[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Had a bad sinus headache most of the day. I’m still really congested from the cold. I need to go get some Sudafed but I didn’t feel like going out. So I’ll get it tomorrow after work. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow anyway.


RS wants me and my son to join him for Christmas Eve at his aunt’s house. I’m happy. I’m glad he wants me to meet his family. I dated my ex for six months and never met any of his family. I mean meeting his family 5 weeks after we met is a little fast but if he’s not worried about it then neither am I. It will be nice to do something special for Christmas Eve instead of just staying home and doing nothing as usual. When I was a kid we used to have a big Czech/Polish dinner for Christmas Eve with my dad’s family. That stopped when he died. We’ve done nothing ever since.


I’ve got most of my Christmas shopping done, thank you Amazon. I just need to pick up gift cards for my cousins. I have plenty of time to do that. Then I have to go to the dollar store and get tape, scissors, clothes boxes, and cookie tins. My brother in law always gets chocolate chip cookies for Christmas from me and I’m going to give RS a variety of cookies as well. I have a lot of baking and candy making to do.


I hope I can kick this cold soon.

Sounds lovely !! I bet you are going to love his family.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Mum and I went to an afternoon Christmas concert. Was nice. Tomorrow is much more mundane, laundry and take mum in for a blood test. Have pain in my left side. Reminds me of gallbladder pain but can't be that cause I had my gallbladder out years ago. Trying to decide if it warrants professional attention. It's been two days but no other symptoms just pain.

I hate getting random out of the ordinary pains ... I tend to wait to get it looked at. My frozen shoulder I waited basically a year to get it checked out

Please get it checked out if it continues :

[Blueberrybook]

PTSD stuff has come crashing down. Really, what is the point of my life? It's just been one thing after another after another. It's playing like a record because one thing connects to another, reminds me of yet another. I am having a horrible evening

I'm safe, not going to hurt myself, just having a crappy cry fest. H says these things are in the past, and they are, but you carry them with you always; they will never go away.

I hate my brain

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’ve had a very low key weekend. Mainly decorating for Christmas and getting the house ready for my daughter who is coming home tomorrow for four days before she heads out on her camping trip.

I’ve recovered from my illness except for taking long naps which I could never do before. I could really get used to these naps. I curled up on the couch with my dog and fell asleep watching Christmas movies. It was nice and cozy on a rainy, dreary day. I also dream when I nap but don’t seem to at night.

Doing pretty good overall. I’ve been lonely today even though I’ve been busy. I never get lonely! I’m such an introvert you could put me on an island with a lifetime supply of books and I’d be fine. It’s disconcerting.

Hugs to all.

Whew! I am sooo very happy to read you have recovered! I've been very concerned.

I am also quite an introvert and I generally enjoy my alone time, in fact I crave alone time. Loneliness does hit me on occasion though.

I am excited for you in that your daughter is coming home for 4 days! I am sure you and she will have a fun time!

Love and Prayers,

WC

[skiguy18]

Sounds great! Nice family times.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Low key day. Made a bunch of dinner last night to not have to cook today. Spent the day working on a new craft (crepe paper flower-making). Lol, it took SO long to do! Started out a bit rocky, but turned out good.


Feeling a bit lonely. I planned to do what I'm doing today, so I don't know why it's bothering me. Weather is dreadful. Probably doesn't help. Using my light box. Actually right now as well. Curious to see if it can help wake me up a bit. Very tired way too early. Been waking up very early (the 2 or 3 am kind of early) and not getting back to sleep for another 2-3 hours. Then maybe sleep a couple more. (Except when I'm working and get up at 3:45. Yeah. Lol. For real.). Broken sleep is a drag.


Trying to pep up with some music too.


Lots of to those struggling. Sorry to not address specifically -- too tired.

I bet the flowers are pretty , I’ve always loved seeing them. Maybe post a pic ??

I wish your sleep would even out !

I feel lonely myself today even tho my husband is right here. Prolly just BP nudging me ? Who knows.

Hope the music helps. I ordered a CD the other day I wish it would hurry up and arrive ! I have little to no patience hehe

Stay warm !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’ve had a very low key weekend. Mainly decorating for Christmas and getting the house ready for my daughter who is coming home tomorrow for four days before she heads out on her camping trip.


I’ve recovered from my illness except for taking long naps which I could never do before. I could really get used to these naps. I curled up on the couch with my dog and fell asleep watching Christmas movies. It was nice and cozy on a rainy, dreary day. I also dream when I nap but don’t seem to at night.


Doing pretty good overall. I’ve been lonely today even though I’ve been busy. I never get lonely! I’m such an introvert you could put me on an island with a lifetime supply of books and I’d be fine. It’s disconcerting.


Hugs to all.

So glad your feeling better!

I’m not one for naps but I took one yesterday wasn’t even on purpose I was watching a movie and had a 45 minute blink lol

Enjoy your daughters visit.

[TheSeaCat]

Hi guys; I still have a pretty bad headache so glad I see my doc tomorrow maybe he can figure out why. I know it's my heart arrhythmia or one of my meds causing it. My heart rate is still wonky; I was hoping to scare my doctor tomorrow with it being in the normal range for once; but I honestly don't see that happening.

I didn't do much today; I pretty much just laid around wishing the headache from hell would go away. My nieces really wanted to hang out; but I didn't feel like driving and listening to them bicker trying to decide what fun thing to do. I quite like R and I being roommates; it's so much quieter than being home and having someone judge me and tell me I need a different doctor.

I'm farther away from his office since moving; but I could be living in Timbuktu and I would still drive to see him. I am much closer to work; so I can finally sleep in a little longer.

I ended up helping R decorate for the office Christmas Party next week, so our house is super cute and Christmasy.

Demon seems to be adapting well since our move; I think he misses his brother but R's dog has been very accommodating to the poor kitty. He also really likes R; when I woke up this morning he was curled in her lap while she was drinking her morning tea. The dog was in my bed.

Hugs to everyone

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am starting to get anxious about my sleep study tomorrow night.

I still have a lot of, sometimes overwhelming, sleep anxiety. During my formative years, my violent father would often start his ranting at night. I would awaken to his violence/abuse. I won't go into details.

If H and I are in a hotel or some other strange setting at night, I get very little sleep. If I was alone in these settings, I would not sleep at all.

The sleep doctor, upon doing a complete interview, has been very understanding of my sleep anxiety/PTSD. He has invited my H to accompany me throughout the night at the sleep lab. He has arranged for my H to sleep in a recliner in the same room. My H understands my anxiety/PTSD and has agreed to accompany me.

On the one hand, I feel like it's unreasonable to have my H with me. On the other hand, we are not as apt to get as good of a sleep study if I am too anxious to sleep in the different setting.

I am very lucky to have the understanding of these two men. I am fortunate they are compassionate and will try to help me.

I am doing breathing exercises to calm my anxiety. I need to distract myself a bit more, as well.

I hope everyone has a good week!

Love to All!

WC

I will be thinking of you tomorrow night; I'm glad your doctor is understanding and will let your H be there. I hope all goes well and you are able to get some sleep.

[xRavenx]

My anxiety/restlessness is really bad. My thoughts are racing, and I'm really worried about how others are perceiving me. I am having intrusive thoughts again and think it's part of being in a mixed state. I feel like something really bad is going to happen, which is making me nervous.

[Moose72]

I just turned on my desktop computer and somehow figured out the password! I have never really used this thing. It was given to me by a friend. I'm surprised its still hooked up to the internet.

I'm listening to the washing machine go "washa washa washa washa..." Somehow N3 put "all" his clothes in the hamper. This is strange because while its a load full, I distinctly remember giving him the only laundry basket we own full of his clothes not that long ago!

Here it is 10:30 almost and I'm still wide awake. I slept in today like I shouldn't have. I KNOW I should set an alarm and get up at the same time every day, but the temptation to sleep in when I can is just too great sometimes.

I really SHOULD get out my camera again. I have no idea how to hook it up to my computer though. The one I used to use died. And with it went my login for my website on circumcision which is over ten years out of date! (Some of it is still relevant of course.) Yes, I said circumcision. Huge controversy about it- been going on since before I had kids 21 years ago. A friend keeps my domain for me and hosts the site for free. (It doesn't use up much memory; its html and THAT'S out of date too.) Anyhow, I don't know how to hook up my external hard drive to this computer and I actually don't know where my camera IS at the moment.

So yeah. When I'm not home, I can still post from my phone, but when I'm home I can post from my desktop (which is why this post is miles longer than I usually post!)

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

My anxiety/restlessness is really bad. My thoughts are racing, and I'm really worried about how others are perceiving me. I am having intrusive thoughts again and think it's part of being in a mixed state. I feel like something really bad is going to happen, which is making me nervous.

I recognize that feeling. Not so much the mixed state, but the anxiety and the impending doom feeling. These things seem to happen at night. Do you have any benzos to help with these feelings?

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I recognize that feeling. Not so much the mixed state, but the anxiety and the impending doom feeling. These things seem to happen at night. Do you have any benzos to help with these feelings?

I do have klonopin and have been contemplating taking it again or not. I try not to take it too much, but I think maybe I should. That's what it is there for.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

PTSD stuff has come crashing down. Really, what is the point of my life? It's just been one thing after another after another. It's playing like a record because one thing connects to another, reminds me of yet another. I am having a horrible evening

I'm safe, not going to hurt myself, just having a crappy cry fest. H says these things are in the past, and they are, but you carry them with you always; they will never go away.

I hate my brain

If it makes you feel any better, I hate my brain sometimes too. Why does it remember the things it does? Too bad we can't delete the files in our brains so the bad ones are gone forever. (Except the ones we learned from I guess.)

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I do have klonopin and have been contemplating taking it again or not. I try not to take it too much, but I think maybe I should. That's what it is there for.

Exactly. Its good to be cautious with benzos but if you need it you need it. I highly doubt that taking one tonight will do anything bad. But that's just me.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’ve had a very low key weekend. Mainly decorating for Christmas and getting the house ready for my daughter who is coming home tomorrow for four days before she heads out on her camping trip.

I’ve recovered from my illness except for taking long naps which I could never do before. I could really get used to these naps. I curled up on the couch with my dog and fell asleep watching Christmas movies. It was nice and cozy on a rainy, dreary day. I also dream when I nap but don’t seem to at night.

Doing pretty good overall. I’ve been lonely today even though I’ve been busy. I never get lonely! I’m such an introvert you could put me on an island with a lifetime supply of books and I’d be fine. It’s disconcerting.

Hugs to all.

That nap sounds so wonderful! The perfect nap. I love sleeping when its raining. Even better, a thunder storm.

I'm such an extrovert- especially when hypo/manic. I love talking to people. Then again, when I'm in an episode I'd rather everybody else went away. I holed up in my room under the covers when I was having those delusions that people were in my walls. That said, I do like a good book! I even reread old favorites.

[Lefty Seven]

Today, my flat-earth friend, whom I've known for a decade, told me that evolution was a hoax and that dinosaurs were a "definite maybe."

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m struggling so much with up coming medical bills ( 3 specialist ) I’m scared to figure out how we can make even a small payment monthly. And now the new year brings deductibles

I feel your pain. Yes please get some help for the rash.

Hope you can continue to manage

s I know so many have struggles with this , medical Bill's. s

It's extremely hard also to deal with when you and or a lover one is going through it and having struggles just to begin with. s

-----
With me, I may be too aggressive with the whole thing- I pay what I can-- I've even broken down to some places with spreadsheets of budgeting and proof of Bill's and paychecks.. perhaps that's a bit far? Idk, just know some places lowered their bill and some didn't care ((one added interest)).
My one brother at the time after knowing I did what I did, asked - why didn't you get assistance?? Idk at that time, I know the whole thing I wasnt thinking 100% logically.

The second surgery I did see if I could get help, and I forget some times- I did get help with that one.
But I was so angry with that because I remembered I had insurance!! And many people were confused as I was, that insurance didn't pay anything.

[tecomsin]

I am an introvert except when I am manic. It's a personal decision to stay away from Benzos. They are also getting harder and harder for pdoc's to prescribe where I live so it is just as well. Same for sleeping pills.

On the menu tonight was 2 mg of Rexulti and 1.25 mg of olanzapine. If this gets me to 7 am and not feeling groggy then it is the new nightly potion.

[beauflow]

I feel a little embarrassed rn.. idk...

See, I sometimes like to take pictures of myself.. no, I know I am not everyone's type, but sometimes I think the pictures or pretty or what not..

Possible trigger:

I found that i had posted one of my bare breast pictures on one of my art accounts... I usually never post them... used to share with my ex of course.
Ha at least it's not one of my other pictures, goodness me.

I am the only one with access to post on this art account, it was me who had done it. I don't have doubts on that.
Just, embarrassed.. I remember the picture, I remember the "time of season" of life for me.
. Very up, very "randy" ha!
Ugh, whatever. It was up for a year it looks like.
Technology and people, and Beauflow with technology... could be worse.

I've had thought about posting pictures but never did .. always stopped myself -- guess not this one.

I have to laugh. I dont have any control on this now, besides deleting the post from my account.
Idk just my moms judgemental voice keeps popping up.. I shouldn't feel bad about this, besides its out of normal me... usually only shared with selective or never.
Silly me...

[Nammu]

Health insurance is such a rip off, exclusions after exclusion and to get paid clinics and hospitals now charge for every little thing. Rent of room to give a shot! Next time I'll tell them they can give me the shot in the hallway. Medicade refused to cover my tetanus shot! Does that mean they'll cover the bills from lockjaw? We have a stupid system!

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Health insurance is such a rip off, exclusions after exclusion and to get paid clinics and hospitals now charge for every little thing. Rent of room to give a shot! Next time I'll tell them they can give me the shot in the hallway. Medicade refused to cover my tetanus shot! Does that mean they'll cover the bills from lockjaw? We have a stupid system!

They couldn't give you the shot in the hallway; that would be considered a HIPAA violation. I agree they charge for every little thing, my Cardiologist visit where he talked to me, listened to my heart, poked around my stomach, and ordered two tests, a medication, and talked to me for 45 minutes; $500, in comparison my family doc charges very little for the same quality of healthcare. I can only imagine how much that Echocardiogram cost. Healthcare truly is a stupid system and I honestly don't see it getting any better. One of my classes was insurance based and it is honestly charge for everything including the bandaid.

I don't agree with it at all, and you'll meet the occasional medical professional that agrees; but until the insurance company stops throwing money at major hospitals I don't see anything changing.

[Blue_Bird]

Can't sleep so working on a final paper for a class. I have to be up early, so even if I were to get tired later, it'd be too late to go to sleep. Just pulling an all nighter I guess. I was dealing with voices earlier. It's been driving me nuts. I'm trying my hardest to ignore and distract but sometimes they pull me back in. I will keep working on it. I feel like I'm running into a brick wall repeatedly with that though, I keep trying and keep trying but it's hard. I was on Invega for a long time but had to get off due to developing TD symptoms and massive weight gain. Got off it a year ago, did fantastic for 5 or 6 months. lost the entire 100lbs I gained. Then the voices started creeping back in over time. Kept putting it out of my mind because I felt like I could deal with it myself and that it wasn't a big issue at the time, but the problem has gotten worse rapidly over the past several months, and it's starting to interfere with my life. I don't see my pdoc till January since she's out for surgery. I'll have to discuss it with her then. I don't really want to get back on APs so I don't know what to do. I'm just on a moodstabilizer, ADs, and anti anxiety meds now

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Thanks for letting me still post here even though Im not really bipolar. Its nice to have non-judgemental people to talk to who at least understand some of the ups and downs. Im tired of people trying to say there is something wrong.

The dr the other night even said I have a pretty bad problem with alcohol, kinda ridiculous. Reading my chart doesnt mean you know me. I had never even met him before.

I have a question though. If im done sleeping for the night probably(still a small chance I will sleep again thanks to the whiskey) and im drinking now is it like drinking in the morning or not really because its still really night. I feel like its ok but its a little confusing. Its only 1am here if that makes a difference. And I dont work until this afternoon. I dont want to prove the dr right though lol so I feel like morning drinking would be bad but this probably doesnt count

[tecomsin]

What are they trying to say is wrong?