Bipolar Check-In #76

Hello! I am not doing so well as I hoped. The end of week one was not good, and week two has started at the same way as week one ended.

I desperately need somebody to talk too, so that is why I am into "the Check -In" thread now.

The program I am using is generally based on being in the now and to try to shift focus when thoughts drift (and they do a lot). I think I have already told that I also try to do relaxation exercises, physical exercises, try to eat healthy, try to have a social life and so on and in general try to find a balance between rest and work activities

Well, I find myself sitting here staring into a wall as if I am some sort of unmovable statue. My memory is troubled and I feel that nothing helps. I call myself a fool and that is not good. To call oneself "a fool" is like a feeding tube for depression in general.

I hope you will not overlook my post because nothing big and scary has happened! To be in the start of a mental training program can be scary enough. It is hard to do so.

It does not help to make a six week plan if I don't follow it. For the most part it is drifting thoughts or failing to eat that disturbs the process. I try the best I can, but have failed for some days now and feel desperate.

You can say that why does it have to be six weeks, can't it be seven or five? The reason I count six weeks is that that is what I have experienced earlier, that repetition of the combinations of tools I know work for me takes six weeks to settle down; to become a daily habit that guides me through my days and helps me to become almost "depression-free". Less then six weeks will not strengthen the bonds that need to be strengthened in my brain, but of course I can put on an extra week if I feel the need for it. May be I'll do that in the end, but now I need to work against depression from where I am now ...

I decided to come here and talk and at the same time I decided what to do for the rest of the day: Repeating tools, do relaxation exercises, do work in the home, go for a walk, make dinner and rest. The evening is free to see a movie or read if my concentration span can take it.

I think we all can earn some health if we come here to get support at using our unique tools.

Thank you for reading!

I send good wishes for the health of everyone here!

Hi Rosi. First off, thanks for your kind response to my thread, and good wishes to you, as well.

The program you describe sounds very good. I like how it includes an emphasis on what I believe is "mindfulness" in CBT/DBT. Your ideas for activities are good ones for that. I find when I need to focus my "world" on positives, nature helps about the best. I love birds and gardening. Observing in all ways (visual, auditory, and in some cases touch) is soothing for me. Seeing new things is also good. I also enjoy cooking. It particularly focuses my attention. They both provide a bit of exercise. I haven't been up to doing intense exercise, but for now that's OK. I hope you won't be hard on yourself if you achieve only some of what you plan.

I try to live "in the moment" as much as possible. Also part of mindfulness.


You are not a fool, Rosi. That's called "labeling" in CBT. You have some many positive attributes that I've observed even here on a forum. Please remind yourself of those many things. In addition, I think it's been helpful for me to simply be "an observer" in the world. I'm a person who absorbs the beauty of certain sounds (music, bird song, clothes washer swishing, breezes), is rewarded by the sight of trees. It's fine to just "be". Or as I walk down a road, my presence plays a part in the song of the world. Do you know what I mean?

Wow! That Diamond painting is soooooo incredible! That’s amazing Chris!

I’m mostly moved in but need to get the pictures on the wall and the decorations arranged. Finally went and bought the hooks for my scarves and rubbing alcohol to attach them to the wall. Still need to hook up my dvd player. Then I can go to the library and get movies to watch. I need to turn in my application for eating meals here. I still haven’t been down to games night yet. I forget when those things are and need to write it down. But by and large things are getting settled.

I find myself in a bit of funk now that the urgency is passed. Last night I was in a rare down moment when I wondered the purpose of my being here. Sir came around to remind me he needs me. Maybe I’ll look into a diamond painting, I’ve looked at them before but didn’t order it. Christina has given me a bit of a shove on that, hers is absolutely beautiful.

christina, this is stunning!!
will you frame it?

I think it’s normal to be in a bit of a funk after the whirlwind of losing Mum then everything that followed. Just be kind to yourself as you adjust to your new routine.

You might enjoy Diamond Art. I order mine off Temu so they aren’t expensive.

I bought a sunflower one from Amazon on prime discount. It’s a smaller one so I can try it out. There’s some absolutely gorgeous ones, but, geez. I googled how to do it and it seems patience is the key.

@Naammu how is your hand doing?

I keep hearing about flooding issues in the eastern part of the US. I hope it eases soon. Though I wouldn't want flooding in Czech Republic, I wish we had at least some of that rain. We've been in a drought for a while. If it continues, we may not be permitted to water our shrubs anymore. They were planted only in May, so are in need of sufficient water to root properly and thrive in any way. About 500 were planted. They line ~60% of our property. We've already had to replace about 20 that have died. Some rain is in the forecast, but not a lot. Often it's in the forecast, but doesn't amount to anything.

I haven't heard from my sister. I hope I do soon.

I've started to sleep less lately, but that's good. I've gone from hypersomnia to more normal. Hubby, on the other hand, not. I got him up for breakfast, but he's sleeping again and it's after 10:30 am.

Another positive, for me, is that my appetite has reduced a bit. I'm not consuming weight loss amounts, but at least maintenance ones. I gained 20 lbs (9 kg) since our move from the US to Czech Republic 2 1/2 years ago, 10 lbs (4.5 kg) of which I gained only since our recent move, in March, from the Airbnb to our purchased home.