate their salad and bread sticks of course!
We are going to the diner This morning, jeff is performing with the sky liner big band jazz group for the veterans day concert. I am not going, don't want to go by myself.
Work went fine yesterday.
WEnt to a friends house for a beer and to chat. He is one of jeffs best friends, it was nice outside even though I had 2 sweaters on I was still a bit chilly though I get cold easily. I wasn't going to go but jeff reminded me of their new kitten who is adorable. Zeffer is his name, tiny thing.
Got home around 10;30 and was in bed by midnight. slept great! got out of bed at 8;30. Even my feet are creeky first thing until I start moving.
Need to get going, need to go grocery shopping nothing to eat in the house, lots of condiments is all.
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

A warm hello to all!

Have been very busy. Mother has been in for another hip replacement surgery. She is home with us and doing well.

I have been stable. Just a bit weary.

Love to all!
WC

Been running a bit on the energizer bunny side.... woke up at 4 am yesterday and thought might as well get up, then played with a hobby picked up while clearly on the manic side, then attended a free self-defense class. A lot of people showed up, and I didn't know anyone (as always), and it was uncomfortable waiting to get started, but once they did, and broke us into smaller groups, I was off to the races with joking around. I was a veritable fossil, but f it, you know? (My new T is working with me on some age-related issues I have, and trying to turn them around, because they are pretty serious. Also, she's trying to head off suicidal depression that is traditional for me in the upcoming weeks.)

Then I went grocery shopping at 2 places (via bus, with my little cart, which I want to see re-named from granny cart to MetroCart. Much more urbane and less derogatory.) And a farmer's market! And found apples that are red inside! I'm going to make a pie. Actually, I'm figuring on making a meal -- not exactly T-day, because it'll be whatever day and it'll be chicken thighs, but kind of a big deal because I really don't cook anymore.

Gotta go plug in for a recharge. Phone, not me.