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#176
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When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
![]() Sunflower123
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#177
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in case you don't follow my journal updates...sending well wishes to everyone! *hugs
I've been on a break from the forums for awhile and might not stay long now either because of x, y, and z, but I have finally had that appointment with my GP and things are finally starting to progress in the sense that he's really getting a better idea of me and with what's going on. He was concerned about my moods specifically, so we spent a good amount of time discussing this and I recounted my latest elevated mood episode which I was finishing up as I spoke with him. He asked me "do you ever do anything reckless like driving at high speeds or spending a lot of money that you don't have?" I said, well, no. I don't do anything really reckless like that. "what about (and now I can't remember the exact wording but like) writing excessive or lengthy emails or messages?" and I said, "well, perhaps I did in the past, but now I seem to have that in control. If someone lets me and is receptive of longer messages, I do that, but if I get the sense that they don't want to talk or if I'm just getting to know someone, I try to keep it short. He said, "well then you don't have hypomania". I am relieved in the sense that I don't have to take more medications and that I can enjoy the highs that I do get, but I'm also just still stumped by what this is that I DO have. I mean, these are abnormal highs for me...or these are not my typical moods and more elevated than just having a good day. It's odd. Oh and then now we are into the topic of marital help. I'd mentioned that I was having some issues and kinda wanted him to advise couple's counseling. This was after the appointment though, so he couldn't speak with my husband for his side of the story. He messaged me back asking if we could do another session. Well, turns out, hubby is refusing to talk to him about this. I told this to doctor tonight. Will hopefully see what he says tomorrow. Meanwhile, it's strange, but hubby was very affectionate and comforting-like tonight and we actually cuddled. (my anger from the past few days finally subsiding some but we still have issues). It was really nice and comfortable, though it makes me kinda wonder if it's just his way of keeping me from pursuing outside help for us. I really think it's needed though.
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Celexa (Citalopram) 20mg Levothyroxine .75mg Liothyronine 5MCG (2x daily) Probiotics And a whole slew of vitamin and herbal supplements. |
![]() Anonymous45023, bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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#178
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I am doing mixed right now. I am feeling bored most things in my area are shut down due to the virus. We are in a shelter in place currently. I go down to my local covered bridge just to walk around and enjoy the sound of the water. I took my journal yesterday but was too distracted to write in it. I had writers block. I still have a letter to finish to my mom. But I'll be darned if I can think of anything to say to her. I've been listening to a lot of music and hoping this virus goes away soon. I want life back to normal but of course who doesn't. Unless your an introvert and you like being locked away for days on end. I am not and don't like this one bit. I miss my libraries, the movies and the normalcy of life in general. I know I am not the only one struggling. Just trying to get through it one day at a time at this point. Well good night all.
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DX: BPD, Bipolar NOS, GAD, and ADHD RX: Trintellix, Lamictal, Rexulti and Buspar |
![]() Anonymous45023, bpcyclist, Nammu, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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![]() bpcyclist
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#179
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![]() It has been fun to write and it has given me an opportunity to stretch my brain without stressing me out too far and risking my health. |
![]() Anonymous45023, Anonymous46341, bpcyclist, Nammu, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist
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#180
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My previous GP kept asking "when" I would stop taking an antipsychotic. That's how little she knew about psychiatric conditions. I know that GPs mean well, but I really think you ought to find a specialist and get their opinion. ![]() |
![]() Anonymous46341, bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist, giddykitty
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#181
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I'm about to call my pdoc to ask for a medication change. Rexulti just isn't cutting it anymore. (Although, I do think that maybe all of my symptoms were triggered when I was on 4mg in the past. Never really had any problems with lower doses, except the depression I had recently when I was on 3mg.)
I'm a nervous ball of energy right now. ![]() Well, time to get back to work. I should be listening to the meeting I'm on. lol. But it's really boring and lasts 2 hours! It's other people presenting their work about something I don't understand. I started listening to them, but it was WAY over my head and they assumed you have basic knowledge of what they're talking about (and I don't have that knowledge). Soooo, I'm recording the meeting and going to Google everything later. |
![]() Anonymous45023, bpcyclist, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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![]() bpcyclist, Wild Coyote, ~Christina
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#182
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having a bleh emotional day.
on the inside sad and depressed (no reason), but on the outside trying not to be |
![]() bpcyclist, Nammu, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist
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#183
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![]() I am sorry you are struggling with the material being shared. 2 hours would seem very long under those circumstances. If you become overwhelmed with psychosis and/or any other symptoms, simply excuse yourself if you need to do so. If so, just keep in mind the fact that I have just advised you without knowing the policy at work. You do know them. Stay safe. As for your pdoc, the earlier you call, the more time he has to try to talk with you today, etc. Love ya! ![]()
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May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
![]() bpcyclist, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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![]() bpcyclist, ~Christina
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#184
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Day 2 of increased Risperdal and Ativan. I didn't sleep well last night. Anxiety's up, but I hope the ativan kicks in soon and helps out with that.
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![]() Anonymous45023, bpcyclist, Nammu, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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![]() bpcyclist
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#185
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I had in morning my cappuccino. It looks lije I worked 21 hours one week a month ago. This may get me in trouble with SSDI. If it does, I owe them $1600. Not good. I am going to print out the hours I worked over that particular month, and then call SS to check things out. I should of known better, but it is a little confusing to me. There is an income limitation. How many hours I can work each month is a grey area. They seem to go by a limit of 20 hours a week. Even though the total monthly income is important, the hours worked is more important. How this translates to reality is unknown to me. Then when my profit sharing check comes, that will screw it all up. Since I did not work for it, it should not count. However, SS can make the argument that it does count toward the income for that month. This will put me over the monthly limit. If this turns out to be true, then I will just have to call in sick a couple days this month. Not good, but it is necessary. I will have to check with SS on this too.
I will be cleaning up my place today. I have been procrastinating about this for a couple weeks now. I am going back to walking my dog every day. It is starting to go stir-crazy since I have been sick recently. I also want to start practicing my piano once again. I have installed the sounds recorded from a popular German grand piano. It sounds great. Lately, I have been getting depressed about work, like I used to when I had a real job many years ago. There is no reason for this, but this has been the way it was for most of my life. I do not understand why this is. I have been very distracted lately, more so than usual. I found my door half open when I returned from work, and twice left the stove on for hours at a time. Fortunately, my monthly appointment with my pdoc is coming up next week.
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Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
![]() Anonymous45023, bpcyclist, Nammu, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist
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#186
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I am so frustrated! I wanted to buy some dumbbells, and I literally JUST found that D1ck's Sporting Goods restocked them (after everyone else was sold out)... but then my boss wanted an urgent/emergency meeting with me, so I could not checkout. Then when I came back, they were all gone.
![]() I swear it's so hard to find workout equipment these days... Ughhh... I want to workout, but I've barely got anything I can use. Just two sets of dumbbells -- 5lb and 8lb -- and a jumprope, but I want different weights for different exercises. I'm trying to use exercise to relax me and stuff, but some of the workouts I can't do because the weights are too heavy for that. Then some of the other ones are too light for what I need. I suppose I'll stick with what I've got, but exercise yesterday helped me A TON. Just wish I could get what I needed... ![]() Anyways, mood is kinda weird. I'm flip-flopping from being happy to being angry. I don't know why. I think maybe my anxiety is making me angry. |
![]() Anonymous45023, bpcyclist, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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![]() bpcyclist
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#187
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@bluebicycle: Go to Walmart for the exercise equipment. The one near me sells them.
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Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
![]() bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist
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#188
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![]() I need 12.5 lbs or 12 lbs... whichever. I managed to find a 3 lb one (in unfortunately the ugliest color imaginable) on TArget's website after they just updated their inventory, so I bought it. No dice on the 12 lbs there, though. All sold out... damn. |
![]() bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist
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#189
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Whether or not people like the DSM or ICD, they do serve as some guide for doctors in determining what is in a "normal range of emotional or mood volatility" and what is not. The fact is, bipolar disorder (in all its forms) causes highly dysfunctional behavior. For many, it is significantly damaging to the afflicted's life in some way or another. Sometimes traumatically so. If you feel determined that your life is significantly damaged by mood issues, I urge you to consult with a psychiatrist or equivalent mental health professional. Or perhaps even a therapist. Based on what you wrote (and have written), your GP doesn't sound convinced that bipolar disorder is a diagnosis you have. By refusing additional opinions from professionals, it almost seems that you fear that they, too, will "horribly" tell you that you are "normal". Oh my! How horrible would that be! [Sarcasm] I know many here have written again and again that you seem to be looking for some confirmation from us on PC for a bipolar diagnosis. The fact is, you keep presenting as doing so. Again and again and again. We're not so easily influenced to say "Oh, you sound REALLY bad!" Perhaps some (or at least I) can say you sound more desperate than bipolar. I'll be flat with you. Bipolar disorder is REALLY bad. I mean REALLY bad! Most or all of us can say that they've experienced every single symptom listed in the DSM and ICD. Many of us have lost relationships, lost jobs, failed classes, been hospitalized (some numerous times), been impoverished, embarrassed beyond belief, perhaps injured, maybe been arrested, may have slept with multiple people when they normally wouldn't have, spent days and days lying in bed barely able to get up and relieve themselves or definitely barely able to do some basic Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) for days. Many people here have had suicidal thoughts that pained them severely. Many here have attempted suicide. Many here have experienced psychosis, which is often NOT pleasant at all. And more. While not everyone here has experienced all of the above-mentioned, we have mostly all experienced many. And of us that have received a formal bipolar diagnosis, sometimes many times over, we have struggled greatly with accepting the diagnosis, accepting the medications that can be horrible. Very horrible! Many of us have to live with a stinging stigma and other deep feelings/struggles that take months or years (or a lifetime) to cope with. Bipolar disorder is no badge of honor. It sucks! It sucks like many other major illness. If you feel your life is deeply affected, I urge you to seek out more help. Or, if you have your doubts, I urge you to release yourself from feeling you have a serious illness and try to live and enjoy it the best that you can. I care about you and want you to move forward in some way. Sitting in the same spot wanting something big to happen is not good. ![]() ![]() Last edited by Anonymous46341; Apr 02, 2020 at 01:14 PM. |
![]() bpcyclist, fern46, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist, fern46, giddykitty, Nammu
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#190
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------------------- So I heard back from my GP this morning and he told me he supports me finding a therapist and a psychiatrist. (I forgot to mention it here last night, but when hubby refused the meeting, I said "then maybe I should just talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist myself, if I'm apparently the one with the problem in this relationship". I don't think he heard me though....and I fear pushback if I say it again. I'll try to work up the courage, but the other issue is finding someone good and I worry about that being more and more difficult when everything is closed down. Sigh! I'm just really struggling lately, but that's ok. I mean, I guess everyone else has their own problems so I'll leave folks alone again.
__________________
Celexa (Citalopram) 20mg Levothyroxine .75mg Liothyronine 5MCG (2x daily) Probiotics And a whole slew of vitamin and herbal supplements. |
![]() bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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![]() bpcyclist
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#191
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Anyway, sorry to hear about your struggles finding a psychiatrist. I need a new psychiatrist myself, but I've given up on trying to find one "nowadays." However, I think you should still try to see if your area has some psychiatrists or psychiatric nurse practitioners who are accepting new patients. It's possible you'll get lucky and find one. You never know until you try. ![]() Also, you're not bothering anyone! No need to feel like you need to leave people alone. We're all struggling together, but it's important that everyone is here for each other. ![]() |
![]() BeyondtheRainbow, bpcyclist, giddykitty, Sunflower123
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![]() BeyondtheRainbow, bpcyclist, giddykitty
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#192
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Well my plans went off with out a hitch.
I was in Hellmarts Parking lot at 630 am and they had an area to get in line, Nice man reminding people to stay 6 feet apart. They opened the doors are 7am, Probably 20 of us in line, We walked in and another Nice man is spraying and wiping down a shopping cart for you. They had TP and 95% of what I was looking for. I had to switch a couple things up. While shopping everyone was paying attention to social distancing.. They even had 4 registers open and no lines ![]() Brought it all home, Left all the canned goods and boxes etc on the porch, Made 4lbs of meatballs, Sloppy joes for 2-3 meals and stuffed cabbage... Everything is in the freezer. I went out side and wiped everything down with lysol and I will bring it in later. Yesterday I bought another 55lb bag of dog food.. So I have 110 lbs of dog food ![]() Honestly this was the most Stress free trip I have every made to Hellmart.. So we are set. I am feeling very relieved we are ready to ride this out. Much Love to all ![]()
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
![]() Anonymous45023, Anonymous46341, Blue_Bird, bpcyclist, fern46, Moose72, Nammu, Sunflower123
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![]() Blue_Bird, bpcyclist, Moose72, Nammu, Sunflower123
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#193
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I live 40 miles from my pharmacy and had to go to pick up meds today. When I got there we jointly realised the wrong Rx had been filled. (I think I called in the wrong number.) I was fortunate the pharmacist paused to show me that the meds she was giving me were different to the usual brand. Otherwise I wouldn't have looked at them until I got home.
This morning I half expected a follow-up message from my ECT doc, but for now nothing.
__________________
>< |
![]() Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, Anonymous46341, Blue_Bird, bpcyclist, Nammu, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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![]() bpcyclist
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#194
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![]() bpcyclist, ~Christina
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![]() bpcyclist, ~Christina
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#195
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Glad your shopping trip went well Christina. I was able to get paper towels today which I was extremely excited about lol but still no luck on the TP. I’m trying again tomorrow though, heading out early.
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi Diagnosis: Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Anorexia Binge/Purge type |
![]() Anonymous46341, bpcyclist, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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![]() bpcyclist, ~Christina
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#196
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"Imagination is more important than knowledge." "It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge." "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." Einstein
__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
![]() Anonymous46341, fern46, Sunflower123
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![]() fern46
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#197
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Be well!!!!
__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
![]() giddykitty, Sunflower123
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![]() giddykitty
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#198
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Quote:
__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
![]() Sunflower123
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#199
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I think all the worldly stressors upon us right now are having a bigger impact than we may consciously recognize. Maybe you can try to do something "fun"--watch a show or movie? Music? Art? Some sort of distracting activity? Hoping it turns around for you soon...
__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
![]() Sunflower123
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#200
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![]() Sunflower123
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Closed Thread |
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