Bipolar check-in #44

Im so happy you are feeling better, I have been concerned

Thanks for the support, Jennifer--I am very grateful.

Hi all. I am home alone. N3 is out with his gf. He went downtown to eat at buffalo wild wings. They took the bus. Two things I told him NOT to do. *sigh* I think I'll watch a movie tonight. Lots to choose from!

Following my T's directions, I've been aggressively pursuing the coping strategies. Today I went for a good walk, did some painting, some sculpting, and read poetry with my wife. I also did dishes and laundry, but I hardly consider those to be coping strategies.

I think "coping strategies" encompass many things, including distraction. I would consider dishes and laundry to be a distraction. When you're not focusing too heavily on your mental anguish, you're actually kinda "coping."

I think that everyone needs to know some distraction techniques in order to cope well. I consider them "fillers" for the times where you can't use traditional coping mechanisms, like taking a walk, riding your bike, visiting people, etc.. Plus, when you actually accomplish something like you did, I think it helps a little vs not accomplishing anything at all by staying in bed all day.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

That rings true. I think you're right.

... and thank you.

I am very relieved to know your sister is helping out. I have been very concerned about your needs being met during this time of "crisis."
Do you have what you need once your sister has helped out?
I hope so.
Much Love and Concern

Thank you! Yes I will, I will also be able to go to the food pantry Monday so that will help as well

What about trying to get out on the bike for a bit? That might cheer you up, get your mind on other things.

My heart goes out to you.

I am absolutely positive Biscuit will remember you.
It has to be so very difficult to be separated from your dog.

You might feel like you should be done with grieving. From what I've read, as well as watching friends, it generally takes approx. 2 years to "recover" from the grief (even the trauma) of all that's involved with divorce.

Many times, the separation period goes longer than the minimum required by law. Some find this helpful, some do not.

During this time, grieving is a major task. Many would argue it's best to pay attention to this task and you'll come out of this better for having done so.

That said, everyone completes the related psychological tasks a bit differently.
Anniversaries of major life changes, especially sad ones, can be very painful.

:Be kind to yourself..

I hope all is well!!

Possible Trigger!!

I can’t live like this anymore. Due to severe ‘Fibro fog’ and exhaustion I can barely read never alone respond to your posts. All the things I love doing have been taken from me. I can barely help out or practically love those I care about. My life is meaningless. I keep fighting but it only wears me out more. I’m sorry for the negativity. I won’t post again. I’m about to give up.

I see my T Wednesday and pdoc Thursday. My pdoc is trying to prescribe me Ritalin to help my mind and energy. I just need to pass a drug screen, which I should. If that doesn’t work it’s over. I ache to think I will hurt those I love but I am a burden. I offer nothing in this physical state. I am not about to act so don’t panic. This is just where I’m at.

I can’t contribute much here so I feel I no longer belong. This illness has isolated me and taken so many people and things that I love. I can see no end. Medicine doesn’t understand Fibromyalgia. My last line of resort is meditating at least one hour a day. I’m trying to connect with the source and find peace and love. Please don’t preach to me. I suffer from severe religious trauma. I need to do this my way. Something dramatic needs to change or I’m scared I won’t make it. Sorry for being this way. I will leave now.

I hope I don't lose your respect with this, but I only ride on dry roads. It's a question of both lacking adequate clothing and making maintenance easier. ... and we're finally getting some rain.

@Wander Please don't leave the forum. It's not required that you post to be a member. We would miss you. And maybe if you keep us in your mind you will find some days you are up to letting us know how things are going.

Dear @Wander, I am sorry you are suffering right now. I totally understand how/why you feel as you do, but this discomfort will pass. It will! It is not permanent. Patience and persistence during such times may seem like hell, but it is crucial! I know your doctor will work hard to help you. It is important that they know precisely how you are feeling.

PC is here as a support for people with bipolar disorder and the symptoms that come from all kinds of stressors and triggers, including illnesses like fibromyalgia. When we are ill, we often can't be expected to provide support to others. That is totally understandable. As for seeking support, we want to support you as much as you need. When you've been able, haven't you supported members in your current situation? Please stay. It would be sad for me to think you don't seek support here when you need it.

Thanks so much, BirdDancer--I really appreciate the kind words.

Well, I do confess to having sort of checked your weather forecast before I posted and I did note the clouds. Oh well, maybe when it clears up...

I am so sorry you are struggling so. I also recently very seriously considered leaving PC, given how sort of hopeless things have been for me lately. But in the end, I do believe people like us need support from others in relatable situations. It is far from perfect, but I hope you don't leave. People here care about you.

Sending you peace and love.

HI Wander,

I am very sad for you and for all you have been going through.

I do understand the lack of medical understanding of fibromyalgia. I, too, deal with FMS. It can be so very disabling in so many ways. Exacerbations are very disheartening. as both the body and the mind are severely affected by the extreme exhaustion. The pain can be excruciating. People can feel very disconnected from their family. friends, significant others...and maybe even fro themselves. The severity can vary, depending on many different factors, as you know all too well.

Wander, you have been both suffering and putting up quite a fight all at the same time. Your challenges have been significant and you have continued to try to stay positive, strong and patient ever since I have known you..

Your strong Spirit has been an inspiration to many here, including me.

In my experience, which may be very different from yours., the FMS exacerbations can last a very long time; yet, they are cyclical. I 'd often wanted much more reassurance than the fact that it tends to cycle. Yet, in most cases FMS exacerbaions do cycle and I am hoping your current episode will let up soon.

There was a time when I did find stimulants like Ritalin very helpful. I am hoping this helps you out, as well. I know you have been through so many med trials for so long that the thought of trying yet another med may feel very disheartening.;( I do hope you will give Ritalin a try, as well as possibly trying some other stimulants if Ritalin does not do the trick.

I do recall feeling hopeless, isolated and in tremendous pain, both physically and emotionally during FMS exacerbations.

We all love you and want to support you. I think we have proven our commitment to you for a long time now.. NOTHING changes the way we feel about you. I know I wish I could find a way to help even more.

Please don't leave the community because you are feeling like a burden. Please leave only if you feel doing so will give you a better life, a better chance at healing your life.

I do hope your providers can offer you some hope this coming week.

In the meantime and only whenever you find it helpful, please do keep reaching out here, where you are loved by many.

Is there something more we could do to help you to feel more welcomed and more supported?

I hope I will see you around! I hope to read updates. I hope to read you are swimming again.

With Love, Understanding and Lots of Hope

I'm sending love and respect to all

It must be a relief to be feeling better!

You continue to amaze me. It certainly seems like you are so very self-aware that you can both harness and tame any amount of mania. I don't think I have ever seen anyone handle exacerbations as well as you handle them.

I learn a lot from watching you take control of BP, instead of BP taking control away from you.

With Love and Appreciation

Thanks, Wild Coyote!

My ability to harness growing mania better than in the past is a result of many many factors. It's not all me. Thanks go to my wonderful support team, my low stress situation (disability, routines, planning, etc.), and coping tools. Years of insight also help. I've been working on all this for almost 15 years and have done a thorough examination of the more than 25 years before. I have also had some luck mixed in.

I will never say I am completely safe from complete mental deterioration. A tidal wave can strike unexpectedly and overtake me. My illness itself can be like that tidal wave. Routines and support systems can change unexpectedly. Good routines and practices (and medications) can fail mysteriously. Such is life!

Hahaaha. And today we've actually had a bit of sleet and snow. It made for a very cold walk.

I'm here. I slept way in and had lots of weird dreams. In fact, I'm still in my pajamas and desperately need a shower and its 3:10 p.m. Probably won't be able to sleep tonight. But my mood is okay. I still feel a bit anxious, but over all I'm okay.


My friend/pen pal wrote me an email yesterday. I need to write him back at some point.


My other friend is at a Comcast store getting a modem -(She used to work for Comcast.)- so she can work from home.

Oh- and my pen pal sent a link to an amazing singer. They say he sings like an angel coming from the body of a Greek god.

ETA: It's now 4 p.m. and I'm showered and dressed! I put on a different CD down here by the computer. It's Schutz, Sacred Concerts. Sebastian Hennig, treble; Rene Jacobs, countertenor.

Hi everyone. I am doing okay. Been a bit down with the general stress of the world right now and also my hormones, but at least I know how to handle it in mostly healthy ways. I have been using my kettlebell today and doing some exercises with that and did 10 minutes of yoga to stretch out this morning. I am trying to adapt my exercise routine so I don't feel too sedentary since I am not going to the gym at the moment, and to reduce stress.

I am thinking I might cancel my neuropsych evaluation tomorrow and reschedule for a later time period. I was really looking forward to getting the results from that, but it's not a super urgent appointment I guess. I also might cancel my regular therapy appointment, but my OCD therapy appointment I might be able to do with teletherapy, so I'll ask about that. My first OCD appointment went well.