Bipolar check-in #63

Hello all! Checking in. Life is treating me kindly since I have my friend back (friends only). Aside from the 2-3 hours of sleep at night. That’s getting old.

There is some significant question as to whether I have Bipolar disorder or something else. I will start with someone unknown to me to diagnose me and go from there. I have ordered a workbook on the suspected diagnosis and booked an appointment with someone who specializes in it. Labels don’t matter. Being treated properly does.

My brother is hearing voices in a big way. He’ll need to go inpatient. Easier said than down. I am working on it. Hopefully today.

I’ve lost 25 pounds since January 3rd. Ecstatic about that. I’m going to continue on.

Hugs to all.

I started taking antibiotics last night. I'll be on them seven days. I hadn't really noticed notable symptoms of a urinary track infection, but I'm guessing I've had it a while. Apparently a neglected one could risk further kidney issues, as I already have some. If I hadn't by chance seen a thorough nephrologist, who knows what would have happened! I have felt especially tired. Perhaps the antibiotics?

The Czech government lifted the mask mandate for all places except on public transportation, in medical offices/hospitals, and pharmacies. Many are still wearing masks in grocery stores, though. Hubby did yesterday, but I confess to not. It was the most pleasant visit to the store since arriving here. I would wear the mask if it weren't for my eyesight issues with (steaming up) and without glasses and masks. It was the first time I shopped low stress and without a painful scalp pain (headache) developing. We did keep our distance from others, used a plastic glove, and washed our hands well afterwards.

At the store I felt some food stuck on my tooth. I asked Hubby to look and he said it was a lot. I was a little embarrassed thinking that the first time maskless I looked like that. I'd better start spiffing up more before going out now. LOL!

My seasonal sinusitis has been nasty lately. My right ear has been a bit clogged. I've a history of this. I think something's amiss with my inner ear. Gosh, I don't want to have to go to an ENT now! As for the actual sinusitis, nothing seems to help much. For sinus pressure, pseudophedrine gives relief, but I doubt they even sell that in CZ. They hardly do in the US. In NJ, they did so behind the counter requiring a driver's license. Two pharmacies that knew me refused to sell it to me. The ENTs only prescribed nasal sprays, which did squat. So, I suffer with this annoyance. Pseudophedrine can trigger hypomania/mania. It did for me. Bad habit!

What's up peeps (that I don't want to stick in a microwave XD)? HAPPY PI DAY EVERYONE!
Also, don't forget to celebrate Tau day on 6/28. Not as yummy, but way better weather.

I'm ready for action. I'm going the distance. I'm going for speed.
I need to ask for a med change. I soooo badly wanna decrease the zyprexa because of the weight gain but I'm clearly above baseline (how the fk am I hypomanic on 30mg of zyprexa?? Thought that shyt was supposed to knock you out) I have some ideas, gonna talk it over with my NP today.

Hugs to all

edit: just met with my NP she seems OK, no major red flags going up. I'm starting Depakote tonight and she wants me to take thorazine for a few days. No decrease on the zyprexa though.

I'm having wicked bad cramps. TMI alert: I've been on my period for 14 days so far and it's only gotten heavier! wtf?

I woke up depressed. I slept well thank goodness. Fell asleep by 8:45. Yesterday I was hypomanic instead of straight up manic. Very bubbly and constantly joking, but I was also very restless and irritable. My son pissed me off so much because he kept jumping on me. He’s 93 pounds now, my back can’t take it. I live in fear of ending up disabled like I was before surgery. It was so painful. Worst pain of my life.

I think I’m a little upset because I woke up out of a bad dream. It was that I had to have ECT again. I’m so scared of that. I can’t do it outpatient this time because no one can drive me and pick me up. So I’d have to be IP for like a month. There’s no visitation at the place they keep sending me to. It’s so hard being away from my family and not even being able to see them.

I also think the jaw spasm is coming back. I felt it twitch yesterday and I bit my tongue at some point in the place where it was bitten up all the time when the spasm was really bad. I am on a higher dose of vraylar so even though it’s an atypical and less likely to cause extra pyramidal symptoms it definitely could be. Cogentin makes my vision blurry so I can’t take it. I don’t know if any others that could help. I don’t think the vraylar is helping anyway. I’m still swinging pretty wildly.

I’m dressed to go to the gym and I REALLY don’t want to, but I’m going to force myself because my back hurts and I need to stretch it out. Walking or elliptical will help. Plus it’s generally good as we all know to get your blood pumping. Maybe it will ease my depression today.

I had set a goal for myself last week and that was to shower at least 2 times a week.i kind of failed lol the thing is I did not not shower on purpose I just forgot just like I had forgotten to take my medications twice last week. I am not upset about not accomplishing my goal I am ok with it. I did also set a goal to maintain my house after it was cleaned for me. I have not thrown any garbage on the floor I put away my dirty stuff I have cleaned up and dog food spilled. Today I even cleaned up all the garbage in my bathroom. I have also taken my garbage out ever night instead of letting it sit on my counter till Monday night like usually. To me this is a great victory in my life it may seam small to others but I have never been able to cleanup after myself I am lazy when it comes to cleaning.

I don't know what to do with my living arrangements my wife and I bought this trailer over 20 years ago and we paid it off after 10 years but I still have my lot fees but those are not to horrible. The thing is I have spent like the last 11 years being here with my wife almost every day. Every where I look it reminds me of her. My daughter had suggested maybe a small remodel so I think I am going to do something like that. The other thing is my kid thinks I should move my bedroom to the room at the other end of the house. I actually think it bothers my daughter more then it does me that I still sleep in the room my wife died in. It did take me a couple of weeks till I could even walk into it since my wife passed away. My daughter is really starting to struggle with the death of her mother. I think her mind was occupied with helping me survive. I am still depressed but I am a actual functioning human now. She asked me about her going inpatient and I think it would do her good. The thing is she keeps making excuses to avoid going in. The other thing is she is terrified of needles and it scares her that they would probably have to take blood.
After her mom passed it was not even a month and her girlfriend told her she should be over grieving. Her girlfriend told her the other day that she hoped she died just like her mother had. It really is a toxic relationship. I just keep telling her my door is open.

Sent from my LM-T600 using Tapatalk

My cat must have been bored in the middle of the night while I was sleeping because I woke up to a roll of toilet paper unrolled and tore up across the bathroom and living room lol

....

When I saw the ob/gyn last week, she did a pap smear. Today, the office called to tell me it's abnormal and that I am HPV+. However, they said it's not an STI. They want to do a colposcopy to have a closer look but that won't be until May 12 so it can't be that urgent. Teenagers get the Gardasil vaccine but we old people don't get anything to prevent things like this from happening.

I’m not sure what kind of training they have but hpv is for sure an sti, both men and women get it and it causes cancer in some.

@Sapien

If you're anywhere near menopause... periods can go weird for several years before due to irregularly changing hormone levels. But you probably knew that.