[gina_re]

Today was better. I'm still grieving the loss of the friendship, but I'm not in as much pain as I was in yesterday. I'm a little annoyed with myself that I haven't completed all my reading for this class yet and now I'm rushing that so I can complete the assignment that is due tonight. But I'm so tired..

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Has anyone ever used a dbt workbook, or any kind of self help book and have had success?

I took a class. They handed out photocopies from books on dbt. It was successful. You had to do the work at home then share it during class.

[Moose72]

Warning:

I received an email today that said it was from venmo. It said to click a link or go to such and such in the app. It said they needed to verify who I was or I wouldn't be able to use the app after a certain date. When I looked at the webpage it wanted my name age and last four of my social security number. Uuh no! I clicked out of that and looked at the email that I'd gotten but the return address looked suspicious too- like something the real venmo wouldn't use. This is just a heads up. I hope not a lot of people fall for this scam!

[Moose72]

Good News! I went online looking for vaccine appointments. I signed up for 3 of them - they were going to get back to me when there were any appointments available. Then I tried one more pharmacy and got an appointment for the 19th! Its the one-dose one too so no return visit.

[Moose72]

I went back to Walgreens this afternoon and had 7- SEVEN !- more 8x10s and bought frames for them (which were buy one get one 1/2 off). So I've got 10 8X10 photographs in my living room! And I took each and every one of them!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oh, Beth I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully 🙏 there’s a med that works.

Well! I’m learning the new washing machine language. I pushed the wrong button and it said delay and the number 15. I thought oh well, 15 minutes! No. Two hours later the number was 14! So I turned it off and back on. Ah ha! The old un plug it trick. So finally the clothes are washing. Sir is fascinated with the sounds it makes. He sits on the steps and watches it.

It’s pretty warm here too but very muggy. Thank goodness the April showers have come. Wisconsin is burning it’s so dry. Yeah, Buddha you drain the snowblower ole Mother Nature will dump a foot of snow our way.

My sister has a washing machine that does everything except clean the toilets. When I was house sitting for her I put my clothes in to wash, they ended up taking 2 hours. Obviously I had pushed the wrong timing. Oh, it was wacky. I was surprised my clothing wasn't in shreds after 2 hours!

Wisconsin is having wildfires? Oh, no

[Nammu]

Gina, I haven’t used a cbt or DBT workbook although years, decades ago I did use a bipolar workbook. It was for my eyes only. And as such I was brutally honest and it was eye opening. I had had the bipolar dx for years but didn’t believe it. I thought it was just the ptsd. I did have a therapist but she was for domestic abuse and I just worked on that aspect and the ptsd with her. The workbook was for me and was very helpful.

[Sunflower123]

I had an argument with my daughter about her graduation and ended up telling her I didn’t think I could make it and that I wouldn’t be able to talk to her about it until Monday because I needed some space from her. There are many physical and mental obstacles to overcome to get there and she just doesn’t get it and isn’t helping me find solutions. I’ll be there but I don’t know how. I got through texing and immediately took 6 2 mg Klonopin although I considered much more. It’s been a bad, what’s the point day. I don’t know what stopped me. Too many people would be devastated I guess.

Tomorrow is a new day. Anything is possible. It will work out. I have PT tomorrow at 8:00. I’m usually awake by 6:00 but am not moving until 10:00 working on my morning routine. I’ll take that opportunity to run errands before my brother’s vaccine appointment.

Can somebody tell me how to use the @ function? I use the @ key on my phone and that’s not it. Greatly appreciated.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I took a class. They handed out photocopies from books on dbt. It was successful. You had to do the work at home then share it during class.

Thank you! This is encouraging!

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Gina, I haven’t used a cbt or DBT workbook although years, decades ago I did use a bipolar workbook. It was for my eyes only. And as such I was brutally honest and it was eye opening. I had had the bipolar dx for years but didn’t believe it. I thought it was just the ptsd. I did have a therapist but she was for domestic abuse and I just worked on that aspect and the ptsd with her. The workbook was for me and was very helpful.

I came across a DBT workbook for bipolar disorder and was considering purchasing it. I'm going over DBT in my class and it sounds helpful. So that sparked my interest in trying a workbook because I have heard of them before. I decided to sleep on it, and I'll go ahead and hit checkout when I get paid this Friday. There are definitely a few things I need to work on about myself and I can't afford a therapist right now.
Thank you for your advice!!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I had an argument with my daughter about her graduation and ended up telling her I didn’t think I could make it and that I wouldn’t be able to talk to her about it until Monday because I needed some space from her. There are many physical and mental obstacles to overcome to get there and she just doesn’t get it and isn’t helping me find solutions. I’ll be there but I don’t know how. I got through texing and immediately took 6 2 mg Klonopin although I considered much more. It’s been a bad, what’s the point day. I don’t know what stopped me. Too many people would be devastated I guess.

Tomorrow is a new day. Anything is possible. It will work out. I have PT tomorrow at 8:00. I’m usually awake by 6:00 but am not moving until 10:00 working on my morning routine. I’ll take that opportunity to run errands before my brother’s vaccine appointment.

Can somebody tell me how to use the @ function? I use the @ key on my phone and that’s not it. Greatly appreciated.

Having a disagreement with an adult child is so terribly painful. My heart goes out to you. As for the Klonopin...that's quite a lot to take, as I'm sure you know. I probably have a sense of how you were feeling when you took it; I've been in a place in which I took too many K-pins...been there more than a few times. And always regretted it later.

Your insights are excellent, I think. Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start. Of course the situation with your daughter will work out!

I, too, would like to know how to use the @ function. All I know to do is copy a user's name (the one in the avatar box), then paste it in my post. It seems to work, though I'm not sure. Like this:
Jennifer 1967

If I click on your name in this post it takes me to your profile page, but I hope it also notifies you. I'm just not sure.

I know PT will be painful, but I hope it's a productive pain!

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

@wildflowerchild25
Happy (belated) Birthday, wildflowerchild!!

(I read that right, yes?)

Yes, thank you!

[Moose72]

@BethRags just put the at sign in front of the person's handle and it should notify them.

[wildflowerchild25]

I really am in a foul mood. I haven’t been right since the blow up with my mom. And worse yet, I am beating myself up for even being upset about it in the first place.

I dunno, it’s like I just remember now all the emotional neglect, which I know isn’t as bad as outright abuse, but it’s really impacted who I’ve turned out to be. Add that to the incident with my first husband affecting my current relationship, and how I think I am 100% a failure as a mom and even RS said that my son doesn’t have boundaries or appropriate expectations for behavior...I’m just really down on myself right now. I feel like everything is just too much and I want to black out for awhile.

I haven’t been using therapy, I guess because I just don’t really want to face all this. Like I said it’s just too much. I’ve been overeating and that’s not helping because then I go into a tailspin of how I worked so hard to lose weight and I don’t want to just gain it all back.

I did go out with the (nuclear) fam to the botanical garden in my town. Showed RS where our wedding ceremony will be held within the garden. It was nice to be out with the flowers on such a nice day. My son is getting into gardening and his favorite flowers are tulips. There is a tulip farm near here that offers cut your own tulip walkthroughs. I hope to go soon.

I do hope my mood improves. I do believe it is part hormonal as well. I don’t feel depressed really, just disgruntled about everything in my life and the world in general.

[gina_re]

I went to the doctor today about the results of my sleep study. She basically confirmed that I have positional sleep apnea. So I pretty much have to figure out a way to not sleep on my back, so I'll look more into that. The other option is to see an ENT for a possible tonsillectomy. She has commented several times over the months that my tonsils are enlarged, so maybe having that taken care of can reduce this sleep apnea and I can not be so freakin tired everyday. I drink an energy drink every morning which I know isn't good. I don't like the smell of coffee which is why I drink those instead.
But I was supposed to get my other wrist operated on sometime this year. So now I don't know...

[Soupe du jour]

Well, it is 4:55 am as I type this. I have been downstairs on the futon since about 3:55 am. We did receive the memory foam for our guest bed (where we've been sleeping), but it is still not enough to make it bearable. It's odd how the minute I get on the futon, the back/shoulder pain goes away. I will be crossing my fingers, constantly, that the upcoming bed/mattress is not another torture device.

My sister wrote that my nephew tested positive for covid antibodies. I guess he had been asymptomatic. Luckily neither my sister nor b-i-l got it from him. Hopefully no one else, either.

My sister decided to upgrade my father's care at the assisted living facility. He's no longer capable of handling basic Activities of Daily Living (ADLs). The stupid facility heads said nothing to her about Dad urinating on the rugs and his bed in his room, wearing the same clothes day after day, never or rarely washing his bedding, not taking a shower or brushing his teeth, etc. The facility has been paid $8,000 per month for almost two years now. For the huge chunk of money they can't even observe and share such information!?!?! We couldn't even visit our father properly, for ages, because of covid-19. How did we know how bad it's gotten for our dad. Sis thinks his Long Term Care insurance might FINALLY start paying after 100 days of this new care level. I hope so! Also, the VA (veteran's association) might start paying something in the future, but only when our Dad's cash holdings are more exhausted than they currently are. Sis thinks this joint is still the best option. Dad doesn't want to return to his home. It's a shame his condition is what it is. He'll be 79 at the end of this month. To think that Joe Biden is only six months younger and is currently the president of the United States -- not that Biden isn't a bit old for the job. But still. Big difference in what Biden can do vs. my father.

I made homemade crepe manicotti yesterday. They were kick butt good. I prefer the crepe stye over the pasta manicotti. Plus, I couldn't find the pasta tubes in CZ. Also, I made half savory crepes (for manicotti) and half sweet (for breakfast).

[buddha1too]

@Jennifer 1967...In boxing terminology you're feeling the effects of a TKO (technical knock-out) as I write these words! 12mg Klonopin will certainly put one under for a bit. I understand the urge to escape, but try not to overdo it again. I hope you feel better when you read this. Family issues can really throw one for a loop, & with your back issues, you're not feeling well to begin with. I think it's good that you set boundaries with your daughter for a few days. As far as @ goes...I just push the @ key, followed immediately by the person's name as it appears. I do it on the computer keyboard, though, not on my tablet or phone. I don't know if that makes a difference, or not.

@BethRags...I'm sorry the shaking is bothering you so much. The way you describe it, it's become fairly debilitating. I saw a new TD medication advertised on TV the other night, so they're still working on the issue. I hope the neurologist can get to the bottom of this.

@wildflowerchild25...It seems family affairs are at the root of many of your frustrations, too. That can make one feel disgruntled & uneasy. Food is a go-to problem solver for me, as well. I know it's easy to make better eating choices, but finding motivation through frustration isn't easy. Good luck.

Just another day here -- a nice one, though. The rains will finally fall tomorrow, & twice weekly lawn mowings are on the horizon. I should be grateful that I have a lawn, but the upkeep is a bit much in the spring. There's a trite phrase that I REALLY hate, but attempt use: "Maintain an attitude of gratitude." I know that's not easy in all situations (we face different shite, you know)...& we have BD, too. That can make a rough go of things, as well...

Hang in there, peeps...

[buddha1too]

@Soupe du jour...I, too, am hoping you get your new bed soon, & that it gets Goldilocks verdict #3. I'm so sorry about your father. It's just criminal what they charge for assisted living arrangements! Then, they pay their staff less that $15-an-hour to do the real work. The entire system is messed up. We just went through that recently with my aunt. Her experience convinced my parents to get longterm care insurance. That's extremely expensive, but they really did the research about the facilities associated with the group they signed on with. They want to spare us a bad scene when they become too infirmed to live independently.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I went to the doctor today about the results of my sleep study. She basically confirmed that I have positional sleep apnea. So I pretty much have to figure out a way to not sleep on my back, so I'll look more into that. The other option is to see an ENT for a possible tonsillectomy. She has commented several times over the months that my tonsils are enlarged, so maybe having that taken care of can reduce this sleep apnea and I can not be so freakin tired everyday. I drink an energy drink every morning which I know isn't good. I don't like the smell of coffee which is why I drink those instead.
But I was supposed to get my other wrist operated on sometime this year. So now I don't know...

N1 had sleep apnea too - at 16- and couldn't get used to the Cpap. Her doctor suggested she get her tonsils out as they were enlarged. After that, no more sleep apnea!

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Moose72

N1 had sleep apnea too - at 16- and couldn't get used to the Cpap. Her doctor suggested she get her tonsils out as they were enlarged. After that, no more sleep apnea!

Thats encouraging! I'm leaning towards doing it because not only do I have sleep apnea on my back, my breathing is pretty labored. So it may just help me overall.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m kinda bummed out today. Yesterday the weather was great and today it’s pouring rain. I think my moods largely depend on the weather. I slept kinda badly last night. I fell asleep after 20mil of melatonin. Then I woke up at 11:30 and I was hungry because I only had yogurt for dinner. So at midnight I had some pudding and some beef jerky. Then I took 6 mil of melatonin, my 80 Geodon, and some cough syrup. I just wanted to ****ing sleep but I’m going to end up killing myself eventually. But then I woke up at 8 and I’m down in the dumps but not S or anything. But I miss my old therapist a lot. Again. I don’t know why I can’t get her out of my head but other times I’m fine. I’ve had 4 sessions with my new one and I really like her and I easily told her some stuff I struggled with telling the old one. I assume I had such a hard time talking with the old T about certain things because of the transference that was going on.

But I just took a mil of Xanax and I ate a chicken noodle soup bread bowl and I’m under my weighted blankets right now. I have to be out of the house in a few hours for a couple hours for another inspection on the house. I’m hoping to hear back from my surgeon today too.

[Moose72]

Anybody in chat last night? I know @Miguel'smom was. It was suggested that I call my pdoc today. I called and talked to someone at the front desk and they forwarded me to my case manager - I left a message on her voicemail. Waiting for her to call me back. Probably won't be until after 5! Maybe pdoc will call me herself. I hope that's the case.

Today, in same fashion, I went out and printed another 8X10 at Walgreens and bought a frame for it. This makes 11 8x10's in my living room! They're everywhere! This particular photo was blurry, but I sent it to my friend who is good at photo manipulation because he's a graphic artist and he got it sharp for me! He said it was DIFFICULT, but he did it!
So yeah I had to move some CDs to find a spot for it, but I did it! Plus I had another Starbucks: Venti Irish Cream Cold Brew. Yum! My Starbucks card is getting low now. It had $50 on it! N2 probably won't like the un-blurred photo of herself grumpy, but she doesn't come over here all that often, so ...? It's my apartment! I have spent over $100 on all the photos and frames. That's a lot for me.

EDIT: My case manager just called me back. She took my symptoms and asked a ton of questions and said she'd pass it on to my pdoc and call me back with what she says about a possible med change. She also told me to give my credit cards to somebody I trust. I could give them to my mom but then I'd have to tell her what's going on and I don't like sharing that kind of thing with her. If I could just stay home, I'd be okay. But I want to get some contact solution, but I haven't found anywhere that has the brand/kind I want. So if I stay home, I'll be okay. Well, or I could buy a million things on Amazon since everything is saved! That's an idea. Also, my case manager wants to do an in-person meeting at my place on the 22nd. I guess I can do that. My place will be all clean after my inspection!

EDIT 2: I went out to Walgreen's again - this time to get contact solution - the special kind that my eye doctor's gave me for a sample. I downloaded their app so I could search whether or not they have any at my location- and obviously they did! On the way home, it started to POUR! Now my outdoor flowers are watered- AND they're all blooming! They look and smell great. Still waiting for case manager to call back. It's almost 5. I hope she doesn't forget me, or that pdoc actually answered her email!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

@Soupe du jour...I, too, am hoping you get your new bed soon, & that it gets Goldilocks verdict #3. I'm so sorry about your father. It's just criminal what they charge for assisted living arrangements! Then, they pay their staff less that $15-an-hour to do the real work. The entire system is messed up. We just went through that recently with my aunt. Her experience convinced my parents to get longterm care insurance. That's extremely expensive, but they really did the research about the facilities associated with the group they signed on with. They want to spare us a bad scene when they become too infirmed to live independently.

Definitely wanting it "just...right"! By the way, my hubby got a call today and they might be delivering the whole bedroom suite as early as tomorrow, or Monday. This is two weeks before promised. I can't wait! We'll be paying for them to assemble the whole shebang. That will be worth it because of both time and frustration/pain savings.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Definitely wanting it "just...right"! By the way, my hubby got a call today and they might be delivering the whole bedroom suite as early as tomorrow, or Monday. This is two weeks before promised. I can't wait! We'll be paying for them to assemble the whole shebang. That will be worth it because of both time and frustration/pain savings.

Wow! Two weeks! That's the way to do it!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m kinda bummed out today. Yesterday the weather was great and today it’s pouring rain. I think my moods largely depend on the weather. I slept kinda badly last night. I fell asleep after 20mil of melatonin. Then I woke up at 11:30 and I was hungry because I only had yogurt for dinner. So at midnight I had some pudding and some beef jerky. Then I took 6 mil of melatonin, my 80 Geodon, and some cough syrup. I just wanted to ****ing sleep but I’m going to end up killing myself eventually. But then I woke up at 8 and I’m down in the dumps but not S or anything. But I miss my old therapist a lot. Again. I don’t know why I can’t get her out of my head but other times I’m fine. I’ve had 4 sessions with my new one and I really like her and I easily told her some stuff I struggled with telling the old one. I assume I had such a hard time talking with the old T about certain things because of the transference that was going on.

But I just took a mil of Xanax and I ate a chicken noodle soup bread bowl and I’m under my weighted blankets right now. I have to be out of the house in a few hours for a couple hours for another inspection on the house. I’m hoping to hear back from my surgeon today too.

That is WAY too many drugs! You are going to seriously hurt yourself or kill yourself if you keep it up! I think you should tell your new T and Pdoc about this.