Bipolar check-in #60

Just took a shower and am now all fresh and clean in my fresh and clean PJs in my fresh and clean sheets!

There’s nothing else that compares to that cosy clean feeling!

You said it!

Having a really bad panic attack. I'm trying to distract myself but I feel horrible and wish these damn panic attacks would just go away for good

I'm sorry. Panic attacks suck big time. I wish I had some advice.

Thank you. I ended up taking my as needed medication and it calmed me down a lot in addition to praying the rosary (it's very meditative). I was able to sleep a few hours and feel better now

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I mean it in a way that your heart is already under stress from other things so if you overdo it with the geodon it will make things worse! Chill out! It’s said with concern!

Removing the tracking device today (not delusional just switching from Nexplanon to other birth control).

My doctor claimed I wouldn’t have any side effects going off of it. But I was such a mess anxiety wise and I was so exhausted I couldn’t do anything except lie in bed. I did take a melatonin at 10AM because I wanted to sleep because I wasn’t feeling good and I got about an hours worth. But I was just so tired all day and too tired to eat anything and my anxiety was sucky but I still stayed on track with everything. My visteril was ready around 2 and by the time my mom got home with it it was close to 3. So I took that and my other prescribed stuff and I could only drink a protein shake for dinner. But I slept for close to 13 hours. I woke up very anxious but I took another visteral along with a Valium and my topamax and I feel decent. I ate a protein bar around 3:30 so I don’t feel hungry. But my endocrinologist said I wouldn’t have any side effects yet I can’t pull myself out of bed and so I guess I just have to wait for another 10 days. I hope I don’t get super turned on when I go back on it. But my weight did drop from yesterday. So that’s good.

I guess my mom picked up the car last night while I was asleep. Which means we can do stuff and go out places today. So far I’m still lying in bed feeling like complete shite physically. But my meds seem to have helped my anxiety at least. So maybe I’ll get the energy to do something. I feel like if I just force myself to get out of bed and put on my boots and a hoodie and go watch The today show ill automatically feel better since it’s physical and not mental health today.

Well I put on my boots and my hoodie and my hat and I brushed my teeth and I put on my scar gel. I watched The Today Show for half an hour. Then I went to Taco Bell for a burrito. And none of that did anything to wake me up. I am still a complete lethargic mess and I’m back in bed now and now I’m kinda pissed as well. I had some bleeding this morning as well despite being careful all day yesterday.

Miraculously, I seem to have woken up on the right side of the bed (figuratively). I feel fairly good right now. I sure hope it lasts. Maybe with the prospect of getting our car soon, the impatience, and its effects on my well-being, are easing.

I picked up two new pairs of eyeglasses yesterday. I like them very much. My old ones were in not-so-good shape, and their styles were outdated. Eyeglasses here are oddly very expensive, but hopefully they'll last. What is good is that I had a whole new eye test before buying them, so my eyesight will be even better with the new ones. Gotta confess that I needed multifocal lenses. I guess I'm getting old. With my old glasses, I always had to remove them in order to read menus or ingredient lists on products. Now I don't need to.

I got an 18 minute nap in. It was some strange trippy euphoric type of nap though. I remember falling asleep when my mom sent me a text and when I woke up 18 minutes had gone by according to the text. I haven’t tried moving around yet to see how I feel. I’m holding my phone with one hand and typing with my thumb. Maybe I need an Americana or something. I don’t know. Do I want to be unable to function all day or do I want a heart attack. Maybe I’ll finish off the sweet tea. The anxiety has for sure lessened since starting the visteril. I don’t feel the need for a second Valium and often I feel like doubling up right now.

I’m sitting up now which is progress. But I’m still pretty lethargic. I sent my doctor a message. I’m not sure what he can do. I finished the sweet tea but I’m not in the mood for coffee. I had a lot of tea. My hunger is decent today. I’m too tired to make anything for lunch so I’ll probably just grab another protein drink.

I have an eye tests this coming Thursday. I already ordered 5 frames to try on. But I’m only getting one pair. I’m using an online place. This is such a small town that the choices are really limited to two expensive places or Walmart. So I’m trying online despite the iffy service. Different styles but all of them crystal. Finally getting new frames. Have had these frames for 6 years, just changing out the lens cause I have original Medicare which doesn’t cover hearing or vision. People still comment on how nice there are but I’m ready for a new pair.

My anxiety has been up for ages. I realized that I'm experiencing anxiety attacks every day.

They're not full blown panic attacks but they're strong enough to give me symptoms like shallow breathing, fast heart, body stiffness, racing thoughts, and inability to distract myself from it. This can last hours.

I emailed my pdoc asking if there's anything she can prescribe as needed, or something. I need some relief from this. My first attack happens as soon as I wake up.

Tracking device AKA Nexplanon has been removed, proceed with ovulation, proceed with copulation with caution. Over.

They f**ked up my cogentin and only gave me half the amount I'm supposed to get. I'll act confused and just take the half and say "that's what the bottle said." Because I've got blurry vision and wicked dry mouth from the dose I'm supposed to be on, and I don't know why my dose was doubled in the first place.

Was thinking of going to the movies again but it’s cold outside so I don’t want to sit in a cold theater. I don’t know, I might change my mind but blah the long drive is a factor tooo.

Guys, I finally got to pick out a kitten! And she has a mustache, I'm naming her Miss Mustachio She'll be here tomorrow!

Blue Bird, she's adorable! She'll be great company for you.

Oh so cute 🥰, she’s a little bandit!

Well I ended up getting a small iced peppermint mocha iced coffee with skim milk and Splenda. And it was amazing what it did to my body. Last week I ordered a pair of jeans from Target and they arrived today but they were a bit too loose for my comfort. They were relaxed fit when I usually wear straight or bootcut. So instead of ordering online again and then returning to the store later I decided to just go to Target to return them and go shopping for jeans myself instead of online. I found a decent size pair of actual Levi’s not Target brand. In the color and texture and fit I wanted. The whole trip took about 45 minutes. But it wore me out and I’m in bed again. I’m not lying down though. But it was for sure the coffee that gave me the brief wave of energy so I could leave my house because I didn’t do anything differently and I didn’t take anything. I just had some caffeine. So I’m guessing it really is a side effect from stopping the med suddenly. I haven’t heard back from my doctor yet. I’m not really having any other side effects besides being lethargic. My moods and anxiety are overall better then before. My appetite is still being controlled with my topamax and my anxiety is much better once the visteril was put in last night. So yeah this is just some weird **** going on with the lack of testosterone. I hope my doctor has some answers or this passes in the next couple of days.

I am getting to the point of being unable to function again so it looks like I’ll just be drinking a protein shake for dinner again since I don’t have the energy to make anything. Or even peel an egg if I’m being honest. I don’t have the energy to stand over the kitchen sink.

I forgot I have therapy in person Tomorrow. Early. I like this lady a lot but if I’m the way I was today she’s gonna think it’s a poison control, Pdoc, primary, ER type issue the way she always thinks my issues are. Despite the fact it’s a lack of meds issue that’s out of my control instead of the other way around and I’ve already contacted my doctor. So hopefully things are better. Maybe I’ll get coffee before I see her. Like right before.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Guys, I finally got to pick out a kitten! And she has a mustache, I'm naming her Miss Mustachio She'll be here tomorrow!

Miss M is A D O R A B L E! Plus, she looks like an intelligent little kitty...just the look in her eyes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Well I ended up getting a small iced peppermint mocha iced coffee with skim milk and Splenda. And it was amazing what it did to my body. Last week I ordered a pair of jeans from Target and they arrived today but they were a bit too loose for my comfort. They were relaxed fit when I usually wear straight or bootcut. So instead of ordering online again and then returning to the store later I decided to just go to Target to return them and go shopping for jeans myself instead of online. I found a decent size pair of actual Levi’s not Target brand. In the color and texture and fit I wanted. The whole trip took about 45 minutes. But it wore me out and I’m in bed again. I’m not lying down though. But it was for sure the coffee that gave me the brief wave of energy so I could leave my house because I didn’t do anything differently and I didn’t take anything. I just had some caffeine. So I’m guessing it really is a side effect from stopping the med suddenly. I haven’t heard back from my doctor yet. I’m not really having any other side effects besides being lethargic. My moods and anxiety are overall better then before. My appetite is still being controlled with my topamax and my anxiety is much better once the visteril was put in last night. So yeah this is just some weird **** going on with the lack of testosterone. I hope my doctor has some answers or this passes in the next couple of days. I am getting to the point of being unable to function again so it looks like I’ll just be drinking a protein shake for dinner again since I don’t have the energy to make anything. Or even peel an egg if I’m being honest. I don’t have the energy to stand over the kitchen sink.

~~~~~~ You're going through a lot. I think you need all the rest you can get.

My new pdoc, the one who took over when my wonderful pdoc left the clinic, is an effing beeyoch. She wants me to be med compliant, but makes it SO hard to get meds refilled. And she doesn't allow me to listen to my own mind and body. The supreme joke of it all in that she's young enough to be my daughter. She treats me like I'm a 20 year old felon trying to score street drugs. If I could go outside the clinic for a different pdoc without losing my therapist I so would. This anxiety is tripled by that woman.

Well, lesson learned. I ran out of celexa and my pharmacy is 20 mins away from my house so I couldnt get it til today. I have been in a weird dizzy state and having hit flashes allllll day!!!! as soon as i picked it up i took today's dose.

@Blue_Bird Your kitty looks like she has a goatee as WELL as a moustache!

So N3 told me today that he plans on going to Chicago for the weekend- doesn't he have to work??- and sleep in his CAR!!! I said absolutely NO!