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  #676  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:08 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
I’m so sorry you are sick. I hope you feel better soon. Sending hugs, prayers and healing vibes

Thank you, Jennifer. Your support means so much to me. The popsicles helped with the nausea. But I feel so weird, I hope I don't die.
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  #677  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:20 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
Fact checking. Paced breathing. Reassuring myself I was safe
Great job! How about maybe focusing on how you DIDN’T have a panic attack because you were able to use skills? Like put a positive spin on it, instead of thinking about how you could have had the panic attack?
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
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That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
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  #678  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
Beth, did you call med dude? That sounds like you may have had a high lithium level or lithium toxicity. You probably should have a level drawn just to be sure.


Toxicity is about the sickest I have ever felt in my life.

Hope you are feeling better.
@*Beth*
I agree with beyondtherainbow. I'd get your lithium levels checked as soon as possible.
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  #679  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:23 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Guys I’m really losing my shyt.

Yesterday my car broke down and now we have NO Vehicle ! Steve’s truck has been down since March and now my car. Steve said it’s definitely the transmission. Likely no way to save it.

I have no idea what we will do !!!!l .FML
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  #680  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post


Thank you, Rainbow. No I haven't called med dude because I'm afraid they'll put me in the (physical) hospital and I have to take care of my diabetic cat. To be honest, I do think I have lithium toxicity. I'm really sacred. I did eat a bunch of popsicles and held those down. If it's a mild toxicity will it go away on its own? When you had it how did they treat it?
When I had it they stopped the lithium cold turkey. I was in the physical ER shaking uncontrolably with very high blood pressure and heart rate. You really should be checked out. At the very least you should stop the lithium as soon as possible.
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  #681  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:29 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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Oh @*Beth*, I’m sure you won’t die. I got the sick from lithium once but I stopped taking it AMA. This was back when I was doing everything pretty much AMA because had become used to and even liked misery. But that’s beside the point. Please just keep drinking if you can and let med dude know ASAP.

I’m thinking of you always and sending healing vibes.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore

That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
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  #682  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Guys I’m really losing my shyt.

Yesterday my car broke down and now we have NO Vehicle ! Steve’s truck has been down since March and now my car. Steve said it’s definitely the transmission. Likely no way to save it.

I have no idea what we will do !!!!l .FML
Is Steve's truck in such bad shape that you can't fix it, too?
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  #683  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:39 PM
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So now he said "Let's postpone getting together until Wednesday,"! WTF is wrong with him? If he cancels again I'm gonna have to de-friend him. Lots of that going around lately.
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  #684  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:48 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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@Beth. When I was toxic they put me in the hospital and I was on IV fluids for 2 days I think. I don’t really remember clearly. I was dehydrated which is why I became toxic. Gatorade sounds like an excellent idea.
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #685  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 07:56 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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I had a bad emotional flashback today. It started with a dream as most of them do. Basically RS was trying to make me get out of bed in the middle of the night and do something completely ridiculous (put gas in his car for him). It set off memories of when my husband would wake me up to do other things for him and I would refuse because I really don’t like being woken up. He would get aggressive and guilt me into saying yes but generally I still wouldn’t but I couldn’t sleep again because of the aggression and guilt.

Anyway I was very sad when I went to group and felt like self harming. I was kind of freaking out because I haven’t felt like that in awhile. It took me most of the first group to figure out why and then I did decide to talk in process group because I was almost in tears. I know the dream came on because I looked at my FB memories and there were pics of my son as a toddler and turns out this is the day my first husband and I went on our honeymoon. And then at the very end I saw a picture of him he and I and I just kept thinking how could he love me and do what he did anyway. I’ve gotten stuck there a few times. But I’ve got to let it go. I’ll never know why he did it and furthermore I know that even if he were still alive he’d be furious at the suggestion that what he did was assault and do who know what. He never hit me but clearly he wasn’t above assaulting me in other ways.

I was desperate to get away from the sadness and self harm thoughts but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in group, especially trauma group, is that there is no running away from distress. If I want to truly let it go I have to sit with the feelings and practice self compassion. For me there’s a thin line between sitting with the feelings and getting wrapped up in them. So I sat with it and then came home at 12:30 after group was over. Luckily RS had taken off today so I texted him that I was sad so please don’t let me go in our room to lie in bed. We got sandwiches and I took a shower which helped immensely because my hair was gross. Helped me feel better about myself. Then we went to the mall to walk around (it was too hot and humid outside). I treated myself to a couple of candles and a candle holder from bath and body works.

I also feel really good about myself today because I did not reward myself or feed my depression with food. I got a small bag of chips with my small sandwich and had a banana. Then I just had one hot dog instead of two and a 100 calorie bag of popcorn. No big cookies or binge eating chips or crackers or anything. Very proud of myself. This is the habit I need to get into in order to lose weight or at the very least not gain any more.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore

That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
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  #686  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 08:00 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Good going @wildflowerchild25
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #687  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 08:23 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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I’m starting to feel better. I have had severe abdominal pain whenever I move. I had a bowl of cereal this morning and I know better than that! One eating in the morning and two eating cereal! I ate because I planed on going to fitness and I can do more if I eat first. But that plan evaporated after the pain came. I don’t know why but I can’t eat cereal. I forgot though.
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #688  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 10:02 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Guys, thank you so much for your concern. Your support means the world. I completely agree that I should have had my lithium level checked. I didn't because I would have had to drive all the way to that lab, a 26 miles round trip. I felt too sick to make the drive. David could have driven me, but I still felt so sick. Plus, I was afraid of being put into the hospital.


I did stop the lithium last night and if I can help it, I'm never touching that stuff again. I believe that the unwell feeling I've had for months from the Gabapentin was bad enough, then the lithium pushed it over the edge. I am done with both - but I have to reduce the Gaba more slowly.

Anyway, the popsicles were life saving in that they got something in my stomach and helped ease the nausea. I've been drinking loads of water. I wish I had some Gatorade but oh, well. I ate hot beef broth with salines in it and kept that down. I'm feeling brave, so I'll eat a cheese stick and drink some sarsaparilla. Fingers crossed.


A scary thing to go through! Well, I'm going to open my windows and get some "real" air in here.

There is a flower within my heart~Daisy, Daisy~Give me your answer, do~I'm half crazy, all for the love of you
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  #689  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 10:38 PM
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bizi bizi is offline
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thanks for the update beth. hope you feel better soon!
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi
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lamictal 2x a day
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  #690  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 10:52 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Guys I’m really losing my shyt.

Yesterday my car broke down and now we have NO Vehicle ! Steve’s truck has been down since March and now my car. Steve said it’s definitely the transmission. Likely no way to save it.

I have no idea what we will do !!!!l .FML

I am so, so sorry. Car trouble is truly about as bad as things can get. I know the truck's been down for a long time...how are things looking with it? Fixable or...??
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  #691  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:05 PM
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Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is offline
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Beth I'm sorry your so sick.

Christina do you have anything like walmart+ so you can get food? Is there a transportation program to your medical appointments?

wildflowerchild25 I'm sorry you had a flashback. You handled it well.
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  #692  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:06 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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I empathize with the feelings and memories of traumatic experiences you've described @wildflowerchild25. I want to comment more, but feel too weak and shaky. But I'm sending you love and so much understanding. The candles sound so nice. I love candles. Enjoy them
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  #693  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:07 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Isn't your pdoc appointment very soon @Nammu?
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  #694  
Old Aug 22, 2022, 11:55 PM
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College started today. So I spent the day doing last min. things for Miguel. Anxiety is high. As you can probably tell I'm isolating. I really need to take my anxiety meds 3x a day. I've given up on getting ahold of my pdoc. contemplating spending the next 2 weeks sleeping or
Possible trigger:
I'm sick of this illness. It's not going to get better. Hell soon I'll have to mask without being on the right medication, with no pdoc, or T. I feel I need to SH to stay tethered to reality but that would freak H out. I only got up 8 hours ago but I'm thinking about going back to bed. **** bugs! I'm going to turn off my phone until it stops imaginary ringing. Stay in bed and blare music until I'm better or I loose grip completely this is ridiculous. Maybe I'll watch undone to not feel as alone. The whole conversation about subjective reality has really gotten to me. (H had a nightmare and felt stupid for it feeling real and having real emotions to deal with. He didn't like that I compared it to him being understanding to my feelings when I'm having issues.)

I have to accept that I'm not going to be productive and reliable. I wanted to learn illustration and computer animation to teach it to homeschool kids on the cheap. oh well, I have to focus on myself.
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  #695  
Old Aug 23, 2022, 01:58 AM
Soupe du jour Soupe du jour is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
My name is Lara, but people keep spelling it Laura even when they see it. I don't think it's even a difficult name to spell.
@JaneRedux and @downandlonely I have a similar situation with my first name and even my married name. Ditto for my husband. Hubby's name is Martin but he's had people call him "Markin" and "Mark" and of course "Marty". Never heard of a Markin before. As for my name, I won't reveal, but it wasn't even pronounced in any way phonetically. A couple times I was even called a name that's classic prostitute name. And also my mom decided to assign a unique spelling to it. That's always a hassle, as is that my legal given name is the shortened version of a longer version. Some new acquaintances call me by the long version so I have to correct them as that's "Not my name." Our last name often gets further Anglicised in the US, despite already being so (in the US). Luckily my husband's given name is at least familiar to Americans. Some Czechs, male and female, have some real doozies.

In the Czech Republic, there is zero issue with our legit (non Anglicized) family name's pronounciation and spelling. Ditto for Hubby's given name. My given name obviously needs to be spelled and is never a name here. They pronounce it mostly correctly except the first letter that they pronounce as in Czech phonetics. Most correct it after hearing it, but my mother-in-law never did. It was still quite close, only as if pronounced with a mild speech impediment, not full bastardization.

My dad used to always say "You can call me anything, just don't call me late for dinner!" He was chock full of such sayings.
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Psych Medications:
* Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) 800 mg
* Lamictal (lamotrigine) 150 mg
* Seroquel XR (quetiapine ER) 500 mg

I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia.

Last edited by Soupe du jour; Aug 23, 2022 at 02:54 AM.
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  #696  
Old Aug 23, 2022, 05:12 AM
Soupe du jour Soupe du jour is offline
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Things are coming together, for Hubby and me. We have a place to move to at the beginning of October. It's another temporary place, but likely only for four months. After that, we may be moving to the place we plan to buy. Hubby found a real estate lawyer. Unless there is some final disagreement (or panic), it's on. It is scary as hell, believe me! It's a gamble in our life that we hope will yield a profit as we hope to "flip it". Of course that still doesn't tell us where we'll end up more permanently. That remains a frustration, indeed.
__________________
Dx: Bipolar type 1

Psych Medications:
* Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) 800 mg
* Lamictal (lamotrigine) 150 mg
* Seroquel XR (quetiapine ER) 500 mg

I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia.
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  #697  
Old Aug 23, 2022, 06:23 AM
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"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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  #698  
Old Aug 23, 2022, 07:42 AM
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Aurelius710 Aurelius710 is offline
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I had a "strength of weak ties" moment last night. One of my old high school classmates, who has made quite the career for himself as an ER nurse, decided to put his nurse hat back on when he found out about my brain situation and make sure the doc knew what he was doing. While the information and reassurance wasn't strictly necessary, it was nice to know someone thought enough of me to offer that!
__________________
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
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  #699  
Old Aug 23, 2022, 10:33 AM
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unlived unlived is offline
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Beth is your lithium the normal release or extended release? Just hoping it gets out of your system quickly if you have toxicity.

Sorry to hear you had that experience. It can be a real life changing med (in a good way) for a lot of people. I hope you find a med that works like that for you!
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  #700  
Old Aug 23, 2022, 11:05 AM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post
Isn't your pdoc appointment very soon @Nammu?
Tomorrow afternoon as a matter of fact.
__________________
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



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