Bipolar check-in #61

Mountaindewed · Jan 06, 2022, 10:32 AM

My brother has really bad OCD but he stays up late and does his rituals between 12-3AM. So he woke me up at midnight making a lot of noise washing his hands. I had my door closed and my head phones in too. I got out of bed and yelled at him and he just stared at me. I went back to bed but I knew it was useless. So I had a Poptart and a few zero sugar sodas. Then I had a protein shake. I got up at 5:50 and I took a shower. I'm trying to watch TV but the sound is cutting in and out and I keep missing stuff. I told my mom when she woke up that I've been up since midnight because of him and she was actually apolgetic this time instead of making excuses for him or getting annoyed at me. Although she still probably wont do anything about it. I knew I should have taken an extra melatonin though. That may have helped.

Today I just feel off from the lack of sleep and all the caffeine I drank to deal with the tiredness, and everything is just causing an increase in anxiety for me. Hopefully the day gets better. I took a valium and ate some chicken nuggets.

Nammu · Jan 06, 2022, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

So the ongoing saga of getting an appt with NP

I called again to main scheduling line to get appt and was told no appts til February but too far out to book and to call back the 24th. I said how am I ever going to get appt if things are done this way ?? No real response other than one NP out on maternity leave so in February things will be back on track. Ummm yeah doesn’t help me now.

So when I walked into Richards office and told him what was going on he was furious of course. He’s extremely anger with the company because of this.. he went immediately to speak with the nurse and made her refill my meds while he stood there.

We talked about my finding a new provider outside of the clinic . 13 years I have received excellent care. Since Dr Graves retired I have no faith that I can get help if I need it or even an appt if I’m in a crisis. I do plan to look for a new Doctor.., around here nothing open for months. I’m just mad and sad about this.

Steve is still not doing any better. Not worse thankfully but I hope he starts to rally soon.

We have more snow coming tomorrow and possible ice first ! Will be in teens by afternoon. I’m already distressed over our pipes freezing . I’ll be getting up every 3 hours to go around the house running faucets full blast. Steve assured me that I don’t have to do that but he knows I won’t be able to not do it.

I’m trying to focus on the good things. I was able to fill my car up with gas and buy needed groceries. So I’m grateful.

Hugs to anyone in need

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Aww what a nice guy standing up for you like that and getting your meds filled! They are pretty poor providers if they expect you to go without because they are short. Geez 🙄 glad he was able to do that!

*Beth* · Jan 06, 2022, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

That’s what they say, but I just love the look. But I’d love to be able to sleep in that salt mine that they turned into a hotel, that would be so cool 😎

So would I!

*Beth* · Jan 06, 2022, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

So the ongoing saga of getting an appt with NP

I called again to main scheduling line to get appt and was told no appts til February but too far out to book and to call back the 24th. I said how am I ever going to get appt if things are done this way ?? No real response other than one NP out on maternity leave so in February things will be back on track. Ummm yeah doesn’t help me now.

So when I walked into Richards office and told him what was going on he was furious of course. He’s extremely anger with the company because of this.. he went immediately to speak with the nurse and made her refill my meds while he stood there.

We talked about my finding a new provider outside of the clinic . 13 years I have received excellent care. Since Dr Graves retired I have no faith that I can get help if I need it or even an appt if I’m in a crisis. I do plan to look for a new Doctor.., around here nothing open for months. I’m just mad and sad about this.

Steve is still not doing any better. Not worse thankfully but I hope he starts to rally soon.

We have more snow coming tomorrow and possible ice first ! Will be in teens by afternoon. I’m already distressed over our pipes freezing . I’ll be getting up every 3 hours to go around the house running faucets full blast. Steve assured me that I don’t have to do that but he knows I won’t be able to not do it.

I’m trying to focus on the good things. I was able to fill my car up with gas and buy needed groceries. So I’m grateful.

Hugs to anyone in need

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah...there comes that point when it's time to find a new health care situation. I'm edging toward that myself.

I hope your pipes don't freeze! Can you leave a small stream of water running from each faucet so you don't have to get up every 3 hours?

Mountaindewed · 12:55 PM

Possible trigger:

I'm on my 5th valium since 8:30 and its not even noon. **** this ****. I have 14 extra days for some reason. I have enough to take 5 today although maybe that amount in that time frame was kinda a bad idea. I just told my mom and gave her the bottle.

Its just lack of sleep and caffeine thats causing the anxiety. Nothing else. Theres no transference T **** going on, no current T stuff going on, no Amazon or other package headache. I'm not phyiscally sick. I'm not overly concerned about current events. Its just being sleep deprived and too much caffeine. But I wish my mom would do something to help my brother. Although she did finally make him a doctors appointment. So thats a start.

Jimmy Johns has their sandwhiches BOGO 50%. So I just ordered an extra turkey no mayo on sliced wheat bread and then a no mayo extra turkey unwhich. That mayo really adds up the calories. I get extra meat instead of the mayo and Its still less calories then with the mayo. I said I wouldnt focus on dieting today but I can't help it. My body shape is really getting to be like a mans and I have heard that can happen to some trans men after they get a hystrectomy their body shape changes. But I noticed it about a week ago that I seem very narrow and I dont have any hips. Not that there was much there to begin with. I have pictures of me before I started my transition where I looked like a guy. I did tell a couple managers before I left work that I was trans and was starting my transition and they were all like "ok." And were pretty emotionless about it. Now I'm wondering if they had already figured it out awhile ago before I told them.

Soupe du jour · Jan 06, 2022, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Standup2me

I am working long hours at work lately. Fourteen hours is a usual day. I know that I cannot keep doing this. Mentally and physically I will burn out. I am hoping that I do not have to work the weekend.
Wish me luck!

Please do look out for your wellness. I remember when I was still working I put in long stressful days and it was my downfall. Can you at some point talk to your boss and tell her/him that you need to "work normal hours" for a bit so that you stay at your best? It's better they give you some break than make you sick. Hugs

Soupe du jour · Jan 06, 2022, 01:15 PM

@Scooter9, I hope your son makes a speedy recovery. I've heard of so many people lately getting covid during this new spike. It makes me afraid to travel, too. My husband and I will stay put for a while.

@~Christina, I'm glad you got your refills. It is indeed great to have someone advocating for you. Your health and Steve's are number 1 priorities. Do whatever you have to do to get the best help possible.

I didn't get to sleep until 5 am, but slept til 9 am. Could have been worse. It turns out that I had taken medications last night at my usual 6:30 pm. However, I accidentally took my morning meds instead of my evening ones. I noticed when I went to take morning medications today. Since transitioning to the new pharmacy my morning pills look quite similar to my evening ones. A little confusing, even though the cubbies clearly say AM or PM.

I was busy today but pooped out after making a large bowl of coleslaw. I told Hubby to fend for himself for dinner. I deliberately said that I would not be sitting at the kitchen table. If I got something for myself and sat there, I'd end up having him want some of what I put together, defeating the point.

Mountaindewed · Jan 06, 2022, 02:40 PM

I am finally getting my teeth cleaned and getting xrays. On Monday. And I don't give a rats *** if this is not the time to go to the dentist. I haven't gone in 2 years besides a quick evaulation of a couple teeth in September. But this dentist charges $300 for cleanings and Xrays and I'd like to go to him first and if theres anything wrong I'll go to someone less expensive. But some dentists especially on certain insurance plans find stuff that arent actually there because they get paid more for it. So I want to go to a reputable dentist first to get things checked out. This is the one my sister and her family use. Since my therapy copays are still cut in half for another 2 months now is the time to get it done even if covid really sucks.

Brentus · Jan 06, 2022, 04:27 PM

Saw my psychiatrist today. We upped one of my meds to a maintenance dosage but largely left things in place. Things are working the best I think medicine can for me, so here is to hoping I've found the right meds after actively searching for 5+ years. I was supposed to see my therapist today but she had to reschedule for tomorrow, which is fine with me.

Nothing to really report -- just doing OK.

Jan 06, 2022, 04:30 PM

I had my appointment with the bank and it went fine. They didn't ask any personal questions. They just asked multiple choice questions to do with my risk tolerance and plans for the money. So that was a relief. Glad it's over with!

wildflowerchild25 · Jan 06, 2022, 04:30 PM

I likely won’t have to go to the building tomorrow, they’re calling for 3-6 inches of snow overnight in the area where I work. Seems like the area where I live (north) is actually getting spared snow these last two storms. On Monday I saw zero flakes but when I got to school on Tuesday there was about two inches And my coworkers who mostly Live south got more. GOOD it’s south jersey’s turn for awhile.

I see my pdoc today. The vraylar seems to be working a little, just not on the anxiety. I had to take double the dose I usually take of my PRN last night to calm down enough. But the mood swings, while still present, are not as extreme. I havent felt super tense or super depressed for awhile. Maybe she will up the dose. If this works out she said she’ll try to reduce my other meds slowly and I vote depakote, I’m over it and it’s never done anything for depression or mixed states.

I found a video series by yoga with Adriene that she must have started on Jan 1. It’s thirty days of movement. I’m considering starting it so I can hopefully relax a bit. Getting my stress levels down will likely help the anxiety and sleep issues I’ve been having, as well as possibly the stomach pain.

Nammu · Jan 06, 2022, 05:00 PM

My clinic contacted me though the portal. I need a thyroid test. So I scheduled it for the same time as mum’s dr appointment. They just need blood from me, it will be quick.

Mountaindewed · 05:44 PM

Jeopardy spoilers. Well not technically but I'll still hide them just in case.

Possible trigger:

my mom has no idea that I have been googling the jeopardy results before each episode. I play along and ask how Amy is doing. Even though I already know. When Amys time is up I will have already known and then I'll tell my mom I've been googling and knowing the results for weeks. I just didn't want to spoil it for her since she gets so into the game when theres an excellent player like Amy. Although I do wish they'd cut out the trans crap. She's an outstanding player which has nothing to do with her gender.

Its just a fun thing I've been doing.

Possible trigger:

I'm thinking I'll feel a lot better if I take my last 60mil geodon along with my 160. I havent taken anything yet besides 2 melatonin. So I guess I should try my normal dose first and see how I feel. That may be all I need. I did take a 6th valium a couple hours ago My anxiety is decent. My mom still has the bottle.

I'm in bed despite it still being early. Lately I've been going to bed and just hanging out for a couple hours until my meds kick in and then I turn on my music and fall asleep. If I don't get disrupted it normally works well and I wake up at a semi normal time. At least thats been the routine since I've gotten my geodon back last week.

Scooter9 · Jan 06, 2022, 05:31 PM

My son has a mild fever today. It's around 101 degrees.

After some back and forth, my pdoc called in a new prescription for increased dose of Trintellix because I'll run out of my current supply in less than 2 weeks. It's all good now.

I'm dropping off supplies for my son and his friend.

It got me thinking just how much support we need sometimes. Here I am going shopping and we're making food for him that he otherwise would have a hard time getting. We did the same for my mother when she was sick and we do the same for our family member that lives in a retirement home.

~Christina · Jan 06, 2022, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Aww what a nice guy standing up for you like that and getting your meds filled! They are pretty poor providers if they expect you to go without because they are short. Geez

glad he was able to do that!

Richard always has my back and I am beyond grateful. He’s now 73 , last year he cut back to 3 days a week ( he was administrator for 25 years) and now he’s cut to only 7 hours a day. I hate the idea that he will one day fully retire. He has no plans to. But anything can happen of course. I’ll never find another Therapist like him. I’ve been very blessed. So I hope when the day comes that he will have decided to go fishing everyday.

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~Christina · Jan 06, 2022, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yeah...there comes that point when it's time to find a new health care situation. I'm edging toward that myself.

I hope your pipes don't freeze! Can you leave a small stream of water running from each faucet so you don't have to get up every 3 hours?

Oh Beth I hate that your having to probably find someone better. It’s so hard to just start calling everywhere and hoping that you can find someone quickly.

Yes I have all faucets dripping fast, will do an actual stream tonight but when we go down to almost 10 degrees I just get super worried. We got ice instead of snow today. Ugh hate it !

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~Christina · Jan 06, 2022, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

My clinic contacted me though the portal. I need a thyroid test. So I scheduled it for the same time as mum’s dr appointment. They just need blood from me, it will be quick.

Hope everything comes back within normal range

Yes both at once saves you another trip !

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*Beth* · Jan 06, 2022, 06:57 PM

I'm now seeing my therapist once per week instead of twice. I saw her last Thursday and when today rolled around I could not think of a single thing I had to talk with her about. I'm still so stuck - she's the kindest, most caring person I've ever known, but as a therapist she's often disorganized and forgetful. I feel she's done all she can do for me, yet I don't have it in me to search for another therapist at this time, and part of me doesn't want to let her go.

Anyway, I called off my appointment today. I was so tired; my sleep has been poor lately. So I went back to bed at 8 a.m. - and awoke at almost 2 p.m.! Oh, my gosh!! Guess I really needed that sleep. I'd like to go back and sleep for the rest of the day, but I just can't. Too much needs to be done.

The vet's office called and - a miracle! They have an unused bottle of Lantus insulin to give to me for my diabetic kitty, Sid - free!!! Someone donated it. The cost of a bottle of insulin in the U.S. is about $325. There is a pharmacy in Canada, bless them, that will mail insulin to the U.S. at a cost of $136. Much less, but still tough for me to come up with. So that free bottle (which will last for 6 months) is truly a blessing.
Much love all around

~Christina · Jan 06, 2022, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9

My son has a mild fever today. It's around 101 degrees.

After some back and forth, my pdoc called in a new prescription for increased dose of Trintellix because I'll run out of my current supply in less than 2 weeks. It's all good now.

I'm dropping off supplies for my son and his friend.

It got me thinking just how much support we need sometimes. Here I am going shopping and we're making food for him that he otherwise would have a hard time getting. We did the same for my mother when she was sick and we do the same for our family member that lives in a retirement home.

I so hope the increase really kicks in and gives you some more stability

Your son and his friend are lucky to have you being able to bring them much needed things. You are correct when we sit back and think of things we are doing for others. We often don’t realize. I hope he has a speedy recovery.

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~Christina · Jan 06, 2022, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm now seeing my therapist once per week instead of twice. I saw her last Thursday and when today rolled around I could not think of a single thing I had to talk with her about. I'm still so stuck - she's the kindest, most caring person I've ever known, but as a therapist she's often disorganized and forgetful. I feel she's done all she can do for me, yet I don't have it in me to search for another therapist at this time, and part of me doesn't want to let her go.

Anyway, I called off my appointment today. I was so tired; my sleep has been poor lately. So I went back to bed at 8 a.m. - and awoke at almost 2 p.m.! Oh, my gosh!! Guess I really needed that sleep. I'd like to go back and sleep for the rest of the day, but I just can't. Too much needs to be done.

The vet's office called and - a miracle! They have an unused bottle of Lantus insulin to give to me for my diabetic kitty, Sid - free!!! Someone donated it. The cost of a bottle of insulin in the U.S. is about $325. There is a pharmacy in Canada, bless them, that will mail insulin to the U.S. at a cost of $136. Much less, but still tough for me to come up with. So that free bottle (which will last for 6 months) is truly a blessing.
Much love all around

I’m glad you were able to get some much needed sleep. I think it happens to us all that we just can’t think of something for Therapy session or we just don’t feel very verbal. I find when I have those I tend to want to just randomly have Richard pull up a session from years ago just to see how I was. It’s been helpful sometimes to either see that I was doing well or struggling.

What a huge blessing having a bottle of insulin for free !!! I am completely disgusted with the cost of a life saving medication that people and fur babies truly need. Reality is it takes less than one dollar to manufacture a bottle. Straight “legal armed robbery” is what it is!

Be good to yourself

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Nammu · Jan 06, 2022, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm now seeing my therapist once per week instead of twice. I saw her last Thursday and when today rolled around I could not think of a single thing I had to talk with her about. I'm still so stuck - she's the kindest, most caring person I've ever known, but as a therapist she's often disorganized and forgetful. I feel she's done all she can do for me, yet I don't have it in me to search for another therapist at this time, and part of me doesn't want to let her go.

Anyway, I called off my appointment today. I was so tired; my sleep has been poor lately. So I went back to bed at 8 a.m. - and awoke at almost 2 p.m.! Oh, my gosh!! Guess I really needed that sleep. I'd like to go back and sleep for the rest of the day, but I just can't. Too much needs to be done.

The vet's office called and - a miracle! They have an unused bottle of Lantus insulin to give to me for my diabetic kitty, Sid - free!!! Someone donated it. The cost of a bottle of insulin in the U.S. is about $325. There is a pharmacy in Canada, bless them, that will mail insulin to the U.S. at a cost of $136. Much less, but still tough for me to come up with. So that free bottle (which will last for 6 months) is truly a blessing.
Much love all around

Yay! A free bottle of insulin! That is a New Years gift 🎁 wow, it will last half a year!

~Christina · Jan 06, 2022, 07:24 PM

Well we got ice instead of snow. We luckily have no problems with power going out. Going to 10 or lower tonight. Feels like its maybe 4. Ugh my fibromyalgia and PsA is just awful ! This is typical of managing winter.

A friend I went to school with from kindergarten on was Facebook posting some stuff today that happened while we were in school , our mutual friends remember it all. Here I sit absolutely clueless! They remember all the teachers and school stuff. I legit remember the name of one single teacher out of 12 years. So I’ve sat here all day thinking back to my childhood. Today it’s just really bothering me.

I made a giant pot of chili today. Perfect for such a cold cold day!

Hope everyone is having a good day

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*Beth* · Jan 06, 2022, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m glad you were able to get some much needed sleep. I think it happens to us all that we just can’t think of something for Therapy session or we just don’t feel very verbal. I find when I have those I tend to want to just randomly have Richard pull up a session from years ago just to see how I was. It’s been helpful sometimes to either see that I was doing well or struggling.

What a huge blessing having a bottle of insulin for free !!! I am completely disgusted with the cost of a life saving medication that people and fur babies truly need. Reality is it takes less than one dollar to manufacture a bottle. Straight “legal armed robbery” is what it is!

Be good to yourself

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you for everything, Christina. You are an angel

Nammu · Jan 06, 2022, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well we got ice instead of snow. We luckily have no problems with power going out. Going to 10 or lower tonight. Feels like its maybe 4. Ugh my fibromyalgia and PsA is just awful ! This is typical of managing winter.

A friend I went to school with from kindergarten on was Facebook posting some stuff today that happened while we were in school , our mutual friends remember it all. Here I sit absolutely clueless! They remember all the teachers and school stuff. I legit remember the name of one single teacher out of 12 years. So I’ve sat here all day thinking back to my childhood. Today it’s just really bothering me.

I made a giant pot of chili today. Perfect for such a cold cold day!

Hope everyone is having a good day

Oh I hear you about childhood memories. I remember my first grade teacher s name and none of the rest. I don’t recall much or names. I’ve wondered if it’s a side effect of psych meds?

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Oh I did it again I wrote in the wrong spot! Yeah psych meds!

Jan 06, 2022, 10:44 PM

I'm so worried about my dog. She's had increased thirst, hunger and urination for about a week now -- all signs of diabetes in dogs. I'll have to phone the vet tomorrow. I'm not great at taking care of a healthy dog. I don't know what i will do if she is sick.

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