Bipolar check in #45

My bipolar symptoms suck today. I’m not at rock bottom the way I was 3.5 weeks ago. But I am very moody today. It could be injection related. It could be PMS related. I feel better tonight though.

So I brought some groceries today. I had a soda and stuck it in the freezer for 20 minutes. Did that kill everything? I mean, is it seriously THAT easy to get it from plastic?

Today I woke up and I felt great, but as the day went by, I felt really relaxed and sort of in a comfy state of mind. I didn't want to get up, I just enjoyed listening to music. Sometimes this happens when I feel stressed out and worn out.

I drank soda and I feel a little wired, but I think if I drink some water, it'll help me. I don't want to have sleeping issues tonight.

I'm not a dr, but I highly doubt 20 mins in the freezer killed coronavirus (assuming it had coronavirus in the first place).

The freezer is what, like 0F? When this whole outbreak started, it was cold in some areas of China -- like we're talking 0F to 20F. It still spread like wildfire anyways.

Also, there are U.S. states that are cold as hell in February (0F and below), and even those states experienced an outbreak.

Somewhat cold (e.g., 0F) really doesn't kill coronavirus, nor does high heat (just look at Singapore and Australia where it's warm/summer). It kinda just chillaxes wherever it feels like.

If we knew how to kill it with temperature, we would have figured it out already and it would be published as a paper, and the media would be talking about it.

In the future, either don't touch the plastic for 72 hours, or use sanitizing materials (wipes, hand sanitizer, etc.). Not to be an @ss, but you technically would have already caught it by touching the bottle w/o sanitizing it first, regardless if you put it in the freezer or not.

NIH specifies the amount of time it takes for germs to die on specific types of surfaces. I think Blue gave you that link'

I try to keep it simple.

A package arrives.
I take it to the garage.
I write the date on it.
3 days later I can open it!

If I happen to "need" it sooner, I take precautions.

Just had a large grocery order arrive. Had to wash everything before putting it into the refrigerator/freezer.

Love to All!

Man, I feel like I am wrecking my life. I am just confused about everything now. I don't know what to think about anything anymore.

I left a voicemail for my therapist talking about anxiety and panic attacks, but I doubt she will respond tomorrow. She probably is swamped with voicemails from people who are in legit crises, so who knows.

I kinda feel like I am being an idiot about everything. Apparently I said stupid and weird sh_t at work today that confused people, so FML. (Well, not physically AT work since I am working from home, but you know what I mean.)

Hi! Just checking in. Working from home, but it's hard to focus. Worrying about people of course. I might get outside in my community garden tomorrow (away from people). I still have a random cough that comes and goes, but no other signs of being sick. I've been drinking tea with honey and that does help. I joined a CSA (community supported agriculture). I can get a weekly box of vegetables and add things like eggs and cheese. This should help me space out needin stuff from the grocery store. They leave it at an outside pick up location and I should be mostly able to avoid people I think. I have been trying to stay connected with technology, but haven't seen anyone in awhile. Hope everyone is well. Sending compassion.

What a great thing a community garden is Hope that cough goes away. I think we all need to remember to stay hydrated

Finito!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have not decided which way to go. On the one hand, I would like all mentally ill people who wish to (which will be a tiny, tiny number) to be able to read it. For the sickest of us, those especially that may still be in the hospitals long term, I would very much like for it to be free, so they can easily obtain it if they so desire. No barrier. So, I control that if I publish it.


On the other hand, I would obviously "sell" far more copies going through a traditional publisher. The downside of this for me is that publishers expect authors to do interviews and I am not really sure I am willing to do even a single interview, much less a tour. There will be questions about my story I do not wish to discuss publicly, such as those surrounding my trauma history. And they will surely be asked. A lot.


Anyhoo, not sure how to approach all that. Need to stew on it some more...

Thanks so much for the support, blue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think a lot of people are distracted right now...

So glad your depression is better!!!!

You know, Moose, just regular walking very day is a pretty good way to start losing weight. You don't have to run marathons...

What benefit does Tony Fauci receive personally from lying about COVID=19, I wonder. Fame? He's already famous. Prestige and power? He's already the most powerful infectious disease doctor on the planet. A god post with a Biden administration? He already has his dream post. There is no promotion from where he sits. He is already the king.


Oh well...

Good for you, blue.

It's strange how my mood can fluctuate so much within a single day. I have never really understood this vis a vis whatever rapid cycling actually is.

I'm sorry you had a rough day, blue. Maybe a good or decent sleep will help you to feel better in the morning.

If you need your pdoc for a med change or something, though, you have to keep trying. I feel sure someone will get back with you. Really hope you get some solid rest tonight and feel better in the morning.

Hugs!!!!

I am struggling today and it’s only 4:30 in the morning. It’s hard to tell if it’s my PMDD or my second injection. Or both. This started the day after the shot. But I am supposed to get my period on the 11th. All I know is I was all positive and motivated to keep on keeping and now I’m like what is literally even the point of it all. This is semi how I felt last month. Although SI are no where near as strong before.

Good Morning!

I am very sorry you've been having a tough morning.
With SI impulses improving, there has been some degree of improvement, although it may not feel like there has been enough benefit yet.

I hope things will get better as the sun rises. If not, I pray you'll be granted the strength to continue your quest for answers and for help.

Love and Prayers

Blue,

Your anxiety level is high. Your panic attacks are problematic. You do have a prn med to help you with anxiety and with panic. However, you are refusing to use the prn medication because you have been experiencing fixed delusions.

Anyone experiencing issues at work and/or otherwise due to any delusional beliefs is in a "legit crisis." You are in a "legit crisis."

You have been in a "legit crisis" for days/nights now.

The sooner you understand this, make a serious /truthful call to your pdoc and your T, the better.

As I have repeatedly explained, it is critical you have the ability to perceive accurately and to make sound decisions during the challenging times before us.

Your friends have very patiently gone through the last few days with you, keeping a close eye upon you, trying to help you to see that you are in "legit crisis" yourself.

There's not much more, if any more, we can do except to reiterate the fact that you have been/are in "legit crisis" and continue to encourage you to make the calls you need to make.

We do care very, very much. We have been at your side because we have been very concerned. At the same time, we aren't superheroes; we are getting physically weary. We do give you our very best, always. We have shown you, repeatedly , how much we do care.

Please do make the calls. Please do tell your providers you are in "legit crisis," and clue them into the truth of what you have been going through. You can do this.

I am around. You know how to reach me.

With Utmost Love and Concern

'

@bluebicycle

I have missed the details of what you've been going through. I wanted to let you know I care and you have my support. Let me know if you want a fresh perspective on anything as I've been out of the loop. I know firsthand that delusions can be incredibly tricky to work with.

Congrats! That is a huge accomplishment!

I'm struggling with similar considerations. I'm about 70 pages in on my book and need to start figuring out my publishing plan. I do not want to be on the interview circuit, but I'd like to be able to reach whoever might benefit from the perspective I offer.

My instinct says to go it alone and set an intention for the information to naturally make it where it needs to go. I'm not sure that makes strategic sense or if it simply satisfies my desire to stay out of the spotlight.

@Wild Coyote, @fern46

It's difficult for me to explain all this, and I'm sorry to everyone I hurt. I just made a separate thread about all of this instead of posting in random threads (since it's difficult for people to keep track of things).

here's the thread: update (just trying to combine my posts into 1 thread and explain my f*** ups)

I told my therapist yesterday that I'm just waiting. Waiting. Waiting for the s**t to hit the fan. I'm not exactly referring to covid 19, though that is a factor. It's about my husband possibly being laid off, which I've mentioned here a few times. It's a very uncomfortable feeling knowing that my world could totally change in a matter of weeks or months.

I had mentioned that my psychiatrist said he accepts Medicare. Yesterday I asked my therapist if she does, and she said yes. I was surprised, but relieved. My GP accepts Medicare. I imagine new people on Medicare have a rough time finding a really good doctor and therapist, sometimes. At least I'm "in the doors" of these three that I have. Hubby was comparing prices to see if it would be best for me to take fuller advantage of Medicare or join him on a family plan of whatever he might choose (if/when he is laid off). I am pretty sure the Medicare is the better option for me. I think hubby resists that thinking it would be more hassle have two different insurances. I really like the idea of switching to Medicare's part B, etc. What if something happened to hubby? Then I'd be left scrambling while likely in a psychiatric hospital.

My therapist said that everyone she knows on Medicare recommends adding a supplemental option. Does anyone on Medicare (or knowledgeable about this) have any feedback on this?

I have my Spring insomnia. I feel so unhealthy. I'm getting so may sleep-deprivation symptoms it's just awful. No uptick in mood. What is the point? I hate bipolar!

Agitation, voices, millipedes the size of footballs, and paranoia. The nurse at my pdoc's office is supposed to call me today, although I do have an appointment at 2 with an oral surgeon so hopefully she calls before I leave. I hope the oral surgeon can cut this thing off my lip right then and there so I can talk and eat again without pain.

You have definitely been on my mind!

Almost everyone I Know who use Medicare are either on the original Medicare, OR sign up for AARP's United Healthcare, I have heard of people absolutely loving the United Healthcare option.

My county's local Department on Aging has both workshops on insurance coverage/plan choice, and offers independent counselors who offer advice, too.

I'll give this more thought.

I hope you'll find exactly what you need!
Much Love!