Bipolar check-in #63

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Public is the best thing we could do.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Do you have a Salvation Army nearby? You can donate clothes to them and they sell them. You also get some sort of deduction on your taxes when you donate . Just get a receipt. Otherwise, there are clothing donation boxes in store parking lots. Not sure how to tell you to find them.

Thanks, Moose. What I do with the clothing that is decent is wash it then put it in a box labeled "Free and Clean," then leave it in the rose garden behind the library 2 blocks from my apartment. There are a lot of homeless people around there and they take the clothes. Sometimes I put a blanket out, too. The crappy, worn out or hopelessly stained clothes I toss out. With only a few exceptions I don't let myself keep clothing I don't wear anymore for "sentimental" reasons.

I did mop my apartment, yay! I'm headed to bed as soon as I test Sidney's glucose at 11:30, in 20 minutes. I'm thinking about all of you. Going to get up from the computer, though, because my neck is hurting a lot.
I'm tossing handfuls of wildflowers of every color imaginable! There! - did you catch one?!

this gave me a chuckle, oh how I can relate! I hope you can get in and find it helpful

You're doing great!

Sounds like you're having a slightly better day, making plans and everything. Good luck meeting the girl and even better luck selling the house.

Hello all! Checking in. Life is treating me kindly since I have my friend back (friends only). Aside from the 2-3 hours of sleep at night. That’s getting old.

There is some significant question as to whether I have Bipolar disorder or something else. I will start with someone unknown to me to diagnose me and go from there. I have ordered a workbook on the suspected diagnosis and booked an appointment with someone who specializes in it. Labels don’t matter. Being treated properly does.

My brother is hearing voices in a big way. He’ll need to go inpatient. Easier said than down. I am working on it. Hopefully today.

I’ve lost 25 pounds since January 3rd. Ecstatic about that. I’m going to continue on.

Hugs to all.

I started taking antibiotics last night. I'll be on them seven days. I hadn't really noticed notable symptoms of a urinary track infection, but I'm guessing I've had it a while. Apparently a neglected one could risk further kidney issues, as I already have some. If I hadn't by chance seen a thorough nephrologist, who knows what would have happened! I have felt especially tired. Perhaps the antibiotics?

The Czech government lifted the mask mandate for all places except on public transportation, in medical offices/hospitals, and pharmacies. Many are still wearing masks in grocery stores, though. Hubby did yesterday, but I confess to not. It was the most pleasant visit to the store since arriving here. I would wear the mask if it weren't for my eyesight issues with (steaming up) and without glasses and masks. It was the first time I shopped low stress and without a painful scalp pain (headache) developing. We did keep our distance from others, used a plastic glove, and washed our hands well afterwards.

At the store I felt some food stuck on my tooth. I asked Hubby to look and he said it was a lot. I was a little embarrassed thinking that the first time maskless I looked like that. I'd better start spiffing up more before going out now. LOL!

My seasonal sinusitis has been nasty lately. My right ear has been a bit clogged. I've a history of this. I think something's amiss with my inner ear. Gosh, I don't want to have to go to an ENT now! As for the actual sinusitis, nothing seems to help much. For sinus pressure, pseudophedrine gives relief, but I doubt they even sell that in CZ. They hardly do in the US. In NJ, they did so behind the counter requiring a driver's license. Two pharmacies that knew me refused to sell it to me. The ENTs only prescribed nasal sprays, which did squat. So, I suffer with this annoyance. Pseudophedrine can trigger hypomania/mania. It did for me. Bad habit!

What's up peeps (that I don't want to stick in a microwave XD)? HAPPY PI DAY EVERYONE!
Also, don't forget to celebrate Tau day on 6/28. Not as yummy, but way better weather.

I'm ready for action. I'm going the distance. I'm going for speed.
I need to ask for a med change. I soooo badly wanna decrease the zyprexa because of the weight gain but I'm clearly above baseline (how the fk am I hypomanic on 30mg of zyprexa?? Thought that shyt was supposed to knock you out) I have some ideas, gonna talk it over with my NP today.

Hugs to all

edit: just met with my NP she seems OK, no major red flags going up. I'm starting Depakote tonight and she wants me to take thorazine for a few days. No decrease on the zyprexa though.

I'm having wicked bad cramps. TMI alert: I've been on my period for 14 days so far and it's only gotten heavier! wtf?

Are you getting an internal ultrasound done? Sorry if thats too personal of a question. You don't have to answer it. I had to get an internal one done.

I am just into the forum to say that I am OK and I believe that that will continue during the moving. As already told, I expect to be busy after that!

Good wishes to all of you!

I woke up depressed. I slept well thank goodness. Fell asleep by 8:45. Yesterday I was hypomanic instead of straight up manic. Very bubbly and constantly joking, but I was also very restless and irritable. My son pissed me off so much because he kept jumping on me. He’s 93 pounds now, my back can’t take it. I live in fear of ending up disabled like I was before surgery. It was so painful. Worst pain of my life.

I think I’m a little upset because I woke up out of a bad dream. It was that I had to have ECT again. I’m so scared of that. I can’t do it outpatient this time because no one can drive me and pick me up. So I’d have to be IP for like a month. There’s no visitation at the place they keep sending me to. It’s so hard being away from my family and not even being able to see them.

I also think the jaw spasm is coming back. I felt it twitch yesterday and I bit my tongue at some point in the place where it was bitten up all the time when the spasm was really bad. I am on a higher dose of vraylar so even though it’s an atypical and less likely to cause extra pyramidal symptoms it definitely could be. Cogentin makes my vision blurry so I can’t take it. I don’t know if any others that could help. I don’t think the vraylar is helping anyway. I’m still swinging pretty wildly.

I’m dressed to go to the gym and I REALLY don’t want to, but I’m going to force myself because my back hurts and I need to stretch it out. Walking or elliptical will help. Plus it’s generally good as we all know to get your blood pumping. Maybe it will ease my depression today.

I had set a goal for myself last week and that was to shower at least 2 times a week.i kind of failed lol the thing is I did not not shower on purpose I just forgot just like I had forgotten to take my medications twice last week. I am not upset about not accomplishing my goal I am ok with it. I did also set a goal to maintain my house after it was cleaned for me. I have not thrown any garbage on the floor I put away my dirty stuff I have cleaned up and dog food spilled. Today I even cleaned up all the garbage in my bathroom. I have also taken my garbage out ever night instead of letting it sit on my counter till Monday night like usually. To me this is a great victory in my life it may seam small to others but I have never been able to cleanup after myself I am lazy when it comes to cleaning.

I don't know what to do with my living arrangements my wife and I bought this trailer over 20 years ago and we paid it off after 10 years but I still have my lot fees but those are not to horrible. The thing is I have spent like the last 11 years being here with my wife almost every day. Every where I look it reminds me of her. My daughter had suggested maybe a small remodel so I think I am going to do something like that. The other thing is my kid thinks I should move my bedroom to the room at the other end of the house. I actually think it bothers my daughter more then it does me that I still sleep in the room my wife died in. It did take me a couple of weeks till I could even walk into it since my wife passed away. My daughter is really starting to struggle with the death of her mother. I think her mind was occupied with helping me survive. I am still depressed but I am a actual functioning human now. She asked me about her going inpatient and I think it would do her good. The thing is she keeps making excuses to avoid going in. The other thing is she is terrified of needles and it scares her that they would probably have to take blood.
After her mom passed it was not even a month and her girlfriend told her she should be over grieving. Her girlfriend told her the other day that she hoped she died just like her mother had. It really is a toxic relationship. I just keep telling her my door is open.

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I slept pretty good last night. I had the TV on most of the day. Which often messes with my sleep but last night it didn't. Last night I watched half an episode of Love Is Blind. Then 2 or so episodes of Celebrity Big Brother. One was 2 hours long. After that I put on Project Runway season 6. I started that show 2 years ago in Janurary 2020 and I watched the last couple newer seasons then seasons 8-12 and then season 16 I think. That was all in early 2020. Then when I tried going back to watch it in late 2020 you had to upgrade your hulu plan. But then late last year I found another streaming service that had it and I bought seasons 1-5 on DVD since they werent avalible to stream on this thing either. But 6 and 7 I can watch now which I couldnt watch on Hulu. After I watch 6 and 7 I will have been caught up all the way to season 13 and can begin to watch some Allstar seasons.

Anyways besides watching reality TV I've just been focusing on trying to stay healthy both mentally and physically. Its day 3 of the no tap water no dairy diet and I still feel pretty good. I'm glad I already liked coconut milk and soymilk. I would often buy Silk products because they tasted better over dairy products. Dairy free cheese is a strange one though.

I don't know if its getting off the hormones, the increase in topamax, or the change in diet but I'm feeling much better. I am though keeping a careful eye on things regarding my hormones. I did cut back on my daily calories by 100. So instead of 1300 I'm eating 1200 now. Or close to it.

Edit: I was out buying the bottled water I like in cases and as we were driving home a guy in the passenger seat of a car gave me the peace sign. No clue why. My mom said he did it to other people too. I know I need to just lighten up a lot but sometimes people give me the creeps when I feel like they are being strange. I already was feeling very vulnerable in shorts and a T shirt and without a hoodie or a jacket. I don't know why I felt so uncomfortable since I dressed this way last spring and summer and spring and summer 2020 and was 10-20 pounds heavier and I didn't have an issue.

My cat must have been bored in the middle of the night while I was sleeping because I woke up to a roll of toilet paper unrolled and tore up across the bathroom and living room lol

My apartments quarterly pest control inspection was today, it went well.

On Thursday I'm going to try to get in to see my dentist for a cleaning and exam. It's St. Patrick's Day that day too. I hope my apartment complex does their corned beef and cabbage lunch/dinner thing, like they typically do every year.

I also need to get an eye exam since I'm due for one and my glasses broke recently so I've pretty much been stuck with things looking mostly blurry the past 2 weeks (anything at a distance, I'm nearsighted, can see perfectly fine close up). Hopefully my sister gets back to me on a day she can take me to VisionWorks to get the exam and pick out frames. I had an appointment with my own eye doctor this week but the clinic called and cancelled because they suddenly don't have an eye doctor now since last week so I have to get it done at VisionWorks since no other places around here take my insurance.

My mood has been good. I've been a lot more motivated lately. I've been exercising a lot, cleaning, cooking, leaving the house, etc. A big change from where I was a month ago.

I've been reading a lot, able to focus better.

Drinking a cup of coffee now and eating a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie

I hope everyone here has a good week

I think I am going to go on a motorcycle ride today. I do have to go through a mountain towns it has a high of like 39f today lol. I could stay local but this was one of my wife's favorite routes to ride. Time to try out the new leather jacket lol.

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@otroo
I moved out immediately after my first husband passed away in our apartment. I had to move in with my mom again but even though I hated that house I did need someone there to help with my son as I recovered.

However since you own your place I think a small remodel is probably a good idea when you’re up for it. Maybe when you’re ready (it might be too hard now) you can remodel your old bedroom into like an office or a tv room or something. Just paint and stuff. And when you’re ready I agree moving to the other bedroom is a good idea. Just the little things might be able to help.

so my appointment was over by 8:20am this morning and the pharmacy is still saying my NP didn't send anything over to them while the receptionist at the cmhc is saying she did. Hm... frustrating

somebody's lying and I have a feeling it's the receptionist.

Tbh I don't feel like myself without my testosterone. I feel like I'm losing my identity and its a bit unsettling.

I am guessing so, yes. I've had those before so no big deal. My biggest fear is having to pee so badly that I can't sit still during the ultrasound. They make you drink 24-32 oz of liquid an hour before your appointment. How will I be able to drive having to pee that badly??

When I saw the ob/gyn last week, she did a pap smear. Today, the office called to tell me it's abnormal and that I am HPV+. However, they said it's not an STI. They want to do a colposcopy to have a closer look but that won't be until May 12 so it can't be that urgent. Teenagers get the Gardasil vaccine but we old people don't get anything to prevent things like this from happening.

Why do you have to be off the testosterone- were your levels too high?

They told me to drink a lot of water and then once I got there they told me to use the bathroom. So because they told me to drink water when they set up the appointment, for 2 weeks I was expecting an external one and thank god I did not know until right then that it was an internal one. My anticipatory anxiety is the worst. Its best just to spring stuff on me. But I immediatly began freaking out when she told me. And she was like "we don't have to do it' but insurance wouldnt approve my surgery unless I had an ultrasound done. And I guess it had to be internal. So I had to do it. And It was so painful. And I was freaking out the whole time and I think she was freaked out by me. Ugh so glad all that is over.

That would be my assumption too. I hope you get it straightened out soon! I hate when offices say that someone else is to blame.

My hemoglobin and hematocrit levels are high. So I'm at a high risk for a heart attack or a stroke. So the plan is to go off the testosterone for 3 months and then see a blood doctor to see whats up. Then restart it.

I’m not sure what kind of training they have but hpv is for sure an sti, both men and women get it and it causes cancer in some.

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@Sapien

If you're anywhere near menopause... periods can go weird for several years before due to irregularly changing hormone levels. But you probably knew that.