Things are going pretty well for me. The weather has been nice with cool, overcast days -- my favorite type of weather. Cool enough to wear long sleeves and long pants but nice enough to sit out with my dog in my lap. Today we were out for hours. I like sitting at the front of the building and watching the world go by. I live in this really picky condo building tho and i am just waiting for someone to make a rule that you can't do that as it seems like there is a rule for everything. Someone complained when i helped the Supers with yard work once. Ack!


I see my doctor on Thursday and i am going to ask to get off the Lamictal trial we've been doing as i just feel it is preventing my annual Spring hypomania from escalating to euphoria. I've been getting up early and that's nice but i've been needing a nap when i can easily go all day during a proper hypomania. Does anybody have any experience withdrawing from Lamictal? Can you go cold-turkey or do you have to do it slowly?

I gave up trying to eat healthy. It's just not possible on Seroquel, which i plan to withdraw from soon. I'm eating about half junk and half healthy so it's bad but could be worse.

[mindblownemoji]

Taking one step at a time!

[Wander]

Health issues still plague me but I’m still positive thankfully. I think this is because I’m stable psychologically.

Due to nearly four months of stability I’m wanting to come completely of Lamotrogine as it make my vision blurry at close range with my glasses on but fine with them off. It’s annoying and would be challenging if I went back to work. I have already reduced my dose from 400 to 325 mg. It will be at 300 mg when I seen my pdoc in 10 days. I am hoping he will agree I can come off it. I was very unstable when on it and it is the Geodon that made me stable.

Another sunny day here. I’m off to celebrate my nieces 15th Birthday with my family. Should be fun. She is very depressed right now and I’m really worried about her. I just hope she doesn’t have my genes and that it is circumstantial so she can recover when things improve.

Hugs to all!

[yellow_fleurs]

Brentus, you really are going through a tremendous amount right now, I am so sorry. It must be all the harder to do without social support. I hope you can find that somehow, at least feel free to come here as much as you need for support. I hope you find a job (that isn't too stressful and you feel capable of handling) and your health turns out to be okay, too.

[giddykitty]

Well I weaned off my bipolar medicine. Don't remember if that's news but I'm still heavy. I've got a long way to go to get back to my pre meds weight. I hope it's not my other meds causing weight gain. Anyway, I'm frustrated. I feel my system is all out of whack. I eat and don't feel hungry and yet other times I'm hungry after eating. It's like my signals are crossed. And I am pretty bad with exercise. Excuse after excuse. Which has gotten me feeling pretty crappy about the whole ordeal. I've gotta start up again tho. Hubby is being supportive and we will both be starting again in about a week. I'm nervous.

I was on a waiting list for my first Meet Up, but a cancellation gave me a spot. I'm a bit excited. It's actually this afternoon at noon. Most get-togethers for this particular group are in the area of my alma mater, but today's is in my town. I signed up for a different group (a Write-in) this coming Tuesday. That's near my town in a cafe.

I'm hoping to make a new friend or two.

[scatterbrained04]

I haven't posted in awhile. I've been a little short on words lately. In general, I'm doing pretty well. I've been combating a lot of work stress. I'm now working more hours to try to keep up with being so busy. I'm now working 45-50 hours per week, where before I was working 40-43. I'm glad my mood has somewhat stabilized, or I would not be able to handle it as well.

I have been struggling with a few things though, and I'm hoping maybe you all can relate. My concentration has been somewhat poor. I can't seem to watch TV or read much. My mind gets so busy, I literally will sit in silence for hours. As the weekends roll around, I'm finding I'm so tired I just want to sleep all day, and I can't get motivated to do anything. I've hardly cleaned in weeks, and now the mess is completely overwhelming. I've also been struggling with not thinking I can handle living with mental illness as time goes on. It affects me so much and people don't understand. Certain things have gotten worse in general over the years, and I feel hopeless about the future and am consistantly frustrated to the point where I'm breaking down into tears every other weekend.

This weekend I have been feeling pretty good, so I'm going to try to put some music on and tackle some of my messy house.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I was on a waiting list for my first Meet Up, but a cancellation gave me a spot. I'm a bit excited. It's actually this afternoon at noon. Most get-togethers for this particular group are in the area of my alma mater, but today's is in my town. I signed up for a different group (a Write-in) this coming Tuesday. That's near my town in a cafe.

I'm hoping to make a new friend or two.

Good luck with your meetup. Hope it goes well! My social anxiety always gets in the way of me doing things like that. It’s something I have to work on in therapy...

Let us know how it goes

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I haven't posted in awhile. I've been a little short on words lately. In general, I'm doing pretty well. I've been combating a lot of work stress. I'm now working more hours to try to keep up with being so busy. I'm now working 45-50 hours per week, where before I was working 40-43. I'm glad my mood has somewhat stabilized, or I would not be able to handle it as well.

I have been struggling with a few things though, and I'm hoping maybe you all can relate. My concentration has been somewhat poor. I can't seem to watch TV or read much. My mind gets so busy, I literally will sit in silence for hours. As the weekends roll around, I'm finding I'm so tired I just want to sleep all day, and I can't get motivated to do anything. I've hardly cleaned in weeks, and now the mess is completely overwhelming. I've also been struggling with not thinking I can handle living with mental illness as time goes on. It affects me so much and people don't understand. Certain things have gotten worse in general over the years, and I feel hopeless about the future and am consistantly frustrated to the point where I'm breaking down into tears every other weekend.

This weekend I have been feeling pretty good, so I'm going to try to put some music on and tackle some of my messy house.

Do you think you have/had a low-grade depression? I know you said you’re feeling good this weekend, but it definitely sounds like low-grade depression—at least that’s how I feel when I’m stressed and slightly depressed.

Since you’re working so much, do you do anything after work to decompress? And can you take breaks during the day? I tend to work from 5am-1pm everyday with no lunch break. Then I leave and work from home from 3pm-6pm. (Takes me 20 mins to get to my apartment, so I’m not working from 1:20-3pm.) Rinse and repeat. The break helps. I guess that’s 60 hrs a week, and then sometimes I work on weekends. But my job (usually) isn’t high stress at all. I find it fun and it’s a hobby of mine. So I might be different.

Originally Posted by Wander

Health issues still plague me but I’m still positive thankfully. I think this is because I’m stable psychologically.

Due to nearly four months of stability I’m wanting to come completely of Lamotrogine as it make my vision blurry at close range with my glasses on but fine with them off. It’s annoying and would be challenging if I went back to work. I have already reduced my dose from 400 to 325 mg. It will be at 300 mg when I seen my pdoc in 10 days. I am hoping he will agree I can come off it. I was very unstable when on it and it is the Geodon that made me stable.

Another sunny day here. I’m off to celebrate my nieces 15th Birthday with my family. Should be fun. She is very depressed right now and I’m really worried about her. I just hope she doesn’t have my genes and that it is circumstantial so she can recover when things improve.

Hugs to all!

Sorry to hear you have blurry vision on lamotrigine. The med works very well for me, but if I ever got blurry vision on it, I’d want to go off it too. I’d prefer to have good vision if given the opportunity to choose.

I hope going off lamotrigine doesn’t destabilize you. Best wishes.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Do you think you have/had a low-grade depression? I know you said you’re feeling good this weekend, but it definitely sounds like low-grade depression—at least that’s how I feel when I’m stressed and slightly depressed.


Since you’re working so much, do you do anything after work to decompress? And can you take breaks during the day? I tend to work from 5am-1pm everyday with no lunch break. Then I leave and work from home from 3pm-6pm. (Takes me 20 mins to get to my apartment, so I’m not working from 1:20-3pm.) Rinse and repeat. The break helps. I guess that’s 60 hrs a week, and then sometimes I work on weekends. But my job (usually) isn’t high stress at all. I find it fun and it’s a hobby of mine. So I might be different.

I'm pretty sure I probably do have low-grade depression. I'm type 2, and I feel like I pretty much deal with some depressive symptoms of varying degrees of severity literally non-stop. And it always feels different depending on what symptoms those are. I suspect too that I have some traits of avoidant personality disorder, which may be a contributing factor. I don't know if I have enough for a diagnosis, but it's definitely there. Ugh I'm literally just so tired of living with psych issues. Treatment for them only helps so much.

Typically I work 9-10 hour days with about a 15 minute break to step outside and smoke and to try to eat lunch. Then on the weekends I might do 1-3 hours of work if needed. Seems like mostly I am scrolling social media or watching YouTube to decompress. I should do more productive things. I'm a single mom with a pretty messy kid, so my house is always a disaster. It drives me nuts and stresses me out. The mess makes me stressed to be home, but at the same time I can't muster the energy and motivation to fix it. It sucks. Makes me feel like a lazy ***.

[Blue_Bird]

No sleep last night, an hour of tossing and turning, then pacing

[sadveiledbride]

Been spiraling into a variety of emotions. Sleep has been weird for me lately. Been going to sleep around dawn and waking up at dinnertime. I've got to change that. Everything is stressing me out and I'm trying to make it through... and just keep on rambling on.

I was woken up at least three times last night by Seroquel nightmares. I sure won't miss the crazy dreams. The last one was so awful i gave up trying to sleep and got up at 5:30am -- extremely early for me. It was a nice overcast day again today and i was out for hours with my dog, just enjoying the day. I ate like an idiot tho, junk, junk, junk.

[Moose72]

Seroquel nightmares huh? Is that why my dreams are so long and complicated AND i have the same dream more than once?

[Naynay99]

Hey. Just checking in to say hi. Anybody up? I’ve been quietly reading stuff but haven’t posted in a while.

Depression is kicking my *** at the moment.
I just feel this huge weight and have motivation zero and all tasks seem too difficult. I sort of feel like I have been swallowed whole and while I know none of what I am feeling is permanent it sure as hell feels like it Right now.

Took a bath today which was a win for me. Have been listening to music more, which has helped some. Funny how some days just feel like a certain band kind of day.

I am way overdue for an appt with my pdoc. He started using some computer system and I never figured out how to set up an acct so haven’t seen him. I think I will try to call for an appt like they did in the old days. He is the last person I would want to go to when D, as he sucks and I only go there to get my RX but maybe he can help. Idk.
I don’t trust him enough to be honest anyway so what’s the point?
Well here’s hoping my mood lifts some by tomorrow. I am not gonna call out of work, bc then I will just stay home and get more depressed. Somehow I will get my *** up and out to work in the morning.
Hope everyone is doing well.

My dentist appt is at 11am today, but I think I’m going to cancel it. I was in excruciating pain last visit because the dentist evidently didn’t know how to use Novocain/lidocaine, or whatever they use. I might just go with an oral surgeon who can knock me out, or who has other pain management options. I’ll see what they can do about the cracked tooth.

My dad said I should cancel it, too.

Otherwise, doing alright. I missed my med doses last night because I fell asleep, so that sucked. I took the Zoloft when I woke up though. I’m hoping my day isn’t too affected by the accidental dose skip, especially since I didn’t take my lamictal or rexulti.

[Scooter9]

I finally took a shower after 5 days. I actually didn't want to but I forced myself.

12 days on Wellbutrin and my body pains have reduced by about 40% but I'm still depressed.

My friend survived the weekend. They're treating clots in the lungs and legs along with the cancer. She got up and walked around during the weekend, which is a good sign.

It's another beautiful day today. The birds are chirping. Hubby and I are so happy with how our deck turned out and our flowers and furniture. I think the local birds hang out more around our little backyard area because it's much prettier than our neighbors'. Unfortunately, that also leads to an occasional bird crap on our deck. Birds can be so disrespectful sometimes!

Yesterday I went to my first Meet Up. It was the Childfree women Meet Up I mentioned. There were six of us. Most ladies were quite pleasant and I enjoyed talking to them. We met first for lunch, then walked to the university museum for a tour. We were actually too late for the tour, so we toured it without a guide. One of the ladies was quite knowledgeable about art history, so she was a worthy substitute. I was happy the museum wasn't busy. The campus was packed with people for graduations.

When the Meet Up ended, we gave the customary "It was so nice to meet you's" but no one seemed to schedule any personal follow-ups. It's so difficult to make friends, even in this way. The hope is to see them again at another one of these Meet Up gatherings. As far as the ages and profiles of the attendees, there were two of us in our late 40s, a woman maybe in her late 50s, and three others in their late 20s to 30s. I was perhaps the only one currently married, other than maybe the 50 something year old lady. They were talking a bit about the dating scene, which I have no clue about anymore. The way they describe dating sounds just horrible to me. I did not mention anything about being on disability or MI. I talked about the past and present interests/work only.

Tomorrow I go to a Tuesday Write-in at a cafe. That will likely involve less socialization, since we're there to write. I'll bring my laptop. Who knows what may happen.

I see my psychiatrist today. I'll tell him that I've been feeling quite good and a lot more physically active. He'll be happy to hear that! I have been getting very tired earlier than usual and sleeping like a rock, more hours than my usual 7-9 hours. Maybe lowering my Seroquel XR again would be a good idea. Or maybe he'll increase my new Latuda. I'll share what happens later. I'll see him again in three weeks, then perhaps not for several because he always takes a long summer vacation.

I need to start studying French again. I decided to finish out my three remaining paid private classes. Then I'll stop with him and join the group classes at the French school in September. I have been practicing French with hubby. I made a French recipe the other day (written all in French) and saw a French movie last night.

[hopeless2015]

Trucking along here. Dentist appointment this afternoon. Always dred those but it's so nice once the cleaning is over with to have shiny clean teeth

Hugs

[Sunflower123]

Doing relatively well. Some anxiety and fear last night and this morning. Relaxing at the beach...enjoying sitting in the surf and floating when it’s calm. Beautiful weather.

It’s been nice having two energetic 20 and 21 year olds here because they are doing everything before I can jump in. They have done the grocerying, cooking and cleaning up, and setting up stuff on the beach. My daughter knows my back hurts badly (X-rays were clear...I start PT when I get back). Just enough alone and together time to make it a lovely vacation so far.

There’s a great place up the beach that has the best doughnuts for breakfast and a fresh seafood market the other way with fresh catch daily. Both have been here for decades. Going to head to the seafood market soon to see what’s for lunch.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

Not much looking forward to work today. Yesterday was horrible, right down to being chewed out and insulted left and right by an *** of a customer. Everyone said don't worry, he's an *** to everyone (he's an old racist and sexist crank), but damn, I cried afterwards anyway (while trying to wait on other customers). Had forgotten to take my meds too, which didn't help.

It was EVERYTHING I could do not to just walk out the door.

Almost done there. So last night didn't I go and have a little nightmare about the new place.

I'm just feeling very unsettled and anxious lately.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Not much looking forward to work today. Yesterday was horrible, right down to being chewed out and insulted left and right by an *** of a customer. Everyone said don't worry, he's an *** to everyone (he's an old racist and sexist crank), but damn, I cried afterwards anyway (while trying to wait on other customers). Had forgotten to take my meds too, which didn't help.

It was EVERYTHING I could do not to just walk out the door.

Almost done there. So last night didn't I go and have a little nightmare about the new place.

I'm just feeling very unsettled and anxious lately.

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time right now. You didn’t deserve to be chewed out. I hope things look up soon. Sending big hugs.

Friday is my pdoc's last day. I was supposed to have an appointment with him this Thursday, but my mom called them and they said I didn't have an appointment. I have the ****ing appointment card for the 6th. I'm done with their BS. I'm supposed to see him every two weeks and I haven't seen him in seven weeks because they keep cancelling on me (I cancelled one because I was in the hospital). So basically I'm never seeing my pdoc again. Good thing I'm in an IOP or I would go straight to the hospital for broken knuckles.

Well, today started out really rough. I had some bad dreams (I wouldn’t consider them nightmares – nightmares include intense fear and critical situations in my book. This was just dreams about arguing and things like that. Upsetting, but not nightmare material) that affected me for a few hours after waking up. I’m still sleeping on the couch (2.5 months into this crap) for multiple reasons. A) My old room has become a junk room and there is literally no place for me. The room is barely big enough for the bed in it, and all my stuff is still jammed in my car. There is effectively NO ROOM. B) I dread having that room back. While I’m on the couch, it feels temporary.. that things are going to change and I won’t be here forever… but if I have that room again.. it feels permanent. That’s something I really don’t want.

It’s always hard going from independence to being dependent.. but it’s even worse when you fought tooth and nail for independence late in life with no support and everyone against you. It’s a slap in the face when you have to move back in with the very person who said you couldn’t make it on your own. It’s not a great feeling.

I at least had the energy today to get up. It’s a beautiful day and I went outside for a little while to do some errands. I like to go walking, but I just don’t have the energy to do that today. If tomorrow is also nice—that is my goal. To force myself to go walking.

So, nothing new, nothing’s changed. I’m looking at the pieces of my life and not even sure I want to try to piece it back together. ☹