Bipolar check-in #44

I just talked to my step dad. He says the YMCA here is closed. I asked if judo was canceled and he said the whole Y is. These will be the stories to tell our grandchildren!

My symptoms have been non-existent since I have been in this relationship with my fiance. I had one night with racing thoughts and he rubbed my neck, back and head until I calmed down and fell asleep. Other than that night, I am doing really well, just trying to go to work every day, not freak out about coronavirus and keep up with my school work.

Its a very sunny day here and 48 degrees. Not bad. Not super, but not freezing at least!

Last night, I watched a program on Netflix called "The Universe". The episode I saw was about all the ways in which space is going kill all of human kind. Just what I needed!

That's good! Its hard not to freak out, isn't it? The whole planet needs to work together to beat this virus.

Good to see you back, bpcyclist! I was wondering where you were and how you were doing. (Sorry to not have inquired personally, I'm really not keeping up lately.) Hope things improve soon for you.

Hey There!

I am so happy for you!
It's wonderful to hear from you!

Are you still blogging?
When is the big day?

I am excited to hear how things are going for you!
Much Love to You!

Well, I had a much better day yesterday, for some reason. Much less symptomatic and calmer. So grateful. Today has been fairly peaceful so far, too. Maybe I can string a few days together like this and it might sort of turn around for me. Really hoping so. Battling this psychosis (and mania) has just really been so exhasuting. So much work to constantly be bringing myself back from the abyss again and again and again. Very thankful to have a little break from it. Catch my breath.

It is completely sunny and gorgeous here today. Quite cold. Tried to get out for a ride, which almost always helps my brain, but it is blowing 45 mph gusts and I literally almost got blown off the bike while riding along the river. Craziness! Ride will have to wait until tomorrow.

Sending support and peace and love to all who are struggling, and to all who are not struggling. I am so very grateful for all of you.

The governor of my state is likely to announce a statewide shutdown of all public and private schools tomorrow. Many districts have already shut down. I just got a message that I have to report to work tomorrow, likely to clear up and finalize plans for remote learning for our students. Not sure if the students will be there, but I imagine not. The county is shut down. I think we’re only a few days away from a complete lockdown. Cases in my state have doubled again, and that’s only those that have been tested. I did manage to find meat by going to the grocery store as soon as they opened. So we’re good for at least two weeks, if not longer. My brother is going insane with anxiety, I am very worried about him. He has been dealing with undiagnosed, untreated mental illness for awhile, and I now suspect that he is an alcoholic on top of it all. Today he told me he had to have “two beers” just to feel normal. That is very concerning to me. But now is not the time to confront him about it. He really can’t access help until this whole thing is over.

Me? I’m doing ok. My heart was racing a bit last night but it’s ok today. I’m a bit lightheaded today again but I’m trying to chug water in case it’s just dehydration. I was supposed to go to the cardiologist tomorrow but I can’t leave work early. Not sure when I’ll be able to go at all. I don’t think it’s an emergency though.

I have some chicken legs to freeze that I got yesterday. I'll have to wait until N3 is home to help keep the ziplock bags open.

I might lose weight as long as this goes on with the virus. I'm trying to preserve my food and eat only to curb my hunger. No big meals, except maybe spaghetti. I went shopping yesterday, but I couldn't afford to get a ton of food like most people were. Just essentials. My penpal/friend told me that "I didn't want to get involved in the panic, but I eventually caught the 'fear bug' after seeing people walking out of Costco with 3/4 bales of Charmin on a flat bed trolley.... One of my co-workers said that a guy bought two pallets of Clorox wipes from the warehouse store that we use to supply the school. As a result, there are none left. (I have a feeling those Clorox wipes are now on Amazon Marketplace for $$$ a container!)"

What does one do if you need to go to the psych ER? My psych ER is basically IN the regular ER. (Its through a door off the ER waiting room.) They are telling people if they have symptoms of the corona virus, to call you primary doctor, NOT to go to the ER, but I bet people don't care. I guess you cross that bridge when you come to it. I would call the after-hours crisis line I guess first, then do whatever they said to do.

Yes, this state had declared a state of emergency two days ago and more than usual for these types of situations is on the table. We will see what transpires.

I am sorry you might miss your appt with the cardiologist. If so, i hope you can reschedule soon.

Blessings to you and to yours!

I am glad you have been able to prepare .

I think your idea of calling the crisis line is a good one! Stay away from the virus! yet, do call for help if you need it. Many people are having a hard time with their anxiety and more during this challenging time.
Much Love

Now my Sunday lunch friends want to go out, but I don't have very much money and what I do have has to go to gas in the car for the rest of the month. I'm hoping to get food stamps so we can eat (if there's any food left at the store). I just bought some food yesterday, which ate up $70! And I didn't even get that much stuff. I did get four gallons of milk and four gallons of distilled water (for my CPAP) Running regular water through the CPAP machine leaves mineral deposits and gunks it up. So I told my friends I have no money and they haven't replied. In the past they have floated me a loan or outright bought me dinner, but the restaurant they want to go to is half an hour away too and I just don't want to go all the way out there. I'd like to see them, but I'm not big on going out lately. Gee I wonder why....

I am so sorry your struggling so hard right now

I am stuck in my head today so not able to string many words together But....

Do whatever you need to do to safe safe.. Stay.. If our support is helping..

Pc is really about take what you need and give when you can

Hey everyone

Im kinda stuck in my head today. Trouble string words today..

I am reading and sending Hugs and Love to all

Hi

I am also stuck in my head today

Hugs and love to everyone

My sister is at my parents' house and she asked if she could stay over at my apartment instead because apparently my dad is going out all the time and not washing his hands. Then he eats stuff like chicken wings and licks his fingers. Yep, likely will get coronavirus since there is a mini outbreak here that I just found out about. I just hope he doesn't need to be hospitalized for it.

Of course I said no to my sister. I don't get along with her well. But it is scary knowing that my dad thinks washing your hands isn't something that you need to do.

Do I have the right to call my dad an idiot for this? I mean... he sees no reason to wash his hands despite a mini outbreak. He is ignoring CDC advice. But whatever. I am not going over to the house for a long time. I will wait until the coronavirus cases start to decline because I don't want coronavirus from him.

I finally, after 6 weeks of intense non stop PMS, got my period tonight. It was funny because I just sneezed really hard and gave it to myself. But it was so rough. Especially the last 2 weeks. I almost went IP twice, and just had a ton of mood swings. I have a good therapist though. I hope maybe I can finally get an official PMDD diagnosis after this episode. I see her tomorrow so I’ll see.

Thanks for all the support guys. I’m crying now. I’ve felt so alone in all this. I think I need your support, but I don’t know what that looks like. I’m on the edge. At least I see my T and pdoc this week. I can hang on till then.

((((((((Wander))))))))

Yes! Your dad is being idiotic. I totally agree with this post.

((((((Wander))))))

I've decided against going back to work this summer, at least at the place I used to work at and applied to this year. I don't feel like getting coronavirus and I'm kinda scared because last time I worked there two years ago the stress sent me into a mixed episode I've been having trouble with frequent manic and mixed episodes for the past year or so, so maybe getting to a stable place for a few months first will get me feeling more confident about the whole thing.

Today hasn't been that bad though. Still feeling a little hypomanicky but not too bad.

I just filled out the census online. They are counting but what about the people that are dying? How do they account for them? It says who is going to be living here on April 1, 2020? I know who is living here now and don't plan to change it but if they die then that's the wrong count. Maybe I'm just being morbid.

Well hello guys. Yes, it has been a while since I have checked in. I promised to get better and yet I am falling right back into the usual pattern of forgetting. Although this time I do have an excuse. I hadn’t been feeling the best emotionally since early March with work issues and the virus. It seemed both wanted me as low as possible. On top of work wearing me thin, I felt I needed a PC break. Plus, the virus ended up costing me a few plans which made me have some situational depression since everything was kicking me all at once. So, I took a week away from chat to clear my head and try to get my emotions in check. While I was off in a mild depression, M was making plans of his own to make up for one of the things the virus made us cancel.

Last Friday after my therapy appointment that adorable man texted me and asked if I wanted to see a movie with his sister and brother-in-law; however instead of the movies they took M and I to the airport instead. Surprise vacation to Florida; he and his sister had packed my luggage and I had zero idea about the secret trip. My thoughts were great someone forgot to pack my underwear, favorite foundation, or my travel hair dryer.

So last week I also wasn’t around seeing as how I was in Florida and he didn’t pack my laptop. I needed to just get away and forget about work issues and this damned virus. During the trip he proposed.

I’M ENGAGED!!! M proposed after a year and a few months of dating. He proposed in the Florida Keys on a sunset cruise. I cried and I am very excited to be engaged.

Due to recent travel; my work is putting me on a work from home ‘quarantine’ since we did visit Florida even though the country, we stayed in does not have any reported cases. Still, I understand their precaution and I know our boys will thrilled to have us both working from home. I haven’t been able to see my parents since when we first started getting positive cases I asked both my parents to see about working from home. The are still young but they both have some health issues that places them into another bracket. So, my parents know about the engagement, but they haven’t been able to hug us or gawk at the ring; our celebrate the engagement properly.

My parents will be celebrating 26 years of marriage this year; and 26 years later in the same month their daughter gets engaged.

That is my update for the week. I hope you all are doing well and are staying healthy.

Lots of hugs

What a fantastic surprise trip ! Congrads on your engagement