Bipolar check-in #48

I was really in a very bad place last night and I took 30 milligrams of melatonin. A huge amount. I slept for 10 hours and I woke up this morning, and I don’t know. I just feel very weird. I’m not groggy or anything. I just feel really off.

So the surgeon's office rescheduled my appointment to have my leg cast removed from yesterday to today. They called this morning and again told me they're cancelling today's appointment. Apparently, the person who called me hadn't bothered to check as to why I had an appointment today.

I told her my cast must come off today and that she needed to fit me in with an available doctor today. I told her, and I meant it, that if she could not fit me in I'm calling the patient advocate (I'm going to call that department anyway to make a complaint, but that's beside the point).

The woman said, "Oh!" as if I was crossing a line. To say I was justifiably outraged is understating how I felt. A second same-day cancellation within a couple of hours of my appointment! Obviously, they don't give a single thought to a patient arranging a ride, etc.

I insisted that I come in today. I really don't want to go to the ER because our covid cases are bad here at this time.

She said she could, uhhhh, fit me innn...welll, at 3 p.m. with a different doctor...

I said yes, absolutely. I asked her if she's positive that I will be seen at that time. She was all, Um, well, yes...I mean...unless there's a strange emergency, or....

I have had some hard-to-believe medical experiences, but this is an outrage. I am willing to take the cast off myself, but I really want the X-rays and walking boot to make sure the entire surgery wasn't for nothing

@BethRags: Good for you for advocating for yourself! Sounds like you were really assertive. Grats!

@bpcyclist: Wow 27 miles on the bike is fantastic! Especially since you've been feeling reluctant to go out. And you saw all sorts of sights by the river! Good on ya!

@~Christina: That's stellar that you got your COVID results in two hours! Your area must be really well-organized. Glad it's negative, of course. Sorry to hear about your sore throat and Steve's confusion. Hope both improve soon.

@BethRags: I'm not visiting any benzo sites online because when i got off Ativan years ago i got enmeshed with this site in the UK (might have been Benzo Buddies, not sure) and they scared the sh_! out of me. All these lists of hideous side-effects and predictions of dire things to come. And my Ativan withdrawal went fine!

I'm not sure what The Ashton Method is but i will be substituting in Valium as it can be cut in such small amounts and withdrawing from that. One milligram of Clonazepam is equal to 20mg of Valium so it will take 20 weeks. I hear you about the problem with long projects and bipolar. Episodes crop up and everything goes to hell. This will take five months so it will run into my Fall hypomania. It will be a challenge.

Anyway, it's on hold at the moment as i had insomnia last night. I was awake til 6:00am and then only slept for three hours. Once i'm sleeping healthy again i'll tackle it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 @BethRags: I'm not visiting any benzo sites online because when i got off Ativan years ago i got enmeshed with this site in the UK (might have been Benzo Buddies, not sure) and they scared the sh_! out of me. All these lists of hideous side-effects and predictions of dire things to come. And my Ativan withdrawal went fine! Yikes, that's not helpful. I'm not sure what The Ashton Method is but i will be substituting in Valium as it can be cut in such small amounts and withdrawing from that. One milligram of Clonazepam is equal to 20mg of Valium so it will take 20 weeks. I hear you about the problem with long projects and bipolar. Episodes crop up and everything goes to hell. This will take five months so it will run into my Fall hypomania. It will be a challenge. What you're doing is the Ashton Method. Supposedly, it's very successful. When I do withdraw from Klonopin I hope my pdoc will agree to that method. Anyway, it's on hold at the moment as i had insomnia last night. I was awake til 6:00am and then only slept for three hours. Once i'm sleeping healthy again i'll tackle it.

Insomnia is just plain cruel.

Wow, that office sounds terribly irresponsible and utterly disorganized. What the heck is their problem??? I can understand a same-day cancellation if there is an emergency of some sort (e.g., the doctor has a family emergency), but two days in a row they want to cancel and without a legitimate excuse? Yeahhhhhh... no. Not cool, not cool.

I hope you're able to see *a* doctor, even if the person isn't yours.

When I had sprained my shoulder snowboarding, I paid my PT appts up front w/ a credit card. Well, they called me like 6 months later saying that I never paid them. Then I paid them again over the phone after I checked that my credit card was not charged. Then they called me 2 months later to tell me I still haven't paid and that I'm in "collections." So, yet again, I had to pay... but this time, I mailed a check to their HQ and requested certified mail. My biggest mistake was not asking for people's names in the first place.

Saw my Rhuemy for normal followup today. I asked him if we can go to 10 week appointments instead of 6 weeks, He was fine with that.

Last night Steve was just super confused , trouble with TV remote, he couldn't get a text to send to his middle son. Anyway he went to bed earlier than normal, saying he was just tired, and physically he is very weak.

I got home today and he said he had got on his oxygen about an hour earlier because he had to take the dogs out to the pasture and that is a long way for him right now., Hes still struggling physically, As expected. A while later I asked him to go over the bills with me, Hes always handled them, most are Auto pay, But a few are not..He said oh they aren't due til later in the month.... I said why are we not paying them as soon as we get paid? It makes no sense to wait... He was just getting upset and snappy. I said maybe a nap will help? So he is asleep. Maybe he will wake up and feel better?? I sure hope so..

Overwhelmed at the moment so numerous Xanax is on board

N3 was here for a while getting his computer. He showed me his school schedule- its only 2 days a week but its full time.

The power went out around 5 and their first estimate was 10 p.m. for it to be back on. Then they said 7:30 then it actually came back on around 630. The power goes out here a lot! Several times a year! I am not pleased to say the least. Its always "equipment failure" for a reason. I'm just glad it came back on. I might sleep downstairs tonight on the couch because its cooler. We'll see.

Sure is quiet around here without N3. We were singing earlier- terribly but we were singing together! I cherish these moments.

I called the complex office today too since my shower drain is very slow. I shower with water to my ankles! I suppose they'll come tomorrow as they didn't today. Sleep is still messed up. I didnt even hear my alarm this morning- I am just too deeply asleep at 6 a.m. which is really making it difficult to get out and walk when its cooler in the mornings. I havent been in a walk in a week what with the weather Being "real feel" of 106 during the afternoons and my sleep being off.

***Got my cast off!***

So when I went back into the cast room in the medical building the tech mentioned that my surgeon was out because his wife is in labor with their daughter! That's wonderful news, and why no one told me the truth instead of jerking me around with lies, I do not know.

Getting the cast off felt so liberating. I had had no idea of how cumbersome and uncomfortable a cast can be. X-rays looked fine, incision good. So I now have a walking boot for 15 days. It's much more comfortable than the cast and I don't have to wear it to sleep or shower.

So I'm depressed. I'm trying to keep busy but I'm really tired. I'm trying to stay positive but I really just want to sh at least. I know I can't and it bothers the hell out of me. I need to be strong right now. Im trying to destract myself. I spoke to t today. She's trying to get me to be hopeful. I can't wait for my colored pencils to come in. That's all I'm looking forward to. I don't see pdoc for about 5 weeks. I talk to t next week.

@BethRags: So happy for you! You must be so relieved! Hope you sleep comfy!

Congrats!!

How long until your pencils come?

@Moose72: My tub drain is slow too! It's a heatwave here also, real-feel 42 C! Glad you had fun singing with N3. I'm going to blast the air tonight. I hate to run it all night but i think that was part of the problem last night, why i was awake til sunrise.

Christina, I’m sleeping pretty well most nights. I take Zopiclone 1-2 times per week if I’m still awake at night 1am. I made a deal with my pdoc that I would take it if I’m still wide awake at 1am.

Beth rags, it must be so nice to have your cast off. Congratulations.!

Another Incredibly boring day. I have nothing to do. Nothing at all. All the laundry and cleaning is up to date and anyway I don’t think laundry and cleaning count as ‘activities’ certainly not interesting activities. I wish I had something to do. This happens every time my bipolar is stable - suddenly I have too much free time.

How long until your pencils come? They were suppose to come today. It said delivered but it was not. So hopefully tomorrow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pookyl ... This happens every time my bipolar is stable - suddenly I have too much free time.

I so understand that. Time that I would usually fill with creative projects...gone, because hypo/mania isn't there- neither is my creativity.

It's a tough call.

I am sorry to hear you’re overwhelmed. You definitely do have a lot of sh_t on your plate that you don't deserve.

I hope today is a better day for you both, and that things start to improve soon.

I have a sore feeling underneath my sternum. It is not a sore throat, but almost a crampy like feeling? A dull pain. I don't know. I woke up like this and I don't feel like eating.

Also, I know this will sound weird, but I wonder if my esophagus is narrowing. I was swallowing some food yesterday and it seemed to get stuck around my sternum area... the same spot that is crampy.

I hope the feeling goes away soon, or at least sometime within the day. No idea what the heck is this feeling or why it occurred, but maybe it was sore because the food got stuck.

I wasn't even swallowing big amounts of food. I was eating frozen French fries that I unthawed in the oven. Ate one at a time.

I am NOT going to the doctor unless it gets worse. I hope it doesn't get worse, though.

In other news, I have a busy day ahead of me. Lots and lots of work...

Hey, Moose, I hope sleep improves. I am also struggling. Try to find a way to get outside even for a few minutes, go in the evenings. I am sure it is still hotter than heck, but, you coul dhandle ten minutes, likely, Probably would help you a little. It is almost always cool here morning at night, even when it gets into the 100s. We just do not have any humidity ever, which is also a huge gift.

Your power outages I am assuming are due to t-storms?

Hugs!!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!!!!

I am so sorry you are struggling. What about letting pdoc know what is happening? 5 weeks is a looooong time to wait...

Strength and support!!!!!!

Always possible you are having a little reflux. Also, there is a weird thing called esophageal spasm, which is just what it sounds like. Hope it goes away. There are good OTC things for reflux, like Prevacid.