Bipolar check-in #65

Nammu hope it goes well for your mum. You are both in my thoughts

Glad you had company

My T told me the hardest part of losing someone is the first 12 months all the holidays and celebrations are tough to manage.

Keep being Kind to yourself

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Oh that sounds terrible hope you have nice dreams tonight !

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Follow and do what makes your heart sings !

My daughter worked for a business doing copy write /editor work and it was a “ job” that paid the bills. In March she said enough and quit to do freelance work. She’s much happier because she’s doing what makes her smile !

We must do things that make us feel good or life is going to suck.

Hugs !

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Oh no ! Sending prayers and good thoughts

We will be here waiting for you

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Steve had his pulmonologist routine follow up appointment today. Everything is good thankfully.

I am really worried BOTH oxygen concentrator’s stopped working! So he’s got to get one running ! I’m so nervous about him not having oxygen at night. It was so quiet last night I really struggled to sleep. Another quiet night coming up. Ugh

I see Richard Wednesday and I’m looking forward to more IFS work. It’s incredibly interesting. Hopefully it’s a productive session. These first 2 was pretty cool.

Took 70.00 to almost fill up my car today. Like what in the hell ???!? I don’t wanna hear an “excuse “ about the war in Ukraine as gas prices were bad before that ! The government needs to step up and find relief for us all.

I need to go to SS and find out what I can do work wise that won’t mess with my SSDI! We simply couldn’t afford to buy insurance. Amanda is paying just over 300.00 a month for her insurance!!!!!

I am still in a lot of pain ! I see my Rheumatologist next Monday and Blood work will show if my inflammation level is up as that will let me know if Xeljanz really has pooped out.

I’m just beyond stressed over life right now.

Hugs all around

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Well today is the big 55 birthday for me. It had been bothering me leading up to it but now that it’s here I’m just happy to have survived 100% of my toughest days and to be healthy.

I left a nice message on my med provider’s phone to mark the file to NEVER use Wellbutrin again. I have an appointment with her Thursday for an alternative.

I saw a surgeon today about my tongue. Very professional and thorough. He put me at ease. I’ll probably wait until after Florida to have the growth removed but I feel good about it.

I’m doing well again PTL. I hope it lasts.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all!

Will do. The electric car gives me a wee bit of anxiety, but also excitement.

We fly to and pick up rental car in Bordeaux in early June, and then return rental car to and fly from Nantes in late June. It's surely the best and most efficient plan, I assume. Luckily both are non-stops from/to Prague. That will save a lot of driving and keep our personal car safe in CZ. We'll likely take the train to/from Prague from our home. We plan to pack lighter than for our US trip. The milder temps will help with that.

Happy birthday!

I’m still feeling baseline, this is day 4. I’m so happy. It’s an odd feeling, though, when you’ve been back and forth for so long and suddenly you’re stable! I think the vraylar may have been more trouble than it was worth. I remember it not working when I was put on it back in 2017 either. It did not help my depressed episode at all and in fact that’s when I believed my brain was trying to kill me and forcing me to look up methods. I’m also not as hungry already. Still hungry but I don’t feel like I’m going to be sick and pass out every 2 hours. So brain zaps aside I feel it was worth it to come off. It has a very long half life so it will take 3-4 weeks to get out completely and I hope to continue to recover from the side effects.

The weather is gorgeous after the weekend’s terrible rain, wind, and cold temperatures. We walked a mile yesterday. We’ll walk again this whole week. I signed us up for the NAMI walk and it’s in two weeks. I didn’t know it was a 5k! That’s around 3 miles lol. We’re gonna be tired from that!

My SIL called me last Sunday and I was able to express to my brother the importance of getting our mom out of her house ASAP. Her hoard has increased exponentially since I’ve been over there last. It’s becoming an unsafe situation for her. It’s a fire hazard, if a fire were to start downstairs I’m not sure she would make it out. She’s so isolated and depressed, it’s so sad. She won’t invite anyone over because she knows her house is terrible. *I* don’t even want to go there anymore, and I certainly don’t want my son there.

It’s in terrible shape in terms of maintenance as well, we’re going to have to sell it as a flip house. If someone want to flip it and fixes it up really nice they could make a pretty penny, it’s a 4 bedroom 2 bath house in the best part of town and the kids go to the best school in the district living there.

My mom has wanted to move for ages, she knows she’s unable to maintain the house, but it’s too hard for her to do it on her own. I’m glad my brother is finally on board with helping her out. I know he hasn’t accepted her treatment of him as a child yet but if he can do this he’s taking a step in the right direction.

It's so nice to read that your mood has stabilized, wildflowerchild! Let's hope it continues for a long while and that your withdrawals ease very quickly. In such situations, I try not to think of when it might change. Just savor the good days. Mine have lasted longer than I would have imagined a while back, and continue.

I feel for you regarding your mom's hoarding. I worry about my sister and brother, too. My sister is not a hoarder, but lives with two who are. She stopped allowing me to visit her house years ago. She does allow my brother, but he has slight hoarding tendencies, too.

That's wonderful that you will participate in the NAMI Walk. I did a few times in the past. As did my sister and late nephew. Though 5 K, the walk is leisurely. I think the excitement of it will make that distance easier than you expect.

If you had chest pain, trouble breathing and a positive d dimer they should definitely have done a ct

The leg issues could also be a dvt

Does anyone here get really angry at their brain? Let me explain: I’m unable to sleep at night. This is usually exacerbated by consumption of alcohol, sugar, social media, negative information and (usually) a combination thereof. I struggle through the day knowing that there are a million things I need to be doing. Even now, writing these thoughts out: I keep wanting to take a break and check Twitter / Instagram / LinkedIn to see if I’ve picked up any more followers / likes / comments. It’s maddening.

This morning I woke up at 5:30, meditated for about 20 minutes, got dressed, got my kids ready for school, took them in, then came home and have been waffling for the past 2 hours. It’s like there’s a million things I need to do that are all piling up, but my brain has no access to them. My brain keeps telling me: “nah man, you’re good. Post that article on Twitter; engage with that random person.” Meanwhile, bills are piling up, deliverables are not getting delivered, and I’m getting more and more stressed out.

I really hope I can turn the tide. I keep wasting my life and eventually it’s all going to catch up to me.

I just got home from an AM hike. It was pretty windy at the summit. Gorgeous day. I even got a little bit of a burn!

Hugs to all

I saw my doctor. And he was all like "well, the ER doctor didn't seem concerned. But let me send in an order for an ultrasound on your leg." But I had to go home and wait for a bit since I was considered an add on and not scheduled. Then when I got home they called back and said they wanted to do a CT scan with litacaine as well. Luckily this can all be done at the clinic.

So everything went well. My leg is ok. I have no idea why its hurting. They did find a nodule on my thyroid. I guess I kinda knew about it but wasn't paying it much attention. I asked my mom a couple weeks ago if she felt something there and we thought it was transiton related. I know It feels funny when I swallow. It feels all lumpy like. but I thought I was just growing an adams apple even though trans men can't grow adams apples. At least I don't think. I just really want one so it may have been a bit of wishful thinking which is why I didn't look into it anymore. I'm not sure if the nodule is whats causing the shortness of breath or not. The doctor wants to do an ultrasound on it.

But I am tired from all this back and forth all day and the CT scan involved an IV and those always hurt. I've been chugging water all day so it wasn't as bad as they normally are though.

Today is my sister's birthday. She would have been 56.

It's almost hard to believe that she's been gone almost 6 years now. I still miss her. My mother is having a tough day today because she misses her daughter so much too.

I'll write a special entry in my journal today - I'll write to her directly.

I had to take a Klonopin today because my anxiety was really bad yesterday and I wanted a break from it today. I'm only taking 1 about every 5 days now.

Yeah it was in the morning and he was late and then I had to come back 1.5 hours later for a couple tests which took awhile. Then they wanted me to wait at the office for the results. So it was pretty much an all day ordeal. I guess it could have been worse though because for the ultrasound she had me take my shorts off most of the way which I was not expecting and luckily I was wearing dark red Hollister boxers and not my boxers with the cartoon eggplants on them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina ... Keep being good to yourself ! I insist ...

Ha, thank you. You're an angel, Christina

Just wondering if you've ever been evaluated for ADHD. I don't have that myself, but it seems like you have some of the symptoms.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Steve had his pulmonologist routine follow up appointment today. Everything is good thankfully. I am really worried BOTH oxygen concentrator’s stopped working! So he’s got to get one running ! I’m so nervous about him not having oxygen at night. It was so quiet last night I really struggled to sleep. Another quiet night coming up. Ugh I see Richard Wednesday and I’m looking forward to more IFS work. It’s incredibly interesting. Hopefully it’s a productive session. These first 2 was pretty cool. Took 70.00 to almost fill up my car today. Like what in the hell ???!? I don’t wanna hear an “excuse “ about the war in Ukraine as gas prices were bad before that ! The government needs to step up and find relief for us all. I need to go to SS and find out what I can do work wise that won’t mess with my SSDI! We simply couldn’t afford to buy insurance. Amanda is paying just over 300.00 a month for her insurance!!!!! I am still in a lot of pain ! I see my Rheumatologist next Monday and Blood work will show if my inflammation level is up as that will let me know if Xeljanz really has pooped out. I’m just beyond stressed over life right now. Hugs all around Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I feel bad that you're having so much stress. Scary about Steve's oxygen. How will he get it running again?

Terrific that you're finding the IFS work so interesting. I forgot to read about it, but was thinking about it last night. So I'll be reading about it.

Ohhh, I'm so sorry you're still in that much pain. Is it your ANA that the blood work shows?

Gas It's unbelievable, isn't it?! I don't know when my poor old car will see a full tank again It would be about $100 to fill it. Pffft. Yeah, right.

I'm behind on reading this thread, but I want to so will be back later.

Horrible sleep, all I can think about is sleeping some more. I'll see my PA tomorrow for a med check, hoping he has an idea for a sleep med. But last night I (not a math person) accidentally gave Sidney a dose of insulin that was a little bit too high. Realized this morning the horribly stupid thing I'd done when her glucose number read quite high. So I stayed up to retest her. Her number had dropped, still high, but better. Now I'm hoping her little body doesn't overcompensate by dropping her glucose too low. I'm watching her carefully. God, what a stupid mistake I made.

My therapist is out all week.I know that her health problems are very real, but it sure interrupts the continuity of therapy when she's out for weeks at a time, so frequently. I don't pay $ to see her though, so I pay in another way. Her absence makes me feel kind-of depressed.

I ordered a bamboo blanket from Amazon and it's gotten lost. I've called twice and no one knows where it is. So weird. I wonder if they do know, but just don't disclose? Like, maybe packages have been stolen and they just don't want to tell customers that. "Lost" Amazon packages happen about 1 in 10.

I guess I'm not having the most fabulous day, haha.

Aww Beth I’m so sorry you’re not having a good day sending lots of hugs your way!
I hope you manage to find something to help you sleep! It’s so awful when you don’t get enough sleep!

And please don’t be so hard on yourself, it was just a mistake and Sidney is doing ok, you know what to do, you’ve totally got this!

I’m so sorry that your therapist isn’t in all week, that’s really tough to have a lack of continuity.

I’m sorry about your blanket! What a shame! I remember us all discussing how good they were, I really want to order one too!!
I hope they manage to find it or send another one!

Sending loads of hugs your way

Hi everyone! I hope you are doing as well as possible and if you’re not, I’m sending so many hugs
I got back from my trip away at the weekend. It was just a short few days but it was lovely, I spent a lot of time on the beach. I went straight into twilight shifts which I’ve just finished tonight.
Unfortunately I had to get a new phone (I’m having no luck with technology lately, first my laptop, then my phone).
But I have one! I still need to replace my laptop at some point.

I’m doing ok but feeling very anxious at times for reasons I can’t always identify immediately.
I keep having trembling episodes where I can’t stop my hands from shaking and feeling very nervous.

My doctor messed up my prescriptions so I’m running out of my meds this week unless they sort something. I’m very anxious about that too.

I’m just very anxious in general. The only time I really relax is If I drink alcohol and I can’t exactly do that all the time. Even when I sleep (which is still excessive) I’m tossing and turning and having nightmares/weird stressy dreams.

Here’s hoping things get better for all of us!
Well I hope you all have a lovely evening/ night!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

*~****Happy Birthday, Jennifer!****~*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Will do. The electric car gives me a wee bit of anxiety, but also excitement. We fly to and pick up rental car in Bordeaux in early June, and then return rental car to and fly from Nantes in late June. It's surely the best and most efficient plan, I assume. Luckily both are non-stops from/to Prague. That will save a lot of driving and keep our personal car safe in CZ. We'll likely take the train to/from Prague from our home. We plan to pack lighter than for our US trip. The milder temps will help with that.

That sounds ideal. And what a lovely season to be in France. I greatly enjoy packing light.