Bipolar Check-In #77

Thanks! They’re doing really well. It’s always nice to come home and be greeted by them. They’re so sweet. I love them so much. They are good at relieving stress.

Here’s some recent pics of Mustachio and Maybelle

I love spending time with them. I always feel bad when I have to go to work because I’m leaving them. I give them hugs and tell them I love them and that I’ll see them later before I head out, every time

Another good stress relief thing is playing my instruments. Been practicing ukulele a lot and my violin lessons have been going great and I’m learning a lot. Practicing either one of them is a huge stress reliever for me.

I’m glad you had a nice dinner Nammu and I’m happy to hear that things are going well with your meds

I’m cooking these McDonalds Big Mac copy style sloppy joes tonight. I got all the ingredients for them. Super excited to try them out. This is what they look like. I found the recipe on Pinterest.

Then next weekend I’m making chocolate chip pumpkin bread

I love Mustachio's pose! Ha ha! Very "So... tell me about your day! Everything. Regail me!"

She’s very expressive

Here’s a pose/facial expression of her looking displeased with me lol

And here’s just a funny one

Haven't had symptoms in a real long time - but recently been having anxiety and nervousness about a place I am trying to rent. It's in a rough neighborhood and I am worried about safety and my husband being susceptible to that kind of environment.

I think my bipolar was cured by my CPAP machine. I am a lot clearer and balanced since getting adequate sleep. My nerves still bother me, but I think that's just normal.

Well once again I fell off the earth. I’m losing lots of time. I need to start note taking a few times a day to see what I’m actually doing

We are having some true Fall weather and I’m here for it ! Hope it’s a long season

Hugs all around !

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I'm doing good today. I slept well last night. I got the garage cleaned up this morning. I'm feeling a lot better. I must have gotten something from my trip. I'm just bored today, but besides that I'm fine. I went from being 5 valium short to having 2 extras. So that is good. I'm short on Geodon but I see my pdoc on Tuesday. The day I run out. So hopefully it will go through insurance that day. Or I can try going without it tommorow and Tuesday or something like that.

Our cat died 😢. She passed away peacefully in our arms.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear kitty

I was doing ok yesterday. Then today I feel off again. Just the same cold stuff. I finally started walking though. My watch synchs to the watch app on my phone which then can use GPS to show me the route I've taken and how much time and how long I walked. And how many calories I've burned.

I'm not achy today, just stuffed up and very tired. I have a cough too. I took my blood sugar because I felt odd and it was 125. My mom said that isva bit high. I know how to lower other things like my blood pressure, but I'm kinda clueless when it comes to lowering blood sugar. I do know I need to kick the soda habit for surem

I’ve developed a nasty cough and feel
So much pressure in my head. Stupid
Fall
Crud

Will you go to work tommorow to see your clients?

Probably not

I’m having a good day. It’s Sunday my day to me. I don’t get dressed, go out or wear my hearing aids. I’ve trained all those around me to not call, come over or invite me to anything on Sundays. It is my day off from people, news and worry. I think it’s now an essential part of my stability.

RS was quite ill again yesterday, same as when he thought he had food poisoning two weeks ago. I now believe he never had food poisoning, which is kind of what I was leaning toward when he was sick two weeks ago because we couldn’t figure out what could have possibly given him food poisoning in the first place. Anyway I’ve made him promise to call his dr tomorrow and make an appointment ASAP. Obviously something is wrong, you shouldn’t be immobilized with stomach cramps and continuous vomiting and diarrhea every two weeks. I’m leaning toward IBS or diverticulitis. I’ve told him to start paying attention to what he eats and what makes him feel bad and cut out the fast food for lunch. I cook healthy dinners but he doesn’t bring lunch to work, he often buys lunch and doesn’t make the best choices. I’m not a perfect person myself, I’ve been eating a lot better but I’m still having trouble with bingeing here and there. But in general he eats worse than I do. I’m hoping it’s not something more serious but I can’t let my imagination run away with me, I can’t invite that kind of anxiety into my life unless it’s warranted. I’m already terrible with the death anxiety. Just this morning I realized I hadn’t heard from CR this weekend yet (he was with my mom for the weekend) and I thought they could both be dead from a carbon monoxide leak. That’s just wild. But this is where my mind goes. He’s fine btw, he’s home. No problem. So point is RS is going to go to the dr and we’ll take it from there. I hope it’s nothing serious and easily resolved, he was so sick and in so much pain. He’s fine now, so whatever it is it’s not constant, just flare ups. We’ll see.

I was fine all weekend except for the worry for RS but this evening a veil of depression just dropped over my head out of nowhere. I just wanted to lay in bed and stare. And I would have except RS came and laid down with me so I had to pretend I was fine. I hate that. I don’t usually do that with him but I just didn’t feel like talking at all. He would have wanted to know why and I have no explanation. I do hope I feel better in the AM as I have to work and it’s only Monday, I’ve got a long week ahead of me if I’m depressed. I have an ECT treatment scheduled for November 10 and I can go earlier if I need to but I’d have to take off and I’m trying to keep my attendance up.

Could be SAD starting as it is getting dark earlier but that usually doesn’t really set in for me until it’s been cold for awhile, like January. But it also could be from the worry, sometimes when I’m really stressed out depression comes marching in to make things harder than they need to be. We’ll see.

Raspberry, so sorry about your kitty. Pet loss is so hard.

I feel bad. It's been building for a few days. There are some reasons for the shift. And my general inability to cope with difficult emotional challenges is making it worse. I feel so down on myself. I feel so down generally. It started with feeling very angry about certain things that have happened recently. I know myself and the anger is just a cover up for, and a way not to feel, the pain beneath. Anger can feel really good in that way. It's powerful. Today the anger has completely gone and I feel powerless and incredibly sad, in addition to the regular depression.

It's times like this I question whether my psychiatric medication is doing anything at all. It sure doesn't feel like it today. I have no idea what to try next. Or even what to do next.

PS: I'm not in any danger or crisis for my life. I'm just being honest about how I feel. I've felt like this so many times before so it's not new. I am safe. I also very much appreciate this space where I can say honestly that I feel really, really bad today and I know i won't be judged.

@raspberrytorte I’m so sorry about your loss. Sending gentle hugs

Apparently my SAD has kicked in early. I’ve been really depressed for two days and nothing is pulling me out of it. I was going to take mom on a drive through the mountains to see the leaves change color but I’m just not up to it today.

I hope everyone has a peaceful week.

I am so sorry for your loss, losing a pet is so devastating my thoughts are with you

I’m taking a day off work today with paid time off. I overslept and my anxiety was extremely bad today, I had accumulated paid time off , enough to cover todays shift so I just did that because I couldn’t deal with work today.

Sorry for your loss take it easy, my friend

So sorry raspberry.