Bipolar check in #45

Maybe try to get out for a little walk. Look at some flowers--lots of things blooming right now, depending on where you live...

You are my hero today!

I’ve had mixed luck with them. Many things I’ve needed have been out of stock and I’ve had to go to Food City. Still...the Walmart pick up is my first choice.

Yeah, Wal-Mart is very mixed -- I will admit. I would do grocery delivery instead, except they're booked out for many, many weeks in advance.

at least they do give partial or full refunds if your item is out of stock (depending on whether you will accept their suggested substitute).

around here, wal-mart always has lots of dairy in stock. The stuff they occasionally run out of is frozen goods and canned goods. so, you're pretty much stuck with fresh foods. not sure about in TN though.

I second what bluebicycle replied. I not only cried in front of my therapist, it came out of nowhere talking about my dad's likely early death from medical issues and I just started sobbing! Im sure my face was beet red and I kept having to blow my nose. She just sat there listening to me slash watched me cry. I could barely talk. Still it was good to get that all out - I had no idea it was so bottled up! And nothing bad happened. So I say go for it- you cant be sure what will happen until it happens.

I have to preface this by saying I'm not trying to be insensitive, but I don't understand and think some perspective from the other side might help. I've had a DNR (and full advance directive) in place since my 40's (in full health). It was my own personal decision, and I honestly don't think it's anybody else's business. The decision is mine to make. As it is theirs.

Not that any reason is needed, but among the reasons for mine is that I watched my grandmother die on life support. She wouldn't have wanted it that way (but did not have papers attesting to), and I don't want it that way for myself. I'd be pissed AF if someone thought it was their business to oppose what I want for myself in such an incredibly personal issue.

Truly, I don't mean to be insensitive, but it's their decision. It's about them. It's not about you.

Alternately, you could take the tack that it *is* about you -- in the form of a kindness from them -- that they have taken care of this piece of the puzzle before it becomes an issue so as not to have to potentially throw unimaginably difficult decisions at the rest of the family. Better that people declare what they do and do not want NOW. It's when people refuse to deal with it that things can go REALLY bad.

Food for thought.

I swear to god... I cannot believe this sh_t!

My pdoc's assistant sent me an email (rather than calling me...?) asking me if we can change my appt to next Thursday. So much for "HE HAS NO OPENINGS FOR 2 WEEKS."

I am SO sick of these two. I put in a request to transfer pdocs, but I guess that sh_t didn't go through. Maybe I should ignore the transfer request for now and go with the pdoc appt? I think Rexulti is f***ing with me becauae I occasionally hear and see things. So maybe this will all work out? Like, just go with the flow and then after my appt, ask the front desk why the request hasn't gone out.

Oh, and I never got a reminder for my therapy appt on Friday. I just realized this when looking at my email. I never really even check this email, but I didn't get a phone call reminder, so I checked for an email reminder. Nope. I think I will go nuts if I do not have my therapy appt on Friday. I NEED to talk to her. ughhh. But I don't think she is the kind of b**** who would cancel my appt on me like my first therapist. Most likely, there is a problem with the reminder system.

Interzone I would never go against there wishes whether it's in writing or not. I just don't understand them. Not a judgement. I would never ask them why but it hurt to talk about their death.

That conversation can hurt. Which is exactly why people avoid it. But that doesn't change the inevitable. A smaller amount of pain now can save larger amounts of pain in the future. It is the best approach, even though it is difficult.

The thing about whether it's in writing or not is that unless it IS in writing, medical personnel are legally bound to act as if there ARE no wishes in place. All available measures. Then it's all down the rabbit hole.

All I can say about understanding them is this: They are doing the responsible thing. Many, many do not. They are likely trying to save you as much pain as possible. You are very lucky that way.

@bluebicycle and @Moose72: I talked with my T about it and didn't even cry. It was really good to process it with her, changing the way I viewed everything. Thanks to you both for encouraging me to do so.

In other news: I have a mentor now for my sculpting. He's a pro sculptor so I feel lucky to have his attention. Much of my day has been correspondence with him. I'm energized about starting a new project or two.

I also did my 5 mile walk. Along the way I talked with the parent of a former student (think 2000-01 year), a former boss of my wife (1990s), and my sons' high school PE teacher.

This evening we are in my house making personalised lists of goals, responsibilities, and aspirations. This will help while we continue to shelter in place for another month (or more).

What a physical and mentally challenging day this has been

My husband is still not doing well, the Antibiotics and steroids should really kick in by Friday, I also am taking daily pictures of his Tick bite bulls eye to monitor size..

In 14 days he has fallen off the damn mower and is bruised literally from hip to spine to his knee, black bruise and its hard as a rock to the bone contusion, Caught a lung bug that has his oxygen levels at 90 or below and off and on Oxygen through out the day and full time when sleeping and this freaking tick bite..

Stop the ride I want off for a couple days !

I do hope your husband's medications kick in as early as this morning. It's horrible how he's been plagued with one physical challenge after another. He's at least lucky to have you with him looking after him. I know you have so many of your own challenges, too. Sending group hugs...We need to be together in all of this.

That's great, Daonnachd! I'm glad you were able to talk to your therapist about your feelings. It sounds like it really helped.

Best of luck with your sculpting. Sounds like a fun hobby to pick up!

You seem to be doing a little better now that you're doing more things?

Toilet paper shortage now makes perfect sense.

I was watching a recent clip of Chris Hayes' news show where he interviewed a journalist who investigated the toilet paper shortage during the pandemic. The explanation was that consumer need for "home" toilet paper has increased extremely since they are making pretty much all of their bathroom visits at home, instead of at work, school, or elsewhere in public. Apparently, the supply chain for home toilet paper is totally different than the ones for corporate (including school) usage. So the corporate toilet paper suppliers now have a glut of toilet paper, while home use suppliers are short. Wouldn't it seem logical that people's employer/school should be donating their glut of toilet paper to the employees/students?

Yeah, I'm an introvert so staying at home is actually reducing the stress I deal with on a daily basis. I have also started a number of coping strategies which have made a difference, largely because I have the time to employ them daily. My hope is that by the end of the pandemic everything will be habitual.
Happy Thursday, all, we're more than half way through the week. Oh, wait, most of us probably aren't working anyway. So, happy Thursday, it's another day.

There are absolutely NO delivery/curbside pickup times available anywhere remotely near me. I’ve tried Walmart, acme, shop rite , wegman’s, Instacart, Shipt. Nothing. I just checked again everywhere and nope, no times available.

I have quite enough food to last for awhile. I kind of did a “hoarding” situation every time I’ve gone shopping for a few weeks now - not buying everything all at once so I left some for everyone else But now I’ve stocked up quite a bit. It’s just fresh items like milk , bread, lettuce/carrots for the guinea pig, etc. I dont have a big enough freezer to store loaves of bread or gallons of milk.

The gov is requiring that all stores operate at 50% capacity, my store just took that a step further.

not feeling so good.

finding myself thinking about how the lockdown has affected my anxiety, like forever

their are things for me that will never be the same for me.. lockdown or not.

guess I'm not doing a very good job of distracting today

Sorry to hear that.

I'm glad you at least have enough food to last awhile. I have the same problem with Shipt, Instacart, etc.. They're all booked out for WEEKS.

Do you have any farmer's markets near you to get lettuce/carrots for your guinea pig? I'm sure people are going to farmer's markets too, but I think most people will probably go to a real grocery store or do grocery pickup instead. You may be more likely to get carrots/lettuce there?

I'm glad to hear you're not as stressed. I think it's great that you're trying new things and using coping mechanisms!

I hope things continue to improve for you.

Though sometimes the prices can be a bit higher, online grocery delivery services (to your door) through either Whole Foods or Fresh Direct (NYC based, but delivers in most of north and central NJ) are great. My husband and I have already had a delivery from Fresh Direct. I know that with both (Fresh Direct and Whole Foods) it can be hard to claim delivery times. Hubby found that officially placing the order at midnight on the dot gives better delivery choice options. It's still a gamble, because others have learned that trick, too. You have to try and try and try, sometimes. He fills the online "cart" ahead of time. Fresh Direct has always had good to great food quality with special goodies you sometimes only find in NYC. We had even ordered from them a few times in the past, before the pandemic even started.

Today we're going to try to go to Lowes, and then maybe Trader Joe's, in the same shopping center. We would never do main shopping at Trader Joes. We just like to get certain frozen goodies there. I haven't been to a grocery store in well over a week. Our usual is a World Class Shoprite.

When we get our groceries (delivery or from our trip) we wear a mask and vinyl gloves. We then wipe down the stuff with rubbing alcohol in our garage before bringing it into our house. It's a hassle, but safer.

I'm feeling better after a few slightly rough days. A real upside at this time is that the air and temperatures have been just lovely. Also, with the decreased traffic, decreased number of jets flying, lack of AC units running, and many people in their houses/apartments, the sound of birds is particularly loud. Plus, they're likely thinking about making little chicks. Frankly, I think animals and birds are pretty happy with this whole pandemic. It's likely that fewer have been hit by cars (a common occurrence in my area). They are less bothered by humans, overall. Hubby and I saw on Jimmy Kimmel that two pandas at a zoo were mating -- something that they didn't often do before in the zoo environment. The speculation is that they "like the privacy". Good for them!

Thanks. The dose may not be high enough yet. Still a little tired during the day. Fell asleep once and almost another time. Need to call my neuro.

Yeah, I've hit a baby seagull with my car. It smacked my windshield, but I was like, "WTF was that?" So I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the bird bounce onto the ground and get run over by the pickup truck behind me. R.I.P. bird. I was like, "o sh_t. well, that escalated quickly."

I am sure the birds are pleased the nasty humans are leaving them alone. Though, I think squirrels enjoy playing Frogger to see how many cars they can dodge. Seems to be a fun game for them, so they're probably dying of boredom.