Bipolar check-in #56

I'm having buyer's remorse about these crowns.

Yikes I got so far behind. I cant do much in replies right now. I picked up my Daughter at the airport Saturday Night

There has been numerous changes in the Airport routing in Nashville. Steve came along thankfully... I drive and he tells me when to turn or whatever lol we make a great team.

Well My Daughter and I start yakking right away. We both have Bipolar but also we havent seen each other in person since December 2019! due to Covid and the 750 miles between us. Well Steve isnt capable to multitask like we can. So he was getting all nervous with us yak yak yakking. I have no problem leaving the Airport and getting back on correct interstate to get home.. so he said OKAY I am putting my ear plugs in .. hahahha Its a long standing joke/thing. Noone gets upset over it.

My Daughter has been sleeping 12+ hours a night and naps during the day but anytime awake we are just having an amazing time.. She has desperately needed to come up where its quiet, No traffic and people making noise like she deals with in her Apartment complex in Florida .. We had to go out yesterday. Tonight we are taking her to dinner. Her Birthday is in July but I decided we were going to celebrate this week since I wont see her in July.

We took my Puppy in to get fixed early early this morning.. I know he will be fine of course but I am a bundle of nerves. We go back to get him at 730 am. Its about 1.5 hour drive. After we dropped him off we went out for breakfast ! only the second time out dining since Covid started.. I cant even tell you how amazing it feels to not have to cook... I didnt even trust take out. But since we are both had our vaccines( our last shot over a month ago) and waited 3 weeks for it to take full effect. We are much more confident. We also have ditched the masks, Unless a store requires it, Of course we wear to Doctor appts or testing at the hospital.. My Anxiety wearing the masks really was so awful I numerous times had to leave the shopping carts and run to the restroom to vomit.

We are not planning to make a trip to Florida until September for Steves granddaughters Birthday. Amanda since our last trip in 2019 has gotten her own place ( prior she had he whole roommate deal) She has a small one bedroom but we can stay with her, Queen blow up in the living room will be just fine ! None of Steves boys have ever offered to let us stay ( oooooh long story and I get rage-y about it) Since we are now diabetic, We cant hit cheap drive thru's like we use to do for a week. Both on disability sure doesnt go far as many of you know. Anyway I will be able to cook meals. So that will be a big savings. This will allow us to board the Dogs so the stress of that will probably make the trip much easier on me, As may of you know the Florida trips usually knock me sideways.. Also boarding the dogs will make sure we are only gone a week instead of staying with friends for a week of more heading back North.

I just can't even put into words jusy how full my heart is having my daughter here !! Steve said to me today that I am just all smiles and glowing since she got here.. Finally I do not have that 24/7 constant Rage I have been dealing with since November when I had the TIA and had to stop all but 2 psych meds.. I do fear that it will return after she goes back to Florida, But for now I am going to just enjoy every moment I can.

Ok I need to get off here and head out for dinner..

Hugs and Love to anyone in need

I’m feeling stressed between my own disorder and my daughter’s untreated disorder .

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 I'm having buyer's remorse about these crowns.

Oh, gosh...why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina .... ...

I'm so happy for you, with your daughter there! I know exactly that feeling...when I'm with my kids, no matter how old they get, I feel like my heart and soul are complete.

Oo Christina that’s such good news.

Because I'm using my entire savings to pay for them and they aren't guaranteed. I'm getting porcelain permenent ones and they can crack. I won't be eating whole fruit anymore. Except maybe blueberries?? Plus my whole mouth aches now. My gums, my upper gums where the teeth were numbed/placed. I think it's giving me a headache. All my upper teeth are aching bad. They never said that this would be a side effect once the novacaine wore off. Guess I need some tylenol. Bottom line I'm broke and in pain.

Dentists are such thieves.

This is my month of appointment. Last Friday was podiatry for now orthotics for my shoes (ouchie price...). Saturday the washer repairman was supposed to come buy our wires got crossed. Yesterday was therapy. Today was the repairman for real. Tomorrow is my exam and follow-up ultrasound at the breast center because of an abnormal mammogram in November. Then I have the dentist at the end of the month and hopefully having had 3 crowns and 3 fillings last time I won't need any work done. Add in some visits with my nieces and sister and it's a very busy month for me. Good thing I have too much energy .

That is a lot! I hope everything goes well and the orthopedic shoes are mighty comfortable for the price. Eventually you'll find that the appointments slow down a bit, and then maybe completely. I'm at the latter stage now after numerous things on my "To Do" list.

I am hoping that, either today or tomorrow, I am going to get a delivery of a new chair that is really going to help my back pain

she hopes and crosses her fingers..

Talked to t this morning. She said the waitlist for adhd testing over a year long, gotta call other people if I want treatment any time soon. She says I definitely have it, probably combined type. I'm pissed because this is something I've been struggling with since childhood and I've... well, actually I just realized my therapist is wrong. I'm just a pos looking for excuses.

Getting my 2nd covid shot tomorrow, yay...

@Sapien...I might be wrong, but it seems you engage in a lot of negative self-talk. I know from experience that it's easy to do -- especially when one is sleep deprived & otherwise feeling off. Try to scale back on it, though. You're a worthy person who's just going through a rough patch. As far as the Vraylar goes, give it a chance. I just started it a week ago & it seems to be doing some good. Hang in there.

@BeyondtheRainbow...That is too many appointments, but it's good you're able to stay on top of things. Having the energy to tackle things is a plus! I have a podiatrist appointment on Friday. I've never been to one. I have a phobia about my feet...I don't like people touching them (strange, huh?). We'll see how it goes. I hope your energy level stays high.

@Moose72...I know it sucks having a dentist suck your savings dry, but I think you made the right decision to get your teeth fixed. Unfortunately, people sometimes judge others based on the condition of their teeth. Sad, but true. Getting your chipped tooth fixed will be something you'll be glad about in the future.

@~Christina...You've been counting down the days until your daughter arrived for quite some time now. Here it is! I'm glad your heart is full...enjoy. I can't believe you had to take Gus 1.5 hours away just to get him to a vet! You must live in the middle of nowhere.

I hope everyone has a great day!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Because I'm using my entire savings to pay for them and they aren't guaranteed. I'm getting porcelain permenent ones and they can crack. I won't be eating whole fruit anymore. Except maybe blueberries?? Plus my whole mouth aches now. My gums, my upper gums where the teeth were numbed/placed. I think it's giving me a headache. All my upper teeth are aching bad. They never said that this would be a side effect once the novacaine wore off. Guess I need some tylenol. Bottom line I'm broke and in pain.

I'm so sorry. What about buying a smoothie maker off Amazon (they're around $30) and making fruit or veggie smoothies? I do it and it's wonderful. That way you can avoid biting into hard fruits/vegs.

I do hope the pain is relieved by today.

My Pdocs office called back and he wants to do a FaceTime with me tomorrow afternoon. I also have an appointment with my primary half an hour after the Pdoc one and I see my therapist today. I’m hoping to get some relief from all 3 of them. Has anyone tried CBD oil or gummies for severe anxiety? I’ve heard it works better then benzos and it’s not addicting. I’m going to ask my doctors tomorrow about it. I hope therapy goes ok today. My anxiety is off the charts and she’s a big part of my issue. I went to Best Buy to get a different pair of headphones. I wanted a different color then black. These were more expensive and they were originally $300! But they were on sale for $169. I got a nice blue pair. I have to return the other ones to Target. I haven’t picked them up yet they could only be delivered to the store. I feel a bit guilty having $300 headphones plus I’ve heard “flaunting your wealth” can get you physically attacked so I don’t know about using them in public. But I was able to get a few things with my cash reward points and still have barely anything on the card. So I feel like it’s ok.

I’ve really been struggling with eating. Today anything but bananas and Goldfish crackers is making my anxiety bad and is making me feel weird. I know the whole ED thing has been heavily suggested before so I don’t know if this is that or if it’s an autism thing where I am only able to eat specific foods.

I took some tylenol last night and after an hour and a half my pain was mostly gone. I woke up this morning feeling sore but much better. I took Tylenol again a couple hours ago and feel mostly ok.

The smoothie maker sounds like a good idea!

Had a toasted bagel here at Starbucks for brunch and an iced coffee. However, this will be my last time buying sb except if N1 buys me some with her discount as now I have to replenish my savings - that money was set aside for Disney World. :-( One rotten peach pit and $1400 later....

I’m just really disturbed by the level of unprofessionalism in the mental health field. These are people with PHD’s and they act like this. I told my mom this morning that my old T had done some gaslighting regarding the email thing. And I never say anyone gaslights me. Then my new therapist told me the old one didn’t mention anything about her part in the email fiasco but basically blamed it all on me. What kind of therapist does that? The email thing was started by her and ended up the way it did because of her. When I told the new T all this she said sarcastically “I wish she had told me that” Then the new one is such a mess too I feel physically and mentally gross by her disturbing behavior today. She told me she has 2 other clients with autism but they are higher functioning then I am. That’s almost the type of comment you report a therapist for. But I don’t want to get a bad rap with this place.

I swear the only legit people I have in my life is my family and MSF. I am questioning a lot of stuff right now that went on in the last 15 months and I was already heading for a breakdown before therapy today.

I’ve been really tired and dragging today. I’ve been inside huddled on the couch all day. That’s unusual because I’m usually high energy. I had a charley horse last night and besides back pain, it hurts to walk. If I’m not productive, I feel that there is something wrong. That’s why today bothered me. I wasted a beautiful, sunny day. I tell myself it’s normal to have days like that. There is always tomorrow.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening.

Ok. I finally told my mom about my Xanax problem. And she says I have to talk to my doctor about it tomorrow. She says I’m addicted and probably immune to it as well and that’s why I sometimes need 5 a day. I hope he’s understanding. I’m not sure what happened after my surgery and why I had a change in behavior. but I know my therapist is downright traumatizing me so I’m glad I am taking care of that.

This is huge that I admitted my problem to my mom and that I’m going to finally talk to my doctor. I’m just going to be straight up blunt with him and say “I am addicted to my Xanax and I’m out of control with it.”

Can he hospitalize me for that or send me to rehab?

@Mountaindewed
I don’t think anyone can force you into rehab unless you have committed a crime and are court ordered. I don’t think he can commit you against your will to a hospital for it either. But it is VERY important that you come clean to your pdoc and follow his advice. It’s dangerous to come off benzos cold turkey.

Not sure if he can hospitalize you unless he thinks your actions were suicidal. Taking 5 xanax just might be that.

Today was my breast center appointment (sorry buddha and other men...may want to skip this if breast talk bothers you). I am going there because they found a mass in my breast at my mammogram last November. It's supposed to be 2 years of every 6 months ultrasounds.

Today went well but was weird. The original mass is gone but now I have 2 cysts to keep track of. So I bought myself another mammogram in December and an extra breast exam plus ongoing ultrasounds.

Better safe than sorry but this is going to get expensive if I have new cysts every time. Last time they charged me $300 for a room fee. Not anything being done there, just the room. I'm a bit anxious about that part but the alternative isn't good either. I was in 2 rooms today so I'm hoping it's not $600.....

So glad that's over.

Tomorrow is hiking with my Mom and Aunt. Well, probably walking a paved bike trail but maybe a trail. We'll see. None of us have been to this place before.

No worries, @BeyondtheRainbow. I'm glad you're getting everything checked out. I know breast screening is vitally important, & you're being responsible by following through despite any costs involved. You have people in your life who love you. I think you're a good egg, too...

I hardly slept last night. H stepped in and Miguel will not be moving out this year. He has a whole year to find a job, finish school completely, and get his health stuff together. I am so relieved but I hate when h steps in and tells m what he has to do. Hopefully he gets back on medication. M says he'll call pdoc but I'm not holding my breath.

I doubt they can send you anywhere.

I do think you need to have a very honest conversation with your pdoc about your meds. You are often taking an extreme dose of melatonin (see Melatonin Overdose: How Much Melatonin Should I Take? ) and that can make you feel sick and anxious. You also use melatonin for anxiety and it's not supposed to be used that way. At this point your body may be pretty messed up by that and it may be contributing to the Xanax use being too high. It also sounds like you wake up in the night to take Geodon and that seems like an unusual way to use it.

I"m no doctor but I just think all these things may interact and leave you anxious and feeling physically bad. If you like the naturalness of melatonin ask about valerian root or kava kava (I am not sure they still sell that one). I think valerian root even comes in a tea.

Good luck tomorrow