[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Oh and my mom bought me a new plant for the corner of my bedroom!

Nice
.......

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I'm so pissed off today I could spit. Angry at nothing in particular...

I’m sorry. I know there’s nothing I can say or do that can help but know you are not alone. Been in that spot a time or two, or a few hundred times.

[Nammu]

Got 2 of the three things I ordered for my daughter. The bracelet is very nice. The shower bombs look good, now all I need is the tea.

My masks came today too. I’ve been wanting masks like these for a long time but the price was never right. Got 8 die dye, galaxy design big masks with a wire nose piece. Finally I can retire some of the ugliest ones.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Oh and my mom bought me a new plant for the corner of my bedroom!

Lovely plant! I'll be potting a new one, too, tomorrow.

I hope your eyes feel better soon.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I checked his profile page. His account has been suspended.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Md really depended on the support he received here.

[Moose72]

Christine came over and we went out. She wanted starbucks so we got in a long line at the drive thru. Then we got gas in her car. Then we decided what to get for dinner and picked it up. I got a cheese burger and she got a reuben. We brought it back to my place and ate at my dining room table then watched tv. I wasn't really into the show but it was tolerable. The previous movie was not tolerable! I'm trying to decide if I have pink eye or allergies. The nurse I talked to today didn't specify which one she guessed it is. I'm to wipe my eyes with a hot wet paper towel 5 times a day. I took an Allegra allergy pill this morning and my eyes were better than they had been over night. We'll see how they do tonight. They itch sometimes and if it is allergies then I wonder when I can wear my contacts again. Good thing that I bought glasses! Oh and I printed more photos! I like them but I feel guilty! P.S. I just took benadryl so my eyes won't get all watery and itchy over night like they did last night.

[Nammu]

Tonight is PBS night. Very tolerable. Midsummer is a rerun but still enjoyable. Then it’s Frankie Drake, a period piece set in the 30’s in Toronto Canada. It’s new to us and a fun show. Then comes Brokenwood set in, oo I think it’s New Zealand. I’m not sure it’s been a while since it was on. I’m hoping it’s new but I’ve a feeling it will be a rerun too. Mum and I watch a lot of PBS and their funding has been cut so not much new. Mostly I’m just passing time till I can go to bed. I’m much to tired to do anything else. Looking forward to sleeping tonight

I did a fair bit of housework today. That felt good. I decided to attend my ZOOM social hour after all since lots of times it's been fun. It went smoothly. I have a follow-up appointment re my teeth on Tuesday and they sent a confirmation request and COVID update form via text. I was quite impressed, it's a clever use of tech. A neighbor said hello from afar today when i was outside with my dog and i stupidly did not go over to her to chat when i should be taking every opportunity to socialize to combat my isolation. Sometimes i don't know what is wrong with me.

Hugs to all!

[buddha1too]

We're big PBS fan, too, @Nammu. The PBS News Hour, Frontline, POV, Independent Lens & other documentaries (especially the Ken Burns ones) are my favorites. My partner likes the dramatic programs (especially Masterpiece & other British period stuff). I'm concerned about budget cuts to PBS, as well. I like the fact that there are no commercials, other than their occasional pledge drives. I hope you have a good night's sleep.

I'm sorry about your eyes, @Moose72. Perhaps they will be clear by morning. I'm glad you got out, had a bite to eat & enjoyed some company tonight.

We did housework today, too, @whatever2013. Don't get down on yourself for not socializing with your neighbor. It sounds like it was an oversight. I'm glad you're pleased with your new dentist.

[Nammu]

Ken Burns is very good. I like most of his stuff but wasn’t too impressed with the presentation of the Mayo Clinic. But I really liked the one on the Roosevelts. He does make history come alive. POV is great but I haven’t seen it in awhile cause mum doesn’t like it. She prefers the westerns to that. Her being 94, her preference comes first. Tho I do protest against hallmark. Blah. I swear they use the same people, same music and same script for every movie. I do hope to sleep tonight. Thanks

[buddha1too]

You're a very sweet and devoted daughter! Your mother is very fortunate that you are there to care for her emotional and physical needs!

I'm feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I finally broke down and took an AP a minute ago. I don't know how it will affect things, but I feel like I am going to burst. I got into it with my father on the phone today (warranted, IMO), but don't want to take this out on my partner. I shared how I've been feeling (it's no secret), but don't want to burden her with my baggage. I've reached what seems to be a breaking point. I try to keep my meds to a minimum, but these are desperate times. I panic when I think about sleep...I know I'll struggle again tonight.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

[Soupe du jour]

I hope everyone got some restorative sleep last night (or as I write this). It seems to be a widespread issue, for various reasons. I did get enough sleep, albeit that lousy sleep I've written about. I have trouble falling asleep until late, so I've been waking up late. So has my husband. I guess my extra Seroquel XR is helping. My mood is more even, albeit more on the dull end now.

My dad's 79th birthday is coming up in a few days. He seems so old. He wasn't until about 76. And yet when I compare him to people like Biden, Pelosi, Queen Elizabeth II, and the like, he is older than his years. Functions poorly, compared to them. I wonder how I'll be at 79, if I make it to that age.

It appears that my husband is now officially unemployed. He hadn't been working for a while, and we knew this would eventually happen, but didn't know when. He'll call his employer's HR department tomorrow. As for work, new opportunities will need to be found in our new location. He has ideas. Some we sort of counted on suddenly became uncertain. We had counted on him helping his friend, but the friend is now acting like the offers never existed. We also thought the friend would stay with us whenever he was in our city, and contribute a teeny bit to our rent, but now it's as if that was never discussed.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I'm so pissed off today I could spit. Angry at nothing in particular...

Thinking of you and sending calming vibes. I hope today is better.

[Sunflower123]

My family had a meeting yesterday that went quite well. My sister and brother agreed to step up to the plate and specified ways in which they would do so. It gave all three of them (sis, brother and mom) the opportunity to realize what all I was doing and that something had to give somewhere especially with PT 3 times a week. I’m much relieved.

PT is going well. I’m still sore and fatigued but it will get better.

I’m going to have to have surgery on my tongue. Have you heard of anything so bizarre? I had a taste bud become inflamed and I kept biting it accidentally until now it is large enough and distorted enough to need to be removed. I am less than excited about it and will wait until after graduation. In the meantime ouch!

My daughter wants me to meet her next weekend half way and she’s very excited about it. My only issue is they are putting a bridge up in my town and detouring traffic off the highway onto a secondary road and then back on. Nightmare and will be backed up for miles. I’ll have a very hard time getting back home. The things we do for love.

I send hugs to all.

[Nammu]

Buddha too I hope you managed to get some quality sleep. I did sleep but my dreams were troubled. T***** invaded as was keeping women locked up for his pleasure. And their children were wearing little suits and eating off the floor. But I got that recognized and freed the women. I felt tired when I woke up even though I did sleep. Maybe I just need to wake up more.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

...
I’m going to have to have surgery on my tongue. Have you heard of anything so bizarre? ...

I can't say that I have!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

You're a very sweet and devoted daughter! Your mother is very fortunate that you are there to care for her emotional and physical needs!

I'm feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I finally broke down and took an AP a minute ago. I don't know how it will affect things, but I feel like I am going to burst. I got into it with my father on the phone today (warranted, IMO), but don't want to take this out on my partner. I shared how I've been feeling (it's no secret), but don't want to burden her with my baggage. I've reached what seems to be a breaking point. I try to keep my meds to a minimum, but these are desperate times. I panic when I think about sleep...I know I'll struggle again tonight.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

Did the AP help?

[wildflowerchild25]

Ugh I am just NOT doing well. Physically I feel like ****. Whatever physical malaise is going on is still there. Plus I believe I have tendinitis is my wrist/hand, and I definitely have sciatic pain again. I am getting a cortisone injection in my back on Tuesday. Every day is different in terms of pain level. Like on Friday by the afternoon it hurt so bad I had to keep standing up and stretching. I was doing hip stretches in my chair too. Helped a little bit. It’s really affecting my knee too though can barely bend it when I get in bed at the end of the day.

Emotionally I’m completely scattered. I’m switching from agitation and rage to abject depression. Don’t know where I’m going to be on any given day. There’s just so much going on in my head. I don’t see my therapist this week because of the injection.

I really don’t want to work with her anymore. It’s almost like she’s too close to me now. She knows me too well and I’m embarrassed to share anything else with her.

I just feel like I’m in over my head at this point.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Ugh I am just NOT doing well. Physically I feel like ****. Whatever physical malaise is going on is still there. Plus I believe I have tendinitis is my wrist/hand, and I definitely have sciatic pain again. I am getting a cortisone injection in my back on Tuesday. Every day is different in terms of pain level. Like on Friday by the afternoon it hurt so bad I had to keep standing up and stretching. I was doing hip stretches in my chair too. Helped a little bit. It’s really affecting my knee too though can barely bend it when I get in bed at the end of the day.

Emotionally I’m completely scattered. I’m switching from agitation and rage to abject depression. Don’t know where I’m going to be on any given day. There’s just so much going on in my head. I don’t see my therapist this week because of the injection.

I really don’t want to work with her anymore. It’s almost like she’s too close to me now. She knows me too well and I’m embarrassed to share anything else with her.

I just feel like I’m in over my head at this point.

[*Beth*]

Should I turn on my a/c or should I leave my windows open for some fresh (though very warm) air? Decisions, decisions.

I have a new name for my "anxiety." Hypervigilance. Sometimes to the point of paranoia or delusion. Besides BD my diagnosis is PTSD, thanks to a childhood full of the things childhood isn't supposed to be full of. It hit me like a bucket of cold water 4 days ago: this feeling is hypervigilance. Feeling constantly afraid of being physically attacked in some way (even when I'm alone), fearing that everything is suddenly going to go tragically wrong, etc., etc. So I brought my concern into therapy and that's what I want to work on for awhile now.

All my millions of meds = status quo.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Ugh I am just NOT doing well. Physically I feel like ****. Whatever physical malaise is going on is still there. Plus I believe I have tendinitis is my wrist/hand, and I definitely have sciatic pain again. I am getting a cortisone injection in my back on Tuesday. Every day is different in terms of pain level. Like on Friday by the afternoon it hurt so bad I had to keep standing up and stretching. I was doing hip stretches in my chair too. Helped a little bit. It’s really affecting my knee too though can barely bend it when I get in bed at the end of the day.

Emotionally I’m completely scattered. I’m switching from agitation and rage to abject depression. Don’t know where I’m going to be on any given day. There’s just so much going on in my head. I don’t see my therapist this week because of the injection.

I really don’t want to work with her anymore. It’s almost like she’s too close to me now. She knows me too well and I’m embarrassed to share anything else with her.

I just feel like I’m in over my head at this point.

Extra hugs, wild. What you are describing sounds rather like a horrible mixed episode I had a number of years ago. Do you think it might be? I didn't recognize it in myself for quite some time. Do you have any pdoc appointments coming up?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I'm sorry about your eyes, @Moose72. Perhaps they will be clear by morning. I'm glad you got out, had a bite to eat & enjoyed some company tonight.

We did housework today, too,

My eyes are better when I take Benadryl so maybe it's allergies. I took some this morning and then had some iced coffee and that made me feel very weird and uncomfortable.

Me this morning!

@BethRags: Wow, i'm really sorry you feel that way, like you're going to be attacked or something tragic will happen. It must make it very hard to relax. I got a new gadget for security on my door, new on the market. It's this spring-loaded bar lock that makes it impossible to open the door even if you have a key. I felt a weight off my shoulders when i got it installed. Maybe it would help? I just got it at a big-box home improvement store.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Extra hugs, wild. What you are describing sounds rather like a horrible mixed episode I had a number of years ago. Do you think it might be? I didn't recognize it in myself for quite some time. Do you have any pdoc appointments coming up?

I really should make one. I saw her at the beginning of March and I was supposed to call back to make my next appt but I forgot. I only see her once every three months and I have a LOT of meds stored up somehow so I just forgot. I’m just afraid it’s not really anything she can help with. It’s just like everything from my past that I thought I was over is coming back to get me all at once and I have no idea which problem to begin with.

Recently I’ve been thinking I don’t even have bipolar really and it’s all just in my head, you know? But at the same time I have to remember the depressed episode I had last year was completely horrific and I really didn’t sleep for pretty much the entire summer. Quite often I was up until 3 or 4 the the morning but I was still getting up to take my son to camp and not going back to sleep during the day.

I don’t know.....maybe things begin as a trigger, like an emotional confrontation or memory or something and then it develops into an actual chemical episode if left unattended? I’m really unsure.

I’ll try to remember to make an appt with my pdoc tomorrow.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Did the AP help?

I'm not really sure. I still feel anxious & irritable, but also somewhat washed-out (if that makes any sense). I hate taking APs. I was supposed to help my partner work in the yard today, but didn't feel up to it. My internal workings are just messed up right now. Then, tomorrow morning, I have my second Moderna vaccine. Hopefully I won't feel any ill effects, but I might skip my AP tonight so I'll know what's what.

Take care, everyone. It seems many of us have hit the skids the past few days.