Bipolar Check-In #49

Okay, I just worry, MD. We used to have a patient when I was a resiident named Brandi. She would put her meds all in a toy gumball machine and take whatever came out. I just worry that you seem cavalier about your meds. Speaking as someone who has been quite cavalier about his meds in the past.

Hugs and love.

You are at the very least in dysphoria from postacute withdrawal syndrome. Why not look into suboxone? Make some calls. It can really ease the transition for you, way better than methadone. Check it out--please!!

Hugs.

My husband is suffering because of his job's workload and the new type of work. I have offered suggestions, but they don't seem to help. I do my best to keep the house clean and tidy, and make nice meals, and some other things. Since he's still working from home, I try to spend time with him in his home office. I now almost wish he is laid off in October. He says the same, but I'm not 100% sure he's sure of that wish. It is all anxiety-provoking, and I'm sure it is even more so for him now. I have almost reached a point of acceptance. Plus, I'm so frustrated with the situation where we are, that a change is now very welcome. It used to be that I dreaded having to switch psychiatrists, but as with the other stuff, I've reached a point of acceptance about that. I like my therapist, but won't grieve the loss of her. As for my family, it's OK not being near them. Friends have long ago faded away. In fact, it seems next to impossible to make new ones in the current environment. A fresh start will be so welcome. Tough, but hopefully a good thing.

I don't think it has anything to do with withdrawals...
I'm afraid if I take any medications for it someone will notice. My mom frequently picks up my meds from the pharmacy and I definitely don't want her asking questions.

I understand those frustrations about work. It is hard to be in the supoortive role when there isn't much you can do. You're a great wife and I am sure you are appreciated. I also think it is great you are already making mental and emotional preparations for your possible move. Letting go a bit at a time seems wise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Yeah it’s when I’m frustrated. I just woke up 20 minutes ago still feeling frustrated. So I guess it doesn’t help.

Would you talk with your therapist about feeling so frustrated that you take the pills? Maybe she can help you to use some coping skills when that frustration amps up, especially since the pills don't help.

Yes, the work environment seems quite stressful now. My best pal runs a part of B of A. He says even he wld be fired if he went into the office. Hope you guys get what you wish.

New horizons are so exciting. Good for you. If it were not for my kids, I wld move to Kona or Nice or Gustavia in a heartbeat. Carpe Diem!

Just got back from my back surgeon. I had the surgery March 20 2019 and it immediately cured my pain (which was excruciating and rendered me immobile), I just had the pain from surgery to recover from, which only took about 6 weeks. But the pain has started to return. It’s very minor at the moment, but I’m worried because it started out minor before and I ignored it until it became unbearable and needed surgery. So I have agreed to physical therapy for six to eight weeks and then a follow up with my surgeon. I hate PT but I will do anything to prevent that pain!

I feel like a lazy ****. I discovered I can access YouTube on my tv and am considering trying a beginner workout video. I just have to motivate myself!

How are you going to get meaningful help if it is a secret?

Look, my own mother basically told me I was a scumbag when I announced my addiction and depression. Will always adore her, just from a difft era. I get it. But you cannot lick this alone, in my estimation. You need help. There are good meds now. Get some assistance, please!

Hugs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina ... Hugs to anyone in need !

Hi Christina, I meant to mention to you that I also had akathesia while starting Latuda. About the 3rd day. I have never had such a bizarre, entirely agonizing experience! I felt like I needed to peel my skin off so I could let myself out to move, move, move. I stopped the Latuda immediately.

Hey, wfc, hugs. Those sore tough injuries and operations.U r a trooper!!

No idea how mobile you are, but I highly recommend Yoga by Adrienne on youtube. Free, over 700 videos. Many on back stuff
Just enter upper back or low back or whatever and they will pop up. Worth a look. She is excellent and we do not have to be experts to benefit.

I still feel very frustrated. I’m about to go take a visteral Xanax combo and see if that helps at all. I have no idea what else to do. I’ve already done everything else including getting out of the house for a couple hours.

Usually I do. But she’s on vacation this week so I’m trying to cope on my own.

I think sometimes all we can do is sit with acceptance. That is tough, but the meds don't always help. When we give in and breathe through it sometimes it passes more easily than when we fight and keep swimming upstream.

I try hard not to ever swim upstream anymore. Took a long time to learn that. Tortured my poor self for decades doing just that, chasing ghosts...

I had my boss tell me that I haven't been myself lately, but I honestly do not know what that means. I am more on the high side lately. I decided to discontinue therapy, as it doesn't seem to help me when I'm not on the low side. It feels like there's so many other things that I could be doing that I end up doing instead. I understand why some would say it's not the right decision, but it feels right to me at present. Things won't be like this forever, but I'm too distracted at the moment to sit down and have sessions.

Just got off the phone with my grandma. Apparently my grandpa had a seizure last week (he’s in a nursing home at the moment). He’s getting an mri and eeg done today. I don’t know much about seizures. This is the first one he’s ever had, although my grandma is now wringing her hands, thinking of all the time he spent in his room at home and the possibility that he may have had some before.

His brother died of brain cancer about fifteen years ago, so I for one am certainly worried about that. In any case he has late stage dementia. So realistically, he may not have much time left anyway. My grandma was hoping to bring him home in a couple of months to care for him again, but the seizure further proves that she really can’t provide the care he needs. She’s 83 herself; she just can’t care for him, physically or mentally. She scared the **** out of me right before he went into the nursing home...she was helping him up the stairs and said “just make sure to push him forward so if he falls he falls forward”. I had this horrible thought of him falling backwards on top of her one day. No one would know. My mom would get suspicious after a day or so of no contact, but that might be too late for both of them. I really hope she agrees to long term care for him.

It’s sad to think he might not be around this time next year. He’s always been quite difficult, even before the dementia, but I have some pleasant memories with him. I will miss him when he goes, whenever that may be.

Sending hugs and love, wfc. Thinking about and praying for your grandpa

Hugs and prayers, wfc.

Thanks !

Yes its the Latuda which I quit Sunday or Monday. I figured it was going to happen at some point. So I got so furious I literally threw the bottle out the back door, we have acreage, so it can decompose in 100 years I don't care.

The Inderal is helping a bit , keeping me more chill on top of Xanax, My blood pressure is still in an okay range Just have to be careful getting up to fast.

Lamictal and Doxepin will have to be enough.

I do not give a shyt today about anything. I am safe, no worries.

I have $40 to see me a week until my next paycheck. . This includes gas. I need to change my spending habits. Dollars spent can add up quickly. I have no real complaints. I work part time, with days of inbetween. I have been working on my synthesizer and getting some neat sounds. I even made up a short little ditty inspired by one of those sounds. I think I will watch a movie today.

I called about some apartments today. They had long waiting lists and long applications. I also checked my credit, and I don't have any! I used to have great credit about 15 years ago. Then, I had bad credit many years ago but I guess it's been long enough. So I'm going to see about getting a credit card from my credit union.

I'm in bed watching Green Acres. I stuck to my diet today! Made up for yesterday.

Text me if your phone still isn't sorted, then I'll see what I can do to help u, we conquered it yesterday, we can at least try to do so again.
... it's 1am now and I don't want to risk disturbing you if you magically managed to sleep....
So just text me if you get this.
((((((Hugs))))))

I had a major melatonin overdose last night. 30 milligrams. I almost went to the hospital except I couldn’t wake up to text my mom I was so drowsy. I just feel like throwing up right now and my vision is super blurry. I wonder if I can email my therapist. She did say last week she thought I was holding off on them because I thought last week was the week she was on vacation.