[gina_re]

Well that interview that I went to today wasn't what I expected at all. I had applied for a job at a staffing agency, not a job they posted, but a position within the agency itself. Well it turns out they were just doing open interviews for open positions they have. So I was a bit disappointed, but hopefully I can still get a job out of it.
I don't think I checked in over the weekend, but nothing happened anyway, I was in bed for all of it. But tomorrow I get to go to my sister's to help out with the kids while she goes for a doctor visit. So that's definitely something to look forward to.

[bpforever1]

I'm doing fine. I walked this morning then washed three loads of laundry. Life is good!

I have felt so revved up today that I almost thought I was on the verge of a heart attack. I just took some Ativan prn. That will help. I don't plan to do anything for dinner. We can microwave some leftover Stouffer's lasagna. We didn't like it because we're too spoiled with me making everything homemade. I think I have heartburn. I ate only crap today.

I saw my therapist and it was a bit crazy. What was nice was that later my psychiatrist called me. I apologized for the voicemail I left for him yesterday. I was...angry. But I did call a second time to tell him to ignore my first message. He asked me if I started the Latuda. I said the pharmacy had to order it for tomorrow, which is true, and that I would give it a fair shake.

You will never believe what I accomplished today! I went through my files and separated everything into recycling, shredding and keeping(!!) A tedious chore, but I pushed through. Pretty proud of myself for finally tackling that. (Now I just need to buy a shredder, lol). Also did some cleaning in the kitchen. Cleaned my room up too. Not feeling hypo or anything. The cooler rainy weather probably helped. Well, the coffee too.

The interview this morning went pretty well. Turns out it is a floating position over about a dozen shops. Not sure I really want that. Some are rather far-flung, especially taking transit. I'll still plug 'em in and see if it's do-able (I'm thinking it's not particularly feasible...)

Hugs to any who would like them.

[VerMOZZica]

I did a little cleaning and organizing as well today. I also did some laundry. Yesterday I went to my first therapy appointment ( with this therapist anyway). I`m not too sure about therapy as you see I`ve tried it before and didn`t find it particularly helpful . The other thing is that they want me to see her every week which I also find difficult as it`s hard for to get out of the house sometimes. I don`t know and again I`m not too sure.

I hope you all have a fantastic week. Hugs and good wishes to all that want them.

Today is at least sunny, unlike several previous days. It's still unseasonably chilly. I confess I went to Burger King for breakfast (ate junk) and then to the grocery store to pick up a few things.

I called my dad. He is home from the psych hospital. I hadn't visited him for several days and had only called him on my birthday, when he was still in the hospital. He said today that he didn't remember me calling him on my birthday. I guess I can understand that. He was heavily sedated. He says he is still very depressed, even now that he's home. I told him not to worry about anything (he was complaining about not finding things) and that he would benefit from going outside and sitting in his gazebo with a book or walking to his pond. Out of the blue he said "I'm not drinking!" I said I believed him and that it's important he not. I asked him if he is taking any medications the hospital prescribed. He said "yes" and I said that he should keep taking them and that they need time to work...be patient. I then asked when he is starting his IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). He said this Saturday. I don't know why he has to wait that long. My sister told me my brother will be taking him there and picking him up on the days that he goes.

After my phone call to my father, I called my sister who works from home on Mondays and Wednesdays. I told her the above and asked if she could ask my nephew to go visit him. She said she had already asked the same of him. Before I hung up with my sister, she said my nephew was on his way to my dad's house. I wish I was able to visit my father, but I'm not in a condition to do so. I'm glad that I will finally be able to pick up the Latuda, my psychiatrist prescribed, later this afternoon. I hope it helps. I hope to visit Dad, with my husband, this Sunday.

[pirilin]

From what I've read, everybody that posted in this page is up beat. GRRRRRRRRREAT!!!.
KEEP IT UP!!!!.

Cheers.

[Moose72]

I went to talk to N3's counselor at school this afternoon. The online school parent log in said he was failing a lot. (He's a senior ; there are only two weeks left!) The counselor said he has enough credits to graduate now even with maybe not passing. So long story short, I THINK he's actually going to pass (assuming he takes his exams). This has been so frustrating. He's so intelligent! Why does he do this??

My PC pals, I'm sorry I'm writing so much, but I am feeling progressively unwell again. I nearly had a breakdown at the pharmacy a little while ago. I can't even go into it again (I told my husband), but I couldn't think straight. It was as if the pharmacist was speaking some other language. She kept confusing me. I finally go to the point where I told her I didn't feel well and am having trouble understanding. Then I had to pay, and I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid credit card thingy to function. I was supposed to sign it, but I couldn't figure out how to get it to the signing screen. I had managed on that thing in the past. I finally just threw the pen-like thing and said "You have to get it so I can sign it! I can't do it!" so she did, and I managed the rest. The customer behind me was staring at me not just because of that but because of all the stuff I was saying before. I was getting so nervous and starting to rant. I got home and called my husband and told him and said that I just have to go bed. I am in bed and I don't want to leave. I told him I don't know if I can do anything more today. Too many things are coming at me and I feel like it's overload. An old friend contacted me. The French teacher contacted me. Verizon called three times. I discovered a message on the answering machine from my Dad from yesterday that I never even noticed. OMG! What if that had been his last call ever! I have this horrible nightmare that someone is trying to call me to reach out for help, but I never hear it until too late. It reminds me of this call on this TV movie from a man calling his family from the World Trade Center on 9-11 after the plane hit the building. His family wasn't home, so he was leaving a message on the answering machine in desperation. And then it cut off.

I decided to take the 20 mg of Latuda as soon as I got home, though I should take it either in the morning or evening. Who cares that I took it in the afternoon. I'll take it again tomorrow morning. The pill is so small that I could hardly see it. It's smaller than a baby aspirin. Though I'm glad not to have another big pill in my boxes, I sometimes have trouble with these smaller pills falling through my fingers onto the floor. It's really hard to have to get on your hands and knees and search for a teeny tiny pill on the rug under the table, where it's dark. I'm also always so scared that I'll never find it and my parrot will for some reason be on the floor and eat it.

Add on (an hour later):

I went downstairs to get a drink of water and noticed a cop car through my front door. I looked and there were three cop cars, an EMT, and an ambulance. You better believe I felt spooked. It appeared to be for our neighbor. Our houses are all attached. I got dressed and went out and asked a cop how long they'd be there. He said "Do you need to get out?" and I told him no, but that if he sees my husband's golden Subaru to immediately tell him its not me. That would scare the hell out of my husband, as such a scene has been here for me a couple of times ago. I tried to reach my husband by phone/cell phone, but couldn't get him at first. I finally did and warned him myself. He said that he was just leaving.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My PC pals, I'm sorry I'm writing so much, but I am feeling progressively unwell again.

BirdDancer...I’m sorry you are struggling so much and hope you feel better soon.

[Sunflower123]

This morning the panic attacks started early and kept coming until I was in the fetal position fighting to breathe. My usual bag of tricks didn’t work and I must admit that after many hours, I took 10 mg of Xanax over a period of time. That did the trick along with chamomile tea and lavender essential oil. Feeling calmer now. I know why I had them and that understanding didn’t help at all.

Was calm enough to go out to celebrate my 84 year old mother’s birthday. I had an incredible dish called Cannelloni de Bianco. Delicious.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Moose72]

Rant: n3 has this coworker who wanted a ride home tonight. She's 21 and never seems to have a ride home from work. The shift ends at 10 pm and today n3 didnt get done until 1030. Because of her. She always asks at the last second- literally getting in the car and asking or having n3 text me to ask when its already after 10. She is always getting suspended for not having a drs note when she calls in. Yet she's not fired. I have taken her home a LOT over the time n3 has worked there. She always says thank you and she is polite but tonight I was just not havin it. Im barely out of my manic episode and am probably still hypo and i don't need to mess up my sleep even more staying out untill 1130 by the time we finally get home from driving her. N3 has to get up at 7 for school. N3 really needs to ask the owner for a transfer- that place is outta control- seriously. People quit left and right. Their turnover is huge. This is n3s first job. So yeah- Im not pleased tonight and I said no. Period. Im a damned grown *** adult! So yeah.... Rant off

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm hypo, a bit mixed if I'm honest. I have been for days and I just don't know what to say so I haven't said anything. Oddly I'm sleeping. Not well, 45 minutes asleep, 15-30 awake, repeat but it is sleep which I don't usually get with this kind of episode. I'm been in touch with my pdoc and have 2 options to stop this. I just hate the 2nd which is a 4 day pulse of my clozapine. Last time I did that I was barely functional. But I will if I have to.

[Victoria'smom]

IDK how I am my head still hurt well mainly my eye still. I'm going to get dramamine tomorrow for my nausea. My husband wants me to go to the dr.

[Wander]

Saw my T yesterday. The grounding techniques are not helping pull me out of dissociation. In face I am having trouble practicing or using them. I feel exposed for some reason. He suggested I see another T as a fresh approach may help. I freaked out. I have been seeing him for nine years. Building up trust like that with another T would take years so no work would get done anyway. My T reassured me he wasn't trying to get rid of me. He just wanted me to be aware of that option. It was a tough session, but very enlightening.

The feelings of being trapped and terrified grip me at times. Interestingly enough my recent psychosis that was based on the delusion that all authority figures in mental health were controlling and manipulating me seems to be grounded in a lifetime of authority figures screwing me over. Once I recovered PTSD hit me. My brain is obviously working some things out. I have hope that I will be much more able to simply be myself soon and be content.

[fern46]

I've been sick for the past few days. Everyone in my house had a stomach bug. Luckily I was able to slow down and rest for a day. That's pretty rare for me.

I had a dream last night that triggered memories I had repressed from my episode late last year. My brain spun on it for a while before I got up. That always scares me because it worries me I will relapse if I think about it too much. I had to use my coping skills which I haven't needed in a long time. I hate starting a day like this, but I'm not going to let it consume me. The memory wanted to surface. I just need to let it come up and make peace with it.

[rwwff]

Well, I got results back from my DaTscan (brain scan for dopamine things). My neurologist's first impression was wrong after all, and I don't have Parkinson's Disease! Which is a huge relief. Definitely was an expensive test, but knowing for sure which treatment to pursue for my tremors I think made it worth the cost. So for the time being the abilify stays and a sprinkle of cogentin keeps the neurologist at bay!

[liveforsummer]

Been a while since I’ve read or posted. It’s been a struggle. I’ve got great family and friends, I need to learn to lean on them more.
Happy sunny day here, I hope yours is a good one 😊

[Nammu]

My neck has really been bothering me again. Wakes me up and makes it hard to sleep. I spent the night tossing from side to side, putting covers on, taking covers off, playing the revolving pillow game. I can't recall all the fancy medical jargon they used to say what's wrong with my spine, but there's several problems including mechanical. Every time a surgeon sees my neck pictures they want to do fusion surgery. So far I've held out. I've used several types of injections, spinal manipulation and acupuncture successfully, but it's all wearing off. The lack of deep sleep just makes the pain worse, a never ending cycle.

I took my first dose of Latuda yesterday afternoon and second this morning. I guess it's too early to know if the small dose will help. At this moment, I'm not that revved up or depressed. I'm slightly miserable, but that could be a result of me forgetting to take my evening meds last night until much later than usual. I always wake up at least a little miserable, and usually with a headache, in such cases.

I'd like to do something in the house today. I'll avoid going out except for perhaps a walk. The weather is lovely right now. I'm not going to respond to any calls or emails that I don't want to. They can wait.

[Miss Laura]

Day 2 of restarting meds. Feel hungover massively and shattered beyond belief. I was on my meds for 8 months solid then stopped

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel like hot garbage. I’m sick with a cold and of course I got my period a day early so let’s just add on some cramps while we’re at it. I have so much work for my classes to do too. Uuuugh. But at least my mood is as good as it can be.

I also got that job at that summer camp. I was surprised because I figured since I couldn’t make the staff training days or the first two days of camp I wouldn’t get it. Didn’t ever hear about the second tutoring job though. It was so weird, the guy made it sound like he was really interested in hiring me and then never called me back. Oh well, probably best not to work two jobs and go to school at the same time.

We should be signing the lease on our house next week, if it passes inspection. I haven’t gotten a call about it yet so I don’t know. If I don’t hear by tomorrow I’ll contact the property manager.

I’m supposed to go to an all day concert on Saturday so I hope I feel better by then!

[Wild Coyote]

Jennifer and Wildflower, I am thinking of you. I hope you are feeling better. Love and Prayers.

[Wild Coyote]

Hello and love to all!

I actually did most of what I set out to do today. The house looks good. All plants watered. Chicken roasting in the oven (will make mashed potatoes, carrots, and cucumber-tomato salad). Pill boxes filled. Parrot played with and fed well. Organized a drawer. Folded and put away a basket of laundry. Washed another, but need to empty the dryer.

A shower would be a good idea and a couple other self-care things that I've ignored, that are very important. I sort of wanted to make a couple streudels (rhubarb and/or apple), but I doubt I'll get to them today. If hubby would help me, I'd do them tonight, but I highly doubt he would.

So far today, I haven't really overeaten. What I ate wasn't ideal, though. I had a peanut butter and preserves sandwich for breakfast and a blueberry and strawberry Dutch Baby for lunch. I think that's it, other than beverages. Oh, I made a pitcher of homemade unsweetened iced tea with fresh mint. That's lovely!