Bipolar check-in #63

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I emailed my doctor who i haven't heard from in 23 days. I know he's been coping with a lot but taking over three weeks to answer an email is unreasonable. I wrote a whiny message but he deserves it so whatever, i'll allow it.

23 days!!! He's really lucky you were only whiny!

I feel a little better now that i'm off the sofa and in front of my computer. A computer is good company. I'm just gonna zone out here and go to bed early. At least it's dark now. It's more comfortable at home when it's dark out. Daylight just screams, "Come outside! Do stuff! Be active!" But darkness says, "Relax, take it easy."

Computers are wonderful company, a wonderful tool for learning...so much.

Wow, do I ever understand your feeling about daylight vs. nighttime. I really miss the time in my life when I could stay up all night. I just can't do it anymore, I get sick. Night is almost always calmer, more peaceful, less demanding. And now the time change is coming...*sigh*...short darkness hours.

Even if the hospital gig doesn't pan out I think it's terrific that you applied!

Sorry for your loss I got several recommendations from here and from some other people that I know about a group that is called grief share my kid and I started it a couple of weeks ago and it has helped some.

I started tanking pure ginger capsules two weeks ago and after like the third day I have not taken any of my three stomach prescription medications since I started taking the ginger. If you can't get those see if you could get some ginger snap cookies and that might help.

I had a fairly good day. I woke up at 830 a.m. all on my own! Then I got up and got my things together and went to Starbucks which I hadn't done in quite some time. I got a coffee and some pumpkin bread and talked on the phone to Caleb for nearly 3 hours. Then I had to go to the doctor. I had made this appointment over a year ago. I'd had a Mirena IUD placed in 2014 because of heavy periods. My periods then disappeared. (Not unheard of.). So I'd never met this doctor before but she was very nice. I'd gone through my 3 pregnancies in this OB/Gyn office back 20+ years ago. So this new doctor was very nice. We talked about why I was getting it removed- it had run its course basically. The hormones were depleted basically. I hadn't had a period since I got the IUD- she said it might come back and it might not since I'm approaching menopause. Even though I haven't had a period in over a year- manyany years- I don't think I'm in menopause yet. We'll see if my body turns my cycles back on after having the progesterone from the IUD in there. I'd brought a liner with me in case I had spotting but it turned out I needed a pad. The bleeding has slowed some now in the past 7 and a half hours. All this is normal. While I was in my appointment she also went ahead and did my pap smear. So I've just been laying down on the couch with my hot water on my lower abdomen and my back hurt some too. Oh! And the scale at the Dr's office reflected my weight loss!

Anyway maybe that's all TMI.

P.S. Last Friday, after not having any money deposited into my food stamp card since at least December I went to my pdoc's office case manager and she and I went to DHS and a woman helped us to leave a note for my case manager there. Today I received notice in the mail that I have been approved!

This will most probably be my last post on the subject. I went to 4 doctor’s appointments yesterday with mom and brother. We then ate at an outstanding restaurant with good southern cooking. During the meal, I went out to the car and called my therapist to tell her I needed to go inpatient again that night when I had a few epiphanies.

I’ve been making great strides with my mental health and I’ve come a long way. I just happened to get into a relationship with someone whose brand of love was toxic and wasn’t even real. My therapist believes he is seriously ill and could be more than that. I was lucky to have tangled with such a person and come out with only a few scars. I don’t think I am in danger at this time but I will keep a lookout. How many people can say they tangled with that and came out stronger and better for it? I plan to be one. I feel better now that I see it for what it was.

I am a strong woman and a survivor. I will remain open hearted and when the time is right, I’ll try again.

I’m meeting M this weekend. Yay!

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

Hey everyone! So I’ve arrived at the place we’re staying for the weekend, it’s beautiful and sunny and it’s so lovely!!
I’m trying not to be so anxious this weekend, hopefully my yoga and mindfulness will work!

I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do about my laptop, but I do need one when I go back to work. So I’m going to have to decide quickly!

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend!!
Lots of hugs if you need them

I got back from the nephrologist a little while ago. It was a fairly thorough visit. I'm still waiting for more blood test results, but otherwise nothing is too worrisome, including the ultrasound. She said to skip meat one day per week, which is no problem at all since I've already been having vegetarian meals around three or four out of seven and only eat red meat maybe once (max twice) per week, if that. Also more water, as usual. She told Hubby that since I'm still "young" (I'm heading towards 51) that I really need to care for my kidneys well. What a bummer I have this hassle!

Tonight we finally see my husband's friend after years not. He's coming in from Prague to act in a play. As we're going to see that play tonight, we need to dress up a little. Dressing up in winter time is always miserable. All of my dresses are designed for warmer months. I'll wear a sweater with my one long skirt that fits, and brown tights. Plus, I had to find shoes that not only match my outfit, but are okay to walk in. We'll walk at least 2 kilometers, mostly on cobblestones. I can barely wear high heels anymore. If it's not strapped securely to my foot and "cozy", I can't stand it. I'd rather go barefoot than balance on some things women wear.