Bipolar check-in #60

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Last night I had a headache that turned into a migraine. All the pain was in my face and the front part of my skull- nothing in the back. But it was annoying enough that I couldn't sleep. I was a little bit queasy and knew that if I threw up I'd feel better. I eventually did throw up- twice- and felt better and definitely when I woke up the headache was gone. I'm guessing the migraine was from having a beer.

Could be...one of the reasons I stay away from alcohol is because it gives me migraines.

There's a lunar eclipse tonight. The moon will be a deep red color at 4:03am eastern time tonight (1:03am Pacific time).

It'll be 97% in Earth's shadow and red, and the 3% will be lit by the sun, creating a diamond ring effect - it should be spectacular!

I'm planning to wake up to take a look, the forecast is partly cloudy where I am.

I'm sick of living.

I got the kitty today!! She's so sweet and purrs a lot



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Blue Bird, she's adorable!

Been down with a hellish round of my back being out almost a week. Finally went to see a chiropractor and had an adjustment and I’m literally sobbing. I already have spinal stenosis and osteoporosis so there’s that.

Going back tomorrow for another round.

Hugs to anyone in need

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Been down with a hellish round of my back being out almost a week. Finally went to see a chiropractor and had an adjustment and I’m literally sobbing. I already have spinal stenosis and osteoporosis so there’s that. Going back tomorrow for another round. Hugs to anyone in need Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm sending you love, as always

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9 There's a lunar eclipse tonight. The moon will be a deep red color at 4:03am eastern time tonight (1:03am Pacific time). It'll be 97% in Earth's shadow and red, and the 3% will be lit by the sun, creating a diamond ring effect - it should be spectacular! I'm planning to wake up to take a look, the forecast is partly cloudy where I am.

Ooh, that sounds exciting!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I got the kitty today!! She's so sweet and purrs a lot Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Absolutely precious!

Oh blue bird she’s so tiny in her big bed! So adorable.

@Blue_Bird She's so cute!!

Sort of have a mild headache right now but did not have any alcohol today.

I had a text from family member of an old Friday lunch friend that her dadied a few days ago and that the funeral is in a place that I know how to get to! I just spent quite a while trying to decide what to wear on Saturday. I think I've got it figured out!

I was kinda not feeling good as I said earlier but then after I got to the hotel and got some water in me and meds in my system I was able to relax and I felt better and more alert. but I was also pretty hangry. So my mom and I went around town looking for some place to eat. I wanted to check out this place that had some unique sounding food. But when we got to the place it was after 5 and the place was dark and shady despite being open. My mom called it a “dive” and we both agreed it probably wasn’t the safest place to eat at. So we went all around again and finally ended up at a decent diner. It wasn’t the best food wise but it made my hanger go away and now I feel fine. I feel bad though that I missed out on all the sight seeing that my mom and my brother did because I couldn’t function. I don’t know if it’s the meds or the lack of testosterone or what. But it’s been difficult to function during the day and I miss out on stuff I’d like to do. Tomorrow I plan on going to an Indian grocery store that seems like it has some decent stuff and then I want to get my booster shot when I come home. I sent a message to my doctor and he says it’s fine to get it with my blood levels being high. I just hope I feel better by thanksgiving because it was tough today and there’s a lot more involved with thanksgiving. But going out to dinner is huge progress for me. I haven’t gone out to dinner since pre pandemic 2020. I think the last time I went out at night for dinner was for my birthday in feb 2020 And I never go out to dinner in a strange town. Even when there isn’t a pandemic going on. My mom thinks my low energy has to do with my eating more then anything. She doesn’t think I’m eating enough.

I have My 600 Pound Life on now right now. This show makes me sick. I thought the new season of I Am Jazz was supposed to be on tonight.

Well N3 is calling me back. I just laid it all out on the table telling him that I'm scared for him and as his mother! He wants to take his 17 yo girlfriend to Chicago this weekend. I am very scared for him driving that far when he's a new driver and the fact that Chicago has one of the highest murder rates in the US! I told him he should go up North to Frankenmuth - it's much safer and they have famous chicken dinners and a HUGE Xmas shop called Brauners. . I can't see what I'm typing so I'm gonna press send. I'm a worried mother!

I love Frankenmuth! I’ve been there twice. I like that little German town with all the little tourist type shops. My favorite is the beef jerky shop with exotic stuff like alligator jerky. I like the fairy gardens too. I only went to Christmas world once but I was amazed by it. I cannot imagine how crowded it gets after Halloween. I went to one of the authentic German restaurants. And I loved the huge outlet mall nearby. Plus they have Tim Horntons which they don’t have in the other parts of Michigan I go to. And I felt so safe there. More safe then the other places I’ve traveled to.

So! Over! The! Moon! With my new TV device! I can finally watch "Saturday Night Live" in it's entirety again. For three years i've been limping along with clips and missing out on the musical performances entirely. It's how i keep up with pop culture and hip new language and i've really felt deprived and out-of-touch these past three years. Taylor Swift guested this past weekend's episode and i am very curious to see her perform and hear her new music.

I also played the fireplace app tonight, so mesmerizing, the only thing i envy about owning a house as opposed to my apartment condo is a wood-burning fireplace, they promote such a sense of well-being and bring back such joyous memories of nth bonfires camping with my family when i was young, before everything went to Hell.

I had my women's social group in my condominium this morning and that was nice tho i was very quiet but did make a joke about a pun on the slogan of the electrical inspection reports we all got from the electrical company we contracted: "Always Current"!!! Haha!!!!!

One woman is really persistent about wanting to see my hair (i shaved it off many weeks ago and have kept shaving it and have been wearing hats as it is pretty repellent-looking and i refuse to show it to anyone). Not sure why she is so keen on seeing my bald head but i categorically refuse. Wish she'd get the hint already!

@Blue_Bird:

So happy you FINALLY have your cat! She looks adorable and will be a great little friend for you! I put my dog on my chest tonight while i lay on my back in front of the crackling fireplace and rubbed her belly! She was in her glory! Pets make great friends!

@Soupe du jour:

So happy you finally have your own vehicle at last, at last! Seems things are working out for many of us here today!

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Originally Posted by whatever2013 ... I also played the fireplace app tonight, so mesmerizing,...

I love the fireplace app ! Thanks for reminding me.

I just used the most disgusting public restroom I have ever seen. I don’t know though. Maybe all guys stalls are like this since most don’t typically use stalls? But someone had clogged this one real good and it was just a complete mess and there was stuff on the toilet seat and everything. I was so desperate though and the place was empty. So I just wiped up the stuff with toilet paper. I sat down but the door wouldn’t stay shut. So I like halfway used my hand and halfway used my foot and just quickly went and prayed no one would come in to use the urinal and see a dude with a vagina sitting with the door open. I didn’t even bother using toilet paper because I just wanted to get in and out. I didn’t try flushing the toilet because I didn’t want to get yelled at if it overflowed. Although that would have been pretty funny and I could have just run. But it’s like 2 hours from my house distance wise and we still have a few more stops to make before we are on our way and I felt like this was the safest bathroom to use. I just hope I don’t catch anything from the toilet seat. I should have just used the bathroom after drinking the coke and before leaving the hotel.

At least breakfast at the hotel was good. They had hot stuff but they also had hard boiled eggs and light and fit yogurt and little boxes of Raisin Bran cereal. So whatever I’m feeling right now shouldn’t be lack of food related. I plan on getting my booster today. I suppose I should get feeling like complete crap out of the way all at once so I can have a good thanksgiving/Christmas. My mom had reaction to her moderna booster. A pretty decent one too.

I’m just once again exhausted and I don’t know if it’s lack of meds or the new stuff or sleep related stuff. I don’t know. But I’m hoping it eases up soon. It can’t possibly last forever without interference of some kind from one of my providers.

I slept the whole 2 hours on my way back home. Without any music. Well there was Christmas music playing on the radio but I didn’t have my headphones on. I didn’t take any vistril or any Valium or anything. I just crashed for 2 hours. This lack of meds in my system is really affecting my quality of life and it kinda sucks to feel like this. But I went to Walmart pretty much as soon as I got home and got my booster. I had no trouble getting it. So far what I’m feeling I think is anxiety from lack of food and lack of anxiety meds and lack of meds in general. With sleeping for 2 hours and then rushing to get my booster I’ve not been on track with my Valium and I haven’t had a vistril in over 24 hours since I didn’t bring them with me. I also haven’t eaten anything since this morning. So I’m trying to catch up with everything. I got some chili cheese fries from Sonic. The nap helped although I still feel worn out.

I saw a lady buying a Christmas tree at Walmart today. It’s no joke out there this year. You have to buy early. Luckily our old one still works.

Edit: I’m nauseated now and I have some muscle aches. Mostly in my back. But I figured it’s best to be feeling lousy from both the lack of meds in my system and the booster at the same time so the holidays can hopefully be less stressful. My mom just told me the boosters work right away. So I should be good I guess.

I took my vistril for the first time since 11AM yesterday. It doesn’t help much but it’s something at least. I took my first topamax at noon so I guess I should wait a bit for the second one. I didn’t plan very well for my trip med wise. I’ve been working on my sleep schedule but with the 2 hour nap I don’t know what tonight will look like. It’s early but I’m already in bed. I skipped the melatonin since I’m already tired.

I've given the Zyprexa (olanzipine) a couple of weeks. It does very little (if anything) to alleviate the anxiety, but it makes me so hungry that I feel like I want to eat - even when I don't want to eat. So, nixed the Zyprexa. The anxiety started this morning, as usual. I did my breathing, etc. I finally took a Klonopin. Klonopin works. It does what it's supposed to do. Anxiety isn't completely gone, but it's gone enough that I feel able to take a walk outside of my apartment. Going to the grocery store seems kinda fun, instead of a place that I have to get out of as fast as possible so I can get home.

The eclipse was really good! I got up at 330am and watched as the moon became darker as it passed onto Earth's shadow. It turned a deep red color at 403am and there was a tiny bit that was still white. It looked amazing.

I took about 100 pics but they're all just on my phone so they're not that great. But check online, there's lots of them.

My wife joined me and we stayed up afterwards and watched a movie until we had to start work in the morning.

I went out to the mall for a reality check and to try and fight off the feeling of helplessness that's been smothering me today. You know you're depressed when the only reason to go any where is to stay in touch with reality. It only helped a little. The tables of senior men yukking it up in the foodcourt made me distinctly uncomfortable.

The version of "Saturday Night Live" on my TV device did not include the musical performances so i didn't get to see Taylor Swift and the episode itself was not funny and i didn't even watch it all.

Quite thoroughly depressed today. Got up early but lay back down on the couch and dozed shallowly and had nightmares of my ex-husband. Got up for good at 11:30am, hours later than since January. Sleep is an escape. I'll be sorry if i start sleeping-in again as i thought i had that behavior conquered for good, but as escapes go, it's relatively benign so i'll allow it. Morning is so unpleasant.

The Christmas decorations in the dollar store depressed me, i dread Christmas and there were row upon row of them plus the front area of the store with the check-outs was lined with them. It'll get worse before it gets better. Christmas is still 36 days away.

Oh lord I’m getting forgetful in my old age! Last night I went out and got chicken sandwiches for mum and I and left my cards and DL in the center console! Today I took mum shopping and left my cards there and DIDN’T lock the car! It’s a red case that holds all my credit cards and DL. Holy moly! I remembered it when we were mostly done. I couldn’t leave mum in the store and run out to get it so I was sweating so bad from anxiety but when we got to the car it was fine, WHOOPS 😬 But all’s well that end well. My cardiovascular system got a workout. And I’m home.

Well, after pouring my heart out, N3 took off for Chicago this afternoon with his 17-year-old girlfriend. N2 was extremely nice! She got him two nights at a hotel! Stupid N3 was going to sleep in his car! (If you can't afford a hotel, maybe you shouldn't be going at all??) Covid rates are up in Chicago as well as where we live. I wish we lived in Alaska- their rates are the lowest!

One time, my ex went to pick up N3 at our old place. I was at Starbucks. My ex calls and tells me that he's picked up N3 but that N3 couldn't find his key to the apartment, so they LEFT IT OPEN! I rushed home. I was so panicked! Luckily, nobody had entered the apartment before I could get there.

Oh I’m sorry moose, it’s gonna be a hard weekend for you. do try to think positive though that’s hard with the baby being in a huge city. Do keep posting here so we can hug you.