Bipolar Check-In #76

Here’s some pics of my cats and a drawing I did yesterday and my new piercing I’ve also been practicing ukulele a lot and learning some of the songs from the legend of Zelda game series

@Samicat
Regarding your strange situation, it sounds like it's all up to your nephew. He's the recipient of your brother's largesse. He's the one they're buying the condo for. Honestly, if things are going to change, your nephew is the best person to talk to them.

Nammu mentioned "empty nest syndrome." I don't know how far away these condos are from your brother's house, but I'm wondering if this is a misguided way for him to keep his son close to home. Canada's a big country, and if he leaves Vancouver...

No real easy answers. I hope a good resolution comes out of all of this!

Your cats are total posers - i mean that in a good way! The 2nd one is like, look at me, im a lamp! So cute!

So, good news is my internet bill is paid up and my electric bill was nowhere near the amount I thought it was! Sixty dollars in ten days is a lot more doable than $160+!

My new tablet just got delivered five minutes ago! The one I have works fine with the exception of the built in speakers. They crapped out way to quickly for normal wear and tear. I was still under warranty, but expected it to be a time and a half to file and get anything back. Turns out I was happily wrong! A replacement was in the mail within 24 hours.

I still have to go to the Medicaid office to try and hash out my coverage issue. I'll be leaving fairly quickly. As soon as that is resolved (one way or another), I'll finally, at long last, check in and visit my family friend. If she's there of course! She alternates between my area and a home three hours away!

Finally, being inspired by Blue_Bird's cat photos, I had to share a photo of my Sophie-cat beside me snoozing away on my recliner's armrest.

My med provider has been a nasty piece of work from day 1. I’ve bitten my tongue and towed the line with her self righteous, condescending attitude giving me instructions on how to get better. I lost 3 months of medicine a month or so ago. I asked her to call in one month. She left me a nasty voicemail saying they were about to dismiss me from the practice for misusing my medication! I waited 4 days and sent her a diplomatic but firm voicemail back. We’ll see how it goes July 20th at our scheduled meeting. Maybe I do need to find somebody else. This is getting really old. The nastiness.

I’ve decided not to go to the reunion. I’m not up to it.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day

I called my GI doctors office and she said it seemed like the scan was still going through insurance. She sent me over to radiology who said insurance was processing it still and its not unusual these days for insurance to take awhile on things. She did something to hopefully hurry them up.

So it made me feel good they aren't ignoring me. Today I've once again felt blah and in pain but I'm managing my meds better then I was yesterday and I slept ok last night.

My mom went to the store and got me a bunch of Green Giant vegetables in sauces. She also got me a few more cans of no salt added whole tomatoes and a can of whole tomatoes with basil.

I have cut back on chips and I drink and eat Slim Fast and protein bars and vegetables now. I did eat a plain burger though this morning. I couldn't finish my matcha this morning though. My stomach is just all weird when it comes to food and I'm getting into decently good habits

I have excruciating, sharp shooting pain on my right side that won't go away. I called the office because I didn't know if that was normal or not, and apparently not because my surgeon wants to see me tomorrow at ten! Honestly, it's making me nauseous. The nurse recommended Tylenol and an ice pack. Only the ice pack is helping a little. As long as I lay here and don't move I'm fine.

This is my fault. I must have torn something. The day after surgery I was outside vaping and got so dizzy I fell and the pain was so bad I had to crawl back inside! I fear I did some damage

Anyway, I love you all. I promise I read every post even if I don't respond.

I'm in excruciating pain too. We can be pain buddies.

My productivity was up
To 53% last week!!!!!! It’s suppose to be 50%. It’s so hard bc I get so many no shows.

Thank you. I definitely think they want to make sure their son lives close. He is their whole world. I think I'm going to casually chat with my nephew and hear his perspective.


Honestly I believe the best way to encourage your children to achieve good grades in school and do well in a job is to blaze the trail and do those things yourself. They want their son to finish university and get a degree but neither of them did that. Apparently he's having some difficulty so perhaps I can offer some help because I did poorly at first but then improved my study habits and got a first-class degree. I won't offer unsolicited advice but if he asks I can tell him what worked for me.

Gosh - maybe you should go to urgent care to get looked at. I hope you are okay.

Another post about my brother, just for a fuller picture.

My brother was severely abused by my mother, from when he was 3-11 mostly. He was ridiculed and mocked and punished by her, mostly for his problem with wetting his pants and the bed. I mean, it was so bad that I (who was only 2 years older) used to tell her off and get in trouble myself. I hated it. At age 11, my father took him to a urologist who said he had some kind of medical problem requiring surgery. After that he didn't wet his bed or pants anymore. But my mother still insisted he had done those things to defy her!


She was also cruel to us both as teenagers, especially after my father left. She beat my brother with a belt.

I had years of counselling for what happened, but my brother never got counselling. This is why I think he has confidence issues. He also deeply wishes he had gone further in school and got a degree. But he refuses to think of doing any of that now, unfortunately. He is a genius (literally genius IQ - smarter than me) and he spent most of his life working for a small company delivering office products. His big hobby is online F&SF video games, but he also does a lot of computer stuff with Linux including building computers from recycled parts. I think he could find some job in computing possibly with seniors where his age wouldn't be an issue. I have some aptitude with computers myself but he has much more.

So I’m out in Lancaster with RS, we’ve had a great time, but my mom just called and told me my grandma somehow fell and hit her head. My cousin and his girlfriend were thankfully there so they’re taking her to the hospital but my mom is freaking out because she can’t drive up to north jersey at this time in the dark. I don’t want her to anyway, the hospital is in a sketchy area and mom is like me with driving (taking wrong turns even with gps on). I’d be afraid she’d drive into a bad neighborhood.

I’m not sure if we should cut our trip short and drive back now or just stay for one more night because we were going to leave in the AM anyway. There’s really nothing I can do at home except be worried there as opposed to here. But also what if something terrible happens and I need to be home for my mom?

Oh I am just so worried. First the mini stroke, now this. My main worry is that I believe I am the executor of my grandmother’s will, so if something happens I will have to deal with all that plus the huge amount of drama it’s going to cause in my family. It’s just large amounts of stress destabilize me quickly. The last time I was super stressed out was last summer with CR’s surgery and I totally lost it. I became a paranoid wreck, thinking people were plotting against me and that RS wasn’t even really himself, he’d been replaced by an imposter. I actually grabbed a box cutter when I was working my retail job because four people converged at the register and I thought they were going to attack me. I could have hurt someone. I was about to hurt myself too. It was horrible, the scariest thing I have ever gone through.

Thank goodness I see my therapist tomorrow. I think I am going to go home early. I’d just feel better if I were there, in case something does happen.

Sorry to hear so many are struggling here with emotional and physical troubles. I guess i should count myself lucky that the only thing i have going on is some crankiness due to boredom caused by my mild depression. I am sending my best wishes for those struggling to find some relief.

Sooo, the Medicaid office's math wasn't wrong. What they did was add in the commission I got last month to my total which put me over! It's not a perfect comparison, but commission is a lot like tips. They're nice to get, but I'm not guaranteed to get it and definitely not the same amount every time!

Sooo, being good at my job (and making $12 over the max) cost me healthcare. What's next? The exchanges. I'll give them a call in the morning to see about a plan. Here's hoping that will go without a hitch because if there's an issue there... I've got to see if some combination of my employer and the hospital system I work with will accommodate me. I've got enough issues that I need health care coverage!

That sucks. I hope you can get coverage elsewhere!

Everyone needs health care coverage. I don't care how healthy someone is - that can change in a heartbeat. I hope you get the coverage you need.

So cute. My Abbycat is a calico too although with more dark hair that your cat. I really love her; she has a great personality and is SO smart. I may seek a calico again when the time comes.

I hope you feel better soon.

You too!

raspberrytorte, I'm glad to read you have an appointment right away to address it quickly. Take good care in the meantime.

Hi Samicat. Unfortunately we usually can't "get" someone to make a change. They must choose such changes on their own. It's a shame when it takes something majorly bad to force such changes (a bottom). I guess we'd think that cancer would do that, though.

I'm not sure if you're willing to do this, or if your brother would be receptive to it, but maybe next time you see him alone (without wife or son), you can put your arm around him and tell him you love him and ask him to be kinder to himself. That he's deserving of things for himself. Most of us believe there's only one life to live. You're right that we don't want too many regrets at the very end.

Who knows, maybe in the near future he'll have the so-called "mid-life crisis", and make a little elated manic-like change. Could shock the misses, but that would be OK.

I don't blame you for being angry. I don't think it's that uncommon for people to lose a med and need a replacement. I'd think her lacking the experience to know this, or as you write, a jerk.

I've encountered new psychologists that treated me like a newly diagnosed person. Or worse, like a teen or young adult, when I wasn't it. A couple I left, and one I spoke up about this with. Luckily, the latter took it the right way and adjusted her behavior.

Sorry it's so long.

I was happy that my sister and I exchanged emails again. For some days we didn't. What I discovered, though, was a day after we "stopped talking", an email from her came in, but went to my spam folder. I discovered it just yesterday. What was odd was that it was from a different email address. One that appeared newly created. In the email, she wrote in a different voice and explained a couple things. After I responded yesterday, in a loving way that acknowledged understanding, she responded in kind and told me to only use the new email address. The reality that I had already suspected was that her husband was reading her emails and our WhatsApp texts. Whenever we talk by phone or video call, he is always sitting near listening in, and commenting so I can hear. I also believe he always made her put me on speaker phone. He has always been verbally and psychologically abusive, even before they were married. Early on, when I was only 13 years old, I witnessed it many times. I would yell at him, but the sucker made fun of me, as people do teenagers. My sister would beg me "not to say anything" when he did. I refused back then, but it was all to no avail. My parents said nothing, to my knowledge. Over time, I also just said nothing. He was rarely even seen, never coming to holiday dinners. We were rarely invited to their house, which has become a hoarding house. He verbally abused my nephews, too. I believe that exacerbated my youngest nephew's mental illness and played some part in his death, by suicide. The abuse continues. He controls her, isolates her, monitors what she does and says. She is the executrix of my father's will. He is controlling what she does with that, as well. My sister has been forced to keep secrets from me. Some of her communications in the past were "in his voice". In her recent email, she mentioned that there is "control" over here. She's mentioned that he rants about the inheritance 24/7 and what she should and shouldn't do, and how horrible my husband and I are. When I suggested things, he forced her to do the opposite for the sake of doing so, and to keep secrets from me.

The above is some of what I've been dealing with since our father and brother passed away. It's also why I finally got a therapist again. When I expressed anger about this she didn't so much deny it as she tried to defend herself by a "poor me" rant. I confess that I didn't respond with "poor you". After all, she's an adult (older than me) and it doesn't make me accept that type of behavior towards me. In any case, I think she and I are at peace now. Especially since she finally admitted what I already knew to be true. Our now more secretive communications in the future will hopefully help. We should NOT let her monster husband ruin our relationship. She and I are the only close blood relatives left. Everyone else is gone. Our two remaining blood uncles are not in the picture and hostile, in ways.

Hello! I am not doing so well as I hoped. The end of week one was not good, and week two has started at the same way as week one ended.

I desperately need somebody to talk too, so that is why I am into "the Check -In" thread now.

The program I am using is generally based on being in the now and to try to shift focus when thoughts drift (and they do a lot). I think I have already told that I also try to do relaxation exercises, physical exercises, try to eat healthy, try to have a social life and so on and in general try to find a balance between rest and work activities

Well, I find myself sitting here staring into a wall as if I am some sort of unmovable statue. My memory is troubled and I feel that nothing helps. I call myself a fool and that is not good. To call oneself "a fool" is like a feeding tube for depression in general.

I hope you will not overlook my post because nothing big and scary has happened! To be in the start of a mental training program can be scary enough. It is hard to do so.

It does not help to make a six week plan if I don't follow it. For the most part it is drifting thoughts or failing to eat that disturbs the process. I try the best I can, but have failed for some days now and feel desperate.

You can say that why does it have to be six weeks, can't it be seven or five? The reason I count six weeks is that that is what I have experienced earlier, that repetition of the combinations of tools I know work for me takes six weeks to settle down; to become a daily habit that guides me through my days and helps me to become almost "depression-free". Less then six weeks will not strengthen the bonds that need to be strengthened in my brain, but of course I can put on an extra week if I feel the need for it. May be I'll do that in the end, but now I need to work against depression from where I am now ...

I decided to come here and talk and at the same time I decided what to do for the rest of the day: Repeating tools, do relaxation exercises, do work in the home, go for a walk, make dinner and rest. The evening is free to see a movie or read if my concentration span can take it.

I think we all can earn some health if we come here to get support at using our unique tools.

Thank you for reading!

I send good wishes for the health of everyone here!