I've been on/off my meds again and very likely manic right now. Spent too much $$$ and not sleeping. Racing thoughts. Distracted by everything. Can't sit still.

Also, I'm not looking forward to my therapist appointment on Friday. We fought last time and I could tell she was trying not to show me how frustrated she was, but a little bit of that frustration came through. I think she thinks I'm a difficult client, and sometimes I wonder if she's going to give me the boot. I don't try to be difficult, though. I think she misunderstands me.

She made me feel kinda guilty.

[eye2797]

Mood has been good with new meds, but not feeling well. Trying to come off zoloft and I am not sure if that is what making me feel so crumby. I will say that it is very nice outside for this time of year.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m doing okay today. I’m going to a funeral later with the family member that I have panic attacks around. Doing pretty good right now. Just a little ball of anxiety.

I had my friend who is not pleased with my new stability tell me last night that she didn’t think I was a good fit with the Bible study group anymore so she took my name off the communication list and thinks I should drop out. There are 180 ladies with different personalities. Not fit in? I promise what you see on this site is what you get. I think I need to learn some assertiveness skills. I’m definitely not dropping out. If anything I’ll go more often. Disappointing.

Sending big hugs for those that are struggling.

She did what?
It's a good thing you can get perspective on her actions.

Sorry about the funeral. I hope that goes easily for you.

Don't you have a medical procedure tomorrow?
If so, I hope it goes well for you.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Took a long nap today. Feeling very tired. It's been two weeks since my mother's surgery and have just gotten through a 2 day holiday. I am a bit weary.

Love to All!
WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Took my daughter and husband to urgent care so they could get meds for their sinus infections. No strep throat or flu, thank goodness. They're now on antibiotics so I hope they feel better soon.

Even with Viibryd I feel sad and now restless. Just trying to find things to do until everyone feels better.

Actually I hope everyone here feels better too.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m sorry you are having a tough time. Do you want to talk about it?

Thanks, Jennifer. Although I went into some detail in a post that I just put up in a different thread, some details I left out in the last thread....
Since I haven't been sleeping, this could be throwing me out of balance big time. On Seroquel, I have gotten a few hours of sleep, but it took forever to go to bed, my mind kept racing. Then, when I went out, drank, and made some really foolish and impulsive decisions, it left me feeling really bad about myself. I have a hard time dealing with triggers in this state of mind.

Even prior to this incident, I have been more reckless and my mood is pushing into manic territory, maybe mixed manic with some cycling, but I am definitely not stable. The difference is that last night showed me just how out of control I feel. Luckily, I have some insight, but this doesn't always reflect in my behavior, if that makes sense. I have my pdoc visit on Tuesday, and it is actually coming at perfect timing. Things have changed quite a bit since last visit. I am a little nervous about what my pdoc will suggest, but hopefully she'll steer me in the right direction. Luckily, she is easy to talk to.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

She did what?
It's a good thing you can get perspective on her actions.

Sorry about the funeral. I hope that goes easily for you.

Don't you have a medical procedure tomorrow?
If so, I hope it goes well for you.


WC

Thank you. It did really hurt and then I tried some perspective. The funeral went well and I expect tomorrow to go well also.

Thank you for your kindness.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Took a long nap today. Feeling very tired. It's been two weeks since my mother's surgery and have just gotten through a 2 day holiday. I am a bit weary.

Love to All!
WC

I hope you are able to get some much deserved rest and relaxation. Were you able to get your mother to follow the doctor’s guidelines or did she make a break for it?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Thanks, Jennifer. Although I went into some detail in a post that I just put up in a different thread, some details I left out in the last thread....
Since I haven't been sleeping, this could be throwing me out of balance big time. On Seroquel, I have gotten a few hours of sleep, but it took forever to go to bed, my mind kept racing. Then, when I went out, drank, and made some really foolish and impulsive decisions, it left me feeling really bad about myself. I have a hard time dealing with triggers in this state of mind.

Even prior to this incident, I have been more reckless and my mood is pushing into manic territory, maybe mixed manic with some cycling, but I am definitely not stable. The difference is that last night showed me just how out of control I feel. Luckily, I have some insight, but this doesn't always reflect in my behavior, if that makes sense. I have my pdoc visit on Tuesday, and it is actually coming at perfect timing. Things have changed quite a bit since last visit. I am a little nervous about what my pdoc will suggest, but hopefully she'll steer me in the right direction. Luckily, she is easy to talk to.

I did see your other post and posted there. It’s great that you see your pdoc Tuesday. Please be gentle with yourself.

[hopeless2015]

Doing ok, I've had a 4 day weekend. Drank too much Friday night and paid for it yesterday. Slept all day, didn't leave the house. I also gambled. I need to reign that back in. It's been a really big problem for me in the past! Sending hugs to you all!!

[Aliceiw]

I had psychotic symptoms a few weeks ago. I upped my antipsychotic and I haven't had any psychotic symptoms since but something just doesn't feel right. I keep finding myself thinking of signs. Like I hit a deer and it went down I thought it was dead and I cried and then it got up and ran away like nothing had happened. I saw the same deer the next day just walking around like nothing happened... Today I opened my car door and found jaws of some kind. I even took a picture, it looked like a baby shark's jaw...just rotting teeth and all in a parking lot.. I mean for someone who struggles not to see signs from the universe everywhere when your teetering this has been a challenge. How did that deer live? I never hear about a deer living without any injuries after being hit. How did a baby shark jaw end up in a parking lot? Who owns those? I know these things are real because other people witnessed them too. People stopped when the deer was hit and got up and ran away and I took a picture of the jaws. I am just making meaning out of really weird things happening to me.

So... there's a check in for the day. Baby shark jaw...your welcome for the laugh haha

[bizi]

My right hip hurt me this morning while lying in bed, could not get comfortable...I had taken the naproxen at midnight so was not due another dose until noon....But my hip is feeling fine during the day, I think all of this extra weight that I have put on is not helping.

Jeffs headache is much better by this evening.

Hubby was a hero and changed some sort of thermocoupler on the hot water heater and fixed the problem.Thank goodness for you-tube
We are still going to have home depot come out and give us an estimate to install the tankless system.
I don't want to wait until the thing breaks for good next time.

Went to a NAMI pot luck dinner tonight. I took the green bean casserole that I had left over from thanksgiving.
There were many people there that I recognized from the education class, and even some from the support group that I attended a few years ago.
Lots of good food and I tried to talk to others but was feeling my social anxiety. I had already bandaged up 3 fingers to prevent me from picking them at the dinner.
They are healing up nicely.

I forgot to tell you that it was a gorgeous weekend! We went canoeing on saturday for a couple of hours it was nice and we saw Egrets and a great blue heron, an alligator, a piliated wood peck, I had never seen one before.
anhingas big black birds sunning themselves. Funny to see them all lined up with their wings spread wide open!
bizi

Day #4 of minimal sleep

Been getting 4-6 hours, so... maybe hypomania instead of mania? yikes...

At least I got 6 this time. Much better than 4.

[bpforever1]

I am doing well but tired. My father did not go out for three days while I have been running around all over the place teaching and taking care of him. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself and am a little stressed from this. But, he is worth it because he is good to me. I feel bad for him that he has come to another country and does not want to do anything. I am hoping he cheers up soon. I am still in contact with the online man and am happy with our chats. I also am taking my medication daily and am doing ok mentally. I have so many things to do now but am just tackling them one at a time. I feel stressed but not too unhappy. I hope my father goes out and enjoys himself. I don't mind taking care of him but wish he would be more active. But, he says his feet hurt. I will try to encourage him to go out and also address his pain in his feet. I don't want him to just stay inside my apartment then go back home. It is such a waste of time. I hope he feels better soon.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I hope you are able to get some much deserved rest and relaxation. Were you able to get your mother to follow the doctor’s guidelines or did she make a break for it?

She made a break for it while I took a nap.
This means, if she confesses, she loses her in-home PT.
It took a lot of coaching to get her to comply for this long.
Thanks for asking.

WC

[bizi]

It was beautiful, gently meandering between the cypress trees, carefully avoiding peat moss as it hangs from above.
There were not any bugs or mosquitoes which was a bonus!
The temperature was perfect 75 degrees. Pretty blue sky.

I woke up with a cough, it started as a dry itchy throat yesterday, I started taking zyrtek and will continue today and as long as I have symptoms.
I am skipping my first client of the day and will make her up later this week.
I just don't feel like hurrying up to get ready...I need more coffee!
I have a left over dish from hub city diner yesterday morning/noon scrambler:
eggs, veggies(onions, mushrooms and peppers and brocolli), and sausage and cheese. I took half home because it was a lot of food.

Yesterdays pot luck was nice...I dealt with my social anxiety issues by leaving right after the door prizes were called out. I ended up getting some pretty red flowers(little sparkly balls that will be cut apart to use as filler for our little tree. I kind of felt bad for not staying and helping clean up....but I wanted to get out of there. I avoided picking! The bandaids did the trick.

Christmas is around the corner....I am not looking forward to the trip.
I am very limited on clothes that fit....I can't imagine dressing up for new years...sigh
I am obese....
sigh

anyway. I don't want to end on a negative note...
Picked out a new coffee, the other one was too light and did not have much flavor, it was marked incorrectly so I brought back the bag of beans to exchange them at whole foods.
I picked out an organic dark roast french roasted. It is much better!
Maybe I can do some paper work this morning that I have been avoiding.
Billing...
ok need another cup of coffee.
Have a great day to all who follow.
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I am doing well but tired. My father did not go out for three days while I have been running around all over the place teaching and taking care of him. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself and am a little stressed from this. But, he is worth it because he is good to me. I feel bad for him that he has come to another country and does not want to do anything. I am hoping he cheers up soon. I am still in contact with the online man and am happy with our chats. I also am taking my medication daily and am doing ok mentally. I have so many things to do now but am just tackling them one at a time. I feel stressed but not too unhappy. I hope my father goes out and enjoys himself. I don't mind taking care of him but wish he would be more active. But, he says his feet hurt. I will try to encourage him to go out and also address his pain in his feet. I don't want him to just stay inside my apartment then go back home. It is such a waste of time. I hope he feels better soon.

Do you know why his feet hurt?
Could you take him to a walk in clinic? Is he diabetic? IF he is then maybe his blood sugars and high and that is why he is sleeping so much???
Maybe he has neuropathy in his feet? or maybe it is arthritis????
Does he give you any information?
bizi

[WildcatVet]

Started the day out angry and depressed...it's getting worse and I'm afraid of getting violent. Hate these mixed episodes...why can't I have those euphoric hypos and feel all peachy and on top of the world???

[hopeless2015]

Came into work late and have to leave for appt at 3:30. Working through lunch. So tired and I slept a bunch this weekend. Hugs to all!!

[bizi]

I sewed a hole in my sweater!
Something domestic!
my accomplishment for the day!
bizi

[Nammu]

Remembered to pick up the melatonin today. Ran out a couple weeks ago but thought there was no difference. My ambian puts me to sleep but apparently the melatonin keeps me asleep. I've been waking up earlier and earlier as time passes. So now I know the melatonin really does do something. Just wonder how long it will take to build up the blood level?

[xRavenx]

Feeling pretty down, but not in a low energy kind of way. More like the start of a mixed episode and still feeling angry towards myself. Today didn't go too well, but at least physically, I am feeling better than yesterday. I see my pdoc tomorrow. I'm not sure if she's going to increase any of my meds or not. I talked to a friend, but I don't know if it made me feel any better. There's a lot of judgmental attitudes all around me. I wish more people in my life would understand what it feels like with BP.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Feeling pretty down, but not in a low energy kind of way. More like the start of a mixed episode and still feeling angry towards myself. Today didn't go too well, but at least physically, I am feeling better than yesterday. I see my pdoc tomorrow. I'm not sure if she's going to increase any of my meds or not. I talked to a friend, but I don't know if it made me feel any better. There's a lot of judgmental attitudes all around me. I wish more people in my life would understand what it feels like with BP.

I hope venting here helps.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Cocosurviving]

It’s almost 10 pm....my day was decent. I had to run to the pharmacy and pick up my meds. Then I stopped by Panera Bread to get one of my fav muffins. My mood was good all morning. I made it home and took a nap around noon. After I picked my daughter up from school. We relaxed and she had a bit to eat before Girl Scouts. We drove around and looked at the lights in our area. My mood seems to dip low in the evening time still. I’m just going to take a sleep aid and go to bed.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by bizi

I hope venting here helps.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

It definitely does help. Thank you.