[Moose72]

I took a long walk today with n3. I wore my birkenstocks so now my feet hurt. We walked to Dairy Queen instead of drivingbecause it is a gorgeous day here- sunny, nearly 80, nice breeze- all the trees and flowers fully in bloom. Id love to just get ready for bed now and fall asleep. At least another hour at the least to go before I'll fall asleep.

[Blue_Bird]

I managed to walk 8 miles total today, so that's good I've been a little emotional the past few days but there are reasons for that. I'm doing pretty well otherwise, trying to figure out what to do with all the time on my hands. Will look into volunteering soon.

I'm trying to not be obsessed with my weight. I'm a month and a half into my ED recovery and I'm getting a bit obsessive again. This sounds weird but if anyone knows The Sims (the videogame) I'm trying to see myself as a person like that, who has needs, social, hunger, sleep, entertainment, etc. In the game you have to keep those bars from going too low, so I'm working on doing that in my actual life. lol

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I managed to walk 8 miles total today, so that's good I've been a little emotional the past few days but there are reasons for that. I'm doing pretty well otherwise, trying to figure out what to do with all the time on my hands. Will look into volunteering soon.

I'm trying to not be obsessed with my weight. I'm a month and a half into my ED recovery and I'm getting a bit obsessive again. This sounds weird but if anyone knows The Sims (the videogame) I'm trying to see myself as a person like that, who has needs, social, hunger, sleep, entertainment, etc. In the game you have to keep those bars from going too low, so I'm working on doing that in my actual life. lol

I used to play the Sims as a kid and recently started playing again one day when bored. I actually had the exact same thought as you, how funny is that! Like oh look those Sims get upset if we don't take care of their needs, I should think of myself like that. Honestly, it makes a lot of sense, I will sometimes ignore those basic needs then wonder why I am upset and feel lousy. As somehow who has recovered from an eating disorder I know it can be so challenging and those obsessive thoughts find a way to come back in. Give yourself some much needed self compassion if you can, you are doing great to have made it this far!

[MsSunflower]

Been keeping pretty busy this week. Went to day hospital groups on Monday and Tuesday. Working on some new craft projects the last two days. Getting outside for errands or for a walk in the nice weather (before it gets too hot). Still feel like I'm making myself do these things because I have to and not really enjoying things. Feeling tired and have been experiencing a lot of derealisation. Spending all my time trying to keep my mind calm but I keep forgetting to eat or shower or anything to take care of myself. Just trying really hard not to get depressed.

[Wander]

Thanks to those who gave me much needed hugs, and those who read my posts and care. The support I get here gives me strength and comfort. I send hugs and love to everyone here.

Autumn has finally settled in with last night being 7`C (45`F) and daytime max at 17`C (60`F). Not cold for a lot of you guys but here in southern Australia it is, and it can get to freezing during winter too. This leads me to have to wear a wetsuit to swim in the ocean, and worse water conditions at times too. Maybe I will try and use the local pool, but it is nothing compared to being immersed in nature.

I am losing weight. It is great because I gained during my last admission, but not so good as I am barely eating. I am just not hungry. Probably all the stress. I am becoming very reactive at times now. It is like agitation but I doubt it's from the Bipolar. Really simple things like a single word can make me wild and sen me into a downward spiral. Basically, I am being triggered and it pulls up all the emotions surrounding the trauma. I've been through worse PTSD than this before so right now I can handle it. Thankfully my partner was around for some of that time I was seriously ill with PTSD so he understands me, knows how to help me, and graciously accepts me when I am snappy and quite nasty at times. He doesn't let himself be trod on though and sets firm boundaries. I love this as it keeps him from drowning with me.

Chinese dinner with my partner, parents, sister, brother-in-law, and four nieces and nephews tonight. Should be wonderful. It is for my mother's birthday.

I feel well this morning and it's another sunny day. I did more than usual yesterday, but was tired by dinner time. I think I fell asleep last night around 11:15 pm and woke up feeling nicely rested at 5:45 am. That's slightly less sleep than my normal, but was still in the OK range.

I don't know if the small dose of Latuda is helping or if laying low has helped, but I do feel I'm pretty much out of that mixed episode I was in. The small dose of Latuda has not had any negative effects so far. Only positive. Maybe my psychiatrist may consider lowering my Seroquel XR a bit next week. I'd be OK if he lowered it a good amount over time and even tried raising the Latuda dose. I have taken the Latuda in the morning twice and afternoon once and my appetite was actually reduced up until a bit after taking my Seroquel XR in the evening. I think taking Latuda in the morning is right for me. It does not sedate me at all. My Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) may reduce the effectiveness of the Latuda (Tegretol has several drug interactions). For that reason, I assume my dose of Latuda would need to at least double at some point, especially if my Seroquel XR is reduced.

My copay for Latuda would normally be $75 per month, but with their online coupon it is $15. That coupon applies for a while. I assume if my dose goes up I could shift it from the 20 mg pills to higher milligram pills, at least that was possible way back when when I used a similar coupon for brand Seroquel XR (before it went generic).

[fern46]

BirdDancer, I'm so happy to hear this update. It sounds like things are so much better for you than they were a few days ago. I hope the med adjustments continue to work for you. I know it was difficult to trust and try something that seemed like it might not work. Good for you for giving it a chance.

Enjoy the sunshine today!

[Sunflower123]

I’m so cranky today that I can’t stand myself or anybody else. Everybody and everything is irritating me. I feel a lot of pressure to get things set up and done before I leave for vacation for two weeks and I’m so stressed my face has broken out in a bright red rash. Lovely.

I did attend a drum circle the other night and had a nice time and I’m loving having my daughter home for the summer. We’re having lots of fun. Idk why I woke up today so crabby.

Thank you for letting me vent. You guys know more about my inner world then most of the people in my life do. I appreciate PC and all of you who make this forum special.

I was supposed to have a post-operative follow up with my surgeon today, but my grandma called 911 and had to be rushed to the ER. I guess the next closest appt is July 16th... Thank god I already had my first post op appt.

My grandma had excruciating pain in her shoulder and neck, so she had to get a CT scan, x-ray, bloodwork, and urinary analysis. Thankfully they all turned up negative and she only had a strained muscle.

After we got back from the hospital, I picked up her prescriptions and got her a big chocolate cupcake from the bakery. Chocolate is her favorite flavor of cake.

I’m just glad she’s ok and that I got to see her because I was about to leave to go to the surgeon. Literally.

Overwhelming day, to say the least, but I’m doing well otherwise. Had some voices on Wednesday morning that lasted 20 mins, but I realized they were fake.

[lightly toasted]

Our kitty's been really sick, and I'm struggling. My anxiety is off the charts, and at times I feel myself sinking. It's taking everything I have to hold it together so we can focus on getting our kitty well again...I just haven't had any strength or focus for anything outside of that, including reading the forum, I'm sorry.

Thank goodness for seroquel, at least most nights, not all, but most nights I'm sleeping. Without it I'd be a complete and utter wreck. And thank goodness for my husband, we can cling to each other and have a good cry when needed, and take turns being the strong one.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

So sorry about your cat Lightly Toasted. I have a cat with significant health issues and I know it's hard. I hope he/she starts to feel better soon (and that you do too).

[Daonnachd]

Our pets mean so much to us. For me the concern comes from my kitty's age. She's 16 or 17 years old.

I'm happy right now to be able to post again. For several days the text box was grey and I couldn't reply. I thought it was going to be the end of PC for me. For a while I would read and give hugs, but even that stopped. Then, on a whim, I decided to check in and see if I could participate. Here I am.

My car wouldn't start again this morning. It's been raining for the last three days in the San Francisco Bay Area and whenever we get rain my car shorts out. That's the major drama of today. It caused a bit of a hiccup getting my son to school. I'm also going through the process of applying for financial assistance from the hospital where I get ECT. They want loads of paperwork. It always grinds me down, but with the ECT I don't remember the process from one year to the next. There's more stress going on, but I've gone on long enough. Glad to be back.

[Unrigged64072835]

Still low but sleeping okay. Saw regular doc yesterday. I mentioned the blood pressure going up so he put me on a low dose Med for that, plus a different NSAID for my back pain. Apparently I’m straining my obliques from all the standing. I’m seeing the dietician again for weight management because that’s going up as well. I’ll see him again in two months. In the meantime I have to check my blood pressure daily and keep a food log. Ugh.

Our cat is acting strange. She’s more aloof now and is not finishing her food. She’s usually food motivated so leaving food is not like her. The polyps in her ears are going down but she’s scratching them more, so I’m concerned about ear infections and being in pain.

On the plus side I’m slowly sewing still so that keeps me busy.

Just tired, again. For it being warm and sunny I have no energy to move or go out.

Love to everyone!

[Moose72]

I got a sunburn yesterday from a long walk on a cloudy day. I think its related to the Seroquel and\or Haldol. So I bought a wide-brimmed hat for walks and parades etc. I got the same for my mom. She just texted me and said thank you for the hat. She was a bit grumpy when I was visiting, about the new windows in the kitchen being messed up, and my eldest being out and about and not saying where he went. He's 21! Sometimes I think my mother is just plain undiagnosed BPD.... She used to have control issues- had to control every aspect of everyone's lives. I think she has cooled off a bit in that regard, but I also have to deal with my 3 adult children you know? I really try to not worry about it- i have my own crap to deal with- i.e. bipolar disorder taking over my life- and im doung better than I was years ago. MUCH.

[yellow_fleurs]

Lightly Toasted, your cat is lucky to have someone that cares so much about them. Hope they feel better, soon!

I had my Achilles tendon ultrasound. I went to the wrong building twice (one was 15 minutes away!) but they were so nice to take me anyways. The doctor who did the ultrasound was really kind. They (doctor/tech) said they were sure I wanted to run again and I admitted I had lost hope. They told me I was too young to think like that, yet I have dealt with this for 14 years. Anyways I guess it was good news as no tears showed up but I do have mild tendonosis. Does not explain all my problems, but at least my rheumatologist is going to refer me for physical therapy. So, it's something to try again, and also it shows there is something there, not that I am imagining it or something.

Got my hair cut yesterday, not sure how I feel about it but I got a compliment so maybe it looks okay. Tomorrow is a day at the garden working.
Looked at an apartment today, trying to decide if it's worth it to have less money and be more financially stressed but have more space or not.

Sending compassion to everyone. Have a great weekend!

[Wander]

Great. Now on top of my hip my stomach is playing up again. It’s amazing what stress can do to the body. I’m also utterly exhausted. PTSD sucks. I’m either aware of all the trauma and dissociate constantly, or my body fails because of it and to give my mind a break. Last night my body went into shock with no apparent trigger. No matter how many blankets and clothes I had on I shook and shivered for half an hour.

Voted in our federal election this morning. Did the food shopping. Now I will sleep and lay on the couch all day. I feel like hell.

Today is the third gorgeous day in a row after days of rain. Hubby and I will work on our deck. I'm hoping it will be ready and with brand new deck furniture by next weekend for a BBQ. That would be nice. Later down the line it starts to get hot and humid.

I'm again feeling well. Yesterday I did a good amount of chores, including a small spring cleaning project. I also made a homemade apple streudel and rhubarb streudel. The apple streudel is particularly yummy! They're really quite easy to make if you use phyllo dough.

lightly_toasted, hope your kitty feels better soon!

Daonnachd, I know how rain is welcome in the Bay Area (I lived in Berkeley briefly years back), but that's a bummer about your car.

Wander, glad you voted! Voting is so important!

To everyone else, too, big hugs.

I'm doing ok.

I did a lot of driving around this morning with my dad since he doesn't have his new car yet -- though supposedly the car will arrive at the dealership on Monday, ready for pickup on Tuesday. Driving is really agitating for me because drivers around here are godawful. I've seen a lady WRITE IN A BOOK on the highway, as well as a guy shaving and a girl doing her nails. Also seen people read newspapers, and one of my dad's old friends happened to be one of those people. Texters are bad too, but not as bad as writing in a book. I wish I were lying about that. I was astounded and appalled when I saw that.

If you're ever a passenger in a car and you're on the highway, it's always scary to look out the window and see what other people are doing when they're driving.

Needless to say, I'm glad I'm done driving after going to Home Depot, Target, the grocery store, etc.. I feel a lot less anxious.

[Unrigged64072835]

Cat is doing better.

I'm cranky, though. May also have to get an antihistamine. Going outside is torture with all the pollen. Also need to avoid people for a while, or just ignore them. Just getting to me right now.

Didn't sleep well again. Had to make sure all the drowsy meds didn't make me too drowsy, so started with the blood pressure med. I tossed and turned a lot , so I'll add the extra Trileptal next. I managed to get some work done though so I'm good with that. It'll be plenty warm today so we'll be indoors for the most part. That, and graduation ceremonies are a thing this weekend and next week.

Hope all of you who are struggling find some relief of stress, whatever the situation.

Love to everyone.

[Blue_Bird]

Just thought I'd share this article, there's definitely a lot of changes I need to make in my diet. Obviously it doesn't cure Bipolar but can be helpful along with the other treatments, meds and therapy.

Mindful Eating: Tips on How To Make Better Food Choices | bpHope.com

[Blue_Bird]

I'm doing good, I had very bad anxiety and agitation yesterday but I made myself use my coping skills and I got through it. I'm going to a vigil mass tonight which will be nice, really looking forward to it.

[Moose72]

Watching "The Therory of Everything" about Stephen Hawking. I'd thought of going out to the movies but nothing looks good. No plans today. Oh well. Everyone is busy, sick, or dead. (My good friend died of cancer 6 weeks ago and I still finding myself wanting to call him up.) I have this urge to make a book on lulu but I don't have a laptop on which to do it.

[lightly toasted]

Thanks everyone for the hugs and replies to my post, I forgot how much that helps

Our cat was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism last Saturday, which explained the weight loss and the intermittent soft poops. But 24 hours after her vet visit, she started having liquid diarrhea and stopped eating.

She seems to have turned a corner now, and she's eating and her poops are less liquid, and she's all around a bit brighter. She still needs to gain weight, but it looks like were on the way to getting her to the baseline of health she needs to be to start the treatment for Hypothyroidism. She'll be having radioactive iodine therapy, and the closest cat nuclear medicine place is a 5 hour drive away. It's expensive, and we had to ask the bank to raise our credit card limit so we could pay for it...but, we'll worry about the money later.

I did remember to ask for a b12 shot for her last night, something the vet "forgets" probably because it only costs $17 - and it's made her feel quite a bit better.

Hugs to everyone, thanks for listening/reading

[Moose72]

Taking n3 to work soon. Been watching "The Theory of Everything". Need something other than almonds. I guess im forced to clean. Lol

[Moose72]

One Hour Photo arrived today- early! Its a spooky movie with Robin Williams starring. It was supposed to star Jack Nicholson but he turned it down. I think having Robin Williams in such a creepy roll just made the movie!