Bipolar check-in #44

Thats great that you found that dress suddenly on sale ! If your spending is getting up there can you put hurdles in place to buying more online, Hair cuts and color are often just part of a woman life. Can you somehow mentally use buying those things as a reason to continue with your french class.. Like Okay I am doing xyz so Ill go ... Id bet they are still working on easy stuff so im sure you can whiz through it..

Hope T sessions goes well.

I honestly think its stupid when both of us are on disability only , There never going to be a refund they already have taxed the correct amount.. Ours is so simple Steve can do it online. but such an annoyance..

I am greatful I pay for my T each session also Pdoc I would hate to get a large bill, Hell checking out at grocery stores stresses me out and I am so careful ... Bills in general just upset me.

Well only two people in my state are ill and the stores are fully stocked, I think. I only went to two stores and I only went to where I needed to go so no idea if there's hand sanitizer and toilet paper in stock. I'm fine don't need it. But I worry about my daughter and her family. They have had this plan to go to the cities to a water park. Eww. But they are young. That's what I tell myself.

Of more immediate concern is that we have a police imposter in the area. True I don't go out much but the idea of getting stopped for any reason scares me. They say he carries what appears to be a gun. I'm deaf so what if I set him off cause I don't hear him? I worry about that with regular cops but a wanna be might be even more sensitive. Oh well, it is what it is and worry won't change it.

Thanks, Christina. I'll stop any additional spending. I was going to order food in, but decided I can easily cook tonight. I'll make pork chops with sauerkraut. Hubby will be happy. I suppose I could put off my hair, but I actually do so far longer than most women.

I can imagine that money is very tight with both you and Steve on disability. In order for my husband and I to live where we do (though in a small townhouse) my husband has to take on second work projects in addition to his day job. I suppose we might be able to manage doing our taxes, but with his second job (consulting) it's a little more confusing. Plus, our tax guy charges us very little. He's a family friend. The taxes owed will be high, though, since that's when we pay the taxes on the second job of hubby's, plus a little extra for his day job. Of course property taxes will need to be paid, as well. NJ has the highest property tax rate in the US.

Amazon will likely pay $0 in federal taxes this year, because of the recent tax breaks given to the rich, according to CNBC's article at Amazon will pay $0 in federal taxes this year That's less than what one person pays for Amazon Prime membership, and far less than what a person pays who makes below bare subsistence salary working at McDonalds.

Last week i stocked up on paper and did buy exra toilet paper its not that its because of Corona, But years ago I ran out and were broke and had to use paper napkin.. It was so stressful so Im always stocked up on that.. I only bought a 12 pack not a few carts full, Crazy

Oh fake cop, We had a few in Florida over that years very scary.. Can you maybe print a page that says I am deal and hold in the window so if pulled over the officer will see that and can act according ?

I was out late one night in Florida years ago, But we had the law that if we didnt feel safe to pull over in the dark we could put our blinker on and drive slower until I found a open well lighted gas station... I wonder if your state also has that law ? I hope so.

Hows your weather today?

Dinner sounds yummy !

Oh with your husband working and side jobs ,, Yes I certainly i have a professional do taxes!!!

Well I learned by 15 how to color my hair myself... I had no choice really.. My Mom was a hair dresser and often helped.. I have had it colored many times over the years , just for a bloody break... but was never happy , they just never left on color long enough to color all my white roots lol

The things we woman must go through LOL

Slept a bit but a fibro flare has been building , Thanks to all the rain

Thought my husband was coming down with something last few days. Today he feeling much better Thankfully

Rain Rain Rain

Printing a paper up sounds like a good idea. Could keep it in the visor!

I hear ya on the rain. Southern Tennessee is over average for the year and it’s supposed to rain 5 out of the next 6 days. I wish it would just go away.

Glad your husband is feeling better. Sorry about your fibro flare building.

Hello, all. Many kinds of stressors going on, so I wish you all well.


I just came from a pre-op medical clearance meeting with my new primary care physician. I need to get a complete blood panel done and an EKG recorded and read before my next ECT which is already late. I went to my local hospital and they turned me away because they don't take my insurance. I've got to take time off work and drive to the next hospital 40 miles away.


And I'm fighting ideations which would get me locked up if I told anyone. So I struggle alone.

Please stay safe, Daonnachd. We care about you.

I'm sorry you were turned away by that hospital. It's mind-blowing to me that a hospital wouldn't accept your medical insurance. It's mind-blowing that there are people in this country (US) who don't have medical insurance. I hope that someday, young people in the US will look at older adults quizzically when they hear that some people used to not have medical insurance (in the US). They'll ask "What the heck are you talking about? That must have sucked!"

Still depressed and now stressed because of work. It's really busy and will stay that way for several more months. All I can do is to work diligently and try not to think too far ahead.

I read an interesting thing recently. It was about focus. It basically said that if you look for yellow cars on the roads, you end up noticing them. They are there but you don't notice them because you're not looking for them. The same goes for opportunity.. you see opportunity because you're looking for it.

I suppose I could extend that idea to happiness. I look for things that make me happy in order to notice them.

I haven't had much success so far but it's early days.

Maybe if I focus less on what makes me sad and more on what makes me feel better. The problem is that I have been so low for so long that I really don't know what might make me feel better. The sun? Blue sky? Warm air? The fact that I'm able to experience these things on my own?

It's my son's birthday soon and I sent him a card by overnight courier. It's expensive but the card will get there on time. Last year I sent the card half way around the world, he was so far. Now it's 'only' across the country. Better 3 time zones away instead of 12.

I just ate a yogurt, my first dairy in 2 months and a week. Praying it doesn't make me sick. I was positive peanut butter was a problem and it was fine as were peanuts so hopefully all this deprivation has reset my body and I can have whatever I want again. 4 days of yogurt (if all goes well) then I think cottage cheese then swiss cheese then finally, finally pizza day should be about the 24th if all goes well. If it doesn't I guess I'll have to figure out a new plan. It's hard because there is no way I'm going to the GI doctor (or my pdoc) as that huge hospital is going to be a breeding ground for COVID and already there are cases in that county.

Of course if my Emsam appeal doesn't work out I'll be IP myself in about a month. But I'm not going there yet. My pdoc got back to me and is ready to fight for me. I'm going to call the Emsam people tomorrow and if they have everything she'll call them soon and argue. If they don't have everything I'll have to be very, very calm and patient.

Wild Coyote the certified mail is a good idea except that a big chunk of it comes from my pdoc and the rest from me and not only am I avoiding the petri dish of my pdoc's office building but it's 5 hours of driving up and back to get those papers. So I'll just keep faxing and sending fax receipts. Or I'll sic my pdoc on them and they'll find those forms. I have no doubt of that; I've seen her go after them once and insurance once and she is a mighty force. She's this teeny woman, probably 4"11 as sweet as can be and yet I would never make her mad. I'm terrified of ever doing so.

Anyway, that's it for me. My state is putting a lot of isolation recommendations up and I see the next several weeks being very boring. But much rather boring that COVID with asthma or somehow giving my elderly mom COVID. Perhaps I'll pick up knitting again. Something.

I think you're on to something, scooter!
I do believe you'll notice a difference.
Every little bit helps!

I so hope this works out for you, and soon!

I'm sorry it's been so difficult to get this worked out.
Do you know of a hotline which might be helpful to you and to your sense of being alone?

Please do stay safe!

That sounds really frustrating about the insurance. I'm sorry . Please stay safe, we are here for you anytime you need to talk. Also, just a thought, but are there any urgent cares nearby that take insurance? I would imagine those are tests they could do perhaps?

I have not availed myself of any of the hotlines because I'm afraid they'll notify the police. Mostly I've been using distraction as a coping strategy. (This evening I'm here.) Tomorrow I will talk with my T about it face-to-face.

I live in a rural area. The nearest facility after the local hospital is the one 40 miles away. I wouldn't say we're backward, but we're certainly not as up to date as many of the regions represented here on the forum.

Thank you ! I have been worried about my husband Flu here is really bad the last 3-4 weeks,

Yes ! we are .. I think more than triple the average. But end of June will hit and we will be lucky to see 14 drops of rain til until September.. Dusty pollen filled drought .. LOL

Im sorry your struggling to get medical testing done so you can get your ECT

What coping skills are you using to help get through all this while you wait for ECT treatment ??

Im going to cross all my body parts and hope yougart is a win and you can progress with daily...

What a mess dealing with stupid insurance over meds that havve proven to keep your stable.. Im glad you have a maybe small in size Pdoc but she will roar like a lion when need be..

I too am just staying away from people unless its a must.. I have meds to need to pick up tomorrow, Im walking in , pick them up and stay away from other people and come right back home.. I have no desire to catch the Flu or Corona.. Both could put my husband and I in the hospital pretty and we have no one to care for our dogs, must stay healthy! . Yes take whatever precautions you need to

Back in the ER...dizziness and tachycardia was worse, with the added joy of shortness of breath. I tried to go to sleep tonight and I felt Like my heart was pounding and I couldn’t breathe. RS got really worried and convinced me to go back to the ER, which honestly I wanted to do because I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep. This time they’re actually doing something for me though, they’re giving me a beta blocker to see if that brings my heart rate down. Thank god. Maybe I’ll be more comfortable now without waiting for the damn cardiologist. I will keep my appt but I absolutely could not take another month of this feeling.

I have to stay here for a few hours though so I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it to work. I hope so I’ve already missed six days. That doesn’t look good

I'm sorry you had to go back to the ER in order to get timely help. Hopefully the beta blocker will help, a lot. Mine helps me a lot. I rarely have tachycardia since taking it, and that's been around 10 years. Hugs

Let us know how your therapist appt goes. I hope it goes well.

Glad you're using distractions.

I'm not up to date with your posts, but... do you think anything -- like medication or something -- that caused the tachycardia and shortness of breath?

Glad that you got a beta blocker to help for the time being. I hate how specialists (e.g., cardiologist, GI doctor, neurologist, etc.) always have long waiting lists. I had to wait 4 months to see a GI doctor when I was having bad reflux and needed an endoscopy, which showed I have the upper stomach sphincter had inflammation. Meanwhile, I overheard some guy who said he was going to the GI doctor because he only took a s*** twice a day, and thought he needed to s*** three times a day. I was like, "Are you f***ing kidding me? THIS is what people go to the GI doctor for???" That's probably the case for the cardiologist -- lots of ignorant people setting up appts for stupid, non-urgent things.