Bipolar check-in #62

Good Luck!

Send my best wishes for this turning out the way you hope for!

I think your suggestions sound perfectly reasonable and sufficient, Pinny. I believe my husband will eventually agree.

I'm glad to read that today is a bit better for you. It's nice that you're setting up your doggie just right with the new harness.

Thank you for welcoming me! It may be strange, but I am terrified of disclosing where in Europe I live. (As if it is easy to find me among millions of people. Am really afraid that I will one day come to disclose something that will help somebody outside the forum to identify me).

Putin's moves with regard to Ukraine must be a mad man's work. As a matter of fact, I thought about Hitler when I heard Putin's speech. I saw at a note at Internet that Donald Trump agreed with him. May God protect the western world from Donald Trump! I think that if anyone with great power supports Putin, that will be the start of WW III. For the moment I cannot see any direct dangers for other countries than Ukraine, but the whole of Europe will suffer with high electric and gas prices and more. So may be some of us have to go down in living standard, but that is "OK" as long as we don't have scenes like those from WW II. I have heard so many ugly stories from those who lived at that time.

I think it is best to take one day at the time and hope for the best.

I think you’re absolutely right, @GoGo2
It’s such a sad but scary time for so many people!

I'm back!!! Was in the hospital for a couple weeks, got out yesterday. Doing much better. I'm on Zyprexa and Invega now.

Welcome back @Sapien !

Im glad to hear youre doing better!

Welcome back Sapien

My sleep has been a mess ever since I got the news on Monday from my doctor. I've been getting about 5.5 hours and waking up at 11:30 and then getting another hour around 3. I've needed my meds early which has also messed things up. I had a lot of caffeine today to help the tiredness but didnt help the anxiety. I had therapy today and it went well. This is the second week in a row where it went well. Besides the awkward running into her other client thing. She says I am just too focused on too many things at one time and my anxiety is sprialing out of control. She says my main focus right now needs to be the doctors appointment tommrow. She says at this point I shouldnt even be thinking about going back to work because its just making my anxiety sprial with everything else that is currently going on.

I am feeling more and more good about my therapy situation but I am still anxious. But I had a lot of caffeine and I was visibly shaking today from it.

I'm going to my old state next week. I was going to see my pdoc in person but I think I'll do the session virtual at the hotel. I honestly dont quite get what I am looking to get out of this trip. The stores I frequented before and the stuff I was looking for was because of my transference T and now all that just seems kinda rendundant and I don't feel like doing any of that stuff anymore. I know theres a few stores I do for sure want to go to and theres also family to see. Maybe I'll skip a couple of the stores.

My doctor increased my abilify today due to the paranoia and agitation. So we'll see how that goes. Hopefully well, I used to be on the 400mg injection monthly and this new dose dose (15mg) is closer to the equivalent to that which I was on before when I was doing good. For some reason when she switched me over to the tablets she switched me to 10mg and that definitely has not been working out well.

Hope everyone has a good day

I hope the appointment goes as well as possible, @Mountaindewed

Im glad your doctor has tried to help. I got quite bad restless legs initially when my dose of abilify got increased beyond 10mg, but it did settle with time. I hope you dont get that!
And I hope you have a good day too @Blue_Bird

Thank you Pinny! I hope not, I think I was on this dose before, I don't recall experiencing restless legs then, so hopefully I won't this time too. I did have horrible restless legs when on Seroquel though, it was terrible, RLS is so frustrating

So nice to see you back, @Sapien! We sort of guessed that you were IP. I'm glad to read that you're now on a medication mix that sounds like it is helping. I remember you being quite reluctant to go, but again, glad it worked out OK.

Hi! Hope you will feel better now!

I understand! Thinking on you!

It is good when therapy goes well. I have experienced that in former time. For now, I am on my own, use CBT, meds, daily structures and something that is called "The Decider" (an UK program that one can do alone or with a therapist).

I have it that way as well. When too many thoughts run in my head, I'm imaging that I will crash. The whole body becomes tense. Take care!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny Well Im feeling better about things than I was yesterday, Ive had time to think and reflect. Im going to try and take my dog out to be fitted for a new harness today or tomorrow. I just need to build up to it. My anxiety is still getting the best of me at times, but Im trying not to avoid things (as this is what I tend to do, which makes things worse). Im looking forward to seeing my pdoc next week. I think the medication addition has definitely helped. I might even see one of my friends in a couple of days, Ive been avoiding seeing anyone/cancelling plans a lot. I hope everyone is having a lovely day/night and I hope things are going well for you all! Sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs your way!

I am so, so happy to hear that the med addition is helping. What great news!

I encourage you to see your friend. I know how how extremely hard it can be, but when you've accomplished the visit you will probably feel so good about it.

What kind of dog do you have?

I am...stressed out and trying to breathe and calm down. I had the usual hassle with refilling my Klonopin. Pdoc says she sent an extra refill last time, pharmacy says they never received it. Blah, blah, blah. Took 2 hours, but it all was finally worked out. But that 2 hours of making calls and waiting for call backs...UGH. I have had a dull headache for 2 weeks and it's getting to me.

I told my therapist that I now want to go to once per month. I'm wondering, though, if maybe I jumped ahead too quickly. I've been so stressed out and emotionally dysregulated. Those are things I've had under control pretty well for the past year or so. I don't know...I'm thinking on it.


So our oddly warm weather is gone, giving way to a March-type chill. Cold, cold wind that goes right to your bones. The highs are around 55 degrees, but the low tonight is predicted to be below freezing. Weather is interesting to me.

Moose, where you be?

Soupe, if you see this - thank you for the PM's I will reply this afternoon, when my day (hopefully!) calms down and I can think straight.


Love & hugs all around

@Sapien:

Welcome back!

I had that same issue for awhile with my xanax. My doctor would call in all the others except that one and it would be a lot of back and forth. Sometimes for days. For awhile he was calling everything into the wrong pharamacy until my mom had enough when the pharamacist at the wrong one yelled at her that he was tired of dealing with it. Then it got fixed. I'm glad you got yours finally.

I tried asking for an extra session this week but she said no. Therapists are weird about what they assume the client needs vs what the client thinks they need. Just trust your gut.

I don't care if its still the middle of the afternoon I've taken my melatonin and am in bed in the dark. I was exhausted all day only due to lack of sleep due to anxiety. I didn't feel sick. I wasn't hungry but I don't know why. I only had 2 little bags of chips all day before finally eating a little salad bowl kit and a pack of M&Ms for dinner. I finally stopped eating the European mint candy bars and the chocolate Smarties I was obsessed with and switched to peanut M&Ms instead. Which don't have anything to do with anything really. I just heard them on TV and realized I've only had the fun size packs at Halloween. I only had one soda today since most of what I have causes anxiety. So I've been drinking La Croix. But I did have caffeine this morning so I am not in withdrawels. At this point I can just hope for a decent nights sleep and that the morning goes by uneventfully with minimal anxiety.

Was 9/11 scarier then what is currently going on in the world? I was only 8 so I did not really understand how scary it was. But my mom said it was terrifying and we had no idea if more buildings were going to be hit or what would happen.

I feel pretty good! I decided i am content to stay home and while away my days. I'm mindful of the fact that my bipolar is unpredictable tho. If i ever feel differently, i will do differently. There's no use trying to plan. I LOVE MY HOME! I even cancelled my bus pass. All i can do is just enjoy the moment. I have my support group's ZOOM drop-in for an hour three days a week for company. And i've been having a great time here on the forum! There's so many obstacles to going out -- just better to make peace with staying home.

Aces!

Welcome back @Sapien! Glad you feel better. May it long continue!

I took off tomorrow. I can’t be my best self at work right now. I got so mad with two students arguing and being disrespectful that *I* stormed out and slammed the door. I took a quick lap around the hallway to calm down, but that is not acceptable behavior on my part. Not at all. Especially because these two girls are now keeping a time stamped log of everything we, the staff, do that they consider disrespectful to THEM, and they are straight up lying, trying to get us fired (jerks stupidly left the notebook in class so we read it because we knew they were being suspicious). I know my behavior today was out of line and it’s not fair on all of the students. But I have a very tenuous grasp on my self control inside and outside of work right now.

I see pdoc again tomorrow and I don’t think it’s going to go well. I think we’ve reached the end of the line here with outpatient and now I need a higher level of care. It’s so hard not to be disappointed in myself. I don’t want to return to my previous program so soon, it’s humiliating. And my family is going to find out…I’m so embarrassed and ashamed that I can’t get my head back on straight.

I know I need to show myself some compassion though. It’s really not my fault that this is happening. I’ve been doing all I can and it’s just not working. It’s not like the past when I would go off meds or refuse to use coping skills. Im using every coping skill at my disposal and they just aren’t working. The best I can do right now is stay home and take PRNs to sedate myself enough to be calm. Well, calmer.

9/11 was very very scary. I was 14. We had no idea what was happening