Bipolar Check-In #76

@Soupe du jour
I am sorry if I gave the impression that religion was the main cause of emigration from Europe to America. I only used the "Hussits" as one of many examples on what I thought of as psychological causes.

Science has showed that children of survivors of the holocaust is marked by traumas they themselves didn't experience. If that can have happened to Jews born after WWII, that must have happened to other populations as well. To leave relatives and everything to travel on a boat for around eight weeks, sharing the boat with louse and rats, seeing 10-20 % of the people onboard die, must have been a traumatic experience. They even had years of hard times in their home countries before they left. A Swedish movie director, Erik Poppe, has made a film called "The Emigrants" about poor Swedish farmers who left Sweden to try to have a better life in America.

May be it is suspect to think that traumas in the people who left is still working in the American population. When I think along those lines, I of course know that those who stayed have had forefathers and fore-mothers with traumas as well. My thoughts are linked to the leaving of Europe and to the image of America as best (as we learned when we were children). If America is best (in some Americans hearts), then it is not possible (in some Americans hearts) that parts of Europe has better Welfare conditions for their citizens. It was in that way I thought about the Hussits, not because they were from the Czech population.

I like to think "things" over and that was one of many thoughts that passed in my head. There were many and different causes to why the big population left Europe. Some were only curious and full of adventures.

And yes, I agree with you in that all people are valuable whatever nation they come from.

But let us not "quarrel" about that. It is some time since Europeans left for America , and as you have pointed out, there are reasons perhaps linked to the way they think as American citizens. They have become used to the system they have.When it comes to the Christian religion, I don't understand that it can be a Christian idea to not make beneficial rules for all.

I send a link here to those who are interested in why Europeans left Europe for America. One or two of my great grandmother's sisters left Europe for America. My great grandmother married my great grandfather who bought land and build a farm here. So the sisters ended up in differnt living conditions.


Where we come from is one of my intrests. I think it is so wonderful that people have wandered out of Africa at one point in the history and spread all over the globe.

The Homeland of Migrating Groups | Europeana

Thanks!

Nobody hates you even if it is so nowadays that politics can be a hot potato in America.

Let us continue to consentrate around making our lives better whereever we are.

Please don't hate me for being a progressive, either. I did vote Democrat, and surely will again, but then again Progressives are forced to run as Democrats. Else, they'd never have a chance to influence.

I’m a Bernie supporter, pretty far left but I don’t want to raze the establishment! Funny that some of the far right are now supporting Antichrists!

I did it! I woke up early, 6 am and made it to aqua fitness. But contrary to giving me energy I went back to bed when I got home. I was soo cold.

Excuse the interruption the maintenance man just came to fix the refrigerator. It’s fascinating. He had to take apart the freezer to fix the refrigerator! So glad I washed up the dishes!

Anyway, I was freezing after swimming and lay under all my blankets for a couple of hours. Not sleeping of course but trying to warm up. Brr it was 67 when I left for swimming. Now it’s in the 80’s and I turned the AC on.

So today has been a lazy day. Just swimming and reading.

Last night I felt so sleep deprived I felt sick. I fell asleep in my moms room from 4-6:30 and then I woke up completly soaked in sweat. I had to change my shirt and my jeans. Then I felt so cold and tired and sick. I stayed up until 9 and then I fell asleep from 9-7.

I felt much better this morning after sleeping a lot. I got coffee and made it to a couple stores. Now I'm feeling the gallbladder stuff. I've felt it since about 1. My pain meds aren't working that great. Anxiety wise I've really noticeably improved for some reason.

I'm still not eating much because of pain and med side effects. I'm starting to drop a decent amount of weight. Today I didn't eat that badly quality wise.

I hope you are pain-free soon.

Guys, I got GREAT NEWS

My brother is cancer free. His post-radiation-and-chemo scans came back clear. There is a small amount of scar tissue in the site of the tumour, but they biopsied it and found no remaining malignancy.


He's not sure if they will do surgery to remove the scar tissue, but it looks like he won't need a colostomy bag which is wonderful.


I am so very thankful - he's my baby brother and I don't know if it comes across but I love him.

GP reckons I have flu. Ughhhhhhh.

I saw my NP for my yearly physical Monday and my A1c went up from 5.8 to 6.0 not a huge shock as I’ve been doing a lot of “ eating my emotions” . Everything else was WNL so that’s a relief. Just have to get back on track.

I see my Psych NP tomorrow for my normal 3 month follow up. I’m going to have her up my Geodon to 60mg AM and PM. I’m just not doing as well as I’d like . Hopefully it will be helpful.

Yesterday was a hellish pain day. One of the worst in the last few months. It really gets discouraging when all of my pain causing conditions all hit at once. This psoriasis and PsA flare is never going to stop it seems.

I got some paperwork from social security to confirm income.. it listed a job my husband had close up 8 years ago. Makes no sense. I might just go to the local SS office and have them help me sort it out. It’s not a review of any kind. Just wasting trees sending it all.

Hope everyone’s week is going well

I so understand your concern about losing SSDI. I took a job last fall and only managed to last a few weeks and it was a kick in the gut to know I physically couldn’t do it but it was also because memory wise and that I think bothered me the most. We Bipolar folks have struggles with what I can brain burn out , our minds race so much just due to bipolar but also the meds we take. I simply cant remember things like a did a decade ago.

My advise ? Just try to go about your life in whatever way works for you hang in there !

I walked a 19:31 mile! Fastest I’ve gone so far. I started out averaging 23min. I guess even though I haven’t seen as much weight loss as I’d like things are indeed moving in the right direction! I’ve improved with the bingeing for sure. I’ve gone from bingeing almost every night to just once a week. Eventually I’ll be able to kick that once a week out too. Being stable really helps things because I binge when I’m depressed, mostly. This week I was in a bad mood due to a bad round of PMS so I binged twice. But still, better than almost every night. I also skipped the gym for four days (again, PMS) but in the last two days I’ve taken walks outside.

My grandma is doing as well as she can be, my mom said she’s going to stay with her for a couple of weeks at least. My mom quit her job officially. She’s not going back even for two weeks notice. Good for her, at almost 64 she certainly doesn’t need corporate drones half her age coming in and criticizing her for how she does her job. Especially after working there for like eight years. I think I’m going to let her decompress until ESY ends on august 3rd and then I’m really gonna start pushing her to start cleaning up and getting rid of stuff. I’m gonna try to take it as slow as possible to not overwhelm her, but the siding and windows need to be done by winter so we’ll have to get a move on.

I have an ECT treatment on Friday. I think I’m ready to space it out to once a month. Im doing really well and I made it almost the whole three weeks with no depression. Depending on how tomorrow and Friday go. I really never know how I’ll be day to day, sometimes I’m just peachy for weeks and then the next day I just wake up and want to curl up in a ball in bed. I hate how unpredictable my bipolar is. But, that’s why I take it day by day and try to enjoy my good moments.

I trimmed the toenails on my two big toes. A triumph! Seriously, i had been procrastinating on it. So at least that's something. Otherwise, a rotten day.

@wildflowerchild25:

Congratulations on your sub-twenty-minute mile! You rock!

I’m sick with anxiety everyday lately. I can’t take my klonopin during the work week bc it knocks me out cold. Money is my biggest sttressor and turns out my employer gave us all a 6% raise I gotta report to as which always makes me nervous. I just need ssdi stability til I get out of school so I can keep insurance for my meds. Without them I’m lost and incapable of success in my job or school.

Speaking of that I start grad school in a month and I’m already feeling overwhelmed ugh

You are probably not the first feeling that way. I mean that you have become used to "things" as they are and now that changes. Do you have some qualifications that may help you to get a job if that will become nesessarry?

Don't be afraid for the time being. A moderate depression is still a depression.

That is really good news, Samicat!

I am sorry!

I am so glad that I live in a country with more than two parties. I feel fine in the middle!

I am still sick and tired! It is so irritating that this should happen now when I need all my energy to focus on my program.

I think that I will start on week one (level one) next week. It is the only thing I can do according to my low energy. That will give me a feeling of mastering, but it also pushes my expectations of having a good enough life forward to September second.

I WILL, SHALL and MUST continue in the hope of getting a better daily life!

My journey to lose weight continues. Weight loss has slowed but I think it will be there when I try next. I weighted at the wrong time. Tonight I did an aerobics video which was good. I managed to do the whole thing and I wasn't sure I could so that was goo. Tomorrow I have a dental crown so probably won't feel up to much. I hope is to alternate cardio and yoga for now. Anything that leads to weight loss...I refuse to have diabetes in November (when I'll officially be diagnosed if my labs are still bad. They were only slightly off though so I hope I can beat it. I'm very grateful to have these videos to do at home because exercise at home is a lot better than the local very busy YMCA.

I've been worried about that since I started clozapine and it helped. That was in 2016 and I think I've only had 1 review since then. And all it was just a thing that was "still disabled?" (check) and a few others.


The reality is that if I were to be denied I would fight it (and they have to continue paying you while you fight) and my providers would stand up for me heavily. They both know there is no way I'm able to go back and there is a list of those things, including I'm not safe to drive until noon at best, get tired extremely easily, can't tolerate noise, forget things easily, etc. Nobody would want that as an employee and I think SS saw it and decided to leave me alone (I'll now get a renewal tomorrow ).

I got renewed earlier this year and SSI just needed a list of all the doctors I am seeing and the procedures I've had done and the meds I'm on. They didn't have to talk to any of my providers.

I really want to go back to work when I am physically able to.

The important part is that you went. It does not matter tha you laid down again.

Five days until my first ketamine treatment!

I think the Seroquel is working on my anxiety - it has been very manageable for the last few days.