Bipolar Check-In #77

Ooh my dad had to have surgery for that when I was little. He said it was super painful. All I remember is after the surgery he aired out his colostomy bag in my bedroom just before I got home from school to torture me lol that was probably not as awful as his pain but that was pretty freaking bad in a funny way.

Yeah I am worried I'm gonna have to crap in a colostomy bag. I've heard the surgery is painful and also pretty risky too. But this has been affecting my quality of life for half the year. So idk.

Yeah, you've had a really rough time. If you need the surgery, you need the surgery. I'd say the colostomy bag should be the least of your worries, especially considering it's temporary (at least it was for my dad and I think it typically is). I hope all works out well

I’m healing well from
Surgery. I had four stomach polyps!

They were in and out in minutes. My shower head needs to be replaced. Huh? I’ve had no problem with it. My only complaint is that the water isn’t hot enough. But they probably have it set low so nobody can burn themselves. Kind of disappointing, all that work and no notice not even of my birthday flowers. Which look really nice. They have pine, roses and red and white carnations. I’m 65 today! Yeah me!

Happy birthday Nammu!

Happy Birthday Nammu!!

Happy Birthday @Nammu !

Happy 65th Birthday @Nammu!

Good news is my 10 out of 10 pain level is down to a 2-3 level. Bad news Is the pain is still there and my PCP is not 100% sure what it is. Pain is still present, but I don't have the blood test detectable symptoms of kidney stones or a UTI.

Seeing as the symptoms I do have are in the precise spot my kidneys are, my doc wants to do yet another a CT scan, blood or no blood. Yay. Still, it could eliminate many suspects in one go.

I get the scan done tomorrow morning. Here's hoping for a productive scan!

I noticed a red bumpy conjoined rash on my face and neck last night. I called the doctor this morning and have an appointment tomorrow. I’d thought it was soap related but I used different soaps yesterday and today and it’s still there. My belly hurts too but no fever.

Happy birthday Nammu!

Here’s where my brain is at- I left the house today with a sweatshirt on but no coat and the windchill was 10F!

Happy birthday @Nammu !

I want to toss down some cough syrup, a few melatonin, some sort of candy bar for dinner, and ****ing sleep until 8AM. I am so effing pissed off and its not like me to be this angry.

Interesting day.......

I don't have my MRI results yet. I will either get a call tomorrow or go over it with my doctor Thursday. They didn't say.

My mammogram showed more of the calcifications they have been watching so I have to have (another) biopsy in a month. This time is the one that is most uncomfortable as I have to lay face down while they work underneath me through holes in the bed. But it is still over pretty quickly and is pretty painless. I knew it was going to be bad because the mammogram tech kept taking more images. Then she called me back to go over the results and there was a doctor in the room. I knew then that it was biopsy time again. I have completely lost track of how many biopsies I've had. 7 plus the surgical one?


Then I was sitting here in my hotel room and got a call from a stranger that CVS sent my prescription with theirs. So now I have to deal with that. They said tthey would take it back but I'm calling CVS to be sure they refill it. I tried to call tonight but it was 15 minutes before closing and they didn't answer.


I'm tired. I did manage to get up ok this morning; I was right and anxiety took care of it. I even had time to eat at the hotel buffet which was good because I never had time for lunch. I took a Kind bar but it was smushed when I got it out.


Reminder to all women: Get your mammograms!

You’re dealing pretty good with that stuff. I’d be an anxious wreck.

H@pPy BiRtHd@Y Nammu! Happy 65th!

So I not only left my bed but left the house. I didn't cancel my pdoc appointment and went. I didn't tell him about the thoughts or wanting to restrict I did tell him that I've cancelled every appointment since February and I'm not getting out of bed. Apparently that's concerning enough. I said I think it's anxiety. He labeled me as Sza and said it could be trama based. Wants me in therapy ASAP doesn't have to be there. Wants me to secure more healthy food. It's like he knows how to read between the lines. I did tell him if I mention headaches that's what I registered voices as before I realized besides my eating disorder voices. He said that makes sense. Okay? Not really but okay. Next time I need to tell him that I won't tell him my thinking is off until after the fact.

I'm plenty anxious. I hate that I have to wait a month for the biopsy.


But on the other hand I've kind of come to terms with this. I get checked every 6 months and with as many biopsies as I've had I have a feeling that I will someday have breast cancer. But oddly I'm fairly at peace with that. I just take it step by step and keep getting tests.

I'm also just sooooooooo thankful for Medicare. Each of these specialized MRIs cost $10,000-!5,000 and I only have to pay a tiny bit.

@Victoria'smom you did great! This sounds like a great pdoc and I hope you are able to see him for a long time.

CVS did call me to tell me there was a Hippa (I know have that wrong) violation tonight and they were very sorry, etc. She seemed very anxious that I was going to yell at her. I have no demands, I just want my prescriptions not picked up by a stranger. Which she already had said she was going to go over with staff. I'd feel different if it were a psych med (imagine klonopin getting out there) but this was just my protonix and that is something I'm not private about.

What a day.

I see both my Pdoc and t next week. I’m
Nervous. I don’t know how I’m doing. I’m
Tellling everybody I’m
Doing great but it doesn’t feel right. I
Noticed the zyprexa my Pdoc gave me before surgery is 5mg lower than my lybalvi dose I’ve been on for a year now(opioids and lybalvi are dangerous duo).

Perhaps that’s why I feel
Off?

I literally wanna quit school

Happy birthday Nammu!

I had kind of a freak out yesterday. I had/have a cold and it was making me a bit bonkers. I couldn't tell the difference between severe depression and just not feeling good physically. So I sent crazy messages to my pdoc, my therapist, and my endocronolgist. Then I took a full medicine cup full of cough syrup and realized I was just feeling ****** from the cold. I fell asleep after that and then I woke up drenched in sweat since psych meds and cough syrup don't mix well. I just took off my shirt and got back to sleep.

I have to make some serious lifestyle changes though. Starting with not guzzling 4 bottles of soda a day. I'll go from 4 to 1 a day.

My pdoc got back to me and he wants me to do php when all I needed was some cough syrup and to sleep.

Stay away from your phones and tablets when your not thinking right because your sick.

Whats php?