Bipolar check-in #43

bluebicyle, Lamictal is a moodstabilizer. It, alone, can work well for prophylaxis against mania and depression for some people at some times. 200 mg is a normal dose for many people. I think you should talk to your psychiatrist seriously before going off of it. You know that if you go off of it and need it again that people generally do not go from 0 mg to 200 mg that quickly, because of rash risk. It's not quick like Lithium and other moodstabilizers, or antipsychotics.

I’m really glad to read this.. you have deserved lots of good days for a while now

I’m sorry you have lost your singing voice, I can only imagine how sad that must be.. I’m so grateful you have that CD tho.

Your a complex case Blue. But I’ll be honest when you have gotten off your meds you do okay for a short time, I think that’s due to half life of meds but then you do spiral down into a psychosis, you get very paranoid and too scared to leave the house etc .. it’s just been a pattern over and over, I’m amazed that you can function as well as you do.

Your Pdoc sucks for not addressing side effects don’t you see him this week ??

I just want you to be stable and enjoy life

I think your doing okay psych wise.. but your son is being a jackazz and is causing you increased stress which will certainly start your Bipolar to wobble. Maybe discuss how high of a increase you can take if need be , add it to your safety plan ?

Bluebicyle, I often feel the same. none of my meds are equipped to combat mania. It doesn't help that my treatment places can't agree on my Dx. My goal at these times are to take my medication until I speak to my treatment team. whether it's my therapist or pdoc. Maybe you can keep the goal to take your meds until you can talk to your treatment team? Write down what you want to say so you don't miss anything. Would you ever take injectable medication?

Yes and he is at it again tonight! He had a choir rehearsal at church that his dad called me and asked me to drive him to because there was a death on ex's wife's side of the family. I said I would. I told n3 that he should get a shower before we had to leave. So he gets in the bath and then wont come out when its time to leave! Says hes not going. So I had to call my ex back because he had promised the choir director that n3 would be there tonight. So i got upset. Told n3 I was really disappointed in him. I suspect he didn't care.

Well Im trying to relax watching tv in bed. I see pdoc Friday so yeah. Maybe I should take some prn Haldol tonight?

Well I feel somewhat alone without knowing anyone who can relate to a crazy work schedule and survive with a mood disorder. Though my schedule always changed being an on-call worker, my typical weeklooked like this:

Friday: 1:30 am to 9:30 am
Saturday 1:30 am to 9:30 am
Sunday: 10:00 pm to 6:00 am (overnight)
Monday: 10:00 pm to 6:00 am (overnight)
Wednesday: 3:30 pm to 1:30 am

I work in community centers in swimming pools and ice rinks taking care of the equipment, doing maintenance, etc. It's lot of fun despite the hours. I am so happy that I am now in a full-time role working in one building and starting at 4:00 am every day. I'm feeling very productive with a regular sleep pattern nowadays.

Many people tried to convince me that this was not a career to pursue given my diagnosis and had little support, but I went ahead anyways. I personally enjoy working off-hours, as there is far less human created garbage or drama going on with very few workers and we are too busy doing our tasks anyways. I can focus on doing solid work and feeling useful.

Oh geeez !

What kind of repercussions will he have with his dad for not going?

Maybe you and N3 need a session with a family counselor ?? Maybe iron out some basic rules and punishments? Go to choir or loss your video games for a week, or not do X chores he losses his phone. Etc etc.

He needs to learn every choice he makes will have consequences.

I’m no Doctor of course but if it were me I think I’d take a dose , you don’t need to slide into hell over your kid being a freaking jerk

Just took 2 mg of haldol. I had a 5 mg but decided to go light.

I don't know what his dad will do. He really needs consequences from the choir director- she is the one who was expecting him. Problem is, he thinks he is above consequences because he's "an adult". At least he never misses work. He knows he'd get fired.

But yeah- it all boils down to that he's being a jerk. I think I liked him better when he was 9 saying cute things.

The move is finished as of today. last month one of my cats had to be put to sleep because she was really sick, I still had my other cat Annie, but she got out during the move here. Now I have neither of them I'm heartbroken and miss them so much, and am filled with so much anxiety over the whole thing.

I've been very depressed. Part of it is losing my cats and part of it is likely due to the thorazine. I'm lowering the dose though (with my psychiatrists approval) then am going to ask about getting off of it entirely since I'm already on another AP and moodstabilizer, so I don't feel it's necessary right now and it's doing more harm than good at the moment. Just so sedated constantly and it's impacting my daily life in a very negative way.

@Blue_Bird I'm sorry you've lost your cats. Hopefully you can straighten out the Thorazine.

The nightmares have become more frequent lately. My bedtime meds don`t seem to help too much at the moment but nights are hard for me sometimes. That`s the usual time I get panic attacks . I can handle my racing thoughts better during the day but at night they go into full swing. I suppose that`s also a problem. Thank you so much for asking.

VerMOZZica, have you ever tried Prazosin? It's a blood pressure med that is supposed to help with PTSD symptoms. I've never tried it because my blood pressure is too low so I can't personally recommend it but I've heard it can help.

Yeah kids can be jerks.

He does need to learn many lessons.

I’m so sorry about losing your cat maybe she will show back up at the old place ? Maybe talk to old neighbors to be on the look out

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird The move is finished as of today. last month one of my cats had to be put to sleep because she was really sick, I still had my other cat Annie, but she got out during the move here. Now I have neither of them I'm heartbroken and miss them so much, and am filled with so much anxiety over the whole thing. I've been very depressed. Part of it is losing my cats and part of it is likely due to the thorazine. I'm lowering the dose though (with my psychiatrists approval) then am going to ask about getting off of it entirely since I'm already on another AP and moodstabilizer, so I don't feel it's necessary right now and it's doing more harm than good at the moment. Just so sedated constantly and it's impacting my daily life in a very negative way.

I'm sorry that Annie escaped during the move. I would ask your former neighbors to keep an eye on your old apartment to see if she comes back. I also hope you get to feeling better soon and your meds get ironed out soon.

Trigger warning- SI and action

I had no idea the stress I’ve been under was affecting me so badly. Yesterday I took more benzos than usual. It made me calm initially then very agitated and impulsive. My partner went out the front to have a cigarette and disappeared for an hour. Prior to that I had told him I was struggling to breath. He tried to calm me, thought I was ok then went out. As he disappeared with no notice I freaked. I was actively suicidal and had to curl in a ball to stop the stong impulse to act. When my partner came home rage consumed me and I’m ashamed to say I pushed him against the wall and yelled at him uncontrollably.

Suddenly I poured my pills in my mouth. My partner swiftly pulled them all out my mouth before they dissolved. I didn’t want to die. It was an impulsive act. After a talk and hugs with him I calmed down. I apologised profusely. He kindly forgave me and apologised for leaving without notice. He wanted to take me to hospital but I refused.

That incident has freaked me out. I am not a violent person. Circumstances are pushing me over the edge, and now maybe some PTSD and/or Bipolar has been triggered. I start university tomorrow. Oddly I’m less exhausted than before today. Maybe it was a cathartic release. I’m still agitated today so I have finished my errands and have taken some Seroquel, my prn for agitation, to calm me.

Hopefully the worst is over. My Mum is coming over today. My partner had to work today. I think I’ll be ok as long as this isn’t the beginning of a mixed state. I see my T on Wednesday. I hope he doesn’t make me go to hospital. I want to live. I’m just very irritable and easily provoked.

What about calling your Pdoc for a possible Med tweak or change or even a AP for a few days ? Today? If your tossing a bottle of pills in your mouth and physically laying hands on someone in anger you need help NOW..

What if you get so agitated again you take your pills and no one will know ? Maybe you harm yourself physically ? Your Mom ? Your partner again? Sure your Mom is coming over and your partner is around but if your a mess you could easily leave the room swallow whatever and no one know.

I think your playing with fire and you need help now.

Stay safe

I agree with Christina. Too much risk of another impulsive moment. Please take care of yourself and get help in place. Hopefully it won't grow but you need to get it stopped now.

I think I’m becoming consumed by instagram and it’s becoming unhealthy.
I’d like an old rotary dial phone again ...

Thanks. I have reached out to my pdoc but not heard back.

Got an 8.30 am appointment with my pdoc tomorrow. Hopefully he can make sense of what is happening to me. I feel so ashamed that I became violent. It goes against all I believe in. I hope I haven’t ruined my relationship and traumatised my partner.

My husband has decorated one of our guest rooms is antiques, not specific year but all kinds of old stuff. I finally found him a old rotary phone , it’s next to the Gentle Ben lunch box lol

I don’t fall into Instagram but I do on a Facebook.

Is Instagram interfering with your everyday life?

Glad you got a quick appt. I’m sure he is traumatized by watching you dump a bottle of pills in your mouth and for physically shoving him. I’m sure he will be okay..... but I am almost certain that if you are becoming unwell again in the future he is going to expect you to reach out for help much sooner or make the calls or drive you to IP whether you want to go or not.

Your going to have to agree to something like this. So once things settle down you both need to sit and make up a safety plan, in writing.

I won’t go into details but I scared my husband once years back and we made an agreement that even if I don’t think I need help , I will trust his judgement.

Stay safe