[NaoSky]

@Miguelsmom

I’m really happier without him and learning with BD I will lose some relationships, it’s to be expected. Thank you!!

[NaoSky]

@soupdejoir right!! Lol it is what it is. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise? He was fine with saying my mental state was out of whack and then also fine with snooping. I gave him the code to my phone because I trusted him and then he also used my daughter who looks like me, her face to unlock my bank account to transfer the money to his account. There was a reason why I separated banks last year. It was a 5,000 lesson. He still pays my phone bill too... I’m going to check out how to get off his plan. I’m really done with him this time. I don’t think I could ever trust him again. Especially not with my mental state. Even last night when he was FaceTiming our 2 year old he had the audacity to say, “are you feeling better?” I said I’ve been feeling better since 5 days into my hospital stay.... the. He says “well I know they were balancing your meds.” I said, “they’ve been balanced and I’ve been better., I was just being punished.” The. He says, “well you know yourself better than anyone.” Mother trucker.... I still haven’t had a talk with him about the money and what he did to me. I had to talk to my therapist first and then timing has been off, but I may this weekend.

[NaoSky]

Thank you @buddah1too !! My brother who’s a year and a half younger than me lives with me at my house so yes I do. We are like fraternal twins so it’s nice!! Thank you for thinking of me!!

[Soupe du jour]

NaoSky, given your husband's tendencies and that you are separated, it would be good for you to safeguard your personal belongings. Password changes, possible account changes, door lock changes (if necessary).

[Soupe du jour]

I'm just furious at my husband. He has this horrible tendency to pass responsibility onto me for stuff he was responsible for. For example, if he loses/misplaces something, suddenly I need to be the one that knows where the thing is. I have a hard enough time keeping track of my own stuff, so I'm quite reliable about where/how I place things. But his stuff?

I adore my husband, but he's so disorganized. I truly believe it's his ADD. What's worse is that he complicates so many things. I keep my stuff in order and accounted for by not having way too much stuff and way too many places to put it all. I follow Henry David Thoreau's suggestion to "Simplify, simplify, simplify!" He doesn't. Packages arrive nearly every day with stuff that I would never order.We went to a garden shop yesterday to buy a plant. I say "a plant" and came home with six, none of which had proper pots and saucers. So they all sat on my kitchen counter, my personal special realm. I got so frustrated thinking that they'd sit there for days and days that I found old Tupperware containers, shoved them all in them, and put them in the living room and by his chair in the kitchen. When I complain about such things, he gets angry saying "They're for us, not just for me." But I didn't buy six. He did! I didn't buy all of the gizmos that he did. I'd say that about 75% of the stuff in the house is HIS stuff or stuff I'd never have. Upstairs he still has a mountain high pile of what is probably 200 socks that absolutely won't fit into even three dresser drawers. I always have to restrain myself from doing with such stuff what I DEEP DOWN would like to do with it. Everything has sentimental or nostalgic value to him. Relatively little does for me, though I do like my culinary-related belongings. And to think how much stuff I managed to get rid of before moving to Europe. I say "I" because it was mostly my doing, and mostly stuff that was originally his. I got rid of even stuff of mine, which represented a small amount, comparatively.

Sorry for the venting. I have vented about him to my s-i-l, who thankfully understands where I'm coming from.

[Theforgeagency]

Hi, I definitely need to check in with someone. So IÂ’m trying to quit cannabis while bipolar and it is...scary, like really really scary. Yesterday i made it until 5 pm but my body and brain were just spinning out and attacking me. I did like six loan and credit applications in a manic frenzy. Some bad terms and I just went for it. I spent hours on it. I was just a wreck and I felt it physically in a way I never had before. Cannabis really tamps down all my impulses and anger and all the stuff that makes bipolar scary. I just didnÂ’t expect that it would prevent me from making even one sober day. Any advice would be so appreciated.

[Moose72]

I had to call the maintenance line to get one of them to come over and find my carbon monoxide detector. It's one of the the things on the inspection list. He brought a new detector with him and turns out I didn't have one! So now that's fixed but he took down one of the smoke detectors so I hope I don't need it.

I've got a small load of laundry in the dryer as one of the things on the list is that all laundry must be clean and put away. My mom and Caleb said that small load won't matter in the hamper but I'm not taking any chances. Just waiting for the dryer- then in the morning I can finish the last 3 things which is to wash and put away all dishes (I will run the dish washer tonight.) I also need to have the blinds all the way open in both rooms. Little things like that that I can't do until morning. (Except washing dishes- I can do that tonight.) It's hailing here! Out on my deck I can hear it. I don't feel tired today but my arm is a little less sore so that's good.

[*Beth*]

Pdoc and therapist appointments today (telehealth, ugh). I'm still waiting to get the "all clear" for my car to be smogged. The mechanic tells me he'll call me, then he doesn't. So I end up calling him during later afternoon. I get so anxious about it because it's not my intention to put pressure on him, it's just that I'd appreciate knowing what's going on. An update.

I looked outside my window and see that the 2 trees that block my view of the apartments across the street are finally in bloom! Gorgeous weather, I hope it lasts until June, when we'll be scorching hot.

[Nammu]

I bought my daughter just because gifts. She does so much and with covid and kids it’s an extra complication. Plus she just took a friend into her home. She loves tea so I got her a cute boxful, a bracelet that says to believe in yourself and a box of shower bombs. Don’t know what shower bombs are but they come in wonderful scents. If she likes em I might get some for myself.

Does anybody here use those dryer scents? Do they hurt the machines at all? I can’t find my lavender soap anywhere here anymore and I’m not paying shipping for that. But the local stores do sell unstoppable scents.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I bought my daughter just because gifts. She does so much and with covid and kids it’s an extra complication. Plus she just took a friend into her home. She loves tea so I got her a cute boxful, a bracelet that says to believe in yourself and a box of shower bombs. Don’t know what shower bombs are but they come in wonderful scents. If she likes em I might get some for myself.

Does anybody here use those dryer scents? Do they hurt the machines at all? I can’t find my lavender soap anywhere here anymore and I’m not paying shipping for that. But the local stores do sell unstoppable scents.

What a sweet thing to do for your daughter.

I don't know what dryer scents are, but if you're an Amazon Prime member you can buy lavender soaps on Amazon and there's no cost to ship.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Theforgeagency

Hi, I definitely need to check in with someone. So IÂ’m trying to quit cannabis while bipolar and it is...scary, like really really scary. Yesterday i made it until 5 pm but my body and brain were just spinning out and attacking me. I did like six loan and credit applications in a manic frenzy. Some bad terms and I just went for it. I spent hours on it. I was just a wreck and I felt it physically in a way I never had before. Cannabis really tamps down all my impulses and anger and all the stuff that makes bipolar scary. I just didnÂ’t expect that it would prevent me from making even one sober day. Any advice would be so appreciated.

I noticed this is your first post, @Theforgeagency. Welcome!

I'm just writing from my own experience, but when I was using non-prescription substances, it was pretty difficult for me to distinguish between the forest & the trees. Comorbidities (especially mental health diagnoses paired with substance abuse disorders) are fairly common. I was very impulsive when using marijuana & alcohol. Once I eliminated those from my life, however, it became possible for me to distinguish between impulsivity related to my bipolar disorder (which can be regulated much of the time), & impulsivity related to my substance abuse disorders (which I now have 100% under control -- one day at a time). I think my psych meds worked a heck of a lot more efficiently when I stopped self-medicating, too.

To be honest, I just did one heck of a lot of stupid shite when I was drinking & drugging. In my case, I quite often lost any healthy inhibitions that might have been knocking around in my head. You're the only one who can judge if that glove fits you. I'm not diagnosing you when I mention substance abuse disorder, but it's often a troubling sign if a substance is telling a person when to use, rather than a person being in control of a substance. If you are in therapy or seeing a psychiatrist, I'd definitely raise the issue with them. They might be able to support you in quitting, or guide you to support groups, if that's something you might find helpful. Recovery can be a long road, but it can be achieved! Good luck, & keep us posted!

[Nammu]

Theforgeangency

I'm starting to regret those eye-glasses i bought yesterday and wish i'd gone for a single pair of custom-made ones. Next time. I didn't get anything done today. I was tired for no reason. I sure don't have much energy. My ZOOM social hour was fun today except that pushy facilitator i so dislike shut-down someone who got excited. She doesn't let us have any fun. She acts like it's a meeting of the UN not a social space. It's natural for conversations to evolve and for someone to take the lead. I made a point of going in the room she was NOT in even tho the topic in the room was not ideal. I had to persist asking twice to get out of her room and i'm glad i did it, i sure don't want to spend any more time with her than absolutely necessary.

@Theforgeagency: Welcome aboard! Jump right in, the water is warm!

Hugs to all!

[Soupe du jour]

Welcome, @Theforgeagency! I think buddha1too made some great points about differentiating between addiction effects and bipolar effects. It's easy to praise self-medication, but most all of us eventually find that doing so is akin to making a deal with the devil.

[buddha1too]

I'm not in a good space tonight...this morning...whenever it is. I've had a total of about 15 hours sleep in the past 5 days & I'm starting to feel awfully panicky for no apparent reason. I've done the Klonopin & Trazodone thing, so I can't do any more pharmaceutically. Coping strategies are out the window when I'm feeling this worked up, & I'm afraid taking a walk will just make me feel more stoked. The pre-dawn robins will be singing soon. I remember them from my hypomanic days. This isn't a happy hypo, though. I'm in an unpleasant mental neighborhood. Too many tapes playing over in my head. Video footage of that 13-year-old Hispanic kid being shot dead by Chicago police yesterday night...in addition to all the other bad encounters featured on the news lately. WTF!?

[captaineo]

Buddha
Hope you are going well. I’m still struggling my family tell me my mothers hand curl because of párkinson it’s killing me , I cannot be there. It’s horrible

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Soupe du jour]

My video appointment with my American psychiatrist last night was no less than a screaming rant. He told me to take 100 mg Seroquel XR in the morning along with the 600 mg at night (and all my other morn/evening meds). I don't know what to say to my Czech psychiatrist. I have another appointment with my American one next Friday. The Czech one knows nothing. The time (first) I saw him I was fine and dandy. My next appointment with my Czech pdoc isn't for another week and a half.

I didn't/don't want to take 100 mg extra and I told American pdoc that, so he said to at least take an extra 50 mg. I almost didn't, but then did after realizing that I am already in Tasmanian devil mode.

I will have to say goodbye to my American pdoc, but not until a couple tasks are done relating to my SSDI. My new Czech pdoc doesn't even know I collect disability. I didn't deliberately keep that from him. It just didn't come up in that first appointment. Heck, there was already more than enough to say in the first appointment! I will mention it next time.

Maybe I should email the Czech doc just to give him some heads up about my extreme irritability. It's all so complex! I want simplicity again!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I'm not in a good space tonight...this morning...whenever it is. I've had a total of about 15 hours sleep in the past 5 days & I'm starting to feel awfully panicky for no apparent reason. I've done the Klonopin & Trazodone thing, so I can't do any more pharmaceutically. Coping strategies are out the window when I'm feeling this worked up, & I'm afraid taking a walk will just make me feel more stoked. The pre-dawn robins will be singing soon. I remember them from my hypomanic days. This isn't a happy hypo, though. I'm in an unpleasant mental neighborhood. Too many tapes playing over in my head. Video footage of that 13-year-old Hispanic kid being shot dead by Chicago police yesterday night...in addition to all the other bad encounters featured on the news lately. WTF!?

Hey Pal. Have you contacted your psychiatrist about this concerning trend? You shouldn't be struggling on alone with this. There does come a time when we need help.

I heard about the 13-year old kid being killed, unjustifiably. I also heard about yet another mass shooting. Wonder what was behind all of the killings? Definitely not a knife or stranglizations. Guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns. Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill...ad infinitum. When is the next one? This afternoon soon after lunch? Or not much after morning coffee?

Američtí zbraňoví lobbisté hnijí v pekle!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'm starting to regret those eye-glasses i bought yesterday and wish i'd gone for a single pair of custom-made ones. ...

Optometrists usually have a return policy of at least 2 weeks.

[Nammu]

Oh, Buddha and soupe. Sending soothing calming vibes. Do keep in touch with your docs. When coping skills don’t work you need the pdoc s.

[Moose72]

I got up at 7 and finished the last 4 things on my list like take garbage out and empty the dishwasher. The paperwork says they're coming any time between 10 and 5. It's only 12:35 now so I've got some time left. I was talking with Caleb almost this whole time! And I saw a hawk! It landed on the railing of my balcony and stayed there about 5 seconds until it flew away. It was pretty tall- over a foot!

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Američtí zbraňoví lobbisté hnijí v pekle!

Doufám. Spolu s rasistickou, fašisticky nakloněnou policií, kteří dávají dobrým policajtům špatné jméno.

I've noted from a few of your recent posts that we're both experiencing an extremely irritable time...I can relate to the Tasmanian devil analogy. I appreciate the suggestion you & @Nammu made concerning my touching base with my pdoc. I have APs on hand, & my regular appointment is just eleven days away. I'm willing to wait until then if I can manage to get more than a few hours of sleep. There's a big difference between being awake & agitated, & being awake & full of positive, productive energy. I wish it was the latter, but not this time.

I'm sorry to hear that your mother is doing poorly, @captaineo. I once lived abroad, so can relate to the added stress distance creates when difficult things happen at home. I hope your living and working situation in Japan isn't causing too much stress. The old Japanese saying, "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down" has some truth to it. Being a Venezuelan gaijin (foreigner) probably makes you "stick up" to some extent. I hope that doesn't add to the other stressors you face. Take care of yourself.

I agree with BethRags, @whatever2013. Things might be different in Canada, but here in the States there's generally a grace period if your glasses aren't working out for you. It worth checking out. Sorry about the witch with a "b" who's been running your Zoom group. I know those meetings were a pleasant escape for you. I hope they'll return to being so soon.

[Nammu]

Buddha may the next 11 days pass smoothly and with sleep.

[Soupe du jour]

Nammu and buddha1too, I texted my Czech pdoc. He's so nice and told me to keep taking the extra Seroquel as I can tolerate. He also offered a sooner appointment, if I find I need one. Buddha1too, yours should do the same, if you really need one.

@Nammu, "just because gifts" are the best. Your daughter is lucky.

[Moose72]

Well I left my contacts in during a nap a couple days ago and now my eyes are red. i took the contacts out and put on my new glasses. Eye doctor is closed now. They are open tomorrow though. But I passed my inspection!