Still can't figure out what "sleep" means; it's a foreign concept to me.

I would love to be able to sleep at some point, although I'm not tired. Maybe it's because I've been taking my meds every other day or every few days.

My eyes hurt. I think they're dry from staying up. They're probably going to shrivel up into raisins at some point.

[winter loneliness]

Smoking too much pot and sleeping erratically.

[xRavenx]

I am at work now, but contacted my old therapist. Her rate went up, because she only takes certain insurance, but she'll do sliding scale. I feel this is much needed. I'm thankful that she can take me back, my first appointment is in a week and a half. I'm really glad that she'll work with me again.

[Nammu]

It's nice to hear that you can go back to and old trusted T. Yay for flexibility and sliding fee scales.

Wishing everyone could get as much sleep as they need. I know that's the basis for my stability.

[bizi]

I wrote out my meds for sleep and such for hubby in case he needed to fill up my pill box for any reason.
I take a lot of meds(vitamins too).

at night:
80mg geodon
200mg of lamictal
2.5mg of zyprexa
.5mg of klonipin
3mg of extended release melatonin

Last night I also took mucinex DM for my coughing chest cold.
Slept like a rock.
bizi

[99fairies]

All 3 of my kids are finally well enough to go to school today. That means alone time for me!! YAY!

[liveforsummer]

Terrible sleep, awful day, couldn’t deal, took an Ativan so should be better evening.
Thanks bizi, gotta-get me some mucinex DM!

[emgreen]

My girlfriend took today off to decorate the house for Christmas. Oh, woe. Soon the Christmas carols will toll incessanty & my misery will be complete. There have been years in the past when we hgaven't bothered decorating, but this year she wants too. I know I should just shut my mouth & let her enjoy herself, but I'm still feeling very much like The Grinch today. I also worry that there have been fairly significant bouts with depression in the past. One year I was hospitalized & it was probably the most peaceful holiday I've ever had...in retrospect, though, I was in no space to enjoy it. It felt so freeing treating Christmas like any other day, though...No pretense necessary.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by emgreen

My girlfriend took today off to decorate the house for Christmas. Oh, woe. Soon the Christmas carols will toll incessanty & my misery will be complete. There have been years in the past when we hgaven't bothered decorating, but this year she wants too. I know I should just shut my mouth & let her enjoy herself, but I'm still feeling very much like The Grinch today. I also worry that there have been fairly significant bouts with depression in the past. One year I was hospitalized & it was probably the most peaceful holiday I've ever had...in retrospect, though, I was in no space to enjoy it. It felt so freeing treating Christmas like any other day, though...No pretense necessary.

Treating Christmas like any other day sounds nice.

[Sunflower123]

I keep having depression and anxiety that seems to onset every time I come up to my mom’s fiancee’s house to pick up the antiques and china he wanted her to have. Hiding it and being supportive but I’m dumbfounded as to why. We were not close and it’s just a house. Going back in now. Typing this out really helped. Thank you.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by 99fairies

All 3 of my kids are finally well enough to go to school today. That means alone time for me!! YAY!

Yay!!! Great news!!!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Terrible sleep, awful day, couldn’t deal, took an Ativan so should be better evening.
Thanks bizi, gotta-get me some mucinex DM!

Hope you feel better soon.

I didn’t know how my pdoc appt would go, since I’m new to lithium. My fear was that she would up my dose, but I’m already a bit tired and forgetful. I’m feeling pretty good though.

She said I’m still not at a therapeutic dose (just .4), but she’s going to keep me at the same dose.

Whew.

[bizi]

after a week of zyprexa 2.5mg I feel more stable.
So I am glad about that.
bizi

[Moreta]

The focus group went well today. My brain worked. woooo. I got my $170, so now I can buy some christmas presents. Need to figure out what to buy my husband for christmas. I'm not quite sure. Maybe I can find him some new slippers. Going to get my cousin and aunt some gift cards. Today was pretty decent. Hopefully it'll stay that way throughout december.

[liveforsummer]

Last night before bed I just scribbled away spewing my negative thoughts down on paper. This messed up sleep/anxiety about accepting pills is driving me up the wall. I’m giving this all until the new year then I’m scrapping it all

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Last night before bed I just scribbled away spewing my negative thoughts down on paper. This messed up sleep/anxiety about accepting pills is driving me up the wall. I’m giving this all until the new year then I’m scrapping it all

(((((( liveforsummer ))))))

Thinking of you.


WC

[xRavenx]

Emotionally drained. I haven't been sleeping well. I have one more day of work this week (tomorrow til 2) until Tues. I had plans, but canceled them. I need to be by myself.

Hugs to everyone.

[bizi]

day 4....AF
bizi

today a marching band went past my window

playing songs and stuff... I am not sure what the event was, but it made me feel really left out and really depressed.

it's not memory based- I don't have any memories of parades, it's just... I suppose it's more ashamed of the person I am.

like.. I could have been in a parade, I could have been anything I wanted too, but i'm not and it's thanks to my dam MI, and the fact I've got no friends to invite me to things.

I want a private ****ing marching band now to play me some music.

I am having a takeaway this afternoon.

it best be good..

Everything is coming from my left, the shadowy figure in a black trench coat standing over my bed, watching me as I slept, and the music and the beeping noses.

I hear and see nothing on my right side.

I couldn't sleep well because I was hearing beeps loudly in my left ear. Then I turned my head so that my right ear faced the direction of the sound, but there was no sound coming in my right ear. The sound came out of the left ear still?

I'm so confused. I had a hard time sleeping last night. The shadowy figure also bent over and looked at me in the eyes, at one point. But I couldn't see the face, as it was all pitch black, just like the rest of the body.

I want to leave my house and escape from the person/thing that is watching me and putting stuff in my head. But I don't know where to go? There was music playing downstairs, like a heavy bass guitar, but I couldn't find the source of the sound.

Edit: I want to flee and get away, but idk if I will be followed. That's what I'm scared of.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Everything is coming from my left, the shadowy figure in a black trench coat standing over my bed, watching me as I slept, and the music and the beeping noses.

I hear and see nothing on my right side.

I couldn't sleep well because I was hearing beeps loudly in my left ear. Then I turned my head so that my right ear faced the direction of the sound, but there was no sound coming in my right ear. The sound came out of the left ear still?

I'm so confused. I had a hard time sleeping last night. The shadowy figure also bent over and looked at me in the eyes, at one point. But I couldn't see the face, as it was all pitch black, just like the rest of the body.

I want to leave my house and escape from the person/thing that is watching me and putting stuff in my head. But I don't know where to go? There was music playing downstairs, like a heavy bass guitar, but I couldn't find the source of the sound.

Edit: I want to flee and get away, but idk if I will be followed. That's what I'm scared of.

This sounds very uncomfortable, even frightening. Are you back on your meds? Did you hear back from your pdoc?

It's probably safest to stay at home until you stabilize.

Please stay safe, Blue.

WC

[99fairies]

So sorry Blue, I hope you feel better soon. Big hugs.

[99fairies]

I'm exhausted from yesterday. I just want to go back to bed and hide under my covers. But I have kids to look after...oh well.