[Scooter9]

The trip is going well! It's stressful driving the RV but we only drive a few hours at a time. I'm getting about 5.5 hours of sleep a night but I'm not tired yet.

We saw some nice places and had some nice food. I'm vegetarian but I eat some fish so I tried fish and chips which were really good.

We have a very long drive ahead of us tomorrow, we're going to prince Edward island. We going to drive over a very long bridge that connects the province to the rest of the country. It takes 45 minutes to cross the bridge.

We didn't go out on the ocean but we will the next day when we take a ferry!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I’m all signed up for my classes at the Y. I hope I can go though with it and not back out. You need to sign up every week as they have limited number of people they take. Between being so out of shape and overweight and not being able to use my hearing aids which makes me completely deaf I’m afraid I’ll back out. My first class is tonight at 6:30. Warm water fitness. Sounds like a perfect intro. Tomorrow it’s aqua Zumba then three days of aqua fitness. Plus I need to use the track to walk longer and longer. Pretty sure the water classes will all be easy on my back. It’s just the awkwardness of being around people plus not hearing them.

Please give it a try, Nammu

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My grandmother is pressuring me to invite my cousins to my wedding. In her words “they’re adopted so they don’t have any family” and “all other cousins (on my aunts side) are spread across the country”. She’s killing me. She said if it’s a matter of cost she will pay for their plates. But it’s not a matter of cost, it’s a matter of me not getting along with them because they’re not nice people. The older one and his creepy may-December boyfriend can’t be trusted to behave around alcohol. The restaurant is BYOB, and RS’s family doesn’t drink much so I’m not planning on buying a lot of wine. My cousin and his boyfriend will drink over half of it, it’s happened before. They say and do inappropriate things AND the cousin is extremely disrespectful of his mom AND my grandmother. The younger one is just miserable. He would just sit there with his nose in his phone like he does every family holiday. He’s also extremely disrespectful.

I’m really going to try to stand firm. Fact is no matter what happens people are going to be upset. We are having a small, intimate wedding because WE want to. I’m sure people from RS’s side are going to be hurt that they weren’t invited. I do not want them there. And furthermore, I do not want my ex MIL there either. She’s expecting to be invited I’m sure but how weird would that be??? It’s going to be weird enough for my SIL but she’s one of my best friends.

No. I’m not going to get pushed around and I’m not going to get stressed about it. I’ve let people walk over me in an attempt to keep the peace all my life and guess what, everyone still hates each other. One thing I’ve learned in program is I need to start putting up hard and fast boundaries for my own peace of mind.

I was having a great day until I talked to my grandma. I went to the gym, I figured out more stuff for the wedding, I did strength and core training at home…nah I’m not gonna let this bother me. It’s not worth it.

On the bipolar front I’ve been doing well ever since I convinced the dr to put me on seroquel XR. It’s so nice to have a clear mind chemically because I’m able to pinpoint triggers that set off temporary emotions and learn to deal with them appropriately. Life isn’t easy but it’s not a crushing depression or intense mixed episode anymore!

Let your boundaries stand solid. Do whatever you need to do to ensure that they remain unshakable. Your mantra can be, "Our wedding will be very small." And if you have to repeat that 65 times, so repeat it. Just stick to it. This is your wedding and a start to your life with your husband.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Another relatable meme

UGH. Exactly.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I feel so bad right now. Earlier when I was cooking at my cousin’s house, my anxiety got really bad. I was dripping sweat. So embarrassing! I hate it when that happens. I’m just sitting here staring at the wall, waiting on bedtime. I hope I can get some good sleep tonight. My heart hurts, but my brain is numb. I can’t even muster the energy and interest to watch TV, which is my best distraction from my pain from missing my son so much. I’m just ready for this day to be over. 😓

((((((HUG))))))

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Please give it a try, Nammu

I did go tonight. I was the only one there. There were two other ladies and a lifeguard giving them swim lessons. Later two more ladies came but they all stayed in the rectangular area and none of them where skinny! Unbelievable. It’s a fantastic set up. There a small rectangular area where it’s about 3 a half or 4 feet deep with a donut shaped area that has current flowing. You walk with the current or against it. Walking against it is hard. Great exercise. I sat in the hot tub a bit before the water therapy then did the walking. I forgot how much I hate changing clothes afterwards tho. What a pain in the neck. Definitely going back tomorrow night. Thinking of bringing a big top to put on after and a towel around my waist and drive home that way. Can shower at home and be dryer

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I did go tonight. I was the only one there. There were two other ladies and a lifeguard giving them swim lessons. Later two more ladies came but they all stayed in the rectangular area and none of them where skinny! Unbelievable. It’s a fantastic set up. There a small rectangular area where it’s about 3 a half or 4 feet deep with a donut shaped area that has current flowing. You walk with the current or against it. Walking against it is hard. Great exercise. I sat in the hot tub a bit before the water therapy then did the walking. I forgot how much I hate changing clothes afterwards tho. What a pain in the neck. Definitely going back tomorrow night. Thinking of bringing a big top to put on after and a towel around my waist and drive home that way. Can shower at home and be dryer

you can be quite proud of yourself. For going!
yay for you!

[bizi]

I just answered nammu post and used the graphic dancing chilli pepper.
Then I realized that most people don't use graphics.
Why don't more people use graphics?
bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by bizi

I just answered nammu post and used the graphic dancing chilli pepper.
Then I realized that most people don't use graphics.
Why don't more people use graphics?
bizi

Where are graphics? That's why I don't use them.

[Nammu]

The graphics were easy to use on the computer but now that I’m on a iPad I have to bring up a second screen and even then it’s hit or miss. But some I know how to write out. :exciting:

Darn got it wrong, here

[Soupe du jour]

@wildflowerchild25, you do what YOU want and feel is best for your upcoming wedding. It's your and RS's day. Not your grandmother's.

My husband and I made all of our own wedding-related choices, and we have no regrets. My wedding was quite different than my older sister's. Not that her's was bad, but my husband and I were at a stage in our lives when it made sense that we had control. My sister and her husband were barely 20 when they married. I was still young at 26 at mine, but had been independent since college. My husband had been married before, and was 38 on our wedding day. There were many people that went to my sister's wedding that weren't invited to mine. Thank goodness! Sure, my mom (and likely my grandmothers) would have liked me to have done a few things differently, but I didn't. And they got over it. Or if they didn't, that was THEIR issue. Not mine.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I did go tonight. I was the only one there. There were two other ladies and a lifeguard giving them swim lessons. Later two more ladies came but they all stayed in the rectangular area and none of them where skinny! Unbelievable. It’s a fantastic set up. There a small rectangular area where it’s about 3 a half or 4 feet deep with a donut shaped area that has current flowing. You walk with the current or against it. Walking against it is hard. Great exercise. I sat in the hot tub a bit before the water therapy then did the walking. I forgot how much I hate changing clothes afterwards tho. What a pain in the neck. Definitely going back tomorrow night. Thinking of bringing a big top to put on after and a towel around my waist and drive home that way. Can shower at home and be dryer

SO Happy that you went and its something that will work for you

Yeah id do the big shirt too

[~Christina]

I typed out a long mess about what happened with my NP appt today and it went poof.. I hate when that happens..

Anyway she is leaving my meds and Xanax alone, She said based on the Email Richard sent and him having a talk about me to her last week , she is comfortable leaving everything as is.. HUGE relief.. I just hope it stays that way.

So I got in the car and had a huge break down in tears, knowing for at least 3 months I wont have to worry (as much)

I feel better but my anxiety is still huge. I hope that it will start to ease or at least Bipolar can spit me out the other side, the sooner the better.

I hope everyone is having a good start of the week

I want to Thank each and everyone of you that have been so kind to me, I know I have been a mess for a long time

Love and Hugs to all

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I typed out a long mess about what happened with my NP appt today and it went poof.. I hate when that happens..

Anyway she is leaving my meds and Xanax alone, She said based on the Email Richard sent and him having a talk about me to her last week , she is comfortable leaving everything as is.. HUGE relief.. I just hope it stays that way.

So I got in the car and had a huge break down in tears, knowing for at least 3 months I wont have to worry (as much)

I feel better but my anxiety is still huge. I hope that it will start to ease or at least Bipolar can spit me out the other side, the sooner the better.

I hope everyone is having a good start of the week

I want to Thank each and everyone of you that have been so kind to me, I know I have been a mess for a long time

Love and Hugs to all

I'm glad you have the relief, Christina. You know, you have never struck me as a type that would abuse a benzo. From what I've read you write, you are doing a mighty good job handling all of the many stressors you've been facing. It makes sense that you shouldn't have a firm (and currently reasonable) support removed for no good reason, at this juncture.

[Soupe du jour]

Hubby and I just got home after receiving our second covid-19 vaccines. Feeling relieved. We'll wait a couple/few weeks, then head to Vienna, which has been on my bucket list.

Fruit of all sorts are in season here. My husband bought a mess load at a farm stand yesterday. They included local strawberries, raspberries, apricots, plums, and cherries. Too many, really. He said he'll eat them all. Of course I like them, too, but he bought enough for a large family, instead of two. I'm making a homemade fruit tart. I made the custard yesterday afternoon. I just need to make the crust, then fill and decorate it with some of the fruit. I also have some oranges, blueberries, and kiwi. Last week, I thought I was buying fresh figs from the online grocer. When they reached me, they were prickley pears. In Czech, prickley pears translate to "cactus figs". I just saw the word for "figs". No clue what to do with these buggers. I tried one and it sucked.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I did go tonight. I was the only one there. There were two other ladies and a lifeguard giving them swim lessons. Later two more ladies came but they all stayed in the rectangular area and none of them where skinny! Unbelievable. It’s a fantastic set up. There a small rectangular area where it’s about 3 a half or 4 feet deep with a donut shaped area that has current flowing. You walk with the current or against it. Walking against it is hard. Great exercise. I sat in the hot tub a bit before the water therapy then did the walking. I forgot how much I hate changing clothes afterwards tho. What a pain in the neck. Definitely going back tomorrow night. Thinking of bringing a big top to put on after and a towel around my waist and drive home that way. Can shower at home and be dryer

Yay! I'm so glad it went well. Sounds fabulous!

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I did go tonight. I was the only one there. There were two other ladies and a lifeguard giving them swim lessons. Later two more ladies came but they all stayed in the rectangular area and none of them where skinny! Unbelievable. It’s a fantastic set up. There a small rectangular area where it’s about 3 a half or 4 feet deep with a donut shaped area that has current flowing. You walk with the current or against it. Walking against it is hard. Great exercise. I sat in the hot tub a bit before the water therapy then did the walking. I forgot how much I hate changing clothes afterwards tho. What a pain in the neck. Definitely going back tomorrow night. Thinking of bringing a big top to put on after and a towel around my waist and drive home that way. Can shower at home and be dryer

That’s absolutely wonderful! I’m glad you went and that you enjoyed yourself. It sounds like it will really be good for you. Great job!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I typed out a long mess about what happened with my NP appt today and it went poof.. I hate when that happens..

Anyway she is leaving my meds and Xanax alone, She said based on the Email Richard sent and him having a talk about me to her last week , she is comfortable leaving everything as is.. HUGE relief.. I just hope it stays that way.

So I got in the car and had a huge break down in tears, knowing for at least 3 months I wont have to worry (as much)

I feel better but my anxiety is still huge. I hope that it will start to ease or at least Bipolar can spit me out the other side, the sooner the better.

I hope everyone is having a good start of the week


I want to Thank each and everyone of you that have been so kind to me, I know I have been a mess for a long time

Love and Hugs to all

Oh I’m so glad she’s. Being sensitive and smart about this. There is just too much havoc in having you stop your benzo. Yay! Your relief reaction was completely normal. I’m so glad. For you.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

The trip is going well! It's stressful driving the RV but we only drive a few hours at a time. I'm getting about 5.5 hours of sleep a night but I'm not tired yet.

We saw some nice places and had some nice food. I'm vegetarian but I eat some fish so I tried fish and chips which were really good.

We have a very long drive ahead of us tomorrow, we're going to prince Edward island. We going to drive over a very long bridge that connects the province to the rest of the country. It takes 45 minutes to cross the bridge.

We didn't go out on the ocean but we will the next day when we take a ferry!

Thanks for sharing Scooter It's always good to hear from you

[Lizzie1813]

I did my nails last night with ColorStreet nail polish strips and some for my cousin this morning because hers were chipped. I’m not really sure how I feel this morning, not great but not bad either. Tracking says my sculpting tools are still running late. So annoying! I really wanted to give doll making a try today. I didn’t have the energy to set up my new blender to make a smoothie. Maybe later. I had a Diet Coke before my cousin came then I had milk and a banana for breakfast after she left. I’m worried I’ve gained back the weight that I lost. Not sure what I’ll do today. Going back to bed sure is tempting. I don’t really want to spend the day watching TV. I think I’m burnt out on Grey’s Anatomy. No surprise since I’m on season 10. I’ve looked around on Netflix but nothing interests me. Maybe I’ll read. I left a message for my pdoc asking if I could take buspirone for my severe anxiety. An acquaintance of mine says she takes it. Fingers crossed that she’ll let me. I need help with this.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m just hanging on today. My anxiety is pretty sucky and I’ve already taken a Valium. I gave the bottle to my mom the other night. So I can’t just take them whenever I feel a bit of anxiety. I’m trying to learn to just sit with my anxiety. Although if I were in control of them I’d probably double up right now. I think it’s just caffeine related anxiety. I woke up before 2 and I drank a couple sodas and then I got a couple iced teas so I could avoid being tired. I’m not tired. Just anxious.

Basically today is just the same as these last few days. Just waiting for some news. I hope I get news this week. It should be faster then last time since I don’t need to jump through so many hoops. The phone just rang but it was just the pharmacy about some meds.

The phone rang again 10 minutes ago and this time it was my moms friend. Every time it rings my stomach drops and then when it’s not the doctor I get flooded with a wave of anxiety. I’m just very on edge today. I had SpongeBob on again but I couldn’t even concentrate on that. so now I’m sitting in bed.

I kinda think a giant pretzel bun burger would make my anxiety less since I’ve been barely eating these last couple of weeks.

My therapist said yesterday that I seemed very fixated on death. I was telling her about Heath Ledger and how he was 28 the age I am and how I have had a lot of the same stuff in my system at one time that he had in his. I didn’t tell her I was S because I wasn’t. I didn’t tell her either that I tried multiple times to join the 27 club including the night before I turned 28. And how when I woke up on my 28th birthday I felt like a complete failure.

I mean, I’m currently not S or thinking about it, but I do get down sometimes that I never joined the club. I should probably mention that 27 club thing to her at the next session.

This is what my surgery will help with. It will make me an emotionally stable man. Before my transition I never thought about any of this stuff. I remember accidentally taking an extra Geodon in the summer of 2019 and I freaked out so badly for a couple days that I could have really hurt myself. Now I do worse without any thought.

I just took one of my Geodon 80’s. The one that I am technically supposed to take in the AM anyways. I’m out of my 20’s and i can’t get ahold of my pdoc. I had been taking 2 80’s at night but I’m spiraling a bit right now and I’ve already used 2 of my 3 Valium and I just needed something legit. Valium doesn’t really work magic the way people say it does. Most of the time it just goes right through me.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I typed out a long mess about what happened with my NP appt today and it went poof.. I hate when that happens..

Anyway she is leaving my meds and Xanax alone, She said based on the Email Richard sent and him having a talk about me to her last week , she is comfortable leaving everything as is.. HUGE relief.. I just hope it stays that way.

So I got in the car and had a huge break down in tears, knowing for at least 3 months I wont have to worry (as much)

I feel better but my anxiety is still huge. I hope that it will start to ease or at least Bipolar can spit me out the other side, the sooner the better.

I hope everyone is having a good start of the week

I want to Thank each and everyone of you that have been so kind to me, I know I have been a mess for a long time

Love and Hugs to all

Oh Christina, that's great that the NP is leaving your meds and the Xanax alone, I was worried for you!

Much Love to You!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I did my nails last night with ColorStreet nail polish strips and some for my cousin this morning because hers were chipped. I’m not really sure how I feel this morning, not great but not bad either. Tracking says my sculpting tools are still running late. So annoying! I really wanted to give doll making a try today. I didn’t have the energy to set up my new blender to make a smoothie. Maybe later. I had a Diet Coke before my cousin came then I had milk and a banana for breakfast after she left. I’m worried I’ve gained back the weight that I lost. Not sure what I’ll do today. Going back to bed sure is tempting. I don’t really want to spend the day watching TV. I think I’m burnt out on Grey’s Anatomy. No surprise since I’m on season 10. I’ve looked around on Netflix but nothing interests me. Maybe I’ll read. I left a message for my pdoc asking if I could take buspirone for my severe anxiety. An acquaintance of mine says she takes it. Fingers crossed that she’ll let me. I need help with this.

A low dose AP can help with anxiety, especially if it's bipolar disorder anxiety, which tends to be vicious.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by BethRags

A low dose AP can help with anxiety, especially if it's bipolar disorder anxiety, which tends to be vicious.

Seroquel for example? (that was prescribed to me, later I became allergic to it though)

[wildflowerchild25]

I decided I will invite my cousins with the knowledge that the younger one probably won’t come anyway and I’m thinking the older one and his boyfriend will be able to behave in a public social setting better than they behave around just family at our family dinners. I’m just going to subtly tell them to bring their own wine if they think there’s something specific they would like. I scoured the internet looking for advice about complicated family situations and weddings and I feel that they will not cause unnecessary drama and just because I don’t like them doesn’t mean I can’t extend an invitation. I really don’t have to talk to them much if I don’t want to since there will be plenty of other people there.

As for my ex MIL I decided I am 100% not inviting her because it would just be too weird and uncomfortable. I am going to explain why to her but after that her reaction is not my responsibility.

I had SO much trouble waking up this morning! I have no idea why! I actually only took half my normal seroquel amount. I fell asleep to a sleep story on the calm app. I had to get up to take my son to his physical and I just kept turning off my alarm. I finally forced myself out of bed believing that it very well could be 10am already. I don’t know if it was because I was dreaming but it was just so difficult. I am so concerned I will not be able to wake up in time for work in September. A week before work starts I am going to start getting up with RS at 6:30 so I get used to it.