I'm having a bad week, and it's only going to get worse because I cracked a molar and need a crown, which I will get on Monday. I won't even have a car to drive to the dentist, either, because I'm bringing it to the shop for repair tomorrow. So now my dad is going to have to drive me to the dentist and back. ugh. (Auto insurance said that the car won't be looked at until Monday, but that I needed to drop it off tomorrow (Friday).) I also needed to see my ENT surgeon for a post-op follow up and I got so lucky that there was a cancellation for tomorrow... but it's tomorrow, at the same time I have to drop off the car, so that's not happening. Then I have to miss an important meeting at work tomorrow because I'm wasting my time dropping off my car.

Thanks b_tch, for hitting my car.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Spent my night in the drunk tank, most of the time banging my head, soaking wet laying in a puddle of all the water I spilled. Apparently I was throwing things at home and talking about SI. I dont remember any of that and was very mad that I was locked up because I didnt know I was talking and acting that way. At least I sent my kids to my Dads for the night before things got out of control.

My T isnt around this week and pdoc didnt call me back so I guess I will increase the seroquel tonight since I didnt get to take any last night like I planned.

Ended up missing my abdominal ultrasound this morning since I was locked up and have to wait over a month to get in again.

Ive being going to jiu jitsu and tomorrow is gonna hurt more than ever because I am covered in bruises, even my palms and heels managed to get bruises and every part of my head except the top is banged up and tender. Plus my GP goes too and she knows about last night so it will be embarassing on top of the pain. I still want to go though, I have too much energy to sit at home without people and exercise.

No more booze for me....

[Sunflower123]

My meeting with my daughter’s boyfriend went much better then expected. We met for lunch which he paid for and he brought me flowers. I thought both gestures were lovely and thoughtful. He is a nice young man and I’m pleased he is going to Florida with us.

Doing well. Very tired but doing well. If I stay up all night tonight and tomorrow night I MIGHT be ready to leave by Saturday. So much to do...so little time.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Pookyl]

I’ve had an eventful couple of weeks.
I was put on a new non-psych medication which played havoc with my Lithium. I ended up with Lithium toxicity. I was seeing bugs crawling over me. It was totally weird.
Long story short: my Lithium dose has been decreased and my blood levels are back to normal. I’m still on the non-psych medication but on a lower dose.
Feeling a little ‘meh’ but otherwise good.

Forgot to add that I’m going to Fiji for a wee bit of R’n’R with hubby on Sunday. That should perk me up. My hubby is hoping sunshine will prevent my usual birthday SI.

[Moose72]

I'm at the mall with N3 and friends. They are having prom this weekend and are looking around for things to dress up. Its a masquerade.

[Nammu]

I waited too long to leave, blew up then left. Spent hours at the library then went to the movies, Endgame and out to eat. Took my book with me and read awhile too. It's just too much together time, need separation and aloneness. I really do so much better when I control my environment.

[Moose72]

Prom- so expensive! I only had half an energy bar for dinner. Oh well. We need to grocery shop, pay the bills, see the pdoc tomorrow... Lots of stuff. I was out all day today with N3 and tomorrow I'll be out with him again. At least I showered tonight so pdoc will hopefully see that as a good sign and not hospitalize me. This is a 2-week check-up. I had been seeing her every two MONTHS until the mania. I changed my profile pic, too, btw.

[Victoria'smom]

My computer died so I won't be on much.

[bizi]

The only thing/hobby I have is being a good alcoholic.
sorry that does not make sense.....
bizi

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My computer died so I won't be on much.

Use Tapatalk on your phone

[Wander]

My stomach problems are only worsening. Severe burning pain, always feel full, can barely eat, dizzy, chest pain, exhaustion etc. Tried to get into see my GP today but she was booked out. Due to a public holiday on Monday and her being part-time I cannot see her till Wed. Then I will get the results to see if I have a form of gastritis, if not I will have an endoscopy. Not the best weight loss program to be on.

This is frustrating but I am trying to stay positive. It is so boring being this ill and not being able to eat and drink all the fun stuff. It is difficult to concentrate but I am trying to pass the time reading, listening to music, or watching TV. Not really up to seeing people much so I spend most of my time alone. The good news is I am still stable mentally. Gosh, I would rather this agony over a severe episode. Still have a lot to be thankful for in my life so those things are my focus rather than the pain.

[naturalemotion5]

Did the dishes and cleaned a little. Therapeutic I guess. But can't seem to sit down and relax at all. It feels like I have a lot of energy but I'm not doing much with it, besides acting restless.

I have therapy soon. I'm hoping to talk about my stressful week and to discuss ideas about what I can do to alleviate some of this stress.

I actually haven't had hallucinations in a while now (!) despite being inconsistent with my meds. I guess I'm lucky?

I'll be staying at my parents' house until my car gets fixed, as my insurance WON'T cover a rental and I don't want to pay for one if it's going to take 2-3 weeks for the car to get fixed. Dental crown is already going to cost $670 w/ deductible and car deductible is $1000. Since I can work from home and my boss already knows the car situation, I think I'll be fine at my parents' house. They'll drive me if I need to go somewhere.

[Moose72]

Been up since 6:30- went to starbucks then to see pdoc and case manager. Nothing serious was said- keep on doing what Im doing and she'll add cogentin if my twitches get bothersome. Return in 2 months!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Prom- so expensive! I only had half an energy bar for dinner. Oh well. We need to grocery shop, pay the bills, see the pdoc tomorrow... Lots of stuff. I was out all day today with N3 and tomorrow I'll be out with him again. At least I showered tonight so pdoc will hopefully see that as a good sign and not hospitalize me. This is a 2-week check-up. I had been seeing her every two MONTHS until the mania. I changed my profile pic, too, btw.

I managed to get coffee this morning at 7, saw pdoc at 10:30- that was ok. Just keeping everything the same, but if the tongue and lip twitches get really bothersome, we will add some Cogentin. I next see her in 2 months.

I took N3 to prom. It took us all day to get ready. I took pix of him and his date before. I'm trying to edit them, but the computer is being slow for some reason. I may not be able to see them or edit them at the moment. Its going to be a job since there are so many! Doing laundry - I got all sweaty and gross out in the hot taking pix! I hope I got at least 10 or 20 good ones. We shall see.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I managed to get coffee this morning at 7, saw pdoc at 10:30- that was ok. Just keeping everything the same, but if the tongue and lip twitches get really bothersome, we will add some Cogentin. I next see her in 2 months.

I took N3 to prom. It took us all day to get ready. I took pix of him and his date before. I'm trying to edit them, but the computer is being slow for some reason. I may not be able to see them or edit them at the moment. Its going to be a job since there are so many! Doing laundry - I got all sweaty and gross out in the hot taking pix! I hope I got at least 10 or 20 good ones. We shall see.

I think you should add the cogentin now before they get worse.
just my opinion.
bizi

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Been up since 6:30- went to starbucks then to see pdoc and case manager. Nothing serious was said- keep on doing what Im doing and she'll add cogentin if my twitches get bothersome. Return in 2 months!

As Bizi said. Best to start Cogentin before it gets worse and it can become a permanent side effect.

[~Christina]

Cleaned most of the day, laundry of course too, helped hubby working on our deck it’s going to look amazing once we modify it to fit our home.

Made chicken wraps for dinner so fast and easy!

All the plants we put in are doing wonderful, can’t believe how fast they are growing.

Hugs!

[bpforever1]

I'm doing ok. I'm at my parents' house talking to my mother. I ate breakfast and am relaxing. I feel ok. My mother wonders why I relapsed this last time. I have no explanation.

[Blue_Bird]

Today will be the first day of taking vraylar at night instead of in the morning, it was making me so tired during the day that I was falling asleep

[Moose72]

We just got home from the big neighborhood wide garage sale in my mom's neighborhood! Its thunderstormiing. Just home in the nick of time. Resting, but we have to go out again. This year, for the garage sale, I got a book, and 4 DVD movies. (Noone wants dvds anymore.) Plus a computer case that will fit the laptop my mom is lending me.

I will call pdoc on Monday and tell her that I want the Cogentin now.

I’m doing better these last few days than I have for a while now. I’m slow to recover from emotional turmoil. Or maybe it just seems slow because it’s agonizing and never seems to end. At least it comes in waves, rather than constant. However, I think I’m at least in a period between waves and hope it lasts a little while. I know it’s hard follow when I don’t give any specific indications to my situation. I’ve been intentionally vague and you all have been graciously supportive nonetheless. I feel I at least owe you guys a little explanation So, without excruciating details I’ll sum up some of the issues I’ve been dealing with.

1) I’m going through a bitter separation from my spouse. It’s very much one sided in terms of wanting this divorce. Well technically, we aren’t going to get divorced – at least for a while for a few reasons, but they aren’t really important to my point. It’s painful to have to leave a life you know and someone you love. It’s like ripping your life away from you and leaving you raw and sad.

2) As a consequence of the first point, I am living with my mom again. That is an issue in itself and one I am none too happy about. but it’s the only option I really have right now. There is some comfort there though, having someone who does love me unconditionally around. I don’t know when the living situation will change.

3) I’m unemployed. I am a teacher, and it’s not easy finding positions in a small town or the vicinity. At least this is the time to search—jobs will be open. There are complications with that, however. My evaluations and work have always been highly praised…. But due to some bad moments I have a DUI on my record and that strongly diminishes my record. Not only that, but I worked in a school system that I truly didn’t like and was jaded more than once. It left a very bad taste in my mouth. I also question my ability to work anymore. I have struggled so much personally, and it reflects in my actions. My whole world that I worked so hard to create—one I had to fight for every step of the way – a degree, a job, independence, a car, a license, a home, a marriage… all crumbled. I mean, they can’t take my master’s degree away... but other than personal pride in receiving it, it’s not much good. Just a requirement of my state to teach. I’m not so smart anyway, I think my self-deprecation influences my feelings about my capabilities a lot. But it’s just a reflection of how I feel.

4) Unemployment ran out, which means I have absolutely no money, and I still have certain bills to pay. I’m going to have to find something to help contribute to them. I can’t put the burden on my mom. She’s on a fixed income as it is. Again, I’m not sure I am even cut out to work – I’m a little too damaged from that start.

5) I don’t have a support group or friends. It’s no exaggeration – in my town I have no one. All my friends are either in different countries or states. On top of that because of bad experiences I have no want to try to make friends. I don’t have the energy to discern good people from the bad, or deal with pettiness, ulterior motives or manipulation. I just can’t force myself to do it. I am a social person—I have to warm up to you, but I do enjoy being around other people... I just can’t seem to make anyone stay, or someone I’d consider a good friend.

6) The general effects of depression exacerbate all these issues and leave me feeling emotionally inept.

7) I am having some health issues. I will most likely need to be checked by a doctor if this doesn’t clear up in a few days. It could be potentially serious. I’m not in serious pain or anything... but it is concerning. I’d rather not discuss symptoms or anything like that because it’s a little bit personal the problem.

8) I have to file for bankruptcy – long story short due to my DUI I owe $20,000 on a car. Plus, credit card debt, hospital bills, etc. It took every penny I had saved to get the money together to file. I know it’s supposed to be a lifeline in the end… but it leaves me very stressed trying to get it all together.

So, that’s it. I’m sorry for such a long post, and I’m going to apologize for the “woe is me” mentality. No one wants to attend someone else’s pity party, and that’s all I’m contributing right now to the forum. Again, you all have be amazingly considerate of me and make me feel a welcomed member of the online family. I hope one day soon I can contribute more than just my disparaging remarks of my life. I’ll be sure to limit that as much as possible. If I can’t positively add to the experience of others, I’d rather not contribute at all.

Thanks for reading/listening. It’s appreciated.

[bizi]

You have been thru a lot and have much on your plate.
I wish you much luck with your job search.
bizi

[Unrigged64072835]

Brentus—you’re going through hell. I think we have all been at that point in some form or another. It’s not a pity party. You’re going through a crap ton of crap, and it all sucks. There’s no nice way around it.

You have my love and appreciation for sticking through all this, and I do hope you get to the other side.

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Brentus—you’re going through hell. I think we have all been at that point in some form or another. It’s not a pity party. You’re going through a crap ton of crap, and it all sucks. There’s no nice way around it.

You have my love and appreciation for sticking through all this, and I do hope you get to the other side.

Exactly. Really couldn't have put it any better.
I hope you catch a break (or two or three or more!!) soon, Brentus. You'll be in my thoughts. Thank you for trusting us to share your current struggles with, that can be hard to do. We're here to listen and support you through this. Ok?