[bpcyclist]

Yeah, if you're not already asleep, mayb etry something non-stimulating and chil for a little while and then try to go back to sleep. Sending you calming, soothing brain vibes.

Saw the Bruins game last night. Was pretty fun. The Bruins used their alternate goalie for the night, though, and he was no good. Not sure why they didn't use Rask like they normally do, but yeah, Bruins lost 4 to 1.

Normally I don't like crowds, but I was in an executive box with people I knew from work, so it wasn't super crowded.

Anyways, been sleeping a lot lately!! Mood is actually perfectly fine. I must be making up for that night where I basically didn't sleep at all.

Also, it looks like my PTO has officially ended... I go back to work tomorrow. I have A LOT of catchup to do.

Hope everyone has a good day and that everyone's start to the new year has been at least alright!

bluebicyle, what a nice way for you to start the new year!

The weather is lovely today in my part of the country. I want hubby and I to take a walk. I need to do a little tidying up and run the vacuum then prep a nice dinner. We're having a friend over for dinner. She has been helping hubby with an aspect of his project that is wrapping up. She's always nice to see. She has a bright and enthusiastic personality.

My sister said a psych NP doesn't think she has BP2, which she was diagnosed with years back, but rather PTSD. Sis is attending a PHP.

[Nammu]

Seems like bipolar II, PTSD and borderline are often confused. Maybe if we didn't live in a country where providers are pushed to give a diganoiseess the first time for insurance purposes there would be less misdiagnoses and more objective reasoning.

I slept again, frequently waking but falling back to sleep. Weird dream, I was at a medical reaserch place and some guy came in and shot the place up. There were 5 of us hit and in bed in the same room. The reaserchers were looking for evidence that one of us 5 did it. They were running out of suspects and I was in the middle of giving an impassioned speech about how they were desperately trying to fit the facts into conclusions instead of letting facts lead to conclusions when I woke up. They were about to say I had done it.

[LadyShadow]

Weird kinda day - I don't feel like doing anything productive or working on anything that I am supposed to be doing.

My emotions are ALL over the damn place - there is a hole in the heart missing the man I love so much - almost desperately.

Trying to cope with those feelings as well as keeping the real symptomatic bipolar madness at bay.

It's been a real struggle and it's not even 2pm yet.

Le sigh.

Had a "pedestrian incident" last night. I was nearly run over by a car while crossing in the crosswalk. Bad enough. But then the next guy YELLED AT ME FOR GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT(!!!!!!!!!) I was ready to throw down. Still angry AF about it today. That POS SOB can rot in hell.

Otherwise, doing ok.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Had a "pedestrian incident" last night. I was nearly run over by a car while crossing in the crosswalk. Bad enough. But then the next guy YELLED AT ME FOR GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT(!!!!!!!!!) I was ready to throw down. Still angry AF about it today. That POS SOB can rot in hell.

Otherwise, doing ok.

I would be pissed off too!! YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY ALWAYS AS THE PEDESTRIAN!!! How did that idiot even get a driver's license?? UGH!!

But the main point is that you're okay and he didn't actually hit you, even though you have every right to still be angry about it.

Geez, what's wrong with humanity today?

Originally Posted by Nammu

Seems like bipolar II, PTSD and borderline are often confused. Maybe if we didn't live in a country where providers are pushed to give a diganoiseess the first time for insurance purposes there would be less misdiagnoses and more objective reasoning.

It would seem pretty quick to diagnose my sister in my view, too. I have also seen that trio mixed up in others. As for my sister, I can definitely see the PTSD. [I won't go into why.] The BP2 has always seemed iffy, in my view, but I have only seen a small percentage of her behavior over my life. I can certainly say she does not have BP1. I can also say with even more certainty that she does not have borderline personality disorder. Maybe her husband might, but not her. She has had issues with anger outbursts at times in her life, but no other symptoms beyond mild depression and social anxiety.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Had a "pedestrian incident" last night. I was nearly run over by a car while crossing in the crosswalk. Bad enough. But then the next guy YELLED AT ME FOR GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT(!!!!!!!!!) I was ready to throw down. Still angry AF about it today. That POS SOB can rot in hell.

Otherwise, doing ok.

Sorry that happened.
So thankful you are okay.

Much Love

[LadyShadow]

Better after a shower. Procrastination kicking in at an all-time high though. Thankfully I'm not up and down.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Had a "pedestrian incident" last night. I was nearly run over by a car while crossing in the crosswalk. Bad enough. But then the next guy YELLED AT ME FOR GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT(!!!!!!!!!) I was ready to throw down. Still angry AF about it today. That POS SOB can rot in hell.

Otherwise, doing ok.

I'm so glad you weren't hurt. You have the right to be upset. Who knows what ailed that "next guy".

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Had a "pedestrian incident" last night. I was nearly run over by a car while crossing in the crosswalk. Bad enough. But then the next guy YELLED AT ME FOR GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT(!!!!!!!!!) I was ready to throw down. Still angry AF about it today. That POS SOB can rot in hell.

Otherwise, doing ok.

I don't know why people do that!! Sorry you had to deal with that.

One time, I saw a car almost run over a homeless man in heavy traffic when the homeless man was in a crosswalk. (The guy in the car was clearly trying to jump a red light to beat all the traffic.) Then well, the homeless man chased him down the street and slammed his fists on the hood of the guy's car and screamed. Then he started pounding on the guy's side windows and continued screaming while yanking on the door handles. The driver freaked out and drove on the sidewalk to get away ASAP because there were cars in the way.

I think that guy learned a valuable lesson: It's really not worth f_cking with people. You never know what the person is going to do to you, ESPECIALLY if they follow you or get your license plate. You never know if the person is batshit crazy. That's precisely why I don't f_ck with people, and why I don't understand other people like to risk it. I mean, is it that hard to wait 2 seconds for someone to cross the street?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Had a "pedestrian incident" last night. I was nearly run over by a car while crossing in the crosswalk. Bad enough. But then the next guy YELLED AT ME FOR GETTING UPSET ABOUT IT(!!!!!!!!!) I was ready to throw down. Still angry AF about it today. That POS SOB can rot in hell.


Otherwise, doing ok.

So grateful your okay ... people are in such a hurry and pay no attention then yell at others . I really hate people sometimes.

[LadyShadow]

An okay day. Up and down and all over the place, but I held it together.

[Sunflower123]

Today was rough. Lots of crying and panic attacks privately. Seeing my aunts just reminded me of the person I no longer am and brought up memories of a different life. To finish it off, I have a rare night off and I’m about to fall asleep. I had so many plans for tonight but today took an emotional toll and I’m exhausted. At least I see M tomorrow. I’m holding on to that.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

[~Christina]

My husband and I are both really hurt emotionally. Heartbroken actually is more fitting.

Each one of our kids blew us off at one day or another while we were there.. we only got to see the granddaughter 3 times.

My husband and I both go without a lot to make these trips , yes that’s what parents do... but

This trip was horrific in just trying to get there and home with out dying in a wreck. I still don’t know how we made it.

Him and I both physically are suffering pain and more breathing difficulties caused by this trip.

I just feel empty... but yet full of emotional pain.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

My husband and I are both really hurt emotionally. Heartbroken actually is more fitting.

Each one of our kids blew us off at one day or another while we were there.. we only got to see the granddaughter 3 times.

My husband and I both go without a lot to make these trips , yes that’s what parents do... but

This trip was horrific in just trying to get there and home with out dying in a wreck. I still don’t know how we made it.

Him and I both physically are suffering pain and more breathing difficulties caused by this trip.

I just feel empty... but yet full of emotional pain.

I’m sorry this happened to you. Sometimes I think our children take us for granted and/or don’t even think of the consequences of their actions on us although they love us to death. Were you able to discuss this with them? It might be better to get it out instead of letting it fester. Just a thought. Sending hugs and supportive vibes.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Today was rough. Lots of crying and panic attacks privately. Seeing my aunts just reminded me of the person I no longer am and brought up memories of a different life. To finish it off, I have a rare night off and I’m about to fall asleep. I had so many plans for tonight but today took an emotional toll and I’m exhausted. At least I see M tomorrow. I’m holding on to that.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I am sorry you are having a rough time, Jennifer. Sounds like the thing with your aunt was fairly triggering. So sorry about that. I definitely can relate. I saw a young either RN or MD, early 30s, with 2 adorable little kids shopping in Safeway yesterday and it made me quite sad. Just brought back all this stuff from younger days. It was hard. I relate. Sorry.

When I have days like you have, where you realize you are not going to be doing what you wanted to do for the evening, I have to take a step back and say: Okay. This is not good. Not what I wanted. But this is my reality tonight. That other stuff will not be happening. Something else will. My desires are conflicting with the universe. Do I want to fight the universe and be miserable, or should I try to accept it and find peace?

So, anyway, that's what I try to do. It's sort of a Buddhist take on non-attachment. Maybe something like that will help you next time.

Be well--

@~Christina: I'm sorry your kids disappointed you when you made such a huge effort to be there. I am reminded of the song "Cat's in the Cradle."

In my news things are calm and quiet and i was pleased that my neighbor who i was hostile to last Fall when i was unwell emailed me about getting together so a dog she is sitting can play with my dog. It will be nice to see her, i have really missed her. The only thing is that i'm feeling really quiet and cannot really carry on a conversation. But we'll laugh at the dogs and hopefully that will be enough. She's seen me in this state before.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am sorry you are having a rough time, Jennifer. Sounds like the thing with your aunt was fairly triggering. So sorry about that. I definitely can relate. I saw a young either RN or MD, early 30s, with 2 adorable little kids shopping in Safeway yesterday and it made me quite sad. Just brought back all this stuff from younger days. It was hard. I relate. Sorry.

When I have days like you have, where you realize you are not going to be doing what you wanted to do for the evening, I have to take a step back and say: Okay. This is not good. Not what I wanted. But this is my reality tonight. That other stuff will not be happening. Something else will. My desires are conflicting with the universe. Do I want to fight the universe and be miserable, or should I try to accept it and find peace?

So, anyway, that's what I try to do. It's sort of a Buddhist take on non-attachment. Maybe something like that will help you next time.

Be well--

Thanks for your response. Your take on it helped me put it in perspective. You are a kind person. Thanks again.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

My husband and I are both really hurt emotionally. Heartbroken actually is more fitting.

Each one of our kids blew us off at one day or another while we were there.. we only got to see the granddaughter 3 times.

My husband and I both go without a lot to make these trips , yes that’s what parents do... but

This trip was horrific in just trying to get there and home with out dying in a wreck. I still don’t know how we made it.

Him and I both physically are suffering pain and more breathing difficulties caused by this trip.

I just feel empty... but yet full of emotional pain.

I am so sorry you are hurting. I would be hurt too.

Maybe you can come up with a schedule of planned events while you are there?...for next time????
I am glad that you have each other to comfort.
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m sorry this happened to you. Sometimes I think our children take us for granted and/or don’t even think of the consequences of their actions on us although they love us to death. Were you able to discuss this with them? It might be better to get it out instead of letting it fester. Just a thought. Sending hugs and supportive vibes.

Thanks Jennifer,

At most my husband and I can come up with are 14 days a year in Florida. We do not expect everyone to drop what they are doing and focus on us.

But ....anyone can make time for anything if they want too.

I’m sitting here in tears typing away and backspacing it all away over and over.

It just really hurts knowing that there has been enough talk especially over the last 2-3 years ...... time is limited.

It just really sucks when you know you matter less and less.

[bizi]

~Christina,
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
bizi

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am so sorry you are hurting. I would be hurt too.

Maybe you can come up with a schedule of planned events while you are there?...for next time????
I am glad that you have each other to comfort.
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

We always book our trips 1.5-2 months in advance.. as soon as we make them we let the kids know ASAP.

I have cried daily since the day we got there.... The 22nd and including today and I’m sure I’ll do the same tomorrow.

I’m grateful I see my T Wednesday. I just can not stop feeling so unwanted.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

This elimination diet is awful. I'm so grouchy because I feel like crap which is probably because my blood sugar is very low. The only thing I can eat which increases it is rice. Rice becomes very boring very quickly when it's your main food. I have made it 3 days; 11 days until I can try something "new". I keep daydreaming about what that will be. Anything that is not rice, fish or chicken. So I sleep a lot and pray for patience.

Tonight I nearly I nearly went after my smoke detector. For some reason it goes off whenever there is steam in the kitchen. I think it is because the kitchen is too close to the alarm but my house is tiny and there isn't another place for it. Anyway I was making food to go with me to my therapist tomorrow because I can't buy anything that is on my safe list and if my blood sugar drops, I need something to raise it.

I really hope this test results in answers. This is a lot to go through to not find out what is wrong.

I really shouldn't try to drive (70 minutes) to see my therapist but I really need to talk someone about this and some other things, so off I go with pre-prepared foods.

Ok, I think the fire alarm is done so I'm going to take a shower (and pray that doesn't start the alarm again) and hope to get to sleep fairly soon.