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  #851  
Old Jul 22, 2022, 08:47 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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@Beth :
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #852  
Old Jul 22, 2022, 08:49 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Can we help in any way @*Beth* ?
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  #853  
Old Jul 22, 2022, 08:51 PM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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sending much and plenty of hugs your way Beth. I'm really concerned about you
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"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #854  
Old Jul 22, 2022, 08:53 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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My heart breaks for you Beth

Is there anything I can do to help ???

I’m always available on Facebook messenger

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  #855  
Old Jul 22, 2022, 09:03 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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My trip to SS office was helpful. I can use the ticket to work program and work as many hours as I want to for 9 months while keeping my SSDI then if I drop to less than 1300 a month I can continue to work part time and it not effect my SSDI. Ideally I’d like a part time job but we really really need the money so I’ll likely say F it and go full time.

Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. I made homemade egg rolls for dinner we usually have them maybe once or twice a year. So a nice treat.

This heat is literally melting me. We had like 7 mins of rain yesterday so it became a full on sauna! I am hot 24/7.. these psych meds make tolerating heat almost impossible. I’m sure many of you relate.

Hugs friends

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  #856  
Old Jul 22, 2022, 09:49 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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He didn't pick up my meds. No Gabapentin, no Zoloft, no Kpin, all I have is Lamictal and Seroquel. He said he "forgot." He "forgets" things when he's angry and stuffing it. i.e., classic passive-aggressive. I'm going to be so sick and messed up. I have to fight so hard tonight to keep my focus on those sweet, innocent little furry faces that belong to my true family, and who depend upon me so much. Because I do not want to see another dawn. Dawn brings horrible lies that are darker than midnight, and rotten, too. I'm just done. I'm just done. I'm just done.
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  #857  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 06:48 AM
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@*Beth* thinking of you and sending hugs, supportive vibes and prayers. I’m really concerned about you. We all care a great deal for you. Please take good care of yourself.
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  #858  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 07:11 AM
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We got in the car to go out yesterday and I said forget this. The heat index was over 100 and I’m heat intolerant because of these meds. It was miserable outside of the pool. We’re going to go out this morning early while it’s bearable.

Mom had a tough night so I slept in the wing back chair beside her. Rough on the body and very little sleep. Definitely will take a nap today if I can.

Mom’s Norfolk terrier got ahold of a whole box of her dry food and ate a large number of the individual packets. I didn’t think much of it but I guess I should have. She hasn’t eaten in 2 days but has not gone to the bathroom either. I’m getting concerned. That dog is about the only thing keeping Mom going right now. I’ll call the vet this morning.

Hugs to all.
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  #859  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 09:06 AM
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unlived unlived is offline
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Hang in there Beth. I know from being with my dog - your cats are worth holding on for.
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  #860  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 09:14 AM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is online now
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@*Beth*
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
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  #861  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 11:15 AM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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@Beth how are you doing today?
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



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  #862  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 11:20 AM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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The edibles weren’t a lot of help. The first thing I got was a headache and I did sort of sleep. In the twilight zone. I’m dreaming but know I’m in bed and sort of a awake. Was a strange sort of dream, disjointed and nonsense. So if anything I’m more tired now than I was last night.
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



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  #863  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 12:41 PM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is online now
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I think the new med is working pretty well. I still have the nausea but my anxiety is better. I went to get lab work done that my blood doctor wanted and there wasn't an issue. I didn't even feel the needle go in. While I was waiting some lady went into the bathroom and then came out and said to the lady waiting "I forgot to do the most important thing." And she went and flushed the toilet but then didn't wash her hands. It was kinda gross. Today I'm just hanging out. I slept in an extra half hour and I'm working hard at getting up at the same time. Then I was half an hour late on my first valium. But everything else has been on time. I need to drink more water though.

Update: yeah now I'm showing the classic signs of dehydration but I'm also pretty nauseated as well from the pristiq. So I'll have to figure out something since I feel like I'm going to throw up if I drink water even though I'm thirsty.

I'm getting bad Twilight Zone vibes because of this heat. I wonder what will happen in the next 5 years.

The racist seasame street chacter video did sound shady and it was debunked. But those kids looked legit upset that the character ignored them and I felt bad for them.
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Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jul 23, 2022 at 03:34 PM.
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  #864  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 02:58 PM
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Brentus Brentus is offline
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I've had a hard time keeping up with the forum, as Soupe mentioned, I may be dealing with "a touch" of depression -- although I'm hoping it doesn't last much longer. I got a bit discouraged recently and it's colored a lot of my thoughts these days. I hope everyone is doing well though.
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  #865  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 04:32 PM
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otroo otroo is offline
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Today something interesting happened I have had no desire to live after my wife passed away but I'm not suicidal I just don't want to live. Well today I was have thoughts of dieing as usual and for the first time in I don't know how long but I said in my head that I want to live not die. I have plans and I look forward to completing them. I would like to thank everyone in here for being there for me. I'm still depressed but I now have the desire to live.

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  #866  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 07:54 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
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Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I think the new med is working pretty well. I still have the nausea but my anxiety is better. I went to get lab work done that my blood doctor wanted and there wasn't an issue. I didn't even feel the needle go in. While I was waiting some lady went into the bathroom and then came out and said to the lady waiting "I forgot to do the most important thing." And she went and flushed the toilet but then didn't wash her hands. It was kinda gross. Today I'm just hanging out. I slept in an extra half hour and I'm working hard at getting up at the same time. Then I was half an hour late on my first valium. But everything else has been on time. I need to drink more water though.

Update: yeah now I'm showing the classic signs of dehydration but I'm also pretty nauseated as well from the pristiq. So I'll have to figure out something since I feel like I'm going to throw up if I drink water even though I'm thirsty.

I'm getting bad Twilight Zone vibes because of this heat. I wonder what will happen in the next 5 years.

The racist seasame street chacter video did sound shady and it was debunked. But those kids looked legit upset that the character ignored them and I felt bad for them.

Wow, it's a huge thing that the new med is decreasing your anxiety! The nausea sucks, though. That's why I'm stopping Zoloft. I can't live with that nausea anymore.

This heat is creepy, downright alarming.

The Sesame Street video was debunked? Hmh, I'm not really surprised. The little kids did look crushed, though. It was sad.
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  #867  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 07:55 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otroo View Post
Today something interesting happened I have had no desire to live after my wife passed away but I'm not suicidal I just don't want to live. Well today I was have thoughts of dieing as usual and for the first time in I don't know how long but I said in my head that I want to live not die. I have plans and I look forward to completing them. I would like to thank everyone in here for being there for me. I'm still depressed but I now have the desire to live.

Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

I'm glad you have checked in. You know we're always here for you.
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  #868  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 07:58 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
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Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
My trip to SS office was helpful. I can use the ticket to work program and work as many hours as I want to for 9 months while keeping my SSDI then if I drop to less than 1300 a month I can continue to work part time and it not effect my SSDI. Ideally I’d like a part time job but we really really need the money so I’ll likely say F it and go full time.

Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. I made homemade egg rolls for dinner we usually have them maybe once or twice a year. So a nice treat.

This heat is literally melting me. We had like 7 mins of rain yesterday so it became a full on sauna! I am hot 24/7.. these psych meds make tolerating heat almost impossible. I’m sure many of you relate.

Hugs friends

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The heat is scary. I feel that the earth is suffering badly.

Do you have any ideas as to where you want to work?
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  #869  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 08:07 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
I also repeat song lyrics in my head over and over and it’s annoying and makes me anxious not to do it. I wish this crap wouldn’t happen. Idk what causes it but when I do it I feel better


I have OCD and this is one way it manifests. For me it helps to have a "safe song" (I both sing over and over and I twist lyrics into dirty words that I don't even say in reality). For me that is "You are my sunshine". When the OCD gets bad I sing it out loud and repeat once or twice and I usually get a break. I have another song or two that help but I can't think what they are right now. Other times it helps to listen to the song repeatedly.


It's miserable and I hope it is getting better for you.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD.
Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily
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  #870  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 08:26 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
We got in the car to go out yesterday and I said forget this. The heat index was over 100 and I’m heat intolerant because of these meds. It was miserable outside of the pool. We’re going to go out this morning early while it’s bearable.

Mom had a tough night so I slept in the wing back chair beside her. Rough on the body and very little sleep. Definitely will take a nap today if I can.

Mom’s Norfolk terrier got ahold of a whole box of her dry food and ate a large number of the individual packets. I didn’t think much of it but I guess I should have. She hasn’t eaten in 2 days but has not gone to the bathroom either. I’m getting concerned. That dog is about the only thing keeping Mom going right now. I’ll call the vet this morning.

Hugs to all.

How is your mom's pup doing?

You are an incredibly loving daughter, Jennifer. Your mom is blessed.
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  #871  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 08:29 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post

Thank you, punkin'. That means a lot.
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  #872  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 08:29 PM
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HALLIEBETH87 HALLIEBETH87 is offline
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For days it’s been the same stupid country song. I don’t even like the song and that’s even worse. Lol it used to happen mostly when I was on the high but now it’s all the time. All of these things I’m experiencing have gotten worse over the last couple years but they’re not new-I just never opened up about them not even to my t til recently. He said we need to talk more about it next time
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haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin
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  #873  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 08:35 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
For days it’s been the same stupid country song. I don’t even like the song and that’s even worse. Lol it used to happen mostly when I was on the high but now it’s all the time. All of these things I’m experiencing have gotten worse over the last couple years but they’re not new-I just never opened up about them not even to my t til recently. He said we need to talk more about it next time

I generally hate the songs I fight with too. I hear it in the store and I'm stuck with it. Or something reminds me of songs from when I was a camp counselor and those are REALLY bad usually. My mind makes children's songs dirty, which tends to happen when I'm already paranoid or having some psychotic symptoms.


I hope your therapist is able to help you. I feel bad for you because I know how miserable and out of control I feel when that's happening a lot.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD.
Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily
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  #874  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 08:36 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
The edibles weren’t a lot of help. The first thing I got was a headache and I did sort of sleep. In the twilight zone. I’m dreaming but know I’m in bed and sort of a awake. Was a strange sort of dream, disjointed and nonsense. So if anything I’m more tired now than I was last night.

That sounds horrible.


Years ago, I had a miscarriage during my 4th month of pregnancy. The devastation was beyond anything I can describe. I couldn't sleep, I'd just sit on the front steps of the house all night until dawn came. Finally, I was collapsing so someone suggested smoking some mj before bed. I did that, and it did help me to fall asleep. I'd get an hour of solid sleep, but then would awaken. But it was better than nothing.
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  #875  
Old Jul 23, 2022, 08:40 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
I have OCD and this is one way it manifests. For me it helps to have a "safe song" (I both sing over and over and I twist lyrics into dirty words that I don't even say in reality). For me that is "You are my sunshine". When the OCD gets bad I sing it out loud and repeat once or twice and I usually get a break. I have another song or two that help but I can't think what they are right now. Other times it helps to listen to the song repeatedly.

It's miserable and I hope it is getting better for you.

I've had OCD since I was a child. I hate it, but I'm kinda proud of myself because all of my life I've worked hard at getting it under control, and I do a pretty okay job of it.

Interestingly, OCD frequently comes along with BD. @Soupe du jour gave me a link to an article about it not too long ago.
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